Inspired by the parable of the Useless Tree and shared with Poetic Bloomings #571 – Nothing But Trees: Carpenter Shi was travelling through the countryside with his young apprentice when they came upon a village shrine built around an enormous oak tree. The tree was ancient beyond measure, its trunk so vast that a thousand men holding hands couldn’t encircle it. Its branches spread like a green cathedral, offering shade to the entire village square.
The apprentice stood transfixed. “Master!” he called excitedly. “In all my travels, I’ve never seen timber so magnificent! Why won’t you even look at it?”
Carpenter Shi barely glanced up from his path. “Worthless wood,” he muttered dismissively. “Make boats from it and they’ll sink. Make coffins and they’ll rot before the bodies do. Make tools and they’ll break in your hands. Make houses and they’ll be eaten by worms. It’s completely useless—that’s the only reason it’s lived so long.”
The carpenter continued on his way, but that night the great tree appeared to him in a dream.
“What are you comparing me to?” asked the tree. “Fine trees like cherry and pear? Those trees that bear fruit are attacked the moment they ripen. Their branches are broken, their bark is stripped. Their very usefulness makes their lives miserable, cutting short their natural span. This happens to all things.
“I’ve been working for ages to become perfectly useless. I nearly died several times in the attempt, but I’ve finally succeeded. My uselessness is now my greatest usefulness. If I had been useful, do you think I could have grown this large?
“Besides, you and I are both just things in this world. How can one thing judge another? You’re a dying man who understands nothing—what could you know about a useless tree?”
When Carpenter Shi awoke, he told his apprentice about the dream. The young man was confused: “If the tree wants to be useless, why does it serve as a shrine?”
The master smiled. “Quiet! It’s simply taking shelter there. Those who don’t understand it might harm it otherwise. If it weren’t a shrine tree, wouldn’t it be in danger of being cut down? Its way of preserving itself is different from ordinary trees, so using conventional standards to judge it will lead us far astray.”
On the surface, this story seems to be about different definitions of value—the carpenter sees lumber, the tree sees survival. But dig deeper and you discover something revolutionary: the tree has found freedom through strategic uselessness.
What if our quirks, our imperfections, our refusal to fit standard molds aren’t bugs in our programming but features? What if the very things that make us “unemployable” in one context make us invaluable in another?
Standing as a shrine, the carpenter carves his maths into my bark, deciding I’m worthless of even a spark.
As a boat, you’d drown, a coffin would soon rot; a tool soon broken; in use, it’s better not.
As they dressed for compliments all my friends became stripped bare; miserable lives soon utilised and no longer standing there.
If I were useful I’d no longer stand. We are just things. What could you know about me? I’m a shrine, just as I planned.
A bit more awake this morning after struggling to get up. I really wanted to sleep more. I noticed that my stomach has lost a little more excess flab so I’m happy about that. Keep going.
Today I’m grateful for:
The receptionist at the dental clinic who happily changed my dental appointment from next week to mid-February because, and I told her this, I don’t have any money to pay until I paid again. We both talked in a mixture of English and Thai and could understand each other clearly and I wai’d her my thanks as I left.
The best thing about today was:
…well, it seems strange to call this the best thing but it is certainly something that stands out.
For my last grade 7 class of the day, I asked the kids to log in to the Quiz on their phones. Aomsin, who was sitting right in front of me in the front row, said she couldn’t because she had no battery. I explained to her in English that I told the class many times that for my class they must always have enough battery and good internet access.
Aomsin’s English is not that good yet though and whilst she could tell that I was being serious she clearly did not understand the details. This was Friday afternoon, the last hours of the day and I was feeling laid back and playful. The other kids could sense that. I told her that I take away 5 points in the system if they are not prepared. I was smiling and had no intention to do that but wanted her to know that she should always be prepared.
Anyway, I translated into Thai for her so she could understand and she nodded and looked down at her phone. Gunn, sitting next to her, looked at me, looked at her and then looked at me again. Aomsin then started talking in Thai, sounding like complaining-explaining and looked back up to me, with a slightly pleading face and then I saw a tear fall down each of her cheeks.
I couldn’t believe it. I wiped away each tear and said ‘Hey, come on, it’s not that serious.’ Again, she didn’t quite get it. I comforted her and told her in Thai that I was only playing with her.
Gunn cracked up laughing at her but I wanted her to feel better. Then she started really balling her eyes out but also laughing at the same time. Laughing and crying at herself and her friends. It was like she really wanted to feel an emotion deeply but also realised how absurd it was. She was smiling and laughing but couldn’t stop herself from crying.
Other kids started paying attention and couldn’t understand why everyone looked happy and smiling but Aomsin was crying. Gunn quickly offered a solution with his charger (why didn’t she just ask him to borrow it in the first place!) and even that couldn’t settle her down. Gunn talked some more to her and I went and attended a couple of other students before coming back after a few minutes.
She had settled herself by this time but when I asked her to do the quiz she said she couldn’t yet. I got down on my knees and wai’d her my apologies many times over and both she and Gunn cracked up laughing again.
I guess it’s a good lesson for me that not everyone gets the vibe or feeling of the class and whilst I can be quite strict about what I want I’m not so often angry about anything. I can sense Aomsin is sensitive, not just in my class but in general and I should be aware of that and make sure that she understands when something is playful or serious. I could be wrong but I don’t think she was really upset with what happened and maybe there were other things going on for her and she was having a bad day and this just tipped her over the edge.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After picking up my coffee and making sure to be back in school for first class I was wondering why the building was so quiet. No kids! What’s going on? You can read more below. How did I handle it? By taking the free time opportunity to write here.
Something I learned today?
This morning my first class was delayed as there was something going on. As I was in the classroom ready to teach I decided to go and find out what it was all about. It was about the upcoming election for a student to the school board.
I walked around and ended up talking with Jet and asked her who she would vote for and why. I then asked if she would want to run for election when she was in grade 11 and she said ‘Why would I want to do that!?’
Ok, I said, who do you think in your class would be suitable and she thought Anchan. She said Anchan is a little older than the rest of the class and can control them quite well. I wasn’t too surprised at this as I could see last year that she had some leadership qualities if she chose to go in that direction. It was interesting to hear this from another student though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan a positive message based on what Jet had said above, to show my support and pride in her. I told her to keep going. (Just as I told myself this morning – keep going!)
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 6. Keep a Journal. No, keeping a journal is not for children. It helps you to become a better thinker and writer. “I don’t want to be a writer” you might think. Well, how many emails and texts do you send a day? Everybody is a writer.
Journaling has only become a habit since moving to Thailand and somewhat inspired by starting 1994ever to document my year in 1994. Because I have ended up with fewer external things to do I have had more time to develop this habit and it doesn’t feel like a chore like when I was a teenager trying to keep up a diary. As the idea states you become a better thinker and that is what I want to be. Yesterday’s idea was about strengthening the body through exercise, today is about strengthening the brain through journaling.
I took this picture because we had to cut our three big trees down as the roots would fuck up the buildings. It looks so strange and we’re a little sad because they were big healthy trees that gave a lot of shade.
Standing here amongst the detritus This is certainly a lived-in room The treaties of the past are scattered Across a floor that’s never seen a broom
There’s an unused TV in the corner Hoping the remote will be found one day Tho’ full of dust, it’s fuller with love A satisfying sty in which to laugh and play
inspired by the memory of living in Mick’s house – more detail here
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but relaxed. Amy stayed at her parent’s last night and much of today and after coffee, hanging out washing and shampooing Tigger I slowly watched the day disappear reading, watching TV and not much else.
Today I’m grateful for:
The discounted milk protein drinks at the Lotus store – three for the price of two.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading Wuthering Heights, which I enjoyed much more than I expected. I love finishing one book because it means I can start another!
I also started reading China Underground at Utopia, the first two stories of which reminded me a lot of my time meeting people in China and to realise how much the world, and I, have changed since.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There is some family drama going on that I have absolutely no control over and so the best I can do is to comfort Amy and help her with figuring out the best way forward.
It’s a frustrating situation that goes deep into Thai culture and societal norms that involve blind acceptance of the patriarchy.
Whilst I knew about this, it is uncomfortably close to home this time. It is also making me feel even more for the female students that I teach and wonder what of their future.
Something I learned today?
Our avocado tree is infested with giant hairy worms that are eating their way through the leaves. I have to warn Amy to stay away from there as she will surely be allergic to their hairs.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I fist-bumped the staff at Utopia and the girl customer whom I have seen there a few times before and smiled and acknowledged most everyone else who came in whilst I was there reading and drinking my coffee.
Apart from that I didn’t have much interaction with anyone else today, even online.
I took this picture because these little fucks are difficult to see on the tree. There are five visible here and 100s more out of focus.
Raise a toast from the bottle of heartbreak Tears mist the eyes of dead teenage butterflies These wounds become a comfort given time Waxing poetic about the expected surprise
These are the happy things, preparing for grief The painful goodbyes in the rear-view mirror Bigger, brighter things are on the way to love Slowly, gently, this will all become clearer
A little lazy. I was going to get up with my alarm but still sleepy, Amy almost shouted at me from her bed, getting up, where are you going….? Jesus, let me wake up a little! I brushed my teeth, took a piss and got back into bed for another hour of sleep where I had a dream about us being able to drive on a piece of A4 paper as if it was a car!
Today I’m grateful for:
The trees that Amy’s mum planted on our land years before we came here and have grown to provide great shade from the sun but now have gotten so big that their roots threaten to cause problems to the foundations of our buildings. We will cut four and I hope the remaining three will be able to grow faster and stronger to provide shade again into the spaces that will be left.
The best thing about today was:
Having a tidy garden again once the gardeners had finished their work, the smell of cut grass wafting through the house.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve noticed (again) that I don’t really like being in my man cave so much – it’s not quite comfortable for me and whereas in the living room of our house I feel like I am centred, in my room I feel like I am on the periphery. It’s only a remove of about six metres but it makes all the difference.
I’m having to force myself to go there to get certain things done and figuring out ways to do other things back in the living room without having all my stuff scattered around. This is a compromise of Amy’s return to our home.
Something I learned today?
An avocado is a berry.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I wished Noey a happy holiday as this will be the last time I see her at Utopia until next year.
I bought an onion in the local market and thanked the lady who commented that I spoke good Thai.
I nodded appropriately to the gardener who explained what they would do to our trees though I only caught a few words. I could understand the gist especially when he pointed at some leaves that looked like they were getting eaten by some bug.
I did the washing this morning, hung it out and brought it back in in the evening.
I shampooed Tigger’s head as he is getting the scabs again that he got last year around this time. He wasn’t happy but accepted his fate well enough and of course, went outside as soon as he could and rolled around in the dirt again. He really loves our home.
What changes did I experience this year?
The biggest change has been at home of course, with Amy being back in the house, cleaning up and bossing me around.
Other changes have been more subtle, such as my slow improvement to health and fitness. Also my adjustment in confidence when riding the motorbike since coming off it.
And if I look closely I can see signs of my skin sagging a little around my cheeks and neck as my I struggle with gravity. Even lying down can’t help.
I took this picture because here’s one tree down, and three more tomorrow. It’s going to look so odd for a little while.
Super tired. I was even super tired in my dream! I kept thinking I was going to fall asleep in my dream! I rolled around and stretched myself for a good long while before getting up this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
The assistant at Mega Home who tried to clean out the hose nozzle of Bruno’s high-pressure hose machine and successfully managed to dislodge a tiny stone that was blocking it. Unfortunately there seems to be more stuff stuck inside blocking it and I’ve had to order a new one online. Hopefully that all the problem is.
The best thing about today was:
Cutting some big branches off our trees as I suddenly got it into my head after investigating what was making noises on the roof. Birds were bathing in water trapped in the gutter and vines were spreading all over as they had attached themselves to the dirt trapped there in the debris of leaves held in place by the tree branches.
I hacked about four or five of them down and dragged them off the roof and artlessly dumped them over the fence. By this time I was completely covered in dirt, dust, mould and ants. My muscles are aching and body scratched and bruised but I had a good time!
Something I learned today?
People laugh when they don’t know what is coming next. Surprised and happy at a new interesting thought injected into the conversation or action.
I think I don’t laugh so much because life has become fairly obvious over time. At least when it comes to being around adults. Kids make me laugh all the time because they can still be wildly unpredictable.
And none of this means that I’m not happy or even that I don’t find things funny.
Good comedians make me laugh. For me they are becoming rarer but that is perhaps connected with growing older and not fully immersed into the cultural zeitgeist they are coming from.
I took this picture because these branches took some mighty effort to be pulled down from the garage roof and dragged across the garden and deposited over the fence. I got a good workout doing that.
A bit more lively and with it. Forgotten now, I know that I had a few different but quite realistic dreams. I was happy to enjoy them. I also managed to push through 75 star jumps and ride my pushie to Utopia for coffee. If I could tell myself every morning that a good day always starts with exercise perhaps I could motivate myself to do it at weekends.
Today I’m grateful for:
The digging tool we have for working in the garden. I guess it’s a hoe of some sort as it can be used for that too. Swing it high and hard enough though and it can dig. I’m also grateful for the recent rains making the ground a little easier to dig too. The two little trees were quickly in the ground and I look forward to watching them mature.
The best thing about today was:
Watching Amy bravely battle an arm-sized tokay in the kitchen and work room. I knew she wouldn’t rest until it was caught and outside. We had to chase it a bit and move some furniture but eventually, I managed to trap it in a plastic bin against the wall and Amy slid a mat across the top and quickly carried it outside where it finally ran off.
I think the lizards look amazing and they are pretty shy. They only get agitated if you bother them. They do shit everywhere though, along with all the little geckos that are running around our house.
I’m going to buy some lizard repellent sometime, though Amy said she read reviews that they can actually attract more lizards rather than get rid of them!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy had a few requests for jobs for me to do during the day but as I was in an improved mood I just did them happily.
Something I learned today?
I chuckled at a report today of the EU sending warships to the South China Sea to protect trade routes from Chinese interference. More than 80% of the shipping through the SCS are ships coming from and going to China! The spin of the hypocrites in the West is amazing. Is there another agenda?
What do I want to focus on this month?
Focus? I’m not sure to be honest. Trying to save a little money would be useful because I have to buy a lot of cat food and get the car serviced this month. But basically, it is business as usual. Teaching, learning, reading, writing, guitar, cleaning, coffee, exercise.
Amy took this picture because she was quite proud of her carrot cakes. They look great but we haven’t tasted them yet. I’m sure they will taste great too though.
Running from myself, running into stories Running for my life, running past old glories Rolling like a rebel gathering no moss Rolling around, pretending to be the boss Running from stories, running into myself Running out of ideas, stuck up on the shelf Running along so fast, ran up to the top Running into tomorrow and I’ll never ever stop
A little underwhelmed again today. I thought about things I could do with my spare time until Amy decided to fill up the day with various tasks. Maybe it will avoid the inclination to have an afternoon nap.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding two inexpensive trees to plant that will hopefully end up providing shade for the kitchen. Amy’s mum said that they grow really fast. Tomorrow I will have to dig the holes for them but it shouldn’t need to be too deep.
The best thing about today was:
Eating a typical Aussie-style hipster breakfast of smoked salmon on smashed avocado on toast with fried egg. A bit of a treat as I rarely eat foreign food when Amy is not here.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I can’t quite rise out of this subdued mood. I have no enthusiasm or inspiration. There’s no spark of life in me right now. I just have to keep going knowing that perhaps tomorrow will be a little better.
Amy and I haven’t discussed what happened on Friday night and there still seems to be a little tension in our communications.
Something I learned today?
Today is Paen’s (Baitoey) birthday. She sent a simple ‘Happy birthday to me’ message before telling me that no one in her family remembered or did anything for her. That is terribly sad, if true. I didn’t dwell on that and instead wished her the best for the future.
I took this picture because I’ve been paying attention to trees and flowers as we went looking for possible trees to put next to our kitchen for some shade in the future. The tree we liked was about 20,000 baht including transportation and placement. Nice but we need to spare money for other things.
Two weeks on the suffer bus Do we have to do this dance again? Always waiting for the cat bus Under umbrellas in the rain
First two lines inspired by reading Broken Summers by Henry Rollins, second two lines inspired by Miyazaki’s My Neighbour Totoro and the title inspired by the titular 70s UK sitcom.
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little stiff but better than yesterday. I managed to be conscious of my sleeping position during the night which helped a little. As today is a holiday I’m happy to be around home and do a little more exercise and stretching.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gym rings I bought this week and can now hang from them to stretch out my back. I only have strength enough to hold it for 15 seconds but hopefully, that will improve a little. I’m not so fussed about strength though, more for the stretch.
The best thing about today was:
Getting up early and not having to be anywhere. I know I just had six weeks or more of this but my feeling is different when it’s during the working weeks. The temperature outside is just about perfect at sunrise and sunset too. I should be outside more.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
So it was, after talking with Amy and doing a bit of Thai study with her, I decided to try and fix up one of our trees. It’s the weird one that doesn’t have leaves (so it’s probably not even a tree) and it breaks off easily and exudes a sticky white glue substance that is really hard to get off the skin and as usual, I was only wearing shorts. I climbed up the ladder to try and fix some branches in place and several pieces broke off covering me in the sticky juice on my head and arms. After I finished I jumped in the shower but the juice in my hair and on my head got into my eyes and stung like crazy, reminding me of the time I got conjunctivitis in my early years in Sydney. I ended up crying uncontrollably for about an hour and even now my eyes are still stinging. Damn, that goop is nasty. I hope it doesn’t cause any long-term problems.
Something I learned today?
I learned how to play a simple Iron Maiden riff on guitar today though it took me a long time to get it right.
What do I want to focus on this week?
I suppose I want to focus on getting my body out of this pain and that will help focus my mind. I need to get my stamina back up to speed so that I am not so exhausted by the end of the week. This is a long ongoing process after many years of bodily abuse. I always need to focus on improving my classes and management and I’m still trying to sort out some technical issues with Quizizz. It’s getting there.
I took this picture because this is my bookshelf at Utopia. I’m almost out of music biographies to read and having read all the above need to start bringing new books from home.
Woke up today with huge indecision about the future. Last night Amy and I discussed what we might do in the future and whether we are happy where we are at this time.
Amy’s reverse culture shock has been getting her down a lot and she is itching to go back to Australia – whether just to visit or to make more long term plans. She says once her parents have passed that she has no compulsion to stay in Thailand.
Combined with news that our school’s budget has been cut and we will have to teach more classes, containing more students, it’s a somewhat depressing look ahead. I would be happy not to work at all. I can ‘be’ in any place or country and the advantage for me here is that I don’t necessarily have to work, whereas in Australia it would be a must just to survive.
The current plan is that Amy goes to Australia for 3 to 6 months once there are less travel restrictions and I carry on teaching (or perhaps stop – to be considered) and then when Amy returns we start doing some sort of business on our land and see how that goes. If that keeps us both happy, then we stay and if not then maybe we have to decide to pack up and think about our options in Australia.
I started this post with these pictures of the summer garden taken a couple of weeks ago, but bigger thoughts have taken over. Let’s see how our garden grows.
Our mulberries have gone mental this year – everyday I can pick a new bowlful.These tall branches reaching into the sky now have so much fruit that they are bending to touch the ground. I don’t know if this needs to be cut to grow differently or if it’s best to just leave it the way it is.This Jacaranda currently has more flowers than leaves. Our four Jacarandas all seem to flower at random times throughout the year. I just hope that they can live and survive a lot longer and grow as big as the ones in Australia. Love these trees.This is a weird bush, plant, tree (?) that reminds me of fractal theory – it looks like each ‘branch’ separates off into two and on and on.
24th Mar 2023 – The plan I discuss above is still in progress. Amy will have been in Australia on and off for almost two years by the end of this year and will come back then and again consider doing some business on our land. Things are a little more normalised after the 2 or 3 years of pandemic restrictions. The mulberries are going crazy again this year too. I wish the sky were as blue today as it is in these pictures. Today’s AQI is 224 (Very unhealthy).
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our wheelbarrow. Yesterday I used it to move a whole heap of rocks to the other side of the garden. Without my wheelbarrow, this would’ve been a real pain. I’m also grateful for our big shovel too. this helped me get all the rocks into the barrow. They are both bright orange – like lots of garden equipment here in Thailand.
The best thing about today was getting a gift from Am and Tee. It’s just a mug but I liked Am’s explanation for choosing it.
I taught Maeve online again tonight and that was really a pleasure – she’s a bright and enthusiastic learner so time went quickly.
I tried to practice guitar after that but somehow my fingers and brain aren’t quite connecting. That happens sometimes. If it’s not coming together after ten minutes, put it down and try again tomorrow.
1994ever 