Rich in dreams but poor in reality Abundance has removed all the limits Stepping outside all the comfort Where days become hours become minutes
Soft, decadent, bored with what’s owned Kept alive with constant shocks The warrior plays the long game And keeps the ship far from the rocks
Renew, and prepare for the peasant’s war Retrench and practice key strengths Recognise all enemies come from within And what exactly is being fought against
Inspired (and borrowed) from Robert Greene 14th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
I want to know you’re there, but I want to be alone.
Virginia Woolf
Today I’m grateful for: Being reminded of the quality of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina whilst watching the old BBC TV series, marvelling at the old TV production style and the seeming absurdities of Russian aristocratic life. It reminds me of times of my youth when I would have cringed to see anything like this on tv and even now I don’t think I could enjoy it without having read the book first. The best thing about today was: Was waking up throughout the night to find Kim Chi in various places on the bed. I disturbed her a few times but she happily rearranged herself each time.
I took this picture because I was quite impressed by my student’s drawing skills. Her name is Apple.
“A person who knows little likes to talk, and one who knows much mostly keeps silent. This is because a person who knows little thinks that everything he knows is important, and wants to tell everyone. A person who knows much also knows that there is much more he doesn’t know. That’s why he speaks only when it is necessary to speak, and when he is not asked questions, he keeps his silence.”
-Jean Jacques Rousseau (via Tolstoy’s Calendar of Wisdom)
“I’m not sure of much of anything these days. Maybe that’s why I talk so much.”
-Robert Pirsig from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
I read these two quotes from different sources today, also reflecting on the ‘loud’ Thai people in my work environment and it was made more poignant as at this time they were congratulating two other foreign teachers for picking two correct numbers on the lottery. No one won anything that I could discern, as more correct numbers were needed but because they had two correct this seemed to indicate a mad belief in their fortune-telling skills.
This nonsense talk went on for a while and at a volume that chased any hiding cockroaches out of the room. I think for a lot of Thai people, it is all about the show and not about the reality. I’ve mentioned before my sense of this whilst living here. It still jars but rather than say anything this time, I tried to see things for what they were – and kept my mouth shut. (Until writing this, of course!)
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the foam rollers that help me to massage out any pain and tension in my back. Sometimes the relief is awesome – especially after sleeping awkwardly.
The best things today was that everyone was in a fairly happy mood as students were celebrating graduation. They all complained about having to wait, especially as the temperature rose up to 38 degrees or so.
It was a lot of fun to see everyone so relaxed. I especially enjoyed talking with Porpieng, Momo and Junior in the morning. I also talked with Baitoey and Bonus. Baitoey had written about her family situation and how unhappy it made her and how difficult it was for her to concentrate on school work. She wrote that she was depressed, her parents fight all the time – it seems her mum was only 17 when she had Baitoey – and her dad is not much older.
Baitoey had also thought about suicide. I told her my own dealings with depression and that she should know that she is loved – by me, Bonus and her friends. But also that she must consider her own love first and that is important when she can’t get it anywhere else.
I think she felt happy and relieved to write those things down even though it was so hard for her and she still can’t see a way out of the fog. I care about my students so much.
I taught online this evening and although I wasn’t really looking forward to it, even thinking of cancelling, it went well. Luckily this student is fairly capable and seems very motivated. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated went he student doesn’t really understand you or doesn’t have enough vocabulary to think deeper.
I’ve been spending what free time I have reading a lot this year and really getting into it. English books are a little hard to come by here – there’s just one guy who sells secondhand books from his house here. He’s a character – and not always particularly pleasant but his bigotry and short temper cracks me up more than offends. When you hear another foreign immigrant being racist to other people (who don’t live here), it kinds of shines a different light on things in some ways. Being English and white in this country is a double-edged sword – for me and for people judging me. It’s an unusual situation to be in.
One time I was sitting in his shop chatting with him when two early 20-year-olds, backpackers, had been browsing and brought two books to him to ask the price. They then spent what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about 30 seconds, discussing if they could buy both and carry both. I could see our bookseller getting more and more agitated and eventually he grabbed the books off them and shouted at them to stop wasting his time. He handed one book back and said ‘Give me 100 baht for this one and get out of my shop!’ I couldn’t stop laughing.
The girls were discussing whether they could afford to spend another couple of dollars or be bothered to carry two books instead of one. It was a very inconsequential decision that they just couldn’t arrive at. To have someone unable to make this decision when an extra 100 baht would really make a difference to this guy was obviously frustrating. They also weren’t to know that he was late to take care of a friend of a friend who was dying of cancer. Something done out the goodness of his heart. Humans are complicated.
Anyways, I’ve been stocking up books, trying to build a library of my own. Inspired by a friend’s room of books and old wooden shelves, which I always loved being in – to browse, to consider, to wonder, to breath in that mysterious air of hidden words. I once went into an antique bookshop in Albury and immediately told the owner that I wasn’t going to buy anything but I just wanted to look and smell the books. He was quite agreeable.
When moving from Oz to Thailand I grew accustomed to letting go of things that I had held with some regard. Of course, the things I held really dear I shipped over. It’s a good catharsis to sell or gift things that you own though. It’s not like we can keep them forever anyway.
I also remember a quote from a writer, maybe Marquez, along the lines of ‘one must die with a library of mostly unread books.’ Not sure my wife agrees with this philosophy but that’s probably why my office/library/man cave is in a room outside my house. I look through the books contemplating what I’m going to read next and can get excited with the possibilities. I turn my head as I’m sitting here and thinking about All Quiet On The Western Front, The Grapes of Wrath or Lord Jim?
On the iPad, which I use to read comics mostly, I’m thinking to start on Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses. It was the bookseller who got me interested in this as he mentioned it was banned in Thailand for some reason I forget now. He described the story a little bit to me and the idea seemed cool enough for me to give it a go. How can a country ban books these days when it’s so easy to transfer them digitally? I sent a copy of Animal Farm to a friend in China. Easy enough (and they’re still alive and free!).
The book I have been enjoying most is Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. I’m not sure where I saw a recommendation for this, though I’m guessing it was from The Daily Stoic. I’m guessing this because as I read it I see those philosophical themes throughout. The characters are fascinating in their different beliefs and ideas and Tolstoy makes you feel sympathetic with everyone of them.
I was never a big reader when I was younger and I was thinking that a younger me would have dismissed ever trying this book. Why would I want to try and understand about Russian aristocracy from over 100 years ago? What did that have to do with me and my life now? Ah, the stupidity of youth. I’m often envious of those who have found this beauty in the world at a younger age than myself. Why am I late to the wisdom table!?
I can only hope that in my teaching I can inspire the kids to get there quicker than I did. When I look at all the ‘trouble-makers’ in my class I only see my own stupid face reflected in their eyes. Ah, the stupidity of youth. But I wouldn’t really wish it any other way – and what would be the point?
“And so from school to the outside world these morals you will take…”
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my dreams. I can meet old friends, people who are no longer in my life. They stay close to my thoughts and experience.
To-do list
Email to Aaron and float the TCRAH idea to him
Give more positive reinforcement to the kids
Compliment one of the other teachers
Follow up with Andrew about Indra
Check on the IEC lesson for the New Year’s week, maybe plan something else
Did it list
Wrote email to Aaron. Made some arrangements with Indra for shows in Yogyakarta. Up to date with Anna Karenina cliff notes. Read 4 chapters of Anna Karenina. Did 30 squats and weightless shoulder presses. Posted to 1994ever blog. Survived one testing class today! Updated lessons to allow for the 2-day week at New Year’s. Cleared some emails and Chrome tabs. Brief online talk with Cake.
My regular English class were very testing today but I realised that my lesson plan was not so smart – the ideas were good but the execution was not so much. I don’t really know how to get the class to settle back down again after some excitement. I think to improve I need to be more aware of the class dynamic and arrange my lesson accordingly. Don’t shove too much into it. My other class went well though I still see room for improvement – it gave me an idea though, that hopefully makes the next lesson easier.
The first books I remember reading were the Thomas Covenant Chronicles. Big thick fantasy books. For some reason, they resonated more with me than my attempts at the Hobbit or Lord of the Rings.
Later On The Road and Kerouac’s short Alone on a Mountaintop inspired a wonder of wander for me so it was not a difficult decision to make to move to Australia.
Right now I’m reading Anna Karenina whilst learning as much as I can about stoicism. I think the recommendation (to read AK) must have come from Daily Stoic as there is so much stoicism within the writing. This is the first book I’ve really looked at Cliff Notes for too.
He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be excited for this coming week at school. I really enjoy teaching with the kids and they give me good energy.
1994ever 