Running from myself, running into stories Running for my life, running past old glories Rolling like a rebel gathering no moss Rolling around, pretending to be the boss Running from stories, running into myself Running out of ideas, stuck up on the shelf Running along so fast, ran up to the top Running into tomorrow and I’ll never ever stop
A little underwhelmed again today. I thought about things I could do with my spare time until Amy decided to fill up the day with various tasks. Maybe it will avoid the inclination to have an afternoon nap.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding two inexpensive trees to plant that will hopefully end up providing shade for the kitchen. Amy’s mum said that they grow really fast. Tomorrow I will have to dig the holes for them but it shouldn’t need to be too deep.
The best thing about today was:
Eating a typical Aussie-style hipster breakfast of smoked salmon on smashed avocado on toast with fried egg. A bit of a treat as I rarely eat foreign food when Amy is not here.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I can’t quite rise out of this subdued mood. I have no enthusiasm or inspiration. There’s no spark of life in me right now. I just have to keep going knowing that perhaps tomorrow will be a little better.
Amy and I haven’t discussed what happened on Friday night and there still seems to be a little tension in our communications.
Something I learned today?
Today is Paen’s (Baitoey) birthday. She sent a simple ‘Happy birthday to me’ message before telling me that no one in her family remembered or did anything for her. That is terribly sad, if true. I didn’t dwell on that and instead wished her the best for the future.
I took this picture because I’ve been paying attention to trees and flowers as we went looking for possible trees to put next to our kitchen for some shade in the future. The tree we liked was about 20,000 baht including transportation and placement. Nice but we need to spare money for other things.
Entitled to an opinion? Constantly talking shite Does Everyman exist? And what of his plight? Doing the dishes again Through lace curtain windows Post-work pub crawl Where good gossip flows Ideas getting bashed out From a giant ball of clay Slowly returns to mud With every word they say Everyone a stereotype Every opinion counted Even in opposition A culture war is mounted
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but I can tell that I’m a little exhausted at the end of the week again. This day is weird. Teach first thing and then wait four hours to teach again. I can fill the time easily enough it’s just the up and down of the tension in my body.
Today I’m grateful for:
Mum’s soup again. I got home a bit late and I could see a storm coming. I wasn’t sure what I was going to eat and thought I could quickly dash to the market to find something. Just as I put my keys in my pocket after getting changed some rain came, not too much but it didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon. A quick double-check of the freezer and there waiting was Mum’s soup. Great. Adding salt, pepper, dried garlic, chilli in vinegar, crunchy dried gluten with dried chilli and kaffir lime leaves, defrosted and piping hot, it sure hit the spot.
The best thing about today was:
Being happy and contented at school so much that even after I finished my own class I joined another where I knew some students and helped them a little before bumping into other students all stopping for a chat or calling me over. There were some students from another school and I realised one was a girl (Gift) I met here a couple of years ago. I never taught her but she always wanted to talk with me when she saw me and slowly I got to know her and her friends. I didn’t know she’d moved schools and was now at the Technical College doing something related to cooking. Her English is still poor so I couldn’t get much more than that. She has a positive attitude though and should be able to do well for herself. It was good to catch up.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The rhythm of the day has seen me run out of energy again and although I feel happy I also seem a little grumpy (to myself). Like not quite right. The buzz of the classes at the ends of the working day have made it feel like a very stop-start affair, almost two days in one but with no sleep between them. Matt messaged me about a new restaurant near him and wondered if I might come over to check it out. My feeling is not to do anything this weekend, then I considered that I could go on Sunday but then pushed myself to go tomorrow instead. Sometimes I have to kick my own ass to get myself moving. Amy also called from the Star Casino bar where she was having a great time drinking and dancing by herself, though enjoying the acquaintance of others there. For me though I was feeling a little annoyed at being called many times but I also realise that she misses me being there with her (even though I wouldn’t have likely been at that bar with her). I appreciate her happiness and enjoyment of her life and know that my mild annoyance is irrational. I need a sleep and I’m already thinking about tomorrow morning’s coffee!
Something I learned today?
I was listening to an interesting podcast with Peter Hessler whose books about China I have read or to read here (as well as his wife’s book Factory Girls). They left China in 2007 but a few years later after having twins decided to live in Cairo, Egypt just at the time of the violent colour revolution there. Besides that, what was interesting there was his discovery of the Chinese diaspora there, how they ended up there, how they became leading plastic recyclers or women’s lingerie sellers and the differences and appreciation of each other’s cultures.
When do I feel most alive?
At age 55 it definitely isn’t on Friday nights anymore! I suppose it would be at school being with my students, not necessarily teaching them but just chatting and understanding. Back in Sydney, I remember talking with friends about my possible futures at the time and that I was thinking of becoming a barista (which I soon did) and perhaps an English teacher (which I eventually did). My friends said they thought that I would make a great teacher though I didn’t really know why they thought that. Maybe they could see something that I couldn’t. They didn’t imagine me as a barista though admittedly at the time barista was judged similarly to hipster. When I think back even further I remember the time in Gosford in 1995 when Bronwyn and I got stoned and ended up at her friend’s youth club that night much to my dismay and initial reluctance and then after getting over my paranoia (it’s not easy to get lost in thought surrounded by 100 teenagers in a room) having a memorable night of enjoyment that has stuck with me ever since.
I took this picture because this is the result of the plant/tree sap dripping on me the other day. It’s cleared up a bit now, after blistering a little in places but I expect it to stay red in places for maybe three or months and will get itchy in the next week or two. I should try and find out more information about what the plant actually is.
17th July 2023 – With my new iPhone I was able to use the Look Up function for the picture of the plant. It is Euphorbia tirucalli (known as Indian tree spurge, naked lady, pencil tree) and the latex sap is poisonous and can indeed cause temporary blindness!
Pick up the gun to provide justification Rewrite the narratives of provocation Pick up the gun needed as your defence For the war to start at your expense
Pick up the gun for hellfire to be rained The Eagle’s game is easily explained Pick up the gun, even take a swing Either way will change something
Pick up the gun, it’s a dragon poke What’s the plan if failed to provoke? Put down the gun, desist and cease Accept the differences for lasting peace
inspired by the titular Bill Hicks routine as a comment on current affairs in geopolitics
Today I’m feeling:
Happy, relaxed and contented.
Today I’m grateful for:
Uncle at the bike repair shop for fixing my flat tyre again. I seem to be here every six months for a new inner tube. He usually pulls some piece of metal out of it. Today I can see the tube has shredded and the tyre is fucked too!
The best thing about today was:
Hanging out with Bruno at Utopia and then Daytripper. His English is getting worse these days as he doesn’t speak much with anyone else apart from me. We talked about a lot of different things and it was good to catch up.
Although I don’t really have any steam to blow off it’s good just to get random thoughts shared with other people. I don’t need to be in people’s business every day and catching up once or twice a month is enough for me.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
On the way to Daytripper, I could feel a problem with my back tyre particularly as I went around corners and as we left a little later I could feel it getting worse so I headed off to the petrol station to fill it with air. As it was filling I heard a pop and it wouldn’t fill anymore.
I rode at 5mph back to the uncle near my place who laughed a little when he saw the tyre. He immediately indicated it wasn’t just the tube but the tyre was fucked too, probably from me just riding it there. Ok ok, it’s gotta be fixed.
He got to work and showed the inner tube which had completely split. We laughed.
A few minutes and 600 baht later I was on my way again. It’s been an expensive start to the month. Some things have just got to be done though.
My shirts are waiting one more day to be ironed though!
Something I learned today?
I saw a video suggesting the EU has dropped sanctions against Russia, against the wishes of the USA. I haven’t looked further yet to verify but it comes as a bit of a shock if true.
Really, is this something that was worth learning?
I think I’ve learned something more worthwhile today, something more directly involved with my life. These things are small specks of information and knowledge that accumulate over time into something with a more concrete form.
Chatting with various people picks up random information that may be useless or inconsequential at this moment in time but may build into a deeper understanding of things locally or culturally. Just asking people about other coffee shops to check puts information into knowledge banks. Information that may never be used or one day when riding around I recognise a spot and can say, hmm someone recommended that.
Some useless things may become useful.
World news whilst stimulating may just remain useless.
How do I feel right now?
A little tense in my legs, not sure I will sleep well tonight. I may be tense because I wanted to get my shirts ironed today but I ended up playing guitar instead, knowing I have another free day tomorrow to get at least some of them ironed; although there’s nothing stopping me from doing them all except laziness!
I feel good after talking with Bruno and seeing other people around at Utopia and Daytripper and stimulated enough not to take a nap.
I have a plan for tomorrow. I think I’ll ignore my alarm, grab coffee, come home and iron and then head to Daytripper to do some blogging and lesson planning. I’m hoping perhaps by writing this here I will stick to it!
I took this picture because I thought this plant had long since died. It is one of four in a row that Amy planted a couple of years ago and this one has been missing for the last year or so. Looks like it was busy growing underground until the time was right to show itself again.
Haha! If only it were so easy. This is a critical time and we’re both getting very fucking impatient. We know we are going to be heartbroken at leaving our friends behind and jeez, we wanna get it over with, you know. It’s like waiting for a disaster, knowing it’s going to happen.
We’re both sick of work too – it drives us crazy. We’re not saying we don’t want to work but just time for a break, a change. Glad I’m in a position to be able to afford a change. Well, you can imagine what tensions we go through in the evenings. Of course, we both understand this too.
Well kids, as to today, I’m not so well. I can’t fucking breathe. My head’s all stuffed and I’m short of breath. But last night I’ll tell you, dusky sunset over the beautiful park water, shimmering with the breeze. We played ball in the sombre quiet fading of day before strolling at water’s edge to swan heaven, where about 15 huge lumbering white feathered creatures lurched, cleaned, pecked and scraped, fluffed, flapped and some slept necks twisted up over their backs, beaks tucked under wings. We watched in awe for about 10 minutes before walking back across the grass and after a while to a small pond, now dark and quiet. Here about 70 or so ducks and swans swam quietly and elegantly about their business. I came to the water’s edge and proclaimed “Hail, I am Duck Jesus” and all my faithful followers swam for me and I blessed them with water before telling them to go out and tell the world their story.
You may be interested to know that Ireland are through to the second stage of the World Cup though I have doubts about how much further they’ll make it after last nights don’t match with Norway.
Not much more but I will tell you that Fatty and his comments do still play on my mind despite my efforts to forget. I guess I’ll have to learn more to let go when things out of my control.
1994ever 