Enthralled by perceived charisma, you will hear these words oft-repeated We will provide you what you deserve of which you’ve been cheated The masks will swap, convincing you that change means not the same Scapegoating other players is just the way ahead in this game
There’s no escaping the treadmills that you yourself wished created Signed on to the terms and conditions that we have dictated Ignorance is a more terrible curse than anything we could invent So the illusion must be maintained with your monies well spent
I tried some long-line rhyming! The initial inspiration for this was the 7th line, taken from the comic Shadowman – hence the title.
The song always remains the same (Here we damn well go again!) Everything and nothing is gonna change
Too late and too soon to rearrange Is this even worth the saving? More or less, we’re all misbehaving Every order is rapidly falling apart Started at the end, ended at the start
To the infinite, the future and past Here stand the fallen, the first came at last Every explosion will soon shake the walls Your sons and daughters taking the falls
And we better start off along the creeks Rowing the boats and plugging the leaks Eagles turned vultures pointing their beaks
Alarmed at the words the majority speaks
Criticise the critters, blame all the birds Hold on hope and the rule of thirds Always enough was found wanting more Now comes the battle to settle the score Gone with all reason, gone with the wind In the storm of the season, everyone sinned Never again, again and again, explained Gotta live to see that the times have changed
‘Criticise the Critters’ is from a song by Phantom Tollbooth and ‘Hold on Hope’ is from Guided By Voices. Oh, I suppose I should also say that ‘The Song Remains the Same’ is by Led Zeppelin too.
Tired and bleary-eyed again. I intended to sleep long but Cap woke me up crying at the door to be fed at 8.20 and once up I decided to utilise the time and try to get myself going.
Today I’m grateful for:
Not having anything in particular to do today except hang out washing and bring it in again!
The best thing about today was:
Getting some reading in, a little writing and good coffee to start the day. I spent another three hours or so catching up on sleep at around midday. I’m still looking forward to more sleep tonight.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
During my afternoon sleep, I was having a vivid dream that I was a teenager in bed, in a bedroom that was my own but not a place that I recognised. I was trying to jerk myself off but constantly conscious that my mum wouldn’t suddenly open the door and catch me and this kept interrupting the thoughts in my imagination that I was trying to get excited about.
It was so vivid that when I briefly came back into consciousness, my imagination was still trying to decide on some kind of sexy scenario and then I started questioning myself, am I actually jerking off whilst dreaming of jerking off?
I fell back into the dream but was unable to continue. Consciousness quickly came again and I turned over in bed wondering if I had been making any noise during all this!
I slept more after this but didn’t return to that dream.
Something I learned today?
I watched a video about an adult gaming company called Nutaku and, through that, learned that about 90% of porn websites (along with Nutaku) are owned by a single company.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I helped Amy a little bit today as she is under the weather with a cold. I didn’t really interact with many other people today.
I took this picture of Aomsin because she is shy to have her picture taken. She’s an interesting student as she doesn’t usually give much away about her feelings with her facial expressions. It was nice to catch a smile before she hid herself from the camera.
So many tombstones for the hydra-headed The many heads must be better than one The hallucinations are so deeply embedded This anarchy and madness has just begun
A choice of two to become King Wizard Let’s fantasise that all men are born equal A legacy of dunces believes that a lizard Was born to be the hero of this sequel
Lazy and tired. I set my alarm for 7 am though woke up before that but slept another hour after turning the alarm off.
As I was brushing my teeth, I wondered why I had stayed up past midnight reading last night. My eyes are aching and having trouble focusing.
I have to get myself going and hopefully these two coffees will do the trick.
Today I’m grateful for:
Struggling through today (see below) and forcing myself out on my bike, to ride all the back roads to Makro to get the last two tubs of yoghurt. Sold out in two days! Why don’t they order more?
The best thing about today was:
Getting little bits of everything done. It doesn’t feel like a productive day, not that they all have to be, but there’s nothing that stands out either.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
By the time of visiting the hospital and seeing the doctor (after an hour of waiting) I was starting to feel a little down. With the long wait it meant missing my afternoon class too.
I messaged Kru Tang to see if she could fix how to put leave into the system. She couldn’t help fix it but also said that I should assign work to the students to do in the class time. I argued that if I have to take leave then I’m not going to assign work that I have to follow up on. I might as well be there.
I told her I would ask the class to use the opportunity to catch up on other class work and she seemed ok with that. But still it added to me feeling a bit grumpy and down.
Thankfully, the trip on the motorbike had a positive effect on my mood.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
After getting back from Makro at around 6pm I went over to Baipad’s, taking a syringe and a food stick, to see if she could feed Snow with it. When I got there, though, Baipad looked totally dejected and became teary.
I asked to see Snow and we went upstairs to where she was. She looked back to the state that she was in on Sunday, unfortunately and I didn’t see much hope. Baipad was sobbing by this time.
I hate seeing cats suffer, any animals. I squeezed a little water into her mouth and rubbed her throat. She gave a little squeak of recognition but soon dropped her head back down. I told Baipad to give her a little water every hour or so and give her love and strokes.
Then I came home and fed our two precious boys.
Around 8pm Baipad messaged me that Snow had passed.
I took this picture because this little fella decided to join me on my ride back from Utopia this morning. It has a clear shell that looks like plastic. I’ve never seen anything like it before.
Dog tired last night and still struggled to get to sleep but once I did I was gone!
I woke up before my alarm but couldn’t get up when the alarm went off and reset to give an extra 20 minutes of dozing.
Not feeling too bad with my first coffee but have two busy days ahead.
Today I’m grateful for:
The pharmacist being available at Big C when I got there today. Last week when I tried they told me that there would be no one there until 5pm.
The best thing about today was:
Bumping into my old grade 9 student Sheena as I was about to leave school. I asked if she was happy now that I was no longer teaching her class and she said that everyone was complaining that they were missing me.
That was nice to hear and for sure, I connected with all those students really well but they drove me crazy at the time. I hope that I have some good influence over them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Some of the classrooms that I’m teaching in test my patience with various bits and pieces of equipment missing but I just have to take it easy and not get ruffled by it. Everything can be overcome.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interesting interview with LA-based Chinese comedian Jiaoying Summers and it was great to see a strong woman taking control of her life and destiny against a lot of odds.
What part of my daily routine do I look forward to the most?
Most workdays I look forward to exercising in the morning.
With my drive to try and write a poem or day (or more), I also look forward to spending time reading, thinking and writing.
At the end of the day, I kinda look forward to writing this journal but some days are a struggle. With enough time I can usually answer all the questions but often I’m out of energy and need to go to bed.
I took this picture because I was kinda shocked to see a full moon tonight. I’ve been used to seeing the moon regularly when I go to close our gate and usually have some idea what stage it is at.
Tired after all the running around yesterday. Woke up to mountain-less white skies as the smoke descends.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s student turning up for her online class today at 1 pm forcing me out into my room where I played guitar for the first time this week. It’s been so hot that I just haven’t bothered going out there even though the air con cools things down fairly quickly.
I caught up on a few other things while I was out there too, so it’s been a reasonably productive day.
The best thing about today was:
Writing an excellent poem for the first contest that I ever chose to enter on the AllPoetry site only to find that in between the time that I started writing and finishing half an hour later, the contest had closed! I laughed at my bad luck but smiled at the quality of my work.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See above)
Something I learned today?
An undercover reporter has an alleged CIA agent admitting that they withheld information from President Trump that China shared all its data about the Covid outbreak in Wuhan. So whilst Trump was busy blaming China for withholding that info it was, in fact, his own government.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I do this every day at Utopia or House, and sometimes at other cafes and restaurants, but I always take back my finished cups to the counter to save the staff a few seconds having to clean up after me.
Who do I want to spend more time with this month?
This one is easy.
My students! I miss them a lot, their energy, excitement, drama, learning gives me inspiration.
I took this picture because these two little flowers had suddenly appeared on our cactus. They had closed up again by evening time.
Lazy to get up but I’m enjoying the ache in my body from exercise. I’m already reminiscing about the lost time of this holiday despite actually being more productive than last year. I’ve got into the groove of taking it easy and am now feeling anxious about getting busy again in the next couple of weeks. Though I know well that I can deal with it easily enough.
Today I’m grateful for:
A brief small storm at around 7pm that whilst not hanging around for long meant a drop in temperature that even allowed us to turn the aircon off for a while!
The best thing about today was:
Tigger coming for cuddles about 7 or 8 times. He’s getting more affectionate with his age.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t get a chance to read more of my book today as I ended up busy with other things. I did get some comic reading in and a chapter from another book that I delve into every now and then.
Something I learned today?
A US senator was complaining that a bag of steel brackets needed for weaponry was costing 90,000 dollars. A Chinese seller responded offering to sell the same thing for 8 dollars! And the reality is that US Defence spending from Chinese sources has quadrupled over the last few years. So the US military is becoming dependent on parts for war with China that are….made in China!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan a little more money so that she can get back to Chiang Rai as she is stuck in a village outside Chiang Mai at the moment.
I helped Amy moving around some furniture on the terrace as she wanted to change it up. It looks good and change is good.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Despite the last two days of not enjoying playing guitar I picked it up again for about 20 minutes and was a little happier with my ability.
What are my thoughts on growing older?
In the last couple of years, I’ve enjoyed the wisdom that age has brought me but recently, with the feeling of time disappearing too quickly, I’m pining for the days of boredom I used to endure as a teenager.
Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing? I know it’s just the way of looking at it. Perhaps I am bored now but don’t really know it?
It can’t be helped to wonder about being able to live your life over again but now I have to take a positive attitude with me with what remains.
I took this picture yesterday and along with other garden pictures sent them to Sharon and Rob.
The pinnacle of freedom, sunning on the sand It’s been worth it, all those working hours planned How to make the day last longer than a minute? How to enjoy the freedom when sunk deep within it?
A mind numb from routine, endless pointless tasks Accumulating misery that the search for freedom masks Another dollar, another day disappears again It’s a low bar for freedom that dribbles down the drain
Today I’m feeling:
A little run down after these three days of double exercise. I must push through though. I can still feel the general improvement in my body and the tiredness is more through not enough sleep. I wanted to get to bed earlier last night but was enjoying listening to Amy talking about this, that and the other.
Today I’m grateful for:
Leo being reasonably calm this morning when I took him for a walk so that I don’t need to wash my pants like I did last week.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing another writing book, this one for poems. It’s always exciting because I look forward to a new book and it’s width will effect how I write in it. However at the moment I have a couple of half used books that I want to fill up first rather than waste the paper. Actually, if I think about it I have lots of half empty books that I could finish off too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy was grumpy with me when I indicated that I wanted her to stop poking me whilst I was eating. I know she was just having fun but I got a little annoyed. I don’t like things happening while I’m eating. I like to sit and watch TV without disturbance. Anyway, Amy went off and I finished my food and tried to carry on as normal.
Something I learned today?
I saw an interview with RFK Jr where he said some pretty dumb things (in my mind) about the genocide in Palestine. It them made me wonder (into conspiracy theory territory perhaps). What if those who wish to be in control in the USA were getting worried that RFK Jr was looking likely to become president next year and, knowing that he would support Israel in any conflict with Palestine, gave the go ahead for Netanyahu to destroy Palestine with impunity so that when RFK Jr showed his support of Israel he would likely lose lots of votes from those who support his other policies. I saw lots of comments online saying that those who once supported him would no longer. USA politics is such a fucking shitshow that conspiracy is almost likely.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
In both my classes I encouraged and coached my students to guide them to the information they needed to complete my work so that almost no one was left behind. The kids are in a relaxed mood due to sports events and Christmas. I’m trying to relax with them but also pushing them along.
Some students were a little grumpy with me for penalising them for not doing my work yesterday but I soon managed to get them smiling again. Mostly, anyway.
In the garden, I tied up a little of the pencil tree again as it is growing off in crazy directions and I watered the plants at the back whilst Tigger was sunning himself on the fresh-cut grass.
Which book did you read in college or school that was actually interesting enough that you still think or talk about it sometimes?
Going through my old diaries reminded me of some of the books that I read in my teenage years and surprised me that I was reading more than I ever remembered. I always felt it was a struggle to read. Some of the titles were familiar but not so much the stories. I was proud of reading all 6 of the Thomas Covenant books and, again, whilst remembering little of the story now, the achievement still resonates with me and has removed the fear of reading long books. War and Peace now sits waiting on my to-be-read shelf.
Tonaor took this picture because she likes to take selfies and so I gave her my phone because I can’t hold the phone in the professional manner that these kids can. So lots of face pulling and snaps later this is the one I like the best. Tonoar, myself, Namkhing.
1994ever 