Tag: Tramadol

Waging Peace – 1st August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Breath, the gift of all of your Gods
No windswept sketches deny
Deep down below, against all odds
Wars raging from sky to sky

Silhouette kisses, all agree
Will these wonders never cease?
Untangled sense for all to see
Wage peace, let the tribe increase

Submitted to The Sunday Whirl Wordle #665. ‘Let the tribe increase’, once again taken from The Mob’s album of the same name.
23rd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Living Poetry Prompt: Silhouette

Today I’m feeling:

OK, not up or down, not thrilled or dejected.

Last night I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with my brain running.  This has happened for two nights in a row but last night it was much more difficult to get back to sleep.

A few days ago, I decided to cut the Tramadol tablet in half to try and cut down and maybe give myself a break from taking it for a while to see how I feel.  And last night I thought that this was perhaps what had caused me to wake up because this waking up with my mind running hasn’t happened since I started taking Tramadol.

I will see how it is tonight and go from there.  I’ve been incredibly calm and content since taking Tramadol but still curious if I can be that way without it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Boom, my grade 12 student.  We were studying the IELTS Speaking exam about technology and a main question was about how your life would be different without your most precious item of tech.

To demonstrate I took Boom’s phone and put it in my back pocket and asked her how she felt.  After she finished, I purposely didn’t give it back, which she accepted well.

I carried on talking with other students for about 20 minutes and she only once play-whined,’ Teacher – my phone…’ but I still held on to it.

Once I’d finished talking, I opened the camera app on her phone and walked around the classroom taking random photos.  Everyone was laughing and Boom took it all in her stride.

In the evening, I asked her if she had any good pictures from today and she sent me this one:

The best thing about today was:

The whole class mentioned above was a pleasure to teach again.  A fair few students were missing, which made it even easier to get more personal interactions.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The downside of those missing students is that they missed the prep for work required for next week.  Well, nothing I can do about that.

Also, in my grade 8 class, I have them reading in groups of 4 and Ten has not been prepared to do anything to help himself, so I put pressure on his group that if I grade the group it will be to the lowest scorer amongst them.  

I know this will have a negative effect in that it will make the group members think even less of Ten than they already do but I want to demonstrate to them that this is what happens in real life. The weakest person lets down the whole team.

Something I learned today?

I learned a whole lot about semi-fake mobile game ads, why they are made and how they are implemented.  It was a head-shaking experience.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked a little with grade 8 student Film today, as he has cut himself off from Ten and No, as they are not really fulfilling his expectations of friendship. I’m just conscious that last year he came to me to discuss his mental health and I don’t want him to be so isolated and cut himself off from everyone. It’s a weird group of kids in that class for sure. I like them all, except for Ten.

Big Bad Wolves – 10th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

She,
little
fighting girl
walking the woods,
The big bad wolves ripped her pretty dress,
All her dreams now become a nightmare,
She skirts around
the pain deep
inside
her.

He
runs wild,
teeth and snarl,
with big bad wolves,
Egged on and eager, salivating so,
ripping at her pretty dress, her cries
echo into
the darkness
of his
soul.

Inspired after reading Yassy’s poem, the form is apparently a tetracyt. Also submitted to NaPoMo.

Today I’m feeling:

A little stressed with my morning coffee and trying to get my brain in gear with the lesson planning.  It’s kicking in slowly and I’m familiar with this stage of progress when I have many, many ideas floating around and can’t keep up with them.  The rest of the day has been up and down.

Today I’m grateful for:

Momo making it to lunch today, after she messaged me yesterday that she may not be able to make it.  With Popo and Baitong we had a good catch-up over pizza and I’m happy to hear their English improvements since we last met.

The best thing about today was:

Firstly, not having to pay anything for my dental appointment and then trying the pharmacy at Central and finding 50mg tramadol for only 45 baht.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad messaged me this morning telling me that she was in the hospital as she attempted to overdose (which I presume must have been last night).

I didn’t get much more information from her so I’m not sure what brought this on.  It suggests something happened out in her family village which is a bit of a worry as she mentioned bad things happening to her there before.

In the evening Anchan messaged me that she too was also in the hospital but for her it was for stomach ulcers, brought on by the stress of her family situation, no doubt.

She also told me that she and her brother also inherited the heart problem that killed her father a couple of years ago.

Something I learned today?

This morning we found that a tile from our roof got blown off in the storm last night.  Amy learned that trying to get someone to come and fix it is a complete pain in the ass.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Trying to keep on encouraging Baipad and Anchan through their difficulties.

Treating Popo, Momo and Baitong to a pizza lunch and then playing along with their TikTok videos.  It was great to catch up with them, three of my favourite students.

I took this picture because how could I refuse my favourite students asking to make TikTok videos in the shopping mall in front of passing shoppers.

River Of Sorrow – 10th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the bottle was empty of pills
There’s no time left to grow
Amongst so many ills
It’s the bitterest one to swallow

When the son takes the rope
Believing there’s no place to go
Those left now to cope
Traverse the river of sorrow

When attention wasn’t sought
And she suddenly became the show
Life is no longer a thought
Slipped into the undertow

So pass the many hours
That survivors will never know
And drift away the flowers
Along the river of sorrow

Today I’m feeling:

Fuzzy and weird. After a delicious afternoon nap yesterday I got into reading comics so much in the evening that I was up just past midnight. I shoved down some medicine in the hope of waking up flu-free and slept reasonably well until 11. I do feel better but fuzzy around the edges, eyes unable to focus 100%.

Today I’m grateful for:

Matt for buying me a drink and giving me half a pack of tramadol after running across to Central.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing live music in Chiang Rai. Punk, hardcore, metal! Who’d’ve thought?

Something I learned today?

A Wall Street Journal report says Iran is having trouble reining in “Iran-backed militias” and offers one reason why: The US killed the guy who was good at reining them in!

I took this picture because this was the venue for the show before dark. The sound inside wasn’t fantastic due to the stage being shoved in the corner which is circular. This made for some wild and interesting sound distortions from the guitars though.

Isolation – 22nd May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Trapped within these walls
There are no words to share
Bare functions, dirty nails
Life lived less there

Rats outside running scared
The snakes all need to eat
From sundown to rise again
A dead circle again complete

The echo chamber of the heart
Energy gone to waste
Dreams quietly smashed apart
With only bitterness to taste 

The many paths that led here
Beyond the now closed door
Content in isolation
Left alone forever more

16th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that.
I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.

The best thing about today was:

Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.

Something I learned today?

Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at.  I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!

How can I make today amazing?

I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe.
Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.

I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.

My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week.
Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit.
I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there.
One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them.
It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want.
Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.

Shall We Put Out The Fire? – 26th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is there good reason to fetch water
To quell the house that’s burning?
A reason to continue living oughtta
Be something that’s worth learning

inspired by Existential Comics 487

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy but more enthusiastic than yesterday. I’ve stuck with the half tablet of sertraline again today and hope I can maintain it by taking tramadol in the mornings to keep me boosted up a bit.

Today I’m grateful for:

The strawberry sellers from the mountains are back outside 7/11 with a lot of juicy fresh fruit at ridiculously cheap prices. Tomorrow I’ll pick up some coconut ice cream from LungChom and get fat again like I did last year! Ok, well I’ll try not to do that but I am looking forward to that mix of ice cream yoghurt strawberries and a dash of chocolate toasted muesli.

The best thing about today was:

Finally finishing the Anton Chekov 100 short stories collection. It took about three months as I was generally satisfied with just reading one story a day and some stories were only two pages long. The stories themselves were all enjoyable to excellent though.

Liu Cixin’s Death’s End next, to finish off this awesome sci-fi trilogy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My main computer is having problems again so I’m struggling to get some things done with it at the moment, such as using the app that I practice guitar with. I need to back up some files and reinstall the operating system again to see if that fixes whatever the problem is again. It worked last time, about 18 months ago and I hope it will work again. I could do with this machine running for a few more years.

Something I learned today?

27th Feb 2023 – I went off looking at things to consider something useful that I learned today and got so distracted that I forgot to update here.

How did I show kindness to someone today?

Apart from the three boys at Utopia (Art, Boss and Gong), I didn’t meet anyone today. I didn’t show kindness specifically, and nor was I unkind. After arriving home at 9.30am I haven’t talked directly with anyone. Except for conversations with four of my M2 students in LINE where I’ve been asking their ideas about future jobs and I have been encouraging them no matter how wild their dreams. I’ve also put suggestions forward for backup plans too.

I took this picture on my January bike ride because finding this lake was a little unexpected at the time. I came across a few like this and they looked like old rock mines and the blast holes had since filled with water. No new pictures today. It’s been dull and grey all day.

Vienna 180 A.D. – 27th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Push the barbarians back
To the river banks
Left alive for one day
To practice giving thanks
Soon ends the reign of one
Another body left vacated
Remembered then forgotten
The future we’re all fated

You can only know the good life if you know yourself. Facts won’t ever help you be happy. Unless that fact is ‘I know who I am.’

Timothy, Musings on Self-Education

Today I’m feeling:
Reasonably happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The vet for checking Tigger and his skin problem. He’s got some fungal skin infection that makes blisters though he doesn’t seem to care about it at all. I’m also grateful I had free time to be able to take him this afternoon and drop Amy at her parents too. Also grateful that on advising that I would have to take Thursday off to go to Lampang got told that there are no classes anyway so it’s not a problem.
The best thing about today was:
Again, helping some of my poorer students with some reading. It makes me happy to see them try and to slowly improve themselves. I could tell that one student, Pin, was particularly happy to complete reading the text after a long struggle.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Waking up in the morning and finding out that Amy’s uncle passed away during the night and that meant changes to our plans which we couldn’t be sure about at that time and would decide during the day. So when I got home Amy said the funeral would be on Thursday and that we will go but I told her that I had to be at school, I had to teach and also I’d taken two days off recently to help with other things so taking another day was gonna be a little bit difficult. Anyway, I sent a message to Kru Mai saying that I would have to go to the funeral in Lampang and I would organise work for the kids to do in my absence. Luckily he replied that Thursday was going to be New Year’s activities and there were no classes anyway so everything was fine. Now I just have to prepare myself for a six-hour round-trip drive on Thursday.
Something I learned today?
Earn didn’t come to school today because she was ‘heartbroken’ over some unrequited love and she had video-called to her friends and I talked with her a little but it was too noisy in the class to understand. Later I talked with her friends and they all said that she is not strong which I found surprising because she comes across as quite independent and strong-willed. I sent her a message to not let her happiness depend on other people and she said she was ok now, was over it and would be back in school tomorrow. The troubles of the heart! Haha, so easily brushed off at this age.
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
Only minor surgery. I had a vasectomy when I was 42 or thereabouts. Then, about seven years ago I’d hurt my elbows from repetitive strain due to making coffee. A specialist recommended taking out a part of the tendon in my wrist, doing some magic with it and then injecting it back into my elbows. I can’t remember the procedure name and I have to say it didn’t really work but I did discover the wonders of tramadol as a post-surgery painkiller. I’d never felt better! My elbows remain an issue and my coffee-making career was done.

I took this picture because Amy had to go and stay at her parent’s house to take care of grandma as her mum and dad went to Lampang because uncle passed away yesterday and they will help arrange things. As well as taking care of grandma she had to walk Leo who is just bursting with energetic excitement he dragged Amy along on his walk. He slobbers and is smelly, I had to change my clothes when I got home.

Pina Colada – 4th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Put it away you fat gut fuck
We know who ate the pies
Whoever told you that you look great
Was simply telling you lies
Your beer baby collecting sweat
Sunburned wives drunk on wine
Hair of the dog on the morning stroll
At the beach again, rain or shine

The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.

From To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
The second pharmacy I tried that sold me tramadol at a reasonable price compared to the first that wanted almost 3 times as much. It reminded me of the time the same thing that happened in Chiang Mai. Shop around.
The best thing about today was:
Going to Coffee U for my morning hit. Gui at House suggested going there as it is a friend he trained in Bangkok who runs it. The coffee wasn’t amazing but did the job. Sitting outside was a foreign girl and her small dog. The dog was really pretty so I went and petted her and talked to the girl who sounded east European perhaps. She said the dog was just 5 months old and a cross German Shepherd and random Thai but that she was super friendly and relaxed and was cool with cats and kids. That’s the type of dog I’d like. One day maybe.
Also driving around to different parts of Phuket and just relaxing back into it as the maelstrom of Amy, Fern, Pim and Harper spins around me. I’m just the driver so I do my job, enjoying what I can. I ask few questions and just take them where they wish.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was kind of interested to go to a bookshop today but it was too late by the time we’d finished running around. It would’ve been nice to have done something I wanted to do but it’s not that big a deal. I might get a chance tomorrow…and then again I might not.
What types of journals do you like to keep?
I’ve been keeping things all over the place. In notebooks and online. I’m starting to dig Day One as a journal on my phone as it also has some interesting prompts. I may pay to upgrade and use its speech-to-text ability rather than writing, especially as I end up putting everything online, it’s easier to just cut and paste.

I took this picture because I’m here in Phuket where there are way too many foreign tourists for my liking but it’s still possible to find beautiful places to take pictures and mostly devoid of humanity. As I took this one I pondered what is it that attracts us to the points where land meets the sea.

‘Dol Day – 27th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You make my time fly by
Slow and low but disappear
Mind-expanding night sky
It’s never now, it’s never here

Clear focus, unsure intent
Every detail thought about
Bigger pictures represent
My confusion, all my doubt

Mind held in meditation
Two strands, all at once
It’s my weekend recreation
Gonna slow down, quick response

A balanced see-saw
Numbed half out, half in
Real tears are real no more
But you can’t see me laughing

Face flat, a blank space
Though I’m just feeling pleasure
Go along in good grace
Make a monkish measure

We got that attitude! – 10th August 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Brain dump – not sure date – two-day break from routine – hard to maintain on weekend but I really should try to do it. Stop with tramadol. Tramadol has helped me stop drinking – now stop taking it.

Good weekend come and gone – don’t be sad because today will be great. Rob Whitham in my dream – it was interesting – I wanted to stay in it but can’t remember what happened now. Oh, cats so cute this morning.

Life is very good – I hope we can keep it this way for a good long time. We are so lucky.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my masks to help protect me from viruses. I’m getting used to wearing one now.

British boys’ minds in a whirl – 9th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Painkillers fog my brain – body feels relaxed but thinking gets mega tiring. Have to stay positive. George always positive – even if not inside. He’s too much sometimes – even though he’s right about many things – it puts me off depending on how I’m feeling.

Anyway – exercise this morning kicks me out of my laziness a little. I think I prefer my head to be straighter these days. Things I get to do can only be done when feeling straight. Beep beep – message. Amy crying out in her dream a lot last night.

What am I gonna talk about today? What can I achieve today? What are you thinking? Now or later? Now light sweat, aching thumbs – things begging to be done – but for what end. A sense of achievement? Purpose? Happiness? Trying to stay positive.

Will record some video today. Let’s see how I handle things. Stay positive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be making videos again today. Sitting around doing nothing at work is ok for a while but gets boring.

To-do list

  • Post last two TCRAH ✅
  • Find more ‘school’ items ✅
  • Compliment someone – anyone! ✅
  • Silent positive wishes and ‘thank you’ mantra ✅
  • Record ‘Golden Age’ for Bruce if at home