Tag: to-do list

Small Town Arkansas – 3rd July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

We don’t dream, we don’t ask for much
We live next door to our best friends
There’s nothing the community doesn’t touch 
We’re twenty years behind the trends

God gave us this blessing to enjoy
And thanks must be given by our deeds
The twisted roots may often annoy
But among them are nurtured the seeds

Marrying a best friend’s brother
Swelling further our congregation
Expelling all that worships the other 
And questions their role and station

We’re white, right and pious
Our satisfaction is easily met
Nothing evil will get by us
In God’s way, we’ve all been set

inspired after reading an interview with The Gossip in Punk Planet magazine
20th Nov 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Nurturing

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit more upbeat than yesterday, thankfully. I feel like I’m going to succumb to an afternoon nap right now though (at 1 p.m.). 
(Later) Somehow I managed to stay awake and I’m pretty happy about that. I should sleep okay tonight.
I feel a little lazy and uninspired but also very comfortable in my lovely home.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad seller at the market. I bought two, one with 3 small prawns and another with avocado. I mixed them both up along with sesame seeds and a packet of English Cheddar chips that I’d bought a stack of from Makro. Stirred through with two blasts of creamy salad dressing that made for a fine-filling fancy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back into the guitar lessons on my app. Since I bought premium access more than a year ago it allowed me to play any song on the app which I’d been doing. I figured I was pretty much stuck on the lessons too but I have steadily improved enough to give them a good go. Slowly slowly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both our bathroom sinks are leaking again and I was hoping Amy’s mum’s plumber could come and sort them out but they advised me to figure out all the different things that needed doing in the house so he could come and do it all in one go rather than back and forth, which makes sense but also means no one will come until Amy is back and has checked everything that she wants done.

In the meantime, I took apart and cleaned all the pipes under my sink and shoved it all back tightly together but it needs proper sealing at the wall.

Something I learned today?

Messaging Aing today to see if she could come up from Bangkok to visit later this month she told me of her struggles since she has been back there. All her hopes and dreams have been shattered through no real fault of her own though she probably realises that she would have been better off saying no to certain things at some point. She wants to come back to Chiang Rai and I hope she can find a way in the future.

What have I been savouring lately?

Mostly writing and updating this blog. Every old entry I add feels like a ticking off of a box of the longest-ever to-do list. I’m adding diary and poetry entries from 1984 and it’s triggering lots of things. Currently, there is also a big gap of entries from around 1997 until 2004 which doesn’t have much written down but sure played a big part in my life. A time when I was living and loving with a lot less thinking.

I took this picture because for a while I couldn’t find Tigger. Sometime during the afternoon I went to sit at my computer and found his fat butt poking from behind the screen. I’ve never seen him up here before. What are you doing fat cat?

Go on out, get some more – 1st February 2021

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Some vague hints of dreams. Thoughts about how you would live your last 24 hours. Imagining today is my last – all the things unfinished – but every life is left unfinished. Wingsuit riders living life to the fullest. Not sure I could do that. My thrills are different. This old man likes reading books. What a joke. I should’ve gained this wisdom as a young man. But here I am and I gotta live.

This weekend I found many lurking memories and thrilled to return to them but life is not just about the past. What of my future? I don’t want to spend my future just documenting my past I want to add to my memories where I can.

Fatman report

Weight: 77.6kg
Resting heart rate: 49

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a week off from the kids, this week being Scout week, whatever that means. I still have to do some things with them but at least it’s not another week in the classroom.
I am so happy and grateful for the cool foggy morning. Fog like God’s breath over the jungle.Thankful for another day of breath of my own. I want to keep breathing for as long as I can.

Scout week at school means lots of free time, though, of course, I have filled up all my free time enjoying reading, writing, sketching and thinking.

I enjoyed the weekend though it could have been a couple of days longer. I started off in a blaze and kinda ran out of energy by Sunday afternoon, though listened to podcasts whilst dozing, keeping information flowing.

I finished Notes From Underground and immediately started reading it again – this time underlining passages of interest. I also really dug Eleven Minutes which inspired some writing on Saturday moring.

Started on The Infinite Jest – feels like it may be a slog but I’ll give it a shot.

Have been doing things from my list bit by bit. Feeling good about what I’m doing.

To-do list

  • Give away everything you sketch ½
  • Continue gratitude letters ✅
  • Do something for Amy ½
  • Another remix
  • Contact Benjii again ✅

We got that attitude! – 24th January 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for the game The Crew. I don’t play games often and this game is just right for me, maybe boring for others but just enough fun for me without being frustrating.

To-do list

  • More remixing ✅
  • Prepare IELTS course on Monday ✅
  • Sketch something at work ✅
  • Prepare gratitude letters ½
  • Work out a time to go to Hacienda
  • More books, less phone ✅

It’s been an odd week – I was sick with a cold on the weekend and either slept or watched/listened to YouTube videos – which was quite enjoyable despite my subdued mood. I tried to go to work on Monday but opted not to in the end and slept more, finally feeling…not better, but happier.

On Tuesday I came home early and read more of the Paulo Coehlo book, Eleven Minutes, that Bruno lent me. I think it was part of that story that influenced my thoughts as I fell asleep that night and I had a moment of clarity and suddenly understood exactly who I was, what I am and what I am for. It was very profound and enlightening though it happened as I was on my way to sleep, and many other thoughts also passed through my mind before I slept.

When I awoke I recalled my epiphany but could no longer remember the details. Who am I!? I’m not sure it was inspired by passages in that book so I will go back and read it again. Actually, I’m just happy that somewhere in my consciousness I have this information, so my thinking ming shouldn’t need to worry about this anymore.

The rest of the week went well and I had a somewhat superior feeling that I don’t care what anyone thinks of me or the way I do things. Not to say that I deliberately go out of my way to annoy or upset anyone but I do usually apply the rule of honesty when it comes to discussion and I will give my honest opinion in many situations, hopefully when I feel it would not be detrimental. Not everyone will understand me, not everyone will like me. But I am valid. I do my best to be nice to people but I can’t help the fact that I am bored by most people and have to push myself hard to dive deeper into their world.

Yesterday I felt tired enough for an afternoon nap but thought I’d listen to some music at the same time. It was a fabulous feeling as I drifted in and out of light sleep, inspired by the sounds. I came to thinking about my old teenage bedroom, my first girlfriend, and the layout of the room, which I would change every few months depending on my mood.

As I held this thought closely, my heart jumped as my imagination brought the whole thing right into the here and now. I toyed with my thoughts and could recall moments that stimulated my emotions and realised I had it within me to summon these feelings, with practice, at will.

Looking through photos of the recent past has inspired a certain nostalgia that I haven’t investigated much before, as I never liked to indulge in it, always moving forward instead. If it can stir up my memory then I will attempt this more.

A nice thing happened yesterday as I was watering the garden in the morning. The neighbour’s twin cats came to sniff around and followed me and the hose for a while. I cuddled and stroked them and got back to watering and still they followed, curious about the water, until one got a little too close and decided that water is evil. They both quickly understood and ran off as fast as they could back home.

I am trying to simplify my life somewhat. Keep up some good habits but not stress too much about anything.

Feeling good last week, I decided I would help Ellen with some more online teaching. I’m kicking myself a little bit now as I have been enjoying all the free time I have had recently, generally since stopping recording the podcast. Sometimes, giving up things, even those you enjoy, is good. Make more room for other things.

I’ve even been listening to full CDs again today – to recall the feeling of a consistent 45-60 minutes rather than skit-skatting all about the place. And hence, the longer length of this entry.

We got that attitude! – 4th January 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for the few acquaintances I have here in Chiang Rai.

To-do list

  • Work out what you can do for First and JJ as a leaving present ½
  • More drawing
  • Another remix and Ableton learning ½
  • What can I do for Amy?

2020 has been a rough year for most people and I also lost one of my closest friends but in general things have gone very well for me. The sporadic nature of recent entries has shown that I haven’t needed to put down so much of my thoughts onto paper. There was also a dip near the end of the year where I realised that perhaps I should be writing out more as I still struggle to let go of things without this process of writing. Perhaps it is just the way I have learned to do it.

So I hope to get back to this a little more regularly – starting off slowly though – just once a week – aiming for every Monday at the moment.

Damn – reading my entry for this date last year has reminded me how quickly this last 12 months has gone. Also that some things I was guilty of then I am still guilty of now i.e. I’m still a little lazy around the house – I am often just thinking of what I want to do when I get home from work and not thinking much about Amy and what she would like to do.

Imagination turns thoughts – 22nd September 2020

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Tried dictating to the computer to record these but it’s difficult to talk and think sometimes – tells you something!

Nice dreams, didn’t want them to stop – Amy and I were at a public bath with Chris and Hillary – I don’t remember why or how.

I wasn’t tired last night – slept late. Feel okay now after exercise.

First Thai lesson today. Nervous but know it will be okay.

Look forward to coffee as always. Thoughts flip down the river but don’t come now as I’m writing. My stuck mind.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I went shopping yesterday which gave me plenty of time to do things I want to do today

To-do list

  • Five compliments.

I’m always complimenting students and Amy so I don’t count those. I managed four compliments today. I will try for five again tomorrow.

Luring me with all the people I love above all else – 3rd September 2020

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Now is the time of change. After a long sticky summer and apparent death to all plant life suddenly the rains come. Despite the cooler temperature the humidity rockets making one wish for the drier heat of summer. After a week or so of the rains, those apparently dead plants now threaten to destroy everything built by humans, house swallowed up by jungle. Thankfully, the snakes go and hide from the rain; somewhere…they are always hiding. We call the gardeners, they do their work but it looks like they need to come back again the following week, the week after and so it goes.

And soon the rain deluges. Not much thought seems to be given to drainage. Perhaps it’s just an inconvenience for a month or two and not worth the investment but a lot of shoes get wet or you may choose to stay at school until the water has eventually seeped away.

Some creatures have little care for the foibles of the weather. They always find the right spot.

At the tail end of the season we head to a hot spring where we can soak our legs for free at varying degrees of insane heat. Kids play and splash in the 30 degree water while we suffer in the 45. No one is even close to the 85 degree water – who would be!? Predictably, whilst we are there, it starts raining. Later, at a restaurant, I can’t feel my legs. They are either relaxed or in shock. Either way, the no-feeling is good.

As if to signal the end of the rainy season (after a brief 6 to 8 weeks, though thankfully much more rain than last year) critters emerge.

Weird hairy caterpillars bumble about and the snakes make a reappearance. One morning as I’m leaving for work I’m surprised to find a couple of small crabs standing guard in the driveway. Amy says they usually live in the rice fields but to me it seems so weird to see crabs about 500kms away from any coast.

And so it seems the rain has ended until next July. We get out and pay a visit to the border market town of Mae Sai and shop for more socks and underwear and visit our favourite cafe/bar/restaurant.

This parrot announces our arrival like a door chime fog horn and I jump out of my skin. Other birds step out but thankfully don’t squawk.

The cafe is hidden away in a market, down a hallway that then opens out into this fantastic courtyard of artwork and decorations. All sorts of obscura adorn every space. In a shed area the owner keeps his batches of homemade hootch though he tells us that he was recently fined one hundred thousand baht and forced to pour it all away.

However, he disappears off somewhere for a few minutes and re-appears with a couple of bottles of plum shoju which are duly purchased. He remembers us from our last visit back in October and doesn’t seem to phased about his fine and lose of illegal merchandise. In fact the cafe is only open for 4 hours a day and I’m not sure anyone goes there to eat.

He potters around rearranging things, happy to chat about life but also happy to be alone by himself. He owns the whole market area and can easily survive of the income from rent. Nice life.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the toilet paper at DeLanna. Sometimes I forget to take paper to the bathroom at school and have to sit and wait for my bum to dry. Luckily, today the timing was right and I could use the facilities at DeLanna.

To-do list

  • Compliment someone ✅
  • 7-minute workout again ✅
  • Write a blog post during the day ✅

It’s now the 21st! I have gotten busy with my normal routine things but also added some yoga practice to my day. As well as home workouts, meditations and Thai practice getting a bit longer as I get better at them.

I’ve made myself busy again but I am also mostly happy these days. Writing here has gone by the way for now. I’ve even committed to some Thai lessons on Tuesday afternoons.

There are still some feelings and emotions that I would like to explore further but I’ll not push myself with them much at the moment. I will try to write here more often – maybe focus on particular things.

Pleasure’s real or is it fantasy? – 21st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Dark and rainy but I’m happy. Five-minute exercise with a few squats and foot exercises – can I fix my feet? Dream – I know I didn’t want to wake up because I wanted to know what happened but now I don’t remember what it was about. Earlier I dreamt about giving Matthew Sherlock (an old school friend) a blow job – he had a skinny dick. What’s the meaning?

I’ve been thinking recently about how over time everyone will be more open to each other about any sexuality so that we will all experiment with everything. A few generations away. Have a good day Shaun – happy.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that is easy for me to listen to podcasts in the car and I’m enjoying listening to this one (You Don’t Know Mojack) about all the SST releases. Very interesting.

To-do list

  • #1 – awards game
  • Gratitude, mantra, compliments
  • Listen first, speak later

These entries seem to be going a little by the wayside at the moment. A little because I have been busy transferring old DVD burns back to mp4 files. I mentioned to George that I was doing this and he asked me ‘why’, as if he couldn’t comprehend it.

It made me wonder a little too and I realised that I enjoy cataloguing and ordering things. I always seem to be in this process. Now I’m looking at my photos, physical and on my computers, cataloguing my life and 1994 diary, CDs, music files etc. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. It’s mostly pointless and time-consuming but for some reason, it makes me happy.

School has been fun and I’m enjoying teaching these new classes. The environment and other teachers are all pleasant and contribute significantly to the good feeling. I feel good and self-confident almost all the time now.

We got that attitude! – 15th July 2020

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Weird dreams – girl on bus wanted sex. I was taking care of a package but don’t know why. Ended up meeting old friends. I lost my bike – went to a record store that was also a bar. Az worked there – he got hit by a payphone that fell off the wall – I felt like it was my fault. He let me into a weird place with lots of people who wanted to dose me with drugs and kill me. I got this from reading the beginning of the Hendrix book.

Up early today – at school by eight, in new room. Tired but happy. Cats came to visit my room. Tigger wanted to spray. Maybe he did.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have any lessons today so I can plan for my next video.

To-do list

  • Smile, laugh – listen, listen, listen ✅
  • Compliment two people ✅
  • Play the awards game in your head ✅
  • Who can you connect with? ½
  • Record for Bruce if time

I went to the dentist on Wednesday so didn’t get time to write here but it was a good cruisy day with some video-making and writing. I followed the same points above today and did OK but sometimes I think I still talk more than I need to and should listen more. I did remember to compliment people – two on Wednesday but only one today. I really really want to remember to play the awards game because when I do remember it makes me laugh inside and feel happy.

On Wednesday I connected a little with JJ and First but now everyone is busy with teaching so there is little time left to try and go a little deeper with people. I had a couple of difficult classes today though there were a few students who stood out. I hope I can encourage the others to open up and participate more. It’s early days.

Two students fell asleep in my afternoon class and I got the rest of the kids to creep out quietly and we let them sleep. They thought that was funny and everyone had a break.

We found that attitude! – 14th July 2020

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Quick today – teaching today finally. Brain in gear? Brain in gear – ready to go. Stay with it. Make it fun for the kids.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be in the classroom again. It gives me some confidence, I know I can do a good job.

To-do list

  • Compliment everyone you can ½
  • Mantra and blessing ½
  • Keep students happy – teaching is second ✅
  • Smile, laugh, listen first ½

I was very happy today. Possibly a little too exuberant but I couldn’t help myself. I should try to reign it in a little bit though as sometimes I get too comfortable and forget about how I make other people feel.

I only ended up teaching one lesson this morning – and then made a video. Being with the students again made me happy.

Later, as we discussed the schedule I offered to take 2 lessons each from George and Dylan as they are the subject I’m supposed to be teaching anyway. This meant less work for them and more for me but I felt good about that because it means I can monitor the progress of the students easily. I’m also happy to be working in the class more.

Even the bad news that we now have to arrive before 8 am couldn’t get me down today. We’ve had it easy for a long time really – we’ve been very lucky.