Tag: The Red Hand Files

The Visitor – 6th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Our visitor, quiet by our side
So close, so very close
There’s no one else and nothing happens
We share this realm
There’s no ordinary language
Just the feeling of unbounded love
The presence remains
Long after the sun turns golden
The comfort the visitor brings
– Hope to see you again

inspired by (and phrases appropriated from) Nick Cave’s Red Hand Files

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed.

Today I’m grateful for:

The iron, the ironing board, electricity, TV, Netflix, Sex Education and spare time. All these combined saw me knock off the pile of 20-plus shirts that now hang, reasonably smooth, in my wardrobe.

The best thing about today was:

Shaving off a five-day beard growth with a new razor. I always try to make my razors last well past their supposed use date which is something ridiculous like 15 shaves. But I’m also always relieved when I switch to a new one and can get a clean shave with no rashes or cuts.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My main computer has been slowly dying for the last two years and is being particularly troublesome today after not having any issues at all yesterday. I get to the point where I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll have to buy a new one and then it will suddenly start working ok again for a few months. This time might be the end though.

Something I learned today?

I watched a video about the Two Sessions in China. The National People’s Congress and the CPPCC ( I forget exactly what this acronym is now). They meet every year and elect new leaders every five. What was interesting was that they clearly represent a wide range of peoples and groups throughout the whole country.

What is a defining moment of my life?

Moving away from the UK – really the whole impetus for this blog which has now morphed into something else.

Meeting TLJ – the start of a long difficult recovery.

Meeting Amy – the becoming of a truly independent adult and finding deep happiness.

I took this picture because as I was arriving at Utopia this morning the leaves’ symmetry struck me, requesting a photo to be taken.

Although the semester isn’t over and I still have things to do, it already feels like holiday.
Today is another Buddhist holiday too so I’m taking advantage of the free time. I ploughed through the shirts whilst watching Netflix – the semi-watchable but very contrived Sex Education. The best thing about it is the setting in a beautiful part of England that I’ll look up and find because I’d like to go there and check it out for real.
The air quality fucking sucks right now and the mountains are barely visible but I’ve forced myself out again, to sit at Daytripper, read, write and reflect.

Ermine’s Anger – 30th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Death shed its dead skin
The anger evaporated within
Never amounted to anything
Always contemptuous of joy
The sign of a dumb boy

Devastation healed the wound
Which I myself had groomed
With a perception then assumed
The divide between us real
As now and the past reveal

inspired and pilfered from Nick Cave’s The Red Hand Files #220 and a question from Ermine

Today I’m feeling:

Energetic and content.

Today I’m grateful for:

The music store in Germany where I bought a bunch of CDs from that arrived today. More music to listen to!
I’m also grateful to the band from Istanbul that contacted me to help with their 2nd album release. It’s aces and I hope I can be involved somehow.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling energetic again. I cruised along getting things mentally crossed off lists of things that needed to be done and that I wanted to do.

I also enjoyed playing with Tokyo out in her driveway as she rolled around happily. She got a little bitey but not aggressively. She’s a lovely dog that could benefit from some proper training.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my classes had control problems today. The first was noisy but happy and mostly doing what I asked of them. I handled it by letting them do as they wished once they’d completed their tasks.

The second class were late and after ten minutes I shut the doors and started teaching, not letting anyone else in. This meant less than half the class attended and it was excellent as I could focus my efforts on everyone. I handled the situation without getting annoyed or upset and letting the kids enjoy their choice not to be in class. It’s up to them now.

Something I learned today?

Today I consciously thought ‘ah, this is something I can write for this section today’ and now…..blank! What was it! (10 minutes later) Nope. It’s gone. I’ll probably remember sometime tomorrow. I should make a note of it straight away! Duh!

What is something I want to do for others in the coming year?

I want to help musicians to spread their music further into Southeast Asia as much as I can from my remote location.
I also want to help my students improve their chances of being able to go abroad by motivating them to study English more.

I took this picture because this is the Kim Chi lookalike from the hairdressers yesterday. I like that the shot is not correct, focus in the wrong place and half the head not in frame. It was an action shot. I took another picture just before this that did have everything correct but favour this one.

On Friday and Saturday, I felt very muddle-headed but thankfully woke up yesterday running at about 80% and the day felt much more enjoyable. I’d finished the cough and nose meds and just have the rib injury meds to go now. My chest is feeling generally better but I have pains in different areas than before. Also, having just been lying down or sleeping for most of the last 4 days I developed a bit of lower back pain.
As I was starting to improve last night and weighed myself before bed I realise I need to push myself much more as my weight has been slowly flourishing and that’s not the direction I wish to continue. I pushed myself a little more this morning and will also do a short evening workout, I think.
I certainly feel a lot better this morning and feel calm in my class of whirlwind kids. My patience was tested but I just keep reminding myself that I’m doing what I can for them. I also have to remind myself that they are still just kids, finding their way and working things out.
I could be talking about myself.

A Madness Of The Impossible – 1st December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The very essence of my soul betrayed
No knowledge may heal the wound I made
In this fog, there is nowhere to be or go
I just can’t forgive myself I’m afraid

Misery and self-loathing bedevil my days
A madness of the impossible Derrida says
The radical act of self-forgiveness so
Absolve yourself, you must find the ways

Inspired (and butchered) by a reply to a letter to Nick Cave at The Red Hand Files newsletter
and submitted to Thursday Inspiration #246

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that our cats seem to have recovered. Cap from a bad stomach and Kim from wounds after a big fight with Tigger. Tigger has been very well recently though his fur is starting to make him look old.

I was planning to do some preparation and reading and writing this afternoon but Fui brought his teenage son and daughter to House and I ended up talking with all of them for most of the time! Fui’s kids study in Singapore, and have done for many years. I’m not sure why and didn’t ask, but it’s interesting to get their perspective on things especially as English has become their first language.

My one class this morning was with 2/11 and it went well. I got them more involved by helping me to learn the Thai words for all the English vocabulary that I wanted them to remember. So, I’m feeling good.

A rest day from the abs workout. I can feel that there is less fat on my chest and my ribs are becoming more visible. I like this healthier me. As with anything, I should’ve started sooner. I’m still thinking about that time of brushing off Rupert when he started lifting weights at school. I was all about smoking and drinking. I was lucky that my metabolism sustained my skinny body into my late 30s and only the beer started sticking on my hips.

OK – back to it. More free time tomorrow afternoon to finish off this preparation.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 47