“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Time flies by – things get done, things get forgotten, your laziness takes over.
Fern came to Utopia yesterday and I chatted with her friend Pim, who is a dental student. My teeth hurt all day. Annoying. Neck aches lower back aches. Tired, eating enough?
See what happens.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have a bed to sleep at night. Even if I don’t sleep well it is a safe place.
I had a nice though busy weekend and managed to cross a few things off my to-do list.
Time does seem to go too fast though and I often try to recall that feeling of being bored and struggling to think of things to do – but then using my creative mind to start something. I still have some remnants of this and now never struggle to find new ideas and activities to pursue.
We have so many more options now – not just for entertainment and relaxation but for everything. Everything is at your fingertips – when life has no struggle it can be difficult to give it meaning.
Gratitude Journal
I’m so happy and grateful to have the chance to travel around South East Asia whilst helping other people with their music. If all goes to plan I’ll be able to again in April and finally make it to Kota Kinabalu and Yogyakarta. I’m really excited and looking forward to new adventures.
14th Apr 2021 – Covid 19 pandemic spoiled these plans.
Sat here in my room, next to the train line. Reading Ginsburg’s America. The planes coming down around me threatening to pass through my window. I wonder how quickly I can move if the nose ploughs in through the fern curtains. Into my life into my room.
The trains carry on past just glimpsing in as they go. The flowers outside dance in the wind, God’s breath giving them life. And the three cats sit and laze knowing attention will come their way, sooner or later – not bothered. Waiting.
The piano begs my fingers, though they know no melody and rhythm but I’ll let them dance over the keys, tapping out my song. When the right notes hit it feels me full of majesty, happy, high on life like no drug.
I wanted to write about number 41 when I was there but destiny altered that desire and now it will have to be done with hindsight. Though hindsight is better than no sight at all I wish I was there to clearly describe to you that plain old building, fifth along in the row of twenty or so. And with the events surrounding us leaving that blackens the view, dim’s the picture – which will have to be dragged from my clouded memory anyway. I’ll go away and think about it and return to disclose my secrets.
Fucking fuck – five days fly fast through time and motion I can’t keep up and I have no idea where I am in this world right now! Jeez, and found myself jumping at the Joiners again last night (slightly sad because Broni-less and work fed up-ness but such good contrast to go from shit at work to fun with friends).
Anyway coolness abounded again tonight with Thirst, The Zimmer Frames and Bedlam Hour playing cool songs to cool crowd with some madcap dancing and smiles aplenty. Wished I was in better mood because I couldn’t really communicate much ‘cept a bit to Rob. Tried striking up a convo with some dude I saw last week and this time bought a Blake Babies LP off me and, fuck, I couldn’t believe, it I started talking to him and then just finished up. Will take more time to talk to him next time for sure.
Been thinking about that all day, with the million other things flying around my tiny mind – can you tell from these erratic sentences, jumbled along, to some sense.
The weekend was cool, playing tennis and watching movies (Wendy Cracked A Walnut, Naked Gun 33 1/3, and Sea of Love). Get this – booking our tickets for September 27th – £530 each – polishing off two bottles of champagne Sunday night and jumping all over to Cardiacs and – get this second time – buying a camcorder! Been on our minds sometime now.
You know, I can’t remember what I wrote last week but can remember two months ago. Blistering blurred blind vision head down head-up hammering steam train 100mph no holds barred head fuck. Goddamn my baby Broni must love me some to put up with this shit. Dudes, take care.
Also:
26th May 1994 : Quick note at the end of the day. Still mad million thoughts but more cohesive and more productive. Whew!
28th May 1994 : Just a brief mention for feedback and delay. Things start to take on more significance as time passes by, f’instance, take 25th of May entry re Bedlam Hour’s fine gig – now seems to hold much more value for me than it did at the time (note how fed up I sounded) and the same with Trumans Water Newport effort – gawd such a mad rush to get there and make sure we had a good time for our troubles it’s not until later you get to realise what kind of impact it has on you.
Times travelling faster than me this month/section of lifetime and maybe it’s not till I settle somewhere more permanently that I’ll be able to reflect on what exactly it all means. Delay and feedback. Current reflections echo love and energy.
Scrape the cake from faces ’til they’re raw and bloodied
Use their gristled blood to grease our tracks
Take their speaking money for an understudy
Stick a bony finger down their gullets ’til they vomit up the past
– Trumans Water
1994ever 