Tag: Tigger

Loyal Bones – 22nd August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Loyal bones are buried everywhere in the green hills*
It’s not the revolutions that make our end
For the good of all may be the bitterest of pills
But is just a moment of the life you’ll spend

The mountains green, the never-ending seas
They belong to us, all of our humanity
They can be divided in any way we please
For the good of everyone’s sanity

Your loyal bones will be all too soon forgotten
But the paths you made will be followed
Each generation new bones become rotten
After those bitter pills have been swallowed

*This line is from Xi Jinping

Today I’m feeling:

Very good and relaxed again. Even though I’m not excited about having to take Tigger to the vet again after work I feel like I have the energy to get me through. Today was the second day doing double exercise and though it’s tough I’m feeling better for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Meeting my grade 10 students by chance in the library and having good meaningful conversations with them. Outside the classroom, there is more space to relax and chat and they were very keen and didn’t want me to leave. We struggled by with their poor English, my poor Thai and translation. It was nice, though I had planned to do some printing and ran out of time.

The best thing about today was:

As this semester nears its end I feel like all my classes clearly understand what I require of them. This was exemplified today with my grade 8 class whom I gave work to do before my class and they understood that if they did the work beforehand they could just show me, fix any errors and then they were free to go at class time.

Along with the conscientious kids, all the usually lazy ones are the first to get it done because they want to be finished for the day as soon as they can. There’s about half the class that don’t worry either way but I can see them working together to do the work quickly during class time. 

They are learning the benefits of getting the job done at least and don’t complain at me any more!

At the same time, I have made my life easier too!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Taking Tigger to the vet and I’m stuck on the highway in a non-moving traffic jam. I can’t even see ahead to what is causing it and I’m imagining that some workers are stupidly doing something at rush hour because that happens here often.

(later) It was. Laying drains to stop flooding. Why do it in the rainy season! Why do it during the day and at rush hour?

Something I learned today?

Sinead O’Connor has died. I never really got into her music but I did respect her in some ways. She seemed to be an outsider, stuck inside the music industry. In my old one-sheet giveaway fanzine Fuck Around each issue I dedicated a section to a picture of her titled Sinead O’Corner and left it without any context. I just thought she was attractive with her tomboy hair. As I perceived her as an underdog I rooted for her. Ripping up a picture of the Pope on live TV gained my deepest respect.

Do I spend more time thinking about the future or the past?

The past of course! That’s what this whole bloggedy business is all about. 

I don’t really remember thinking much about the future before 1994. To be honest I had no ideas before that. Now that 30 more years have passed there’s more of my life gone by than I can expect to come. Whatever the future brings is ok.

I took these pictures because I went in to see my old students and found many of them in deep sleep. What a crazy country. I like it. School here is just totally unlike what I experienced. This is where culture starts.

Vicarious – 20th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’m a mafia, a ninja
A beauty pageant queen
A killer, a lover
Not what I seem
I’m a prisoner, running
The drama in a dream
A thriller, a horror
Lived out on a screen
I’m a wolf, a soldier
All I want I’ve been
A housewife, a salesman
A life lived so clean
I’m a target, a comedian
Laugh until you scream
Anything I ever wanted
Is what I’ve always been

13th Apr 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Coffee is the fuel this morning as I struggle to get going after feeling some pain in my left hip throughout the night.

But ‘get going’ is relative as today I plan to do little beyond watching the football.

And that was one intense game of football which has weirdly seen us through to the finals as opposed to Geelong, last year’s winners unable to make it. It’s been a great turnaround but I don’t see us being able to make the grand final this year.

Today I’m grateful for:

The shirt that I ordered for Hayden arrived here safe and sound. I’ll try it on for size and then order a couple for myself some time too.

It was weird that some of the shirts are in stock in Australia but the shipping to Thailand was cheaper than shipping within Australia!

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with some reading, books and comics. Choosing to read instead of watching TV. It’s not easy because there are lots of things I like to watch but I’m finding that I’m neglecting reading because of it. I usually get my ideas from things I read rather than things I watch.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday I hung out the washing even though dark clouds were brewing. I mistakenly trusted the weather forecast of no rain. An hour later a huge storm hit drenching everything. Oh well, they’ll dry today I thought, but today the sun barely broke through and whilst some of the lighter things managed to dry everything else was still wet or damp and will need to be washed again. There’s another ten days of rain due so I may actually have to go the laundry to use a dryer.

Something I learned today?

Things I haven’t thought about for a while are a little bit of a struggle to recall these days. I struggled to recall some manga artists’ names this evening, artists of which I paid lots of dollars for the work at one time in my life, so they had a deep enough meaning for me for a while. I did eventually figure out the names through a series of online searches but still, I worry about nonsense going into my head pushing out all the good stuff.

If I had to describe myself using only five words, what would they be?

Sometimes I think I’m ok.
Sometimes I make mistakes too.
Friends can be far away.
I do what I do.
No excuses for doing wrong.
My life means nothing anyway.
Always trying to understand myself.
There’s often little to say.

I took this picture because although Tigger can fit into the shelf under the table, for some reason he felt more comfortable with his butt sticking out like this.

Nothing For Good – 16th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A genius level of stupid
I always knew you would be good
At something no one needed
And remain misunderstood

A stupid level of genius
Makes for far too few friends
And alliterating the point
Is unlikely to make amends

Today I’m feeling:

It’s late afternoon and it feels like I haven’t thought about how I’ve been feeling today. That’s kinda good. Some emotional stability maybe?

It’s been a good day with little stress and if I do stop to think about it, I feel happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Fon sending me more sourdough bread again. I had to stop myself from eating it all immediately so that I can enjoy it tomorrow too.

The best thing about today was:

Today was one of those smooth pleasant days without any real highs or lows. I was happy that I was inspired to write a couple of poems in my break though.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday evening passed so quickly, with two hours being taken up with taking Tig to the vet, that I dropped my streaks in my language apps. I didn’t even realise or remember until this evening when I saw a notification about it.

Something I learned today?

I learned that it is August’s (the dancer) birthday on Friday. I only know because I just happened to see it in LINE when I was clicking around. It also may not actually be her birthday.

Anyway, will I remember it on Friday? Even if I ran into her I think I would still forget. I’ll set myself a notification but even then I may not see it. 

Knowing so many kids it seems like there’s a birthday every week. 

What is a compliment I’ll never forget?

As I’m trying to remember a compliment, I’m reminded of a time when I was in my early twenties and there was a cute new girl hanging out with one of my groups of friends (though I forget who). Anyway, thinking she was cute and interesting I was quite taken when I came by our mutual friends one day and she said ‘Here he is, the enigmatic Shaun.’ 

I thought of this as a compliment, thinking, hoping that she liked me though as I’ve gotten older I think enigma has a little bit of a negative connotation, like a little difficult or standoffish. I guess between young adults though it would still usually have positive connotations.

In the end, I think I only met this girl three or four times before our lives span off in other directions.

Otherwise, I believe I have forgotten all the compliments I’ve received, though knowing that I have received them. 

I’m not a fisher for compliments and as alluded to above, perhaps I can be perceived as standoffish. I’m happy to accept a compliment but soon dismiss its importance. 

If I receive compliments I just assume it was for something that was just the right or good thing to do.

Quote: Devote the rest of your life to making progress – Epictetus

I can feel my rate of progress slowing down these days, which is quite natural but also slightly disheartening. I’m not so much in wonder of things going on in the world or my life, having done my small share of exploring it already.

I do still go off on tangents of discovery but notice that processes are much the same from one subject to another. Maybe I’ve been looking at too many philosophy texts and have boiled down life to its essence. 

This reminds me again of the lyric, which I’ve probably quoted before, by Built To Spill, ‘Life goes on long after the thrill of it has gone.’

Having said that I do never want to stop reading, learning, and progressing even if it appears I may be just spinning my wheels. I can fool myself easily.

I took this picture because Tigger was at the door waiting to be let in and padded around the table and looked up expectantly, ‘Lie down so I can sit on….quickly!’ So I did and so he did.
Fatman report

Old MacDonald Got AI – 15th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

God took six days to do
What can now be done
In a minute
At the push of a button
A simple prompt
A new world may be created
Everything for that we strived
Made faster and easier
And with it, the artist dies
Along with their struggle
How to know something is good?
It must be a piece of you
A chuck of the pain
That gave birth
No more the imagination
Your future automated
*A boundless machine
Of artistic demoralisation*

inspired and pilfered from the Red Hand Files and *Nick Cave directly

Today I’m feeling:

Unsure yet. I guess I’m relaxed. Just a little soft around the edges, not quite in focus.

At midday, my mojo is returning after three hours of catching up on writing and some reading.

And then….(see further below)

Today I’m grateful for:

The medicine that has helped Tigger overcome his fever and infection. I wasn’t particularly worried about Tig but I also remembered not being too worried about Kim when she was sick too. Sometimes, when Amy is being cautious, it’s best to follow her lead, just in case.

The best thing about today was:

Coffee. And having a few hours spare to read and write but more importantly to get my brain back in the game. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my final class of the day, I lost my patience with one student who was being obnoxious to me. I took his phone and later gave it to his homeroom teacher. He didn’t even seem to care that much. 

It’s a shame as I have previously gotten on well with that student. I can guess that something was going on with him but still…..

Sometimes the disrespect gets to me.

6th Nov 2023 – Only three months later and I only have a vague memory of this happening and can’t recall who it was! I think that’s good. No grudges held.

Something I learned today?

Tigger’s infection is all good now, though because of the medicine he had been taking his kidney function levels are a little high. Another week without medicine before another blood test which hopefully gives the all-clear.

How would I describe where I am right now?

I think if I told my friends just the word ‘Thailand’, that would trigger their imaginations to understand where I am right now. I know that I’m living a lucky life. Despite minor stresses, I’m feeling content and almost at peace.

How did I embrace uncertainty?

I’ve been looking at this question for several days.  I feel that my life is reasonably certain and has been for a long time. In times when I did feel uncertain it was purely internal thoughts rather than some circumstance.

Both times I moved countries I didn’t feel uncertainty really, though I guess that means that I did embrace it. How did I do that? Perhaps by positivity. Perhaps by ignorance. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood that no matter what happens or is happening, things will be okay. Sometimes you just have to go through shit. I do wish I could’ve worked that out when I was younger as it would have saved me a lot of trouble and stress at that time.

What is an unusual fact about me?

I was listening to the End On End podcast with the High Back Chairs and one of them was talking about his collection of German military uniforms from 1880-1918. It reminded me that no matter what you may know people for they can always surprise you with something unusual. 

I guess I have an unusual amount of CDs featuring unusual music but because of the circles I run in that doesn’t seem particularly unusual to me but may be to others.

Perhaps something I find unusual about myself is the variety of work that I’ve done over the years. Ugh, even that doesn’t seem particularly unusual though.

Am I.… am I normal? What’s wrong with that? I don’t want to be normal. I know that no one is normal but I would hate for someone to think of me as normal!

Quote: I quote others in order to better myself – Montaigne

Sometimes a good quote captures your imagination and consolidates ideas into a sentence or two. Most of the quotes I enjoy are positive but I also dig the backhanded sarcastic and ironic type of quote when it is clearly obvious its intention.

I wish I could remember good quotes though and be able to use them in conversation. That would make me appear smart. Perhaps that is vanity but it’s true, I would like to appear smart at least. Because I don’t feel smart at all. Can I fool myself?

Old Gems – 11th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When I read those things
I didn’t understand why
They made sense to me
But unable to apply
Not yet ready for wisdom
To be practised so
One day I’ll realise
The things I already know

inspired by a post at Spinning Visions that reminded me of myself and my own looking back and finding old gems in diaries where I realise that I knew what was ‘good’ and ‘right’ but was not mature enough to actually be ‘good’ and ‘right’.

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up many times last night feeling either hot or cold. Combined with my tiredness I may have a fever but came to school anyway though decided to just give work to my final class and have them submit it online so I can go home again. Annoying to be getting sick with another long weekend. Nevermind.

Today I’m grateful for:

Bandcamp and their new option for listening parties which I just tried out today with the release of the Flesh Narc compilation. A couple of people tuned in but I can see now that it will be better planned a little more in advance and promoted a bit more. 

The best thing about today was:

Picking up my guitar again after five days off. I got really into it even though I knew I was playing badly. Sometimes I just turn up the songs so loud that it’s hard to even hear what I’m playing. 

I’m lost in a, not even air guitar but air emotion as if I’m in front of a thousand people and feel like I really mean it! Look at me, wasn’t I great? Ah, it was nothing. 

I still feel like I’m twelve years old and can’t help myself sometimes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ordered some canna butter that came in a small bottle with a pipette. I figured it would be best kept in the fridge thinking that it was like a thick oil. 

Tonight I thought I’d give it a try and twisted the lid which then snapped the pipette in half. No worries I thought, there’s a little bit sticking out that I can pull out with my teeth. It was then, with a sudden crunch, that I discovered that the pipette was made of glass and I had a mouthful of tiny shards of glass. 

After spitting them out I looked at the bottle more and could see that inside the bottle, which is presumably liquid at room temperature, the substance had hardened like real butter and the rest of the glass pipette tube was stuck solid in it.

I’ll try to figure out how to not swallow any glass whilst trying the, hopefully, liquid once it gets back to room temperature.

Something I learned today?

I suppose I could say I learned how the Bandcamp listening parties work, as I talked about it above. That was probably the main thing for me today though I surely took in lots of other little bits of information.

I took this picture because I let Tigger out for a little while as the sun was shining. I found him here in one of his favourite spots, in the garage under the cover of the big leaves. A perfect view of incoming opportunity or danger.

No Knowing – 9th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*I only blinked my eye
Suddenly then I knew
I would sooner die
Than doing all I wanted to do

Still practising my growing
With every single breath
Now there’s no knowing
The time to face my death

What I want to say to you
Has many times been said
Do everything you want to do
Before you end up dead

*appropriated from this blog post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

So tired this morning as I didn’t sleep well. Being back together in the cool aircon of our bedroom proper was nice and saw us off to sleep nicely with Cap joining us but, Cap being Cap, he wanted to go in and out a couple of times during the night which meant me opening and closing the door for him. The last time it was almost light so I left the door ajar for him but Tigger also came in and Amy woke up to find him peeing on her bed. First day back and already these cats treat our fresh-smelling beds as their toilets. 

Of course, I got into trouble (with Amy) for leaving the door open. I delayed my alarm to allow an extra 15 minutes of tossing and turning and I would dearly love to be back in bed sleeping more right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cafe next door to school changed its policy for every tenth coffee free, getting rid of it completely. I cried that I only had two more to go and then said, how about today for free? To which they agreed and I went away happy. As usual, the taste of their coffee is awful but it has a hell of a caffeine hit.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that there is some event tomorrow morning and it’s optional whether to teach or not. I will definitely not teach the first class and not sure about the second one yet. I’ll see how I and they feel tomorrow morning.

I ended up chatting to one of the students who said they thought that they would have to do some tasks which will take all morning so, what the hell? I doubt if it will take that long but I know they would prefer whatever it is they will be doing over sitting in a classroom anyway.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Many things out of my control today but I’m getting better at just going with it and not getting stressed about things. I can definitely feel that this has changed for me over the last couple of years.

Something I learned today?

I did 5 minutes research into overcoming sensitivity after being bullied and read that CBT is a suggested therapy to help. I will offer some advice and information to the student whom I talked with yesterday evening.

I took no pictures because my brain couldn’t expand enough into the spaces to find something interesting to take a picture of despite interesting things occurring around me. Now is the struggle to find interest in the minutiae, in the minor, in the greys and browns.

Cyberpsychopath – 2nd August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hiding in the dark webs, to lurk and deceive
More reckless the more special you believe
Cyberpunk psychopaths, momentary flame
Burned white hot until the end of the game

Today I’m feeling:

Yesterday’s afternoon coffee kept me until midnight reading comics though I fell asleep immediately once I turned off my iPad. A nice lazy nine hours later and I’m up and drinking coffee at Utopia preparing my mind for the two days of school this week.

Today I’m grateful for:

Anything. Sometimes I feel that I take everything for granted. I think about just putting on some good shoes and walking down the highway to Bangkok with nothing. To put myself in some ridiculous situation that I will never actually attempt, and remind myself just how good I have it.

I know I have it easy yet sometimes feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s carrot cake which improves over time. This evening it was more delicious than yesterday, perhaps also aided by my hunger. Nuts, vegetables, cake. That’s my dinner.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Tigger didn’t eat this morning which is a bit unusual but sometimes when he has a hairball he’s like that. He did eat a little bit in the afternoon but he looked a bit exhausted. Amy decided we should take him to the vet where they found he had an infection and fever. They gave him some medicine and he immediately perked up though he was still obviously stressed to be at the vet’s. We have to keep him inside for a couple of days and take him back again on Saturday.

Something I learned today?

Stupid humans can make a story out of nothing and call it news. Ok, I didn’t learn this today but it was reinforced when mainstream media headlined a story that ‘Chinese zoo accused of a bear being a human in a bear suit’. I’m getting to the point again of cutting out news media from my life, even ones that are of interest to me as they often highlight and ridicule the stupid humans doing and saying stupid things. I want to believe that the majority is better than that.

What is one thing I can do to improve my mental well-being?

Exercise. That’s it. I know it works and it’s the hardest to motivate yourself to do when your mental health is not good.

If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to worry less about ______ and more about ______.

I’ve been looking at this prompt for several days now and am still not sure what to write. I’m struggling to recall some of the things that I used to worry about or that, looking back, weren’t actually worth worrying about at that time.

Sometimes I would worry about what people thought of me but then at other times didn’t care at all. I still don’t much care though I’m not arrogant or over the top about it. 

Amy told her friends that I’m an introvert but I don’t think I am particularly. I just don’t interact much with people who don’t really fall into my group of interests. And I’m ok to be by myself. I don’t need attention. 

When I was younger I worried a little about money because it was difficult to find. I don’t have a need to worry about that too much these days.

I used to feel incomplete without a girlfriend but I never really worried about it, it was just a desire to be sharing my life with one person. I’m not sure why that was.

So maybe I would tell myself not to have worried about that so much and learned to love myself more and sooner.

In some ways, I grew up slowly, about ten years later than the stereotypical norm. I was in my early 30s when I was behaving like I was in my early 20s. That’s OK. I got there in the end and maybe it’s keeping me feeling ten years younger than I actually am.

I took this picture because Cap has been squeezing himself into Kim’s old favourite sleeping spot. You can still see Kim’s fur along the edges. I miss her so much and every time I think of her I get teary and the only way I cope is to not think of her. Cap is too big for the space so bits of him flow over the edges.

Garage Renegades – 28th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A society of no use, no one else wanted to play
Inspired to produce new anthems for today
From the garage born, out onto the snowy roads
Teenagers once forlorn gathers and explodes

Alienated and rejected, the world begins shaking
Many more infected by songs the kids were making
Playtime is over, the child juggles live grenades
Better run for cover, here come the renegades

Inspired by a passage in the book ‘SNFU – …What No One Else Wanted To Say’ about Canadian punk legends SNFU.

Today I’m feeling:

Like it’s a catch-up day. Exhausted and blurry-eyed as I sit with my first coffee for which Amy has joined me before she goes to look after her grandmum for the day. Her family are off to Phan to offer prayers and blesses to their uncle in the hope that it can help them sell his land. Amy was quite relieved to not have to go and perhaps her mum understands that Amy is not interested in partaking in these events too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The man washing my bike for a couple of bucks. It hasn’t been washed for six months or so and some of the mud will be glued to the engine casing. 

In the time it took me to look down at my phone and write this, it started raining somewhat negating the effects of the cleaning but whatever.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar for a couple of hours. It’s been a dull grey day and I kinda dozed for a couple of hours listening to podcasts and music. I couldn’t move because Tigger was happily sleeping on me and I didn’t want to disturb him. Baew and Mee came over for dinner and told of their troubles living back here with their family and their intention to go back to Bangkok. I enjoyed food with them but was itching to play guitar so left them to it. I found a few more Damned songs that I should be able to play along to.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve run out of money early this month so already eating into the visa money in the bank which doesn’t matter now except I need to move it back into our high interest account. I’ll have to wait to get paid to do that.

Something I learned today?

Inconsequential and irrelevant to pretty much everything but I never knew that Ted Leo used to play in Citizen’s Arrest and Chisel. I read his interview in Punk Planet and really connected with what he said, much more than many of the other interviewees in the book. I’ll check out Chisel and his solo stuff when I get time.

What is one thing I wish I could tell my future self?

These were the good times. You’re glad you moved your body more often and prepared yourself for the fragile years.

(All these entries are me telling my future self something. My future self will understand.)

I took this picture because P’ti was looking handsome and content in Utopia this morning.

Headstones – 25th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Staring away at the whispered words
The smile no longer inspires
Ghostly here amongst the sleeping
Letting go of what love requires

The end of the story, said goodbye
Seven minutes to break a heart
The one that promised themselves so much
Must find the joy of a new start

Today I’m feeling:

I slept in the air-conned bedroom with Amy last night but still didn’t sleep that well, waking up with aching hips or feeling too cold! Anyway, it was better than feeling hot and Tigger had also sprayed in our bedroom and it was still smelly in there. 

My first class went well and has put me in a good mood as I sit here drinking coffee preparing for my next class in four hours and by preparing I mean doing something else besides thinking about teaching!

Today I’m grateful for:

My new pants that I bought yesterday and felt good wearing today. I tried the other pair I bought but even though they are the same maker and have the same label for waist size are about two sizes too small for me. No refunds. It’s a shame but I should’ve tried them on rather than trusting that they would be the same. My mistake.

The best thing about today was:

Firstly, having my last class, the troublesome rebellious lot, going well again and being a lot of fun this time, I’m glad that I made the change of style of teaching with them and whilst I don’t feel like I’m teaching them much at least they are practising their reading, writing and speaking skills to some degree.

Then, after school, Nong Na and Amy were waiting for me and we went off to Big C to get pizza and ice cream. It was good to see Na again, she has just started at the university in the Aviation faculty and I can already hear her improved confidence in listening and speaking since I last met her when she was in high school.

She is a quiet girl, never travelled far but is a good student and somehow Amy lit a fire under her and she has shown a determination to improve her English by herself. We are quite proud that she has come so far. She had never been to the Pizza Company store or to the ice cream shop so it was quite a thrill for her and it was our treat.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s ten pm and I’m in bed, ran out of time to play guitar today which I kinda look forward to even though some days I sit down to play and get frustrated after five minutes of trying. Tomorrow evening I should have enough free time though as Amy will go out so I await that with anticipation. Thursday will not be free but Friday is the start of six days off so I’ll get some practice time in then.

Something I learned today?

I’m in the middle of a questionnaire to discover my style of kindness at work but my eyes are drooping and Amy is already asleep on my shoulder so I will have to learn that tomorrow. I learned other things today for sure but what were they….?

How do I cope with stress and adversity?

By not inviting it into my head so often. When it does it always upsets me that I let it get the better of me. 

I took this picture a couple of weeks ago because these two-tone clouds looked amazing on the horizon. Unfortunately, it didn’t translate as well into a picture on my phone but as I didn’t find the time or opportunity to take a picture today then this will have to do. Tomorrow – must try harder!

Echo Chamber – 9th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The walls may be far away
But as words reverberate uninterrupted
The room collapses around my ears
Til their meaning becomes corrupted

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t know how I felt this morning but by the afternoon I didn’t feel good. I feel sick without having any symptoms. I have low energy and motivation which seems to be a theme on weekends. I know I’m a little down after thinking about how Amy may not settle down here again but I feel like there’s something else going on. Dodgy guts aren’t helping things either.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people who make things happen in order for me to order cat food from my phone and have it delivered to my house a couple of days later. As I was unpacking it I consider what a technological marvel this is that those born this century will take for granted. The global supply chain should be celebrated and not used for political machinations. It’s a great example of humans working together. It reminds me of the Bill Hicks line, if we can shoot rockets from far away and have them fly into specific windows to kill supposed terrorists, why can’t we use that technology to shoot food into hungry people’s mouths? Indeed.

The best thing about today was:

Unmotivated days like today don’t provide any high points but I did get a little satisfaction from pulling out weeds around the cactuses. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One thing that may be affecting my mood is that last night as I was contemplating going to bed I saw a transaction come through for 4000 baht which was for my podcast hosting that I had planned to cancel by sending myself a reminder last month. The reminder didn’t work. I cancelled the account immediately but don’t get refunded anything. An expensive lesson. At least it didn’t happen at the end of the last month and fuck up my bank account for my visa. So I’m trying to spin it as a good thing though it’s not quite working I must admit.

Something I learned today?

I just went out to shut the gate and could see the shadow of a cat under the car so went to see who it was. It wasn’t our boys because they were both inside eating. As I bent down to look underneath I saw it climb up into the engine area and disappear! I always thought the engine was completely shielded from the ground but apparently not. I went inside to get the torch and key. I couldn’t see any obvious animal-looking thing inside and I started the engine to scare it out though maybe it had already decided to dash off before that. I wonder if it was the cat I saw this morning and if I had actually brought it home from somewhere! Seems unlikely but I hope my car doesn’t become an unsuspecting cat taxi.

What’s unique about where I live?

The unique thing about where I live is me.  I’m the odd one out. This is quiet jungle village life in a non-English-speaking tropical country and there’s a wild-haired white-skinned punk here. This nail has not been hammered down yet.

I took this picture because I had just let Tigger out the back door and remembered that Tangmo might still be at the front door so I went to check and found this visitor instead. She ran away in Tigger’s direction which wasn’t the wisest choice but she soon figured out an escape. She looked healthy and had beautiful swirling colour whilst slinking away. Never seen her before.