Tag: understanding

Teacher’s Lament – 31st January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t be angry with me
I know you don’t see it
But I’m trying to steer you
In the right direction
I know you’re upset
Your fun was curtailed
But I’m trying to guide you
Towards self-correction

You’ll see it one day
Long after I’m gone
It will be you
With wise words to pass on

22nd Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – correct

Today I’m feeling:

A little frustrated at first but ok now. Happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Dr Arnon for giving me medicine and cleaning spray for Tigger’s skin problem without me having to take him in. Putting the spray on today though I can see one of the wounds on his head is big and deep, with the scab coming away. I just hope the antibiotics stop him from getting infected and it can heal quickly, otherwise, it will be another trip back for Tig.

The best thing about today was:

The very cold reception I got from my class of truants from yesterday and then as they slowly understood the work they needed to do and then have to read for me and as they did it, sometimes laughing at their mistakes and finally showing some pride at their ability to do it. They are smart kids just choosing not to be.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning the students were kept late at assembly and straggled into class with many things on their minds except studying. This class (1/6) has broken up into little groups that distract themselves constantly so that today no one was listening. Frustrated, I just let them leave, considering other ways or things I can teach them. Speaking with their head student though she said it’s like that in every other class too. I have a plan for tomorrow but after that… I don’t know. I do hope we get better levels of students next year or I will have to continue dumbing things down even further.

And, on top of that, the reason they were kept late was that they were being told about next week which, I just found out, is scout week! Another whole week of no classes! Any possible momentum to get going after sports week, lost again!

Something I learned today?

Luckily the thing I was trying to remember yesterday was brought back to mind today as it was whilst I was listening to the End On End podcast talking about the Autoclave record and the track Hotspur. One of the hosts mentioned that Hotspur was the name of a character in a Shakespeare play (I forget which) and just word Hotspur reminds me of one of Rik Mayall’s outrageous characters in the Black Adder. I hope to find some books of Shakespeares’ plays with cliff notes to help me understand it all. I have one on the shelf already but it’s not really at the top of the pile yet.

What is something I want to do for myself in the coming year?
Lose fat.

I took this picture because it’s not often that Tigger is close to Cap or Kim.

Haunted Eye – 22nd January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

My left eye only sees the truth
My right eye only sees lies
Blinded by some realities
Caught out by surprise

I spy with my haunted eye
Ghostly memories floating past
A single blink lasts an hour
Whilst perceiving this life so fast

31st Mar 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Haunt

It cannot be stressed enough that we do not all struggle equally.

David Bauer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that George finally got off his chest what his problem is with me. It was hurtful but meaningful. It helped me understand more about him as a person.

Been writing so much that all my pens are running out.

Arrived home yesterday feeling good and positive. Unfortunately, Amy wasn’t happy about what happened at school (see yesterday) and blamed it all on me. She thought that I liked hurting myself by continuing to try to talk with George. Perhaps there’s a subconscious element to that but I didn’t feel hurt after reflecting on it. What did not feel good was seeing how it made her feel. I learn slowly and deeply – Amy put doubt back in my mind, whereas I felt strength before. I feel that I can accept that everyone is different but that that feeling is not reciprocated by some. That’s ok too – we can’t expect to get along with everyone. What I must do is go back to basics and consider what I can control and what I can’t. Simple as that.

The more I think about it, the more I’m reminded of my mum and her strength and resolve. Amy asked me if I’m ok without many friends and I am. My friends may not be right here, or be few in number, and I am fine with that. Others are not good with a situation like that, I know. But, like my mum, I am.

Stan’s Law – 25th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*It’s hard to accept
A door without a handle*
To hold in your fist
An eternal burning candle

When doing wrong
Turns out to be doing right
To purposefully ignore
What is clearly within sight

The door is shut
And your skin is burning
Oxymoronic times
Opens eyes to learning

*quote from Stanislaw Lem

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for T. Champ to be understanding about the way I teach. He’s good to be around.

I’m pretty happy this morning to receive lots of messages from my students asking questions or submitting their work. This makes me feel better about my teaching and confirms a little to me that those parents complaining don’t understand what I’m trying to achieve with their kids. It will take a long time to change things in this country.

Is my way better? It doesn’t matter. I am the way I am and I teach what I believe. I just want the students to try and not just think that everything is going to work out whether they put in effort or not.

Sometimes I know I’m intense but it’s my character. I can change it somewhat though I find it hard. I’m also not all crazy strict with the kids and I think they like me. It’s usually the parents who are the problem! I know they have their ways that they want things done. I guess I’m not the person to do that for them! Haha!

Anyway, the good students are doing really well. They make me proud.

I’m starting to miss Amy a little already, even though it’s two more months before she leaves! I’m starting to think about all the extra things that I will have to do for myself and the cats and the house. But this time I want to have music playing all day, every day! That should make things bearable.

I’m thinking about whether to post on the MFU Facebook page for students to come and hang out on weekends and to practice their English – but I’m not sure about this as I value my free time so much!

Hopefully, we get a good holiday in April next year. Perfect! I can practice retirement.

Take My Word – 20th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Do I have time to read every written word?
Don’t look at me as if it’s so absurd
Absorbed in stories that taught me much
Each one holding a teacher’s touch

The words to learn from times to burn
Find the right words for your concern
If it hits you hard then read it twice
Take my word, that’s my advice

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can read books wherever I go. One for Utopia, one for school/House, one for evenings, one for bedtime.

Well, the weekend passed by quickly, with going to Amy’s aunties’ memorial on Friday and Saturday night and then her cremation on Sunday morning. I was happy to have a phone with me and felt less conscious of using it on these occasions, as I’ve gotten used to Thais doing it. Even one of the monks took a call whilst his leader was chanting.

At times when I looked up and around, I still could not feel what comforts these odd rituals provide. They seem a nonsense and can be adapted in any way anyone should please. If we got rid of all religions, would we just make new rituals to comfort ourselves? Perhaps not. It’s not so obvious in those who have no faith. They (we) accept the fact that we live and die and not much else.

Recently, I’ve been reading much about the USA’s foreign policy and interference in other countries, and it reinforces the fact for me that all of it is beyond meaningless. People left to themselves are generally ok and without any implanted biases, get on with everyone.

I’m thinking that China’s approach to world affairs is a more powerful way to share the world. From an outside perspective, it looks to me as if they are aware that helping people to help themselves benefits everyone in the long run. Trying to force your way of life on other people has continually shown in history to not be successful. Every country, group, philosophy, and government will have its share of bad apples, and the current media obsession with focusing on them forces a bias that is not conducive to love.

Religions have also failed at a mass level, of teaching to love everyone, even though it is a major tenet of them all.

Whilst these situations remain, frustrated people, like me, want to give up, see no hope. Even in our own happy lives. We can’t ignore the suffering of others. These people are humans, and we play this game of life together.

The Gift – 14th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Your head games and offensive words
Spewing out your hole like stinking turds
The two-faced smiles and stinking breath
Your finagling towards friendship death

Daggers raised at those honest necks
A passive-aggressive sweep of the decks
The bitter change of heart so swift
Beyond the tears, you gave me a gift

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a nice deep sleep totally missing the storm that blew everything around in the night. Feel good this morning!

I forgot to mention yesterday that I finally managed to play the first part of Scarborough Fair after what seems like months of trying! Changing from Dm to F was so difficult and it was getting so frustrating. I was so happy to finally do it on Sunday. Now I have to complete the next two sections and advance to Level 6. It’s all starting to get a little more difficult now but I’m still enjoying it. I will try and find more old punk songs that I know to play along to. I think that will keep up my motivation.

Today I can celebrate Matt selling me his stash of Kratom and also giving me the rest of his weed tincture. I never tried these before, so let’s see what they are like.

I’m happy today. Tuesday is my easy teaching day and giving the student work ahead of time makes the class go quicker, although it kinda spreads the work out for me, making it longer. Anyway, I’m enjoying it at the moment. I am still looking forward to a break though.

On It’s Way – 6th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Dragonflies litter my driveway
Drowned in torrential rain
Once happily fluttering about
But never to fly again

Snails are stuck in my driveway
Sudden sun drying all around
Some crushed under my tyres
Their bodies smushed into the ground

As I drive to work this morning
Black clouds are moving away
The roads in front are empty
And the future is on its way

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Hayden for calling me out of the blue yesterday. He sounded in good spirits.

Looking back through my 1979 diary and watching videos of popular songs at that time is really stirring up my memory. I didn’t write much of any importance back at that time and I’m conscious that sometimes writing and photos become the only remaining memories.

With all this looking back though, random memories do keep popping into my mind – soon pushed back in the brain, but there somewhere. Big chunks of time seem to be missing but it’s in there somewhere – going to extract it out like a science fiction comic book operation. Excellent. All the events, all the pieces, mundane or exciting, make me the person writing today.

I’m not putting this together for posterity – will anyone care? Perhaps some sociology student of the future? This is my own exercise in understanding, my own investigation into now by investigating the past.

I was pleasantly surprised by a call from Hayden yesterday evening and he sounded quite bright and chirpy, more so than me; I was still tired, perhaps from the vaccine. Anyway, I hope we can talk more often and I can encourage him to think a bit more and talk to him without any judgement.