“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Shared with dVerse Poetics – ‘So This Is…’
Prathet Thai (ประเทศไทย) literally ‘free nation’
Phra Athit (พระอาทิตย์) The Celestial Emperor.
Mae Khong (แม่ของ) River known as the Mekong in the West.
Mae Posop (แม่โพสพ) The Rice Goddess
The Naga (พญานาค) The Great Serpent
Mae Suay Dawan (แม่สวยดาวัน) The sun seeking reflection.
Nang Ron (นางร้อน) Invisible but felt everywhere.
Krungthep (กรุงเทพ) Bangkok
Phee WaeLa (ผีเวลา) The embodiment of lazy afternoons
Shared with dVerse Poetics – microseasons. The Thai title translates as Monsoon Doors Rattle. While the events described may span a month or so, there have been times when all this will happen within the same week.
The patriarchal privilege in Thai society disgusts me and both women and men are suffering because of it. The solution proffered here is extreme because I don’t know how it can be fixed. I am a useless man-child myself.
These words are not mine but are arranged by me. These were posts translated from Thai after the politician Prawit Wongsuwan pushed a female journalist in the head after she asked him a question. The translations are poetic to me. The title is connected with a disgraced (?) police chief whose nickname is Big Joke and ‘Brother’ indicates the relationship between such elites.
Inspired by the poem Until Then (’till the last petal falls) by Michelle Ayon Navajas and comments there.
Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge Miniature
Today I’m feeling:
Uncertain. I just looked in the mirror and felt old and worthless. Perhaps it’s because I’m not around the energy of the kids at the moment.
Last night Amy also cried that Thailand isn’t her place anymore and that she feels more at home in Australia. There’s a lot behind that but there is also a factor that I haven’t written about here because it’s a sensitive topic and the situation is ongoing. Needless to say, I understand her feeling, whilst not sharing it.
She also asked me if I would ever go back to England to live and I said no, which made me consider her position.
I seem to have really found myself here and just have no real idea what I would do with myself back in Australia.
Anyway, this is not a new feeling or thought and is not able to be actioned upon just yet due to having our cats and our home here, which we would need to sell. Sometime in the future though, it looks a given that we will be back in Australia.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student, Nong Aoi, who called me this evening as she was happily cooking and eating with her boyfriend and friends. Despite giving me big headaches last year enough to make me worry that she was going off the rails, she has calmed down a little now and is quite sweet and affectionate. I think it’s nice that my students feel comfortable enough to call me. I’m doubtful that they call other any other teachers.
Yesterday I also messaged a little with Nong Nam, who was Aoi’s accomplice in giving me grief last year. She has also matured a little more now and said that she really appreciates that I contact her every six months or so to check in on her. Sometimes it’s the small actions that make all the difference.
The best thing about today was:
Quietly reading 2000AD and Judge Dread Megazine stories after getting home mid-afternoon. It was excellent and I was savouring the time spent.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a glimpse of my new classes from Kru Mai today and whilst he has taken heed of my reluctance to be involved with the Integrated classes for next semester he has spread me out into other high school classes which means figuring out new lessons to teach.
I would also not teach any grade 7 classes, for which I already have a hundred lessons accumulated over the last three years. Oh well, new challenges lay ahead.
Cappuccino is still not looking too good at the moment and doesn’t seem to be able to settle himself into a comfortable position, like there’s something not right in his hips or belly. Poking around doesn’t seem to cause him any discomfort but something is obviously not right.
Amy and I are both wary as it was at this time last year that Kim got sick and went to the vet a couple of times until that fateful day she didn’t come back alive.
Something I learned today?
In medieval Europe, mercury was used in medicine and manufacturing. Hatters were specifically exposed to mercuric nitrate, a form of inorganic mercury.
By 1837, “mad as a hatter” was a common saying.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent messages out to a few more students today to check in on how they are doing. I discovered that Anchan is having a tough time of things these days.
She has been living with her uncle as the rest of her family have been put in prison for an illegal online gambling website! She says her uncle is never around so she has to take care of the house and as she is not getting any money from her mum now she has to help her grandmum with selling things and gets barely enough to buy herself food.
And all that is taking away from her school work where, amazingly, she is still motivated to push herself and enrolling herself in extracurricular activities. She’s only 14 years old.
She asked for some help with information about exchange programs to Australia and I talked a little with Kru Champ about that as it is something he is working on in the future.
It’s frustrating to see smart, motivated kids trapped in situations like this. I hope she doesn’t give up and lose herself as so many teenagers can do.
Today I’m feeling:
Positive and happy though also a little saddened at some circumstances that arose last night when Amy’s brother and girlfriend came to visit. Things are happening in the family space that are a little upsetting for Amy and she is quite bothered by them. It feels like another thing to push her away from Thailand unfortunately.
Today I’m grateful for:
Funfai again as this morning she presented me with a big bag of almonds.
One of her quirks tickles me in that when she doesn’t know the answer to a question she says ‘I don’t know’. This may not sound odd when written down but it is sometimes quite difficult to get people here to admit that they don’t know something. Often they will just give some bullshit answer.
I’m glad Funfair happily admits not knowing things though. To me, that shows a desire to learn, or an acceptance that it is ok not to know everything.
The best thing about today was:
Teaching this extra (grade 10) class. I found out in the morning it is a pretty good class including many of my old students so it was good to have some familiar faces there because that made me feel comfortable, which in turn made the other students comfortable too.
I’d put together a quick reading and writing lesson in the morning and wondered if we would have enough time to do it but they pretty much breezed through it and were happy to be corrected on pronunciation. It’s a stark contrast to my grade 7 class in the morning which was like herding cats as usual. I enjoyed both classes in different ways.
I’m quite happy to have taken on this extra class despite it meaning extra work for me.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I still didn’t get paid yet and had to beg money off Amy to put petrol in the car. I’m down to 61 baht in the bank and 40 baht in my wallet. I’m taking this as an opportunity to be frugal and make do with what I already have. Except coffee. That is on credit, thankfully, though I hate doing it.
Something I learned today?
In Switzerland, it’s illegal to own just one guinea pig because they’re social beings and get lonely.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
This morning Paen messaged me asking if she could come and join my class with the grade 7s. The reason being that she is developing a friendship with Praew and wants to see if she will be her girlfriend.
As I didn’t really have much planned for the class except some Quizizz and as I’d like to help Paen make a new friend or girlfriend I allowed her to come and sit and help a little too.
Both Praew and Paen were happy to have this chance to be together. Paen has struggled with friendships with her peers so I’m hopeful that making friends with a younger girl could work out for her.
Are you a doer, a maker or a leader?
Out of these three choices, I reckon I’m a doer. I’ve always been an advocate for doing something, anything and I still follow that line of thinking.
My doing recently involves the challenge of presenting a poem every day. I’m not sure how long I have been doing it now, maybe it’s two years already.
Also, trying to go back and add information to this blog about the past is a monumental and endless task which is the kind of stupid thing I like to get into.
Previously, in the absence of anyone else doing it, I started the record label, organised shows and tours and shared the information to help others to do the doing too.
Part of that crosses over to being a maker, as I made part of the Sydney/Australia/Asia music scene and am still involved in that, though not as relentlessly as before.
As a teacher, I hope that I am helping in making responsible adults and this also crosses over to being a leader.
I don’t play well with adults and have no desire to lead them, to lead a work team or the like but seem to have fallen into being a de facto leader for my students.
5th Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty reasonable, though exercise was a bit of a struggle this morning. Just a tiny tickly dry cough left and there’s little pain from the tooth extraction but just a little bit of a weird feeling in my mouth.
Today I’m grateful for:
A kind of family dinner at Amy’s folk’s house. I ate as soon as I arrived after school as I had only had a few spoonfuls of yoghurt in the morning. Amy rode out to get me some fish congee which was what the dentist suggested for a couple of days whilst the hole in my gum heals. Everyone else was running around preparing food and then ate outside but I ran inside because of the hundreds of busy mosquitoes.
The best thing about today was:
It seems more common these days to not have anything stand out in particular but just to be generally having a good day all day. This is reflective of a more positive and healthy attitude all round.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In my last class one of my students advised me that everyone had to be out of the building by 4.30 because the pest control people were coming to spray.
I don’t know why it is that we have to wait for our students to inform us of what is going on in the school but I’ve gotten used to it by now.
Something I learned today?
Sadly Kru Fang will leave our school on Monday which is such a shame as she has been the most helpful and friendly teacher of all in our building. I like her a lot. Nothing stays the same.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Despite feeling tired during the day I was still happy to accept Amy’s message that we would eat at her parent’s for dinner.
Arriving after finishing school, Amy directed me to walk Leo and though I was hoping to relax for a minute I got over it quickly and let Leo pull me along as he snuffled in any interesting pile of leaves and dirt that he came across. He gives few clues about what is going on his head.
After finishing dinner I was keen to get home but Amy needed some baking ingredient that we needed to go back into the city for. I took it in my stride, even after the first shop we tried being closed and the second shop not having any stock and rushing to the third shop before it closed where finally she got it. I was satisfied with a nice soft cake that I found at the second stop and I think that kept me going.
I sent congratulations to Funfai for more medal-winning tennis and get-wells to Nut, Lin and Baipad.
I sent supportive messages to Aum and Ice because I saw them both enjoying my class of tongue twisters and helping other students.
I managed to go another day without taking a picture. I guess I had opportunities here and there but I did spend a lot of time either in class or in House and distracted with other things like reading or studying Thai.
I feel a little like I’m accustomed now to my environment here in Thailand. It’s not as novel as it once was though I do still appreciate what is around me. I need to get on my bike again soon and go exploring.
*This line is from Xi Jinping
Today I’m feeling:
Very good and relaxed again. Even though I’m not excited about having to take Tigger to the vet again after work I feel like I have the energy to get me through. Today was the second day doing double exercise and though it’s tough I’m feeling better for it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Meeting my grade 10 students by chance in the library and having good meaningful conversations with them. Outside the classroom, there is more space to relax and chat and they were very keen and didn’t want me to leave. We struggled by with their poor English, my poor Thai and translation. It was nice, though I had planned to do some printing and ran out of time.
The best thing about today was:
As this semester nears its end I feel like all my classes clearly understand what I require of them. This was exemplified today with my grade 8 class whom I gave work to do before my class and they understood that if they did the work beforehand they could just show me, fix any errors and then they were free to go at class time.
Along with the conscientious kids, all the usually lazy ones are the first to get it done because they want to be finished for the day as soon as they can. There’s about half the class that don’t worry either way but I can see them working together to do the work quickly during class time.
They are learning the benefits of getting the job done at least and don’t complain at me any more!
At the same time, I have made my life easier too!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Taking Tigger to the vet and I’m stuck on the highway in a non-moving traffic jam. I can’t even see ahead to what is causing it and I’m imagining that some workers are stupidly doing something at rush hour because that happens here often.
(later) It was. Laying drains to stop flooding. Why do it in the rainy season! Why do it during the day and at rush hour?
Something I learned today?
Sinead O’Connor has died. I never really got into her music but I did respect her in some ways. She seemed to be an outsider, stuck inside the music industry. In my old one-sheet giveaway fanzine Fuck Around each issue I dedicated a section to a picture of her titled Sinead O’Corner and left it without any context. I just thought she was attractive with her tomboy hair. As I perceived her as an underdog I rooted for her. Ripping up a picture of the Pope on live TV gained my deepest respect.
Do I spend more time thinking about the future or the past?
The past of course! That’s what this whole bloggedy business is all about.
I don’t really remember thinking much about the future before 1994. To be honest I had no ideas before that. Now that 30 more years have passed there’s more of my life gone by than I can expect to come. Whatever the future brings is ok.
19th June 2023 – At 55, as a teacher, I’m finally enjoying my school years!
Today I’m feeling:
Last night the aircon in the bedroom was working again which was a relief…until! The power went out sometime while I was sleeping. I woke up hot and sticky and checked if the ELCB had tripped which it hadn’t so there was nothing to do except to try and get back to sleep which I did eventually and when I woke again, which may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, the power was back but the aircon stopped working! So when my alarm went off I elected to snooze it though stirred myself before it re-triggered. I pushed through an ab workout and slowly my brain and body woke up properly. By the time I was in class, I was set and felt good for the whole day.
Today I’m grateful for:
Breaking a guitar string that I had a single replacement for without having to open a new pack. It’s simple but I’ll take what I can get.
The best thing about today was:
The feeling of flow in the classroom. Sometimes being a teacher feels like herding cats and whilst that can be frustrating today I had the energy to run around and keep everyone focused (from time to time at least).
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Before I left school I met a few grumpy students from my last class. They were grumpy because they had been blamed for someone else’s garbage outside and had been made to clean up around the whole playground. When I got home Kru Wow had sent me a picture and message about the rubbish my students left in her classroom. Possibly the same students who had been wrongly accused outside! I apologised to Kru Wow but those kids are a very messy bunch. It’s up to me to check before they leave though.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, the forecast for this rainy season is no rain until August. Fuuuuuu…..
What is a dream or aspiration that I have yet to pursue?
One of the main ideas of being located in Thailand was the easy access to the rest of Asia but due to covid, I’ve barely been anywhere. Still want to visit Vietnam, Korea, Cambodia, the Philippines and Indonesia as well as get back to Japan and China too.
Today I’m feeling:
Reasonably upbeat and positive after doing half an ab workout this morning and then coming home early to enjoy the rest of the day. Tigger spent about three hours sleeping next to me on the sofa where Cap usually sleeps.
Today I’m grateful for:
My old students Porpieng and Baitong telling me about their new school, Tessaban 6. I was pleased to know that they are not allowed phones during the day and also have to do homework. I think they will both benefit from a bit of a tougher atmosphere in school though they are not particularly thrilled about the change right now. I have high hopes for these two students as they stood out to me in my classes.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling inspired enough to check out some more Thai learning apps and sitting and doing some study and revision. I’ll get back into the habit again so I can try and communicate more.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This morning I got up as usual and did everything as normal. As I was driving to school I noticed that another school I drive past was closed today. That was weird. Then I noticed that traffic was much better today too. And as I got closer to my school it became obvious that it was a holiday today but no one had told me. There was also nothing in my online calendar about any public holiday either. Well I just tuned right around and drove back straight to Utopia and enjoyed a couple of coffees there. Never mind the wasted petrol, here we are already with a day off after only two days back at school. Take what you can get.
Something I learned today?
I guess I learned (a little too late) that today is the Royal Ploughing Ceremony holiday and that the schools shut because of this.
What impact do I hope to make in the world?
Bereft of youthful idealism I hope that I can encourage some of my students to push themselves to make better futures for themselves. Perhaps this is elderly idealism. At least I still cling to an ideal.
1994ever 