Tag: Tonaor

Straying – 24th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments
Pic: Jon Tyson

Cat wild
On the wall
One eye open
Preying
An ear to the wind
Poised and small
A sniff to the spraying

Fight or flight?
Movement slight
Straying
Back arched tall
Hissing
Saying

Get out of town
Or chased on down
Rolled up into a ball
No longer playing

Picture prompt for WDYS # 239

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good considering that I was dead to the world until my alarm went off this morning.  Managed some exercise and a 5-minute (what could possibly be described as a) meditation.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding that Sydney Swans played yesterday against the Bulldogs and so I watched the Mini Match and happy to report that we pulled through for another win.  The Swans are currently well clear at the top but there’s still a ways to go.

I’m still annoyed that I can’t watch the full matches, especially this year, as we’re doing so well!

The best thing about today was:

In my final class of the day with my grade 8s I have what you might call another ‘rogue’ student.  She, Sugus, is a friend of Aida’s and has been coming to my class occasionally since last year but now she seems to come all the time.

She’s a quiet kid and doesn’t cause any problems for me but I told her that if she wants to stay then she has to do some work, to which she agreed.

Today’s class is an easy reading class and I asked Sugus to come and read for me and she did very well, better than some of my actual students!

So I talked with her some more about why she doesn’t go to her own class and if the teacher isn’t concerned about her.  She couldn’t quite describe why she doesn’t go except that she feels bad when she does.

I’m a bit suspicious that something untoward might have happened but I didn’t push it.

Anyway, I told her that she was welcome to stay in my class and she thanked me and said that my class is fun for her.  I was quite pleased about that.

It’s weird really.  There’s no pressure on her to perform and there’s no pressure on me to teach her.  With us both relaxed about it I think she will learn a lot!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

For my second class today, with the Hospitality grade 11s I suddenly found 12 extra students!  Without telling me, and without anyone telling them why they have put two different programs together so I’m now teaching students in the Japanese program too.  So much for my plans for this semester!  I guess I’ll jag everything in somehow.

Something I learned today?

Chatting with David he told me that George complained to Nancy that he doesn’t want to teach the new Integrated Program to the grade 10s and so, magically, he no longer is.  Now he only teaches grade 11 and 12.  What a princess!  

Last year he refused to teach grade 9 and now refuses grade 10.  Maybe time is running out for him.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

This evening I’m still helping my grade 11 students with their presentation homework and replying to their messages.

Did you do something difficult or challenging today?

As I think about it, much of the day was challenging (as described above) but somehow I seemed to take it in my stride.

Tonaor took this picture because as she likes to do sometimes when she sees me she says ‘selfie!’ and so I hand her my phone.

The Trail – 22nd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

A resplendent hall of brown and greys
Escher lines, a maze, amaze
Djinns in from the desert dunes
Rest before the trail resumes

Submitted to WDYS #230 and Moonwashed Musings

Today I’m feeling:

Phlegmy and short of breath.  I slept fairly well but yesterday another piece of porcelain fell off one of my teeth and has made it sensitive.  One tooth fixed, another one broke!

Today I’m grateful for:

A storm!  Hooray!  I noted last year that we had a storm around this time in March which cleared the air for a while, but then got much worse as more fires were lit once it dried out again, which doesn’t take long.  The forecast is for ten or more days of 35-degree plus sunny weather after today!  Oh well, enjoy the air while it is breathable.

The best thing about today was:

Getting some positive feedback on some of my poetry and being inspired to write more, as well as trying to read and appreciate more of what others write.

Something I learned today?

My old student, and Baipad’s best friend, Jan will change schools to Sammakhi next semester.  I hope Baipad doesn’t miss her too much though she knew that they wouldn’t be in the same class next year anyway, so she was hopefully a little prepared to accept this news.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Again, I randomly messaged a few of my students to chat and encourage them in their holidays.  Tonaor was having a bad time with a boy so I comforted and encouraged her.  And of course, I congratulated Jan on getting into Sammakhi.

I also messaged Nice, my old primary student, who I will teach again next semester.  I asked for her input to help me plan what to teach them and she was very helpful, which I really appreciated.

When I got home at lunchtime Amy wanted to take Cap to the vet, which was ok with me.  In the end, I’m glad we did as one of his blood levels was slightly high and they recommended for him to stay in a couple of days on a drip to help stabilise that because it can become more critical.

Amy took this picture because the surprise morning storm blew all the smoke away to reveal the blue sky again. Though only for an hour or two!

Utopia Around The Corner – 10th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We should be living in a paradise by now
Yet wrapped in realities that ground our flight
Utopia hides, beyond the hillside brow
Amidst the chaos, in a darkened night

Around the corner, this dream quietly shines
A realm where peace sings a hopeful tune
Utopia beckons and yet this hope reminds
The journey will not be completed soon

In that elusive place, worries disband,
A sanctuary where souls find their rest,
Utopia calls from its promised land,
An oasis waiting, only found in death

Today I’m feeling:

Not too bad considering I woke up wanting to sleep more.  The abs exercises hurt as I was doing them and I can feel all the work that the muscles around the rest of my body had to do because my abs are still weak.  I’m now pretty convinced that my weak abs and connections to the hips are the cause of most of my body stress/weakness, down to my calves and up to my neck.  Slowly slowly.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Downy fabric spray that is trying to counter the smell of cat spray on the sofa and isn’t quite succeeding.

The best thing about today was:

My grade 10 class who were interested in learning, in the topic and discussing it as best as they could in English but mostly in Thai.  Having a keen, attentive class is a joy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday I got a message that today was a meeting for the foreign teachers to meet with the director but I sent a message to Kru Tang saying that I had class at that time and she was fine with that.

Later I got an assuming message from Nancy saying that it was a bit sad that I didn’t go and that I felt differently to the team!  FFS!

I told her that I had planned my lessons and that this one was quite important for my students this time and that if it was a different class then it might have been possible.  There was no reply after that.

That has upset me a little but I’m happy knowing that I’m doing the right thing for my students.

Something I learned today?

Today is Nomsen’s birthday.  Every day seems to be someone’s birthday.  Nomsen told me that she turns 14 but I’m not sure if she was counting correctly as another student in the grade above told me it was her 14th birthday today.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I comforted little Nicha who got reprimanded yesterday for having earphones in during class yesterday.  Instead of just being asked to take them out the teacher made a big deal of it and if she gets in any more trouble they’ll kick her out of school.  That seems a bit harsh considering what some of the other kids get up to.  Understandably she was a bit down.

I started my lessons on relationships for the grade 10s as Toon in that class requested it.  I made them Thai translations so that they could understand better the meaning behind the content.  In this case, I found that I wanted their understanding more than just using English.  Toon said she was happy with the lesson, so I’m glad about that too.

Tonaor reminded me that yesterday I told her I would give her a candy today. She caught me just as I was about to leave and I honoured my word, went to the car to get another candy and gave it to her. She was happy.

I took this picture because, for some reason as I approached the hospital to get some medicine, I was impressed by its stature. I’ve been here many times and not thought much about how it looks. Perhaps it was because it was approaching golden hour and the air turns a special colour.

Little Shi – 9th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Little Shi was making his own plans
Putting his destiny in his own hands
From the fields to the city streets
Amongst the learned he competes

In the trees, he’d monkey around
Exploring the minutiae of life he found
Every little step that he was taking
Expanded the world he was making

And while those around studied well
They learned little that he could tell
He found a different meaning to success
Found his own way to progress

The things his father had been denied
Would not stop this little dragon’s rise
As the littlest kid he stood above
Remaining humble and sharing love

Until to the mountain, he climbed alone
All the horizons became his home

Inspired by a true story in Zachary Mexico’s China Underground
16th Nov 2024 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and positive though starting to flake a little now it’s lunchtime.  My first class was a little chaotic and frustrating but hopefully the afternoon classes will be more uplifting.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having a bag of candy again that I can gift to random students when I feel like it.  Am I the Candyman?  A little bribery goes a long way.

The best thing about today was:

Being able to control myself when pushed to the edge of my patience several times. 

It helps that I like the kids so much and they make me laugh a lot but sometimes I wish I was just teaching the more mature students.  Sometimes I feel embarrassed for myself, wondering what other teachers might think if they came into the classroom when children are noisy and not paying attention.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I wanted to go to the hospital on the way back home but the traffic was busy and getting out of the hospital with a car now is a pain in the ass since the U-turn has been closed off because everyone was using it to skip the traffic lights.  I was too tired to bother coming back out on the motorbike so will try again tomorrow when I can leave school a little earlier and hopefully, there’s a little less traffic.

Something I learned today?

Jerry Lewis made a controversial film called The Day The Clown Cried in 1972 and it was never released and has been hidden away ever since. 

A couple of years before he died he agreed that it could be released but only after he and those that were critical of the ideas in the movie had probably died too.  So then it was decided to be released in June 2024.  The movie’s story sounds interesting and thought-provoking.  I wonder what it will be like.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

As my grade 8 students were reading the text I gave them I let them try to pronounce the difficult words and gave them positive feedback when they got them right.

I followed up with Paen that she was feeling ok as I didn’t see her on Friday and she didn’t reply to my messages since then.  She said she was sick but I’m not sure if something happened with Praew that has upset her.

I was going to punish Program for being late to class without communicating with me but I decided to show him that that was my intention, but this time I will not punish him though he must remember to let me know why he is going to be late. 

Remember that this is the kid who ended up sitting in my class before doing nothing because he had picked up another student’s bag and lost his own…. I have since noticed that despite his clownish behaviour he is pretty good at English.

Tonaor randomly messaged me for advice about a logo design for her online store, which is the first I’d heard of it but I’m not too surprised. 

Kids of 13 or 14 are getting smart about making money using the internet these days.  I was happily surprised that she asked me for advice though.

This was not in my class but I took this picture as an example of a typical classroom lesson environment. To be fair, everyone had finished their work but there was no sitting quietly reading a book until the bell goes. These are my old grade 7 and 8 students, now in grade 9. There’s Phoom, Chok, Jackie and… fuck, I’ve forgotten the other boy’s name though I can picture his face quite clearly.

To The Beach We Enjoy – 20th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The pinnacle of freedom, sunning on the sand
It’s been worth it, all those working hours planned
How to make the day last longer than a minute?
How to enjoy the freedom when sunk deep within it?

A mind numb from routine, endless pointless tasks
Accumulating misery that the search for freedom masks
Another dollar, another day disappears again
It’s a low bar for freedom that dribbles down the drain

Today I’m feeling:

A little run down after these three days of double exercise.  I must push through though.  I can still feel the general improvement in my body and the tiredness is more through not enough sleep.  I wanted to get to bed earlier last night but was enjoying listening to Amy talking about this, that and the other.

Today I’m grateful for:

Leo being reasonably calm this morning when I took him for a walk so that I don’t need to wash my pants like I did last week.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing another writing book, this one for poems.  It’s always exciting because I look forward to a new book and it’s width will effect how I write in it.  However at the moment I have a couple of half used books that I want to fill up first rather than waste the paper.  Actually, if I think about it I have lots of half empty books that I could finish off too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was grumpy with me when I indicated that I wanted her to stop poking me whilst I was eating.  I know she was just having fun but I got a little annoyed.  I don’t like things happening while I’m eating.  I like to sit and watch TV without disturbance.  Anyway, Amy went off and I finished my food and tried to carry on as normal.

Something I learned today?

I saw an interview with RFK Jr where he said some pretty dumb things (in my mind) about the genocide in Palestine.  It them made me wonder (into conspiracy theory territory perhaps).  What if those who wish to be in control in the USA were getting worried that RFK Jr was looking likely to become president next year and, knowing that he would support Israel in any conflict with Palestine, gave the go ahead for Netanyahu to destroy Palestine with impunity so that when RFK Jr showed his support of Israel he would likely lose lots of votes from those who support his other policies.  I saw lots of comments online saying that those who once supported him would no longer.  USA politics is such a fucking shitshow that conspiracy is almost likely.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

In both my classes I encouraged and coached my students to guide them to the information they needed to complete my work so that almost no one was left behind.  The kids are in a relaxed mood due to sports events and Christmas.  I’m trying to relax with them but also pushing them along.

Some students were a little grumpy with me for penalising them for not doing my work yesterday but I soon managed to get them smiling again.  Mostly, anyway.

In the garden, I tied up a little of the pencil tree again as it is growing off in crazy directions and I watered the plants at the back whilst Tigger was sunning himself on the fresh-cut grass.

Which book did you read in college or school that was actually interesting enough that you still think or talk about it sometimes?

Going through my old diaries reminded me of some of the books that I read in my teenage years and surprised me that I was reading more than I ever remembered.  I always felt it was a struggle to read.  Some of the titles were familiar but not so much the stories.  I was proud of reading all 6 of the Thomas Covenant books and, again, whilst remembering little of the story now, the achievement still resonates with me and has removed the fear of reading long books.  War and Peace now sits waiting on my to-be-read shelf.

Tonaor took this picture because she likes to take selfies and so I gave her my phone because I can’t hold the phone in the professional manner that these kids can. So lots of face pulling and snaps later this is the one I like the best. Tonoar, myself, Namkhing.

Honey Latte – 29th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

There’s a honey latte running through her head
So sweet and milky, her memory a thread
Not knowing the day, she ventures to the city
Things she thought she knew shined so pretty

Alone, together, the hands are like ghosts
Long gone now, sailed to separate coasts
Eyeing the barista, nails polished black
A laptop hipster, personified slack

She’s a wanna-be adult, yet still sixteen
Smart and serious but remains unseen
Loving the self-loathing, when will she arrive?
Only when she realises she’s always been alive

Wishing for the future and suddenly it’s gone
Standing in the middle of what she wanted for so long
Nothing left to prove, no longer the impostor
Discounted all the time that getting here cost her

Here’s to the memory, the empty honey cup
Close the cafe door, breathe til she’s full up
Treading familiar sidewalks always reveals the change
Yesterday, today and tomorrow always seem so strange

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
30th Sep 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – arrive

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired with a headache and cough again. I didn’t sleep well due to discomfort in my shoulders. I woke up and exercised and felt good for that but my eyes are aching again. 

I wondered if part of the problem was connected to the air quality so I checked on the AirVisual app and saw that the quality is already poor and approaching dangerous. Amy has also suddenly got her cough and runny nose back. We will put the air filter in the bedroom tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to get paid a little money this month at least. Nancy has figured out some trickery so that I won’t starve just yet.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that all classes are reduced to 50 minutes for December as kids go off for sports practice at the end of each day. There are also three days off this month. Great.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House I was hanging for coffee but Gui’s machine was broken. I stayed a while doing some lesson checking and planning but couldn’t wait in the end and went around to Hobby coffee and I don’t know if it was just the wait but the first cup I got there tasted of delicious honey. I took a second cup back to school and carried on planning.

Something I learned today?

My old student Fah, who was always a bit of a handful but I was drawn to her because she reminded me of me when I was her age, got kicked out of school last semester due to lack of attendance, work, care etc. I wondered why I hadn’t seen her for a while.

Apparently, she has become even worse since, though she is supposed to be studying at another school.

I think she felt an affinity with me, maybe because I never gave her too much of a hard time and encouraged her more than berated her, every time she saw me, without fail she would give me a big hug.

I hope she makes it out there.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Nong Fah (Sonsawan) an encouraging message to keep going with English in the future, using Amy’s story as evidence.

I helped fix many students’ microphone access so that they could read my work today. I’ve managed to figure out on most phones how to change the setting’s language to English and from there allow them microphone access.

When one of my students accidentally mixed up their words today and asked me if I was studying instead of if I was teaching, I told them ‘Yes, I’m always learning!’

I finally got to congratulate Funfai in person and she is very proud of herself for winning four trophies.

Despite being tired and wanting to get home I stayed and played Uno with Kru Ren, Jet, Noah, Lin and Mai after my class had finished and somehow the kids conspired to make sure that the teachers didn’t win. It was a lot of fun.

I gave my last candies to two of my laziest students, trying to buy their attention for our next class!

Rista asked if we could make Christmas cards in our class again like we did last year. Well, I don’t see why not?

I took this picture because as Tonaor and Nicha were on their way to their next class they suddenly shouted out ‘selfie’ and this was the result. I’d forgotten about it until now.

Space Measurer – 7th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Born, as a city born
No random fluke
A memory made it all
Made an engine to get here
To travel through time
No spontaneous abundance
No existence without this

How does the arrow know
In which direction its time does flow?

Endless, insufficient, endless
Easy to discard, to waste
Measured up, down and sideways
Space inside a space

Today I’m feeling:

A little strange. But only because I won’t go to school until the afternoon. I’m envious of people who can wake up and do leisure activities before going to work. I’m a wake-up and work person. I like to get the difficult stuff done first and then fully relax. Right now I’m wound up and ready to go with nothing in particular to do. I’ll happily fill my time but in the back of my mind is that anticipation.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little conversation I had with my student Tonaor after school. She and another student missed my class cos she was off doing something so when I saw her I asked what they were doing. She said it was some training about dealing with depression. I was quite surprised to know that this was on the agenda at school and would like to find out more.
I also asked Tonaor if she thought she was depressed (which is something I wouldn’t have said was obvious with her) and she said sometimes and that the only time she is happy is when she is with her boyfriend. She understands that this feeling could lead to issues later in life and I’m glad she is a little self-aware though at 13 also understands she doesn’t have the skills yet. 
I like conversations like this (though it was mostly through translation), getting beyond superficial and playful talk. Some students feel very comfortable doing that with me which I take as a great compliment.

The best thing about today was:

A three-hour sleep-in with dreams about being on a bus or train. Perhaps a reminder that life is about the journey rather than the destination as I woke up before getting to the end. I was surrounded by people I knew but now can’t figure out who they were. It may have just been representations of people I was at school with or something like that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy called whilst I was watching the football (see below) as she was just about to catch a ferry home and I would be accompanying her for the duration. Well, that’s fine, I can pause the game and carry on later. About 15 minutes in she realises she is on the wrong ferry, so to make use of the time I went out to the garden and picked some weeds whilst we were talking.
Eventually, she got back to dry land and had to dash off to the bathroom so she said she’d call back. I decided to stay out in the garden though. As the storm that was threatening got blown away, I started watering. Later Amy called back and I did accompany her home and about an hour and a half after starting our call I was able to get back to the football.
Despite leading for most of the game we lost in the last ten minutes and my superstitious mind tells me they lost because Amy interrupted my viewing of it! Of course, I know that’s ridiculous but is something that often crosses my mind. If this didn’t happen then that wouldn’t have happened. From there it goes in ever-decreasing circles. Now I’ve had this thought that also affects the outcome, and then that thought has done the same and on and on. Imagine if we could harness mind power purely for knowledge advancement rather than for ridiculousness.

Something I learned today?

The Swans game was last night and I didn’t even know. I can watch it on replay this evening – woohoo!

(not so much woohoo after watching it!)

What experiences have shaped me as a person?

Er…. all of them? My experience today, this evening, the last five minutes, are all accumulating second by second. Each shaped by the one before into a big mess that forms habits and thoughts that can be identified and hopefully reshaped over time.
I watched an interesting podcast yesterday where comedian Antony Jeselnik said that he was glad he didn’t have his life worked out when he was 17. Everyone he knew who did, ended up in a boring humdrum existence. He said if you’re happy and have everything figured out in your fifties then you can be certain you’ve lived a good life. I kinda feel like that’s me though I’m still uncertain if I have anything figured out. 
So when I see how my students are at school, having fun, playing and generally behaving like children, which is exactly what they are, I guess they will figure things out in their own time too. Who’s to say one form of education is better than another when it comes to the specific realities for these kid’s lives? Being top of the class doesn’t necessarily bring happiness.

I took these pictures because Amy messaged me if I was at school and I sent her these. Is this a school? Every day is playtime for them. They did the work I asked of them though what I ask of them each week diminishes more and more! It’s 2.30 Friday afternoon and the roof fans are just stirring up the hot air that saunters in from outside. It’s relentless and difficult to avoid, sapping energy quicker than a 5-cent battery. I’m fascinated to know where my students might end up in the future.