Vienna 180 A.D. – 27th December 2022

Push the barbarians back
To the river banks
Left alive for one day
To practice giving thanks
Soon ends the reign of one
Another body left vacated
Remembered then forgotten
The future we’re all fated


You can only know the good life if you know yourself. Facts won’t ever help you be happy. Unless that fact is ‘I know who I am.’

Timothy, Musings on Self-Education

Today I’m feeling:
Reasonably happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The vet for checking Tigger and his skin problem. He’s got some fungal skin infection that makes blisters though he doesn’t seem to care about it at all. I’m also grateful I had free time to be able to take him this afternoon and drop Amy at her parents too. Also grateful that on advising that I would have to take Thursday off to go to Lampang got told that there are no classes anyway so it’s not a problem.
The best thing about today was:
Again, helping some of my poorer students with some reading. It makes me happy to see them try and to slowly improve themselves. I could tell that one student, Pin, was particularly happy to complete reading the text after a long struggle.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Waking up in the morning and finding out that Amy’s uncle passed away during the night and that meant changes to our plans which we couldn’t be sure about at that time and would decide during the day. So when I got home Amy said the funeral would be on Thursday and that we will go but I told her that I had to be at school, I had to teach and also I’d taken two days off recently to help with other things so taking another day was gonna be a little bit difficult. Anyway, I sent a message to Kru Mai saying that I would have to go to the funeral in Lampang and I would organise work for the kids to do in my absence. Luckily he replied that Thursday was going to be New Year’s activities and there were no classes anyway so everything was fine. Now I just have to prepare myself for a six-hour round-trip drive on Thursday.
Something I learned today?
Earn didn’t come to school today because she was ‘heartbroken’ over some unrequited love and she had video-called to her friends and I talked with her a little but it was too noisy in the class to understand. Later I talked with her friends and they all said that she is not strong which I found surprising because she comes across as quite independent and strong-willed. I sent her a message to not let her happiness depend on other people and she said she was ok now, was over it and would be back in school tomorrow. The troubles of the heart! Haha, so easily brushed off at this age.
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Only minor surgery. I had a vasectomy when I was 42 or thereabouts. Then, about seven years ago I’d hurt my elbows from repetitive strain due to making coffee. A specialist recommended taking out a part of the tendon in my wrist, doing some magic with it and then injecting it back into my elbows. I can’t remember the procedure name and I have to say it didn’t really work but I did discover the wonders of tramadol as a post-surgery painkiller. I’d never felt better! My elbows remain an issue and my coffee-making career was done.

I took this picture because Amy had to go and stay at her parent’s house to take care of grandma as her mum and dad went to Lampang because uncle passed away yesterday and they will help arrange things. As well as taking care of grandma she had to walk Leo who is just bursting with energetic excitement he dragged Amy along on his walk. He slobbers and is smelly, I had to change my clothes when I got home.

Open Up – 7th November 1984

Give me a kiss, give me a kiss
Chance to good to miss
Give me a kiss, give me a kiss
Chance to good to miss
Open up, open up
Out of luck, out of luck
Open up, open up
Out of luck, out of luck
You wouldn’t open up to me
I was so disappointed you see
Show me love, show me love
Open up, open up
Biting tongue, caressing tongue
Something wrong? Something wrong?

23rd July 2023 – Trying to figure out girls, before trying to figure out myself.

Hate Club – 29th September 1984

I said I loved you, now I believe that’s not true
Now you don’t like me and I don’t like you
I never wanted to hurt anyone
But this love bullshit is spoiling my fun
My hate club, all your friends
My hate club, we’re at different ends
You say you still love me, but you found someone new
A funny way of showing love, now what do I do?
Hate club

1st July 2023 – Another poem about ‘breaking up’ with Zoe and her telling me that her friends, who I’d never met, all hated me. The tricky situation of dealing with broken teenage hearts. No doubt, I handled myself terribly.

Who Started It? – 25th September 1984

I don’t know how I manage to do it
No one wants to see me through it
All I ever got were questions to which I could not reply
‘Do you love me?’, ‘Say you do’, “I wanna know why?’
It doesn’t matter who started this affair
All that matters is that we still care
Although all is over and is said and done
Don’t look at me as though I’m the only one
There were things I could never explain to you
I didn’t think I was getting through
Now I just want you to remain a friend
And we can be like that to the end

1st July 2023 – This must have been about Zoe from Northampton, whom I had met in the summer (in 83?) when she was on holiday with her family. We wrote to each other and sometimes talked to each other on the phone and at one point she came and stayed for a few days. During that time, I had my first sexual experiences though I remained a virgin as we were both afraid of her getting pregnant.
The distance between teenage lovers was too much for me to deal with and perhaps I also, deludedly, believed I could do better. I couldn’t.