A little run-down but forcing myself through with what little energy I have. My stomach is sore from all the medicine but hopefully I’m on the up from here.
Today I’m grateful for:
The welcome students gave me when I joined them at the exchange student ceremony this morning and even before that. Students I don’t even know wanted fist bumps today. That was nice.
I’m also grateful to Kru Ning for inviting me to sit with the teachers for the ceremony but I preferred to be with the students anyway, mostly because it meant that I could sneak out easily when I wanted to.
Also, Kru Pooky sent a message warning that the teachers from other countries may visit during my classes in the afternoon, with my two noisiest classes but thankfully no one came in the end.
The best thing about today was:
After sneaking out from the ceremony, I ended up talking with Mee and Rista a little while they were avoiding doing Kru David’s work. Mee told me that she is sad with herself because she doesn’t understand the English work that she is doing as extra classes outside of school. I tried to encourage her but I think that she doesn’t have the self-motivation to push herself through.
I also ended up helping Nong Fah to find the correct answers, which she appreciated.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The pharmacy was shut at Big C today and the supermarket also had a disappointing selection of expensive muesli. The bread shop had also run out of the Korean chewy cheese bread I like but I did manage to grab the last two sesame ones. I’ll keep checking back in.
Something I learned today?
Malaysia issued a travel warning for its citizens thinking about travelling to the UK, due to the demonstrations and riots there, which seem to be focusing on immigrant populations.
Initially bright and energetic but then sleepy as I was driving to work. The first class went ok and kept me awake and then I almost fell asleep at the dentist’s. Looking forward to sleep tonight for sure! I wonder if I will still be sleepy then though.
Today I’m grateful for:
The dentist, for giving me a 10% discount, letting me pay $6000 baht today and the rest next month and then giving me 4 free gumbrushes. My gums are sore now though.
Today she cut down two of my teeth to make temporary crowns and a temporary bridge.
Next appointment I will get the permanent bridge and then think about all the other fucked up things about my old teeth that need fixing.
The best thing about today was:
I repeated one of my lessons from yesterday with the other grade 7 class and whilst not quite as successful due to their poorer skills it still went well so I was happy with that.
Then spending some time with my old students (see below) was a lot of fun and it’s sometimes nice to not have the pressure of being the main teacher and can just try to experiment with styles of teaching or make learning fun for one or two students without having to manage the whole class.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Spending so much time at the dentist meant having to scoff two coffees down (just using one side of my mouth) and no time for reading, writing or preparing new lessons. Getting my teeth sorted was quite a pressing need though.
Something I learned today?
The UK is in actual recession as their economy shrank 0.3% in the last quarter.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
As I was lying in the dentist’s chair I was wondering if I would be ok for my afternoon class.
I was still inspired to get back though and rushed back, grabbed everything I needed and despite getting distracted by many students walking to building ten, I was only a couple of minutes late. However, when I got there, there were only a handful of students and they were sitting on the floor playing Uno.
They told me that most of the class were doing some singing and dancing competition this afternoon (which I had heard going on in our building) so I settled in and played a round of Uno with those who were there.
After that, I decided that I would go and help Kru Ren, who was teaching my old students from last year.
I get on well with all of them and after asking Kru Ren’s permission I helped many students to create a dialogue. They were all very reluctant because Kru Ren isn’t strict with them but as I bounced around the room playing, helping and inspiring he got himself involved too.
I see the Thai teachers just assigning work and hoping that some of the kids do it. I don’t blame them because of the extra tasks that they get given but it’s not something that I am very comfortable doing unless I’m tired myself and want to step off the gas a little.
What is a defining moment of my life?
I think I’ve answered this before. I could easily point to my two immigrant moves, from the UK to Australia and then from Australia to Thailand. I could point to any of my three marriages or the special time with TLJ. Travelling to China, to Malaysia and Singapore.
But probably the most defining moment was something that I wasn’t even aware of and that was my dad dying when I was just 18 months old. I can’t even say how this was a defining moment and even as I’m writing this I’m wondering if it even was. Does it define me? I don’t feel like I can even be defined by a single moment so perhaps all of the above apply? I thought about this moment of my dad dying because my life would have been totally different if that event hadn’t happened.
Sarah (at front) took this picture because she is always trying to snatch my phone out of my pocket and today she succeeded. I knew she took it but I was busy talking with other students. I couldn’t find her for about five minutes and was expecting 1000 photos by the time I got my phone back. Fortunately, there weren’t too many and among the predictable shots of the floor and ceiling, I thought this one was quite nice. Sarah and her accomplice, Iphone.
The golden age has been and gone We danced those glorious times away Left exhausted after the final song The fat lady now has nothing to say
Revival is just a nostalgic fail That feeling cannot be repeated At least alive to tell the tale Yet feeling sad and defeated
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired and unmotivated for most of the day. A good reading day. I feel like I might be able to force myself to do a little workout after talking with Amy and before eating something.
Today I’m grateful for:
The tool (name unknown to me) that was lying around the garden (used previously to try to break down the termite mound in the front corner of the garden) which I used to dig out the tough grass that the gardeners were too lazy to get out from in between the bricks outside the kitchen. The temperature around 5 p.m. is nice now so I’ll try and do a little in the garden. This ended up replacing my exercise for the day.
The best thing about today was:
Reading Clive James’ biography about his childhood in Sydney. He lived in Kogarah which is just a suburb away from my first Sydney home in Allawah. Although I only recognise a few of the places he talks about I can get a feel from my own memories of the area.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My motivation was lacking today and whilst I did a few things I hardly feel like I accomplished anything. I suppose I don’t need to feel like I accomplished things but I often feel like there are lots of things I could enjoy doing but can’t push myself to get up and go.
Something I learned today?
The city of Birmingham in the UK has declared bankruptcy. Things don’t seem too great there at the moment.
What are the most important moments in my life?
Boiled down to basics this would be moving countries and meeting the girls that I would spend my life with, for better or worse.
My old friend Fatty would often criticise me for changing my behaviour when I had a partner and from his perspective, I’m sure there’s some truth to that. I guess because of my father dying I felt my life was missing something and subconsciously knowing that one day my mum wouldn’t be there anymore, I held on closely to my girlfriends.
In my mind, I can kind of divide up my life into who I was with at the time. These people are obviously important to me.
I found this picture online because I was chatting with Baipad about pets and she said she liked border collies. Smart dogs. I still pine to have more animals but not knowing what the future holds makes it difficult.
A harmony made with a push The string welcomes the bow Complimentary or alone Compensates for what we know
A combination of careful ears Sing along or start your own When no one hears the tree fall The counter remains unknown
Today I’m feeling:
Positive, perky, alive. Under that, I know I’m a little tired and could enjoy more of the good sleep that I had last night. A busy day has passed happily at school. Now for a chill evening.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Rocks soda water that can be left in the fridge opened and still be fizzy after 24 hours. It seems suspicious to me! How is it possible? It’s good though because it’s so fizzy I can’t drink a whole bottle in one go.
The best thing about today was:
Pushing myself through two exercise routines this morning (abs and chest) which got me going. I feel like I need to push a little bit extra at the moment as I put on a little weight recently.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I took everything in my stride With a confidence I couldn’t hide When things wrong I just played along Using the skills I’ve learned and applied
Something I learned today?
I saw one of my old students (Sun) today and barely recognised him. I hadn’t seen him around for about six months I guess but in that time his face went from a boy to a man. That’s scary. Some other students have barely changed in three years. It is a privilege to be able to watch them grow.
Which reminds me, yesterday I wrote about August’s birthday and today I saw her in a class and wished her a happy birthday. She was shocked and surprised that I knew. I think it made her happy.
How is my life different from how I thought it would turn out?
Holy shit, my life is totally different than I thought it might be.
Up until meeting Bronwyn, I didn’t really have any idea about what I might end up doing. I was looking forward to a life of dull drudgeful depression in the UK and had no vision to escape.
Thankfully, fortuitously, meeting Bronwyn helped me find a way out that even though was still rudderless, set me on a path of discovery.
I never wanted to get married and ended up marrying three times, though if it wasn’t for visa requirements, I likely wouldn’t have married at all.
I never wanted children but Hayden came along as a happy surprise.
These days I don’t feel quite the need to push my life in any particular direction as I’m content with where I’m at.
Jet took this picture because she took my phone to take selfies and asked me to join in. Jet and Fah are two of my favourite students. Though both have wildly different personalities they still also can’t help acting their age of 13 or 14. They are smart and funny.
Lives filled with mediocrity There’s a half-hearted yes Missed golden opportunities Because mediocre is no stress Anything that needs doing Must be done all the way And if it doesn’t feel right Then saying no is ok
Today I’m feeling:
There’s tension building in my body. Had no real problem getting up at 6.30 this morning as I prepare for battle. Slowly I will build up the discipline to fight the days again.
Today I’m grateful for:
A video call from a chatty Amy this morning as I was sipping coffee at Utopia. Amy looked cute and cuddly and I really enjoyed her enthusiasm for life. I miss her being here a lot. I’m quite happy by myself but sometimes I need her to pick me up.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing the Michael Parkinson biography and the Netflix TV series Money Heist. I enjoy the feeling of finishing something knowing that I can move on to something new. Tomorrow it will be getting back into the swing of working again and starting that whole schedule again. I already have the next book lined up, Sapiens but not sure what TV I might get into. I might not for a while as I enjoy reading more.
I also got the music playing all day again in the kitchen, something which I hadn’t been doing since Kim left at the start of this holiday. This holiday hasn’t been very enjoyable at all unfortunately though perhaps it was fortunate that Kim didn’t go in the middle of the semester. I wonder if I would’ve handled it better or not?
Soon Amy will be back here and we will change all our room arrangements again. I’ll accommodate what she needs to feel comfortable again and also enjoy the changes.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I talked to Amy this morning she asked if I had talked to anyone about getting the aircon fixed yet and I told her that I would go to the shop tomorrow and talk with them as it would be easier than on the phone. (Strangely it seemed to be working ok again last night though not quite 100%) About ten minutes later she called me back and said that she’d talked to her mum and that her mum had someone who could come and fix it for cheaper. Cool beans. I asked if that would be today and she said probably not. That was ok, whenever. Another ten minutes later she called again and said the guy wouldn’t be able to come for another two weeks so better if I just go to the shop! If you sit and wait long enough in Thailand everything twists and turns until it just ends up as it was. No stress (anymore!). I’m pretty sure that when I go to the shop they won’t be able to come quickly either as everyone’s aircon will be breaking at this time to overuse.
Something I learned today?
I saw that protesters in the UK were arrested without having committed a crime. This was due to it being King Charles’s coronation on Saturday. I think the same would happen in Thailand too.
How have I been holding myself back?
I’ve been holding myself back somewhat due to Amy not being here. As I’m here taking care of the cats I haven’t been able to go to places that I might’ve liked to, like Malaysia, again. It’s the situation holding me back as opposed to any internal thought processes keeping me down. I make the best of the situation as it is. Having said that, if I felt strongly enough I could have arranged for the cats to be taken care of and gone off for a time too.
I’ve been thinking about how much the pandemic fucked up things. I’d only been in Thailand a short while really and was still finding my feet. I was excited to go on tour around South East Asia now that I was living here, establish contacts to repeat the process every year and then it all got cancelled and with Kimi’s passing around the start of the pandemic it really took the wind out of my sails. I don’t feel like I can get the enthusiasm back up to go through the organising process again and I feel out of the loop with what’s going on around the region. Maybe a suitable opportunity will come up that will kick me into action again though I’m not particularly looking for it right now.
I took this picture because I saw a million insects on one of the stems of this plant and when I touched it they all flew off and into a flying formation where they looked static. This is my attempt to photograph them though, of course, it didn’t work but I like the resulting picture anyway.
Hey boys, the war is over Even though it wasn’t won There will be no spoils to share But it definitely is done
No more letters to the front Or eating rations in the mud All the winners are losers With the spilling of their blood
The rules of engagement And decisions to be made Must be around a table And no sacrifices paid
Today I’m feeling:
I’m ok today but not that excited. It’s nice to have reasonably breathable air again even though the smoke is filling in the gaps again after being blown around yesterday.
Today I’m grateful for:
Candles and tea lights (see below). Also, Febreeze (again) as Tigger decided to spray the sofa where Cap sits which is right next to where I sit.
The best thing about today was:
I watched a movie today and also listened to some music. I wasn’t overly impressed with either but it’s a sign of a slow return to normality. I also received an email from Sharon which I wasn’t so surprised about as I had already been thinking about my mum when I remembered it was her birthday yesterday and that was also the reason for her email. I still haven’t replied to her one from Christmas so I’ll get on that this week. Hopefully, I’ll get back to the UK to see Sharon and family again one day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Another fairly violent storm rolled through between six and seven pm knocking out power to the whole village, maybe even further. The breeze block holding down the roof failed and I managed to get another up so had two now holding it down. It sounded like they failed too but I couldn’t tell yet as it was now totally dark. I found a few candles and there’s a nice breeze blowing through the now-open windows. It’s been four hours now and I’ve been reading on my iPad and contemplating trying to sleep. However, the rain has stopped and the temperature is likely to rise to unbearable even during the early hours. Hopefully, someone is out there trying to untangle wires.
Something I learned today?
Looks like this power outage is extensive as even my phone has no service. I write this because I usually look back at what YouTube videos I’ve watched to see if I might’ve learned anything. Now I’m going to have to test my short-term memory.
As I’m laying here thinking I realise that I am learning the sound of the night. No buzzing transformers, the hum of machines on stand-by, pumps pushing water and no doof doof from garaged PAs or the nightclub. It’s Friday night and an occasional frog and cricket is having a brief discussion. Otherwise, all I can hear now is the loud ringing in my ears.
What am I most proud of myself for accomplishing this week?
I’ve managed to keep Amy’s indoor plants alive (just about), my remaining two cats alive and myself alive. That’s an accomplishment. I just continue with what I’m doing. Things will never be completed, they will just stop when I drop dead. Accomplishments? Little things get crossed off little mental lists and when that final day comes will I have accomplished anything? ‘Here lies Shaun, finally accomplished nirvana.’
But I do carry a little pride in what I do.
I took this picture because it shows our roof trying to take off and drenching our cactuses in our entertainment area during the storm yesterday. Another is forecast today but there’s no sign of it so far.
Our visitor, quiet by our side So close, so very close There’s no one else and nothing happens We share this realm There’s no ordinary language Just the feeling of unbounded love The presence remains Long after the sun turns golden The comfort the visitor brings – Hope to see you again
inspired by (and phrases appropriated from) Nick Cave’s Red Hand Files
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
The iron, the ironing board, electricity, TV, Netflix, Sex Education and spare time. All these combined saw me knock off the pile of 20-plus shirts that now hang, reasonably smooth, in my wardrobe.
The best thing about today was:
Shaving off a five-day beard growth with a new razor. I always try to make my razors last well past their supposed use date which is something ridiculous like 15 shaves. But I’m also always relieved when I switch to a new one and can get a clean shave with no rashes or cuts.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My main computer has been slowly dying for the last two years and is being particularly troublesome today after not having any issues at all yesterday. I get to the point where I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll have to buy a new one and then it will suddenly start working ok again for a few months. This time might be the end though.
Something I learned today?
I watched a video about the Two Sessions in China. The National People’s Congress and the CPPCC ( I forget exactly what this acronym is now). They meet every year and elect new leaders every five. What was interesting was that they clearly represent a wide range of peoples and groups throughout the whole country.
What is a defining moment of my life?
Moving away from the UK – really the whole impetus for this blog which has now morphed into something else.
Meeting TLJ – the start of a long difficult recovery.
Meeting Amy – the becoming of a truly independent adult and finding deep happiness.
I took this picture because as I was arriving at Utopia this morning the leaves’ symmetry struck me, requesting a photo to be taken.
Although the semester isn’t over and I still have things to do, it already feels like holiday. Today is another Buddhist holiday too so I’m taking advantage of the free time. I ploughed through the shirts whilst watching Netflix – the semi-watchable but very contrived Sex Education. The best thing about it is the setting in a beautiful part of England that I’ll look up and find because I’d like to go there and check it out for real. The air quality fucking sucks right now and the mountains are barely visible but I’ve forced myself out again, to sit at Daytripper, read, write and reflect.
I am so happy and grateful for all these bootleg Beatles CDs I bought and finally listening to, as I’m reading a biography about them which is entertaining me more than I thought it would. I’m not the biggest fan of their music but I can appreciate what was happening at the time. The CDs also remind me of visiting my mum as bought them in the UK.
If you got nothing to talk about then there’s always the weather. Over the last couple of years though, the weather has become a major conversation for most people. Extremes are getting hit everywhere. And now having said that……
It’s not just a surprise to me that it’s so cold here in North Thailand at the moment, even the locals say they’ve never felt anything like it. We all probably forgot what it was like last year. It’s a bit of a shock to the system though and apparently, this ‘winter’ cold will be over within the week. It’s actually a nice temperature but I can’t enjoy it because everyone got sick and thought it best to share it with me, so I’ve been rugged up and sleeping it off for what feels way too long. Hanging out daily with hundreds of sick kids doesn’t help much either.
Another annoying thing is that the temperature had just become appropriate to crack open the bottle of Malt Whiskey I’d been sitting on since last year. After a couple of nights of enjoyment, the sickness took hold. Maybe it’s related? When it’s not school holidays I’ve pretty much stopped drinking now, so I’m a bit out of practice. This has had some positive health effects in that I’ve lost a little bit of weight without having to do any exercise. I would like to do some exercise though but……I’m fucking sick.
Anyway, in between working and coughing I’m also in the middle of planning a ten-day or so South East Asia tour for Worlds Dirtiest Sport from France, which is basically Kevin from Trumans Water and his one-man band. I’m very excited about this. It’s a great excuse for me to get to see some other parts of Southeast Asia that I haven’t visited yet, to enjoy watching Kevin play each night and to discover the local scenes and bands there. As well as catching up with some old (and newer) friends.
Whilst doing this I also have to arrange myself a new UK passport, as that is what my Thai visa is attached to. I got this Australian passport that I’ve never used and not sure when I’ll be able to! This will mean having to make two quick trips to the British Embassy in Chiang Mai on working weekdays. This is my opportunity to use the word palaver.
those days
Dealing with the moving targets of Thai bureaucracy has hardened me somewhat to the bullshit bureaucracy I had to deal with in Australia and the UK with all the visas, passports and information requirements. This time should be a cinch. Famous last words.
these days
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be around the kids at school. Even if they are shitbags they never fail to make me smile many times a day. I can go home with those smiles and forget about how little they actually learned.
Did it lists
“You may not wake up tomorrow”
What did I do well today? Where were my discipline and self-control tested? Where did I do good? What did I do bad and why did this occur? Furthermore, how can I improve?
Wrote in gratitude journal.
Understood more about my students.
Prepped next week’s regular class worksheets.
Downloaded Daily Stoic Introduction and saved to Drive.
“Another landmark & eventful gig for us! One evening I took a phone call from a bloke called Stuart asking us about a Joiners gig for HUGGY BEAR! Now as this was not too long after the height of the Riot Grrl media exposure & HUGGY BEAR had made a high-profile appearance on ‘The Word’ (Channel 4’s then flagship music show) my initial reaction was to suggest that he spoke to Mint about doing a Next Big Thing gig but Stuart was adamant that they wanted to play a D.I.Y. gig & that he knew all about the S.T.E. When I met Stuart at the gig it turned out we recognised each other from London gigs & he was a friend of Sean from WAT TYLER! So we did the gig & there were no problems at all with how things worked – as per our usual way of working there was no contract or guarantee. There were a couple of surprises though – the first was that a band from Plymouth called PERSECUTION COMPLEX turned up & ended up playing. The second was that Graham Coxon from BLUR was going out with one of HUGGY BEAR then & he accompanied his girlfriend to The Joiners. Afterwards, when he heard that Coxon had been in attendance, Rob Turl exclaimed that he would have decked him if he’d known! THIRST! opened & their ‘Friend’ 7″ was out at this point (the very first SD Records release). This was also the start of a long & wonderful friendship with the guys from TRAVIS CUT (Chris Evans, Mac Cut McDonald). We’d met them at a JAWBOX gig in their Harlow hometown earlier in the year & got in touch, loved their debut ‘Waking Hours’ 7″ & when Nottingham’s BOB TILTON, who were originally billed couldn’t do it (we’d have to wait for their first S.T.E. gig), they were an obvious replacement. Afterwards TRAVIS CUT stayed at Jonny, Selina & Dave’s house in Maybush, me & Rob joined them & it was a wonderful evening. The next day, just as TRAVIS CUT drove home to Harlow, a beautiful cat turned up almost as if he’d jumped out of their van. He stuck around & it seemed inevitable to call him Travis (Cat). I immediately struck up an affinity with Travis & a year later when Jon & Selina moved to a house where they couldn’t have cats, Travis moved in with me & lived with me for the next 14 years of his long life until his passing in 2009. R.I.P. Travis. Sadly, Stuart the guy who booked the HUGGY BEAR date passed away some years back too. The flyer backdrop photo was of a Japanese or Korean musician that I again purloined from The Observer or Guardian newspaper.”
5th Jan 2024 – I was selling off my records at the back of the room throughout this show and though I remember little of the supports, I was really into Huggy Bear’s music but at one point their hyperbole made me wonder what their point was as it was a little lost in the mess of noise coming from the stage. From the back of the room, I shouted out ‘Who are you and why am I here?’ to which Bronwyn shushed me. I thought it was quite a valid sentiment though not sure if anyone was paying attention really. And it really didn’t stop me from enjoying them at all.
1994ever 