I am so happy and grateful to Said for loaning me 100 baht so I could buy coffee.
It is a joy to be hidden…..but disaster not to be found.
DW Winnicott
To-do list
More exam preparation ✅
Typhoon game for revision
Review each hour at night
Think before speaking – do not complain ½
No Facebook at work ✅
Spent free time at work today finishing the final exam questions. That’s me prepared until the end of April.
I challenged myself today with the question – ‘what can you do to surprise your partner?’ After a little thought I realised I should book somewhere nice for us to go for our tenth wedding anniversary. I’m really happy with myself about that. It will be a fantastic time.
My challenge for each hour of today: 6am – stretch, meditate, shower, eat, five points challenge 7am – drove to work, prepared extra worksheets 8am – got coffee and did some reading from Daily Stoic* 9am – worked more on the IEC exam, went to pee many times 10am – continued on exams and got another coffee 11am – finished exam paper and printed, messaged Jim and dropped off 12pm – ate lunch and read some more Daily Stoic 1pm – watched Coursera videos and failed the quiz 2pm – fixed set up in library just in time for the only lesson of the day 3pm – rushed through the lesson, Jim returned exams for updates 4pm – fixed exam papers and dropped off again, drove home 5pm – finished reading A Chinese Life 6pm – watched some TV, and looked at Facebook for the first time 7pm – ate dinner and discussed holiday plans with Amy 8pm – here in bed, writing this and will read next
*What do you remember reading from Daily Stoic today? If you can’t remember then I think I didn’t really take in what I was reading.
Music from Aksak Maboul, North of America, The Milkshakes, Lungfish, UXA, Tipographica, The Cramps, Ex-Models, Magma, Cicala Mvta, Cicatriz En La Matriz, Trick Cigarettes, Neutral Sons, Karminsky Experience, Undertones.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the sun this morning. It’s cold again so sitting in the sun feels good on my face.
In order to live at all one must come to terms with non-living.
Analysis of Levin, Anna Karenina
To-do list
Record new TCRAH ✅
Go to the gym in the morning
Try to pick Amy up
Visualise and review the day hour-by-hour
Spent time enjoying the room ½
Today got derailed somewhat as Amy and I had a minor fight before Amy even got out of bed. She wanted to talk about my passport and it being delivered by DHL to Chiang Mai. I know this is on her mind but trying to think about serious things may be better done after getting up and being more prepared for the day.
This start left us both in a bad mood and I felt unmotivated to do what I had planned. After coffee, I had thought to go to the gym but just by chance, it was closed anyway.
We both picked ourselves up a bit by lunchtime but I felt a sort of relief to not be thinking too much about my daily challenges and practising more philosophical ideas.
Even though I enjoy the weekend teaching I am starting to feel a little like a machine. I’m not exhausted by it but would like more available contemplative time.
Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!
To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.
Joseph Epstein
To-do list
Upload TCRAH ✅
Finish writing to Chrissie
Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
Go to the gym
Sort out more in the office ✅
I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.
Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.
In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.
I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.
I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.
It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!
Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.
Last Sunday Amy and I, along with Mum and Dad, had to attend a funeral in Chiang Mai. It’s a three plus hour drive and meant a 5am start for us. I know we’re getting older and getting up earlier is kinda normal but damn, 5am!
I was hoping to be able to spend some time listening to podcasts but when we arrived at Mum and Dad’s and found Dad asleep in the passenger seat it was obvious that I would be driving. It was still dark as we left the city and approached the mountains. The air turned grey and dusty as the sun rose slowly somewhere in the sky and it was entrancing to watch the changes to the colours of the mountains that I was driving towards and soon driving through.
Dad’s big truck made easy time as we settled into the long valley and then through the twisting second set of mountains where a never-ending road work slows things down somewhat. I had to ease off once into the Chiang Mai valley though as, eager after the road works, I was starting to hit 140 km/h without even realising it.
This funeral was for cousin Ting’s mum. Ting had taken the time to travel an hour or so to my own mother’s funeral in the UK so it was only appropriate that we attend her mum’s and it was good to catch up with her despite the circumstances.
Monks did their thing and relatives did their thing and I followed where and when I was told. I noted the ‘No women allowed’ sign outside one of the buildings and wondered when Thailand will discover its enlightenment. Is it my place to judge and do I need to care about how people following certain religions behave? Well, if it feels like injustice it feels ok to care. Just know that progress of this sort often takes more than a single lifetime but we can hope that the progress is made before the world burns.
Having left Chiang Rai before the sun came up, we returned after the sun had set again. Chiang Rai missed us for the day and still the Earth turned without care.
And so it was we arrive at Friday and this time I’m on a solo adventure in my own car, again to Chiang Mai. This time it was for my UK passport renewal and I had allowed myself an overnight stay so as to split up the driving.
I had challenged myself since the Sunday journey to drive more conservatively and having that extra time I planned to enjoy the drive and take a few extra seconds to check out the views. It also meant I could listen to music uninterrupted for 3 or 4 hours.
For some reason I enjoy driving; I’m not sure why. This trip towards Chiang Mai was especially entrancing and I arrived in a very good mood. In fact I was a little annoyed that the first half of the travelling was complete!
The first port of call was back to International House, where I had studied for my CELTA certificate, almost two years previously. I bumped into my favourite tutor there and was pleased to have a quick chat and also to see a few other staff members that I still recognised, though had forgotten their names.
The environment here on the mini campus still amazes me, it’s so beautiful and not what you would expect. Like a holiday resort but with not much to do except study. I somewhat envied the students who would be arriving after the weekend but then I remembered the feeling in the first week when I was questioning myself whether I could do it or not.
I had hoped that they still had copies of my work for the course in the office there but unfortunately, they only hold on to them for six months. Never mind. It was nice to drive through those familiar small lanes where nothing has changed too much. The city is sprawling out that direction but has only had minimal impact so far.
Back into the middle of the city and everything went well with my passport application, though I had some difficulty making my signature similar to what it was 10 years previous. The staff laughed with me and I’m guessing it’s not that an unusual problem as they had paper prepared for applicants to practice.
Quickly out of there and across town to a book shop that had been recommended. An hour and 1000 baht later it was time to find some food and I treated myself to a tiny pizza and salad. Woohoo! Holiday time!
Dark by now, I waited at the Mohawk Bar to catch up with Facebook friend John Murrie. The bars opening time is 8pm and it was only 7pm so I sat in the car reading some more Anna Karenina, taking the opportunity to cross off one of my daily challenges. By 8.30pm the bar was still closed and Tolstoy was taking a sleep-inducing hold of me and I had to quit and head out south to my overnight lodging with one of Amy’s old school friends.
I wuz ‘ere. No one else wuz.
Tired and sleepy I was somewhat energised by meeting the two puppies of the house, once I was accepted as a welcome enough intruder. I was warned to keep my shoes away from them so placed them in my room and shut the door. Not long after, I placed myself in the room and fell asleep but reminding myself I must make an effort to talk more with my hosts Oh and Namtan when I was in a more lucid state in the morning.
In a flash it was morning and after getting my reading challenge completed before 8am, I did 40 squats, took a shower and planned a breakfast coffee for my hosts. Unfortunately, I had left the bedroom door open and hadn’t noticed the dogs sneak in looking for some bounty.
Everyone showered and set I went to get my shoes but they had disappeared. Obviously, the dogs had got them but no problem, whatever, let’s just go on a hunt for them. One under the car, another at the back of the garden. Unfortunately, they hadn’t just been deposited but chewed on and spat out! Ah well, farewell my shoes. Luckily they were just about wearable as I had no other shoes with me. The girls were very apologetic for their pups’ behaviour but I just thought it was funny. I’d had the shoes for a few years so they’d done me pretty well. Maybe an excuse to go shop for some others soon.
An excellent coffee later it was time to get back on the road and my mind was filled with wonder as I listened to good music and again enjoyed the twisting roads round rolling mountains. I counted off the landmarks backwards, breaking the 3 hours down; mountains, valley, mountains, home. The return journey never as exciting as the outset, slight melancholy following the setting afternoon sun.
However, once home I was awed by the feeling of comfort. Looking across our garden I gave Amy a big hug and declared ‘I love it here. I love this life and I love being with you.’
The local rock group down the street Is trying hard to learn their song They serenade the weekend squire Who just came out to mow his lawn Another pleasant valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care
– The Monkees
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have the energy and motivation to get up and do things. Today I took time to water the garden and clean the car.
…my memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.
Mark Twain
To-do list
Write blog about Chiang Mai trip ✅
Record TCRAH
Water garden in the morning ✅
Prepare CD cases and case some more discs ½
Clean up balloons
Once again time ran out but I had a very busy and productive day. As well as getting up and watering the garden, front and back, I also washed the car. I ate breakfast in there somewhere too.
Before the morning was out we went for coffee and photocopied in preparation for afternoon lessons. In between lunch and teaching, I also wrote up a blog entry about my trip to Chiang Mai. It wasn’t as good as it was in my mind yesterday though.
Time running out doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as it has in the past. I’m more accepting of the fact that I can finish something later. So long as I’m getting some things done then it’s fine.
Tomorrow is back to the routine mad Monday. One of the lessons should be pretty straightforward though and hopefully, the two difficult classes will be getting used to the method of what I’m doing with them now. I hope to get the rest of the exam questions finalised this week and probably be able to finish the regular class one tomorrow if I put my mind to it.
Music from The Reactionaries, Alternative TV, Neutral Sons, Polvo, Peter Black, Hilkka, The Fartz, Elvis Costello, Captain Sensible, Rogues, Graham Parker and the Rumour, Radio Nepal, Orthrelm, Arcwelder, Guapo, Minutemen, McClusky.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Oh and Namtan for letting me stay at their house last night. It saved me money and trouble and they are nice people.
All reading should be applied to the idea of living the happy life…words may become deeds.
Seneca
To-do list
Remember how much you enjoyed the drive today? Do that again! ✅
Take Oh and Namtan for coffee. ✅
Work through your exhaustion and provide good tuition. ✅
Do something nice for Amy today. ½
Do not complain – counter other’s complaints. ✅
Today was a very good day and I feel wonderful and happy. It started with 40 squats, a shower and reading before taking Oh and Namtan for coffee. We have a good conversation about books, reading, exercising and eating.
The drive back was very pleasant though tempered by some melancholy as many returns home can be. It’s never as exciting as the heading out into unknown adventures, no matter how small they are.
I was so positive that I was fine for the teaching and it went like a breeze.
At dinner, Amy and I chatted for a long while and I put forward the idea of how we could spend the perfect day together.
Tomorrow I hope to spend some time in my office – I love being there but feel somewhat disconnected from the house so I don’t usually stay out there late into the night.
We have some more students tomorrow but those lessons should be fun
What am I currently upset about? What am I currently anxious about? What am I currently curious or excited about?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the daybreak as I drive over the mountains to Chiang Mai. It was very beautiful.
From commonplace book
How many things that seemed at the time beautiful and inaccessible to me have since become insignificant, and the things I had then are forever unattainable now.
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy pg 870
To-do list
Wake up at 5 am with a big smile ½
Help Dad with driving to and from Chiang Mai ✅
Talk with Ting about her life in the UK ½
Think about more things you like about Hayden and if there’s time, write them into the questions journal
It’s a long and wearisome day for everyone – be conscious not to complain. ✅
I didn’t wake up with a smile but I put one on my face when I read my list in the morning.
So, I ended up driving both to and from Chiang Mai. I was in a bit of a daze but I did manage to ask Ting a little bit about her life back in the U.K.
I didn’t complain today, that I remember, but I think it’s easier to recognise when you are not complaining than when you are.
Despite having six hours of driving and thinking time I didn’t think about Hayden but when I got home I saw that he is doing some fundraising for RFS in Australia. I know he has a good and kind heart. I must call him soon. I’ll put it on my list for tomorrow.
Music from R. Stevie Moore, Alamaailman Vasarat, Kustomized, Sun City Girls, The Monkees, Flesh Narc, Beastie Boys, Cheer-Accident, Milk Burp, Different I’s, Logic Circuit, The Skatallites, Rebel Truth, GIRTH, Mahavita, Toy Dolls, The Woolies, Angelic Upstarts, Lost Nation and Bleach.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our visitors who fill our home with action and variation. It’s nice to be able to share our experiences with other people.
From commonplace book
I’m much more interested in being a hero than a professional.
Billy Childish
To-do list
Get out of your own head and talk to people ½
Compliment people ½
Do something nice for someone
Upload TCRAH ✅
Write to Kieran and Chrissie ✅
Write blog about making friends
A busy and productive day – time ran away too quickly.
Mam and her family enjoyed breakfast and within an hour we had students.
I feel more confident today and have mostly pushed the negative from yesterday out of my mind. This was helped a lot by getting down my thoughts when writing to Kieran and Chrissie.
I was happy to receive a reply from Jochen. Well-considered and thoughtful ideas to my questions particularly about children. I look forward to composing a reply. He has also agreed to do some recorded responses for the podcast which provides me with the challenge to prepare and execute that.
I didn’t manage to do all the things on my list today, perhaps overreaching. I need to take into account that recording a new podcast can take up to three hours.
My self-control was only minimally tested today when Amy wanted to go to a local shop to buy some clothes for the funeral tomorrow. I was fine with this, to be honest – it was necessary. I do feel a little that I am sick at the moment though but mostly just dizziness and not affecting my mood.
We have a 5 am wake-up tomorrow and I hope I can get some extra sleep on the drive to Chiang Mai. I’m somewhat prepared with things to listen to on my phone and things to read. I don’t anticipate any other free time tomorrow.
Something I could have done better with today would have been to help Amy more with things around the house. I’m very lucky that she cooks and cleans for me all the time. It gives me lots of free time and I often feel somewhat selfish for that.
1. Seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them. Ask questions. Listen. Do not judge. 2. Do not correct someone. Do not one-up with a clever story. 3. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say next and focus on what they’re saying now. Tell yourself ‘I’m not going to say it!’ 4. Ask about what challenges people have. Ask for advice. 5. To make strangers feel at ease tell them you only have a minute. 6. Body language – smile slower. 7. If you feel someone is using you just ask them what it is they want and what they hope to achieve. Are you there for me or there for you?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the beautiful smelling flowers in my garden. When I walk to my car in the morning they smell so delicious. I am grateful to Amy’s mum for planting them for us.
To-do list
Sort lessons for KT for the weekend.
Clear emails.
Compliment another teacher.
Positive feedback for kids always.
Do not complain!
Organise Chiang Mai trip – where is the office?
Add to things to write about list.
Buy new pens.
Did it list
30 squats and weightless shoulder presses.
Found lessons suitable for Khawthang.
Did gate duty and smiled at all the kids.
Had to speak at assembly.
Got given an exam lesson to cover as Kevin was absent. Dealt with calmly and went ok.
Went to city to pick up books and pens.
Printed sheets for Prang/Sea and for Khawthang.
Read about 7 tips for good conversation.
Let people talk, ask questions, do not judge, ‘that’s interesting, tell me more’ etc – sincerely.
I ran out of time quickly today after having to fill in an extra lesson for Kevin’s class. His class had good kids though with good levels of English – so it was quite fun to teach them. I only got told about having to do the class during the assembly. I also had to speak at the assembly as Said wasn’t there either. I’m quite happy with the way I handled my emotions with this. It would have been easy to get upset and complain. I don’t think I complained today – not out loud anyway! I didn’t get as much done (reading articles!) as I would have liked but that’s ok. I need to get some other backup games and lessons up my sleeve in case I’m called on again. I’m not sure about doing an MEP class next semester. I think it could be more fulfilling but also a lot more work.
I am so happy and grateful to my son who often surprises need with flashes of inspiration. I know he is a good-hearted person and thoughtful about things. I will give him more positive feedback about this fact.
– kind-hearted – caring – talented at drums and music – artistic – generous towards his friends – focused on his favourite hobby – keeps himself hydrated – values justice – charitable
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to the ‘bad’ kids in my classes. The ones who test me, the ones who make it difficult, the ones who push my patience to the limit. They are helping me grow.
To-do list
Compliment people.
Do not complain!
Write week 15 lessons.
Write to Pentti – let’s get that dialogue going again.
Watch the next Thai video – study Thai.
Enjoy dinner with Amy’s family – talk more with Amy’s mum.
Play with the kids at lunchtime – it’s good exercise.
Did it list
Drops/study Thai
Stayed calm but had to leave one class quickly in order to remain calm – they were a real test for me today.
Complimented a couple of students on their work and getting questions right.
Tried not to complain but that is so hard, bring it into mind more often to succeed.
Wrote to Pentti and Lachlan.
Talked briefly with Echo – so good to hear her voice again – she is much more confident in English now.