Tag: uncertainty

Gift Return – 18th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

I.

This time is a gift I give
Sharing these pictures on a page
The words a gift from the past
So that you remember the age

This love is a gift I give
To teach is to learn is to teach
Wisdom is the gift I offer
Put within your reach

II. (Rolling Haiku)

The gift keeps giving
To the wisdom of learning
Each generation
To the wisdom of learning
The gift keeps giving

Submitted to No Theme Thursday

Today I’m feeling:

Tired because I had slept too much over the last two days and so struggled to sleep last night along with Cap wanting to be let out and back in again three times.  I hope to get home in the early afternoon and catch up on some sleep then.  The air is still making me feel dizzy and sick too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The four staff at the post office who I communicated with Google Translate telling them that I didn’t want to pay customs tax on a parcel from Yukari in Japan.  The shirt and CDs were already expensive and I don’t want to have to pay even more just to receive them.

Anyway, in my mind I’m already resigned to having to pay the tax but I thought that I would try my best to not and the four guys were all a little stuck as it is just their job to collect the money and send it to the customs people.

I explained that the things in the parcel were just some stuff that I left in Japan when I was visiting there and it was just being sent back to me.  The value on the customs declaration is just for insurance claims if it gets lost.  They were sympathetic but said they just collected the money.

This would be different in Australia where you have a good chance of not paying import duty if you can argue a good case as I have done in the past on several occasions.

Well, as it was up to the customs people I asked them to call them and explain the situation.  They tried but said there was no answer, maybe because it was lunchtime.  OK, when you’ve talked to them you can call me and I gave them my phone number and left.

I doubt that they will call as none of them speak English so I will go back in a day or two and see what the situation is.

The best thing about today was:

Getting my grading files all done and dusted by 9.30am, allowing me time to enjoy coffee before a little bit of shopping, where, finally, Big C has the Strawberry Granola in stock again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I suppose the situation above that I describe about the customs tax is out of my control and I dealt with it calmly and softly.  There was no point in getting upset with the staff at the post office – they were just doing their job.

How do I deal with uncertainty?

I remind myself that everything is uncertain.  When you consider that everything is uncertain and that you have been dealing with this reality for 56 years already, you might not be exactly sure how you deal with it but like my mum always said you ‘just get on with it.’

I have become more flexible and accepting of change over time, something I know that Hayden often struggles with.  I have also reduced my expectations around things being a certain way – Thailand has taught me this quite well.

I took this picture because Cap looked like he was curled up in a warm winter house with a fire roaring nearby which couldn’t be further from the truth. This old man is still so cute.

Old MacDonald Got AI – 15th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

God took six days to do
What can now be done
In a minute
At the push of a button
A simple prompt
A new world may be created
Everything for that we strived
Made faster and easier
And with it, the artist dies
Along with their struggle
How to know something is good?
It must be a piece of you
A chuck of the pain
That gave birth
No more the imagination
Your future automated
*A boundless machine
Of artistic demoralisation*

inspired and pilfered from the Red Hand Files and *Nick Cave directly

Today I’m feeling:

Unsure yet. I guess I’m relaxed. Just a little soft around the edges, not quite in focus.

At midday, my mojo is returning after three hours of catching up on writing and some reading.

And then….(see further below)

Today I’m grateful for:

The medicine that has helped Tigger overcome his fever and infection. I wasn’t particularly worried about Tig but I also remembered not being too worried about Kim when she was sick too. Sometimes, when Amy is being cautious, it’s best to follow her lead, just in case.

The best thing about today was:

Coffee. And having a few hours spare to read and write but more importantly to get my brain back in the game. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my final class of the day, I lost my patience with one student who was being obnoxious to me. I took his phone and later gave it to his homeroom teacher. He didn’t even seem to care that much. 

It’s a shame as I have previously gotten on well with that student. I can guess that something was going on with him but still…..

Sometimes the disrespect gets to me.

6th Nov 2023 – Only three months later and I only have a vague memory of this happening and can’t recall who it was! I think that’s good. No grudges held.

Something I learned today?

Tigger’s infection is all good now, though because of the medicine he had been taking his kidney function levels are a little high. Another week without medicine before another blood test which hopefully gives the all-clear.

How would I describe where I am right now?

I think if I told my friends just the word ‘Thailand’, that would trigger their imaginations to understand where I am right now. I know that I’m living a lucky life. Despite minor stresses, I’m feeling content and almost at peace.

How did I embrace uncertainty?

I’ve been looking at this question for several days.  I feel that my life is reasonably certain and has been for a long time. In times when I did feel uncertain it was purely internal thoughts rather than some circumstance.

Both times I moved countries I didn’t feel uncertainty really, though I guess that means that I did embrace it. How did I do that? Perhaps by positivity. Perhaps by ignorance. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood that no matter what happens or is happening, things will be okay. Sometimes you just have to go through shit. I do wish I could’ve worked that out when I was younger as it would have saved me a lot of trouble and stress at that time.

What is an unusual fact about me?

I was listening to the End On End podcast with the High Back Chairs and one of them was talking about his collection of German military uniforms from 1880-1918. It reminded me that no matter what you may know people for they can always surprise you with something unusual. 

I guess I have an unusual amount of CDs featuring unusual music but because of the circles I run in that doesn’t seem particularly unusual to me but may be to others.

Perhaps something I find unusual about myself is the variety of work that I’ve done over the years. Ugh, even that doesn’t seem particularly unusual though.

Am I.… am I normal? What’s wrong with that? I don’t want to be normal. I know that no one is normal but I would hate for someone to think of me as normal!

Quote: I quote others in order to better myself – Montaigne

Sometimes a good quote captures your imagination and consolidates ideas into a sentence or two. Most of the quotes I enjoy are positive but I also dig the backhanded sarcastic and ironic type of quote when it is clearly obvious its intention.

I wish I could remember good quotes though and be able to use them in conversation. That would make me appear smart. Perhaps that is vanity but it’s true, I would like to appear smart at least. Because I don’t feel smart at all. Can I fool myself?

A Moment, Please – 9th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Take me to the perfect people party
A room full of fancied dress
Smoke and mirrors cooperate
To make meaning of this mess

This picture painted is a fake
Yet within, contains the essence
Deeper than those apparitions
Chasing love over lessons

The traveller lives in joy
Following rules of thirds
From friends to lovers to art
The meaning is within these words

Today I’m feeling:

Very relaxed! Not many kids were around at school and I told those who asked that we wouldn’t have classes which enabled me a lazy time at House before checking back in with students I could find and then heading home before midday. Chill chill.

Today I’m grateful for:

The girl I met playing cards at Daytripper about ten days ago remembering my name. I remembered her friend’s name and almost got hers right too – she is Panan and I remembered Panon.

I was busy with lesson planning so couldn’t join them this time but hopefully next time. I want to go there more as it feels to be more conducive to me working (blogging, writing, lesson planning) than home.

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Namkhing and Fah about study and what I’m trying to help them achieve. What was memorable was that they told me they prefer to study English more than Thai but then discovering the real reason is that they don’t like any of the Thai teachers because they complain all the time. But then I said that I complain all the time too and they laughed and indicated that that was ok because they didn’t understand what I was saying so much.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There has been nothing to make me feel upset about anything today so the best I can manage, and is a generalisation, is the air quality today and temperature tonight. Handled with the air purifier and aircon. I’m grateful to have these available.

Something I learned today?

In preparation for an event that may occur in the next few years, I watched a video about Marcel Proust. The event will be me reading In Search Of Lost Time.

One of the points the video mentioned about the book was that we barely notice the 1000s of things happening around us each day and that things like art can connect us back to that.

This made me think of my last four years of keeping a gratitude journal and how at times I have to search for something to be grateful for but there is always something new to be found.

Also how my days are relatively uneventful but I am able to find happiness within them. I’m looking forward to reading those books but unsure when I can get to them.

What seems uncertain right now?

Isn’t everything? I don’t mean in a bad or negative way but nothing is certain. One day the sun won’t be coming up, just like yesterday there was no yoghurt at Makro. Everything that I think about is uncertain. It’s not that most things are likely to happen but they could.

I took this picture last month because all our cats enjoy Amy’s old bra box to sleep in. This time it’s Cap and then Kim will usually kick him out and then at other times Tig will steal this spot first.

I’ll dig myself a hole and I’ll fill up that space – 21st October 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I cried

I cried wholeheartedly

I cried my guts out

I cried for an hour

I cried in the darkness of the bedroom, head under the sheets

I cried in Bronwyn’s arms as she comforted me

I cried and choked unable to say the few words that I wanted to say

I cried in a dance of tears

I cried, sobbed, balled in a fit of depression, overcome by dark hands, fingers in my mind

I cried unable to stop, wave upon wave of negative thoughts immersing me, dragging me into the depths of my soul

I cried out of loneliness

I cried through fear, here in this unknown territory, uncharted waters

I cried in this sea of complexity

I cried til Bronwyn cried for me in a joint sadness

We cried, then stopped and talked and fell asleep, hopeful for the new day.

Picture is an obscure connection that predictably tickles me.