Tag: Utopia

Grant Never Left – 18th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A local legend
Filled with holes
An awesome story
Forever told 
Misquoted memory
A dramatic twist
A Chinese whisper
Adds to the list
Was he so high
He just stayed on?
Slept under stars
Friends all gone

Inspired by the story of Grant Hart staying on in the town where Husker Du played their final show for several months after. I read this in The Punk Planet Interviews book.

Today I’m feeling:

My body is tired again. Can’t motivate myself much though I’ll hang from my hoops later and try to stretch out some weariness. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The old uncle who waved me forward indicating that the way I was going was the way out. This was after I emerged from a Google glitch that had me deeply embedded in jungle vines and old bamboo, shredding my legs. Thanks, Google. Thanks, uncle.

The best thing about today was:

Having an afternoon nap between 10 and 11 am was odd. It was maybe only twenty minutes long and despite having had two coffees it was deep and refreshing. Almost as if I was prescribed a certain amount of sleep and I just needed to finish it off. 
Anyway, I knew I would have to try and counter an actual afternoon nap by taking myself off somewhere so I hopped on the bike with the intention to ride up to Mae Chan in the opposite direction that Bruno and I came back through a couple of weeks back (avoiding the police check). From there I wanted to travel through some of the villages near the base of the mountains around there. Lots of nice spots with views and funny little paths off here and there that were fun to explore. All the while riding along the almost dry river there. A fun day out. Tiring and refreshing at the same time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At Utopia this morning I had a sudden need to use their tiny bathroom. I could see the floor was wet but didn’t realise how much so until I stood up and my pants were soaked through and I looked like I’d peed myself. There was nothing else I could do about it except walk back out into the shop and past all the staff and customers, all the while trying to explain that the floor was wet in the bathroom. Well, what can you do? Best not to be embarrassed and just keep going. I don’t notice much ribbing of each other between kids about things that were embarrassing to me as a kid. It seems a little more forgiving of uncontrollable embarrassment though of course, I could be missing it due to the language barrier.

What is one new thing I’d like to try?

Is there anything? There are probably many things but there’s nothing much that I think I would go out of my way to try these days. If something came along then I’d try it. Am I running out of things to try? Is nothing exciting anymore?

I took this picture because this just came out of the blue as I came around a corner. It seemed to be by itself but behind the trees and up the hillside were more temple-type buildings.

World Expanding – 17th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Stealing away at sunset
To the corner of the block
Distant twinkling on the horizon
There lies a future to unlock

Reaching out to infinity
If only with open eyes
Beyond the grip of safety
A world full of surprise

Removing the lines drawn
To travel the streets alone
Comfortable in the welcome
Arms returning home

And slowly, steps are growing
The night reveals the joy
For the wanderer, the movie
Of boy meets girl meets boy

Next the flight over oceans
To a scary place indeed
Where next to expand the mind?
Wherever it is, Godspeed

Inspired by this post by Makenna Karas

5th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

I’d set my alarm later than usual for 8 am but that still wasn’t enough sleep and when I finally got up an hour later I was still groggy. I did 60 jumping jacks and had a cold shower to wake up and my body feels good though my brain hasn’t quite kicked in yet. A job for coffee.

Today I’m grateful for:

The ten baht soft noodles, the twenty baht watermelon and 75 baht drinks I bought to go with dinner, a super spicy fish soup that sure woke up my face. And despite the morning coffees I never really got going today.

The best thing about today was:

That nothing really mattered too much. I got things done, chatted and prompted some students with their catch-up work etc and also this whilst feeling exhausted and lethargic. Pick it up and start again tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was sipping my coffee at Utopia I saw the lady from the phone store next door outside and remembered that I should get my phone screen replaced there, to give them my business. I went out and she said she could do it for me. My memory of having the protective screen replaced was that it cost about 100 baht. I was a little surprised when she said it was 250 baht. Has the price gone up that much? Did I remember wrong? Was she taking advantage? I don’t know so I thought of it as a random act of kindness that makes her happy and keeps me happy too.

Something I learned today?

I saw a BBC story about terrible things happening in North Korea. I didn’t watch the content but I’m now wondering if this is further preparation for war with China? The timing seems convenient.

What are some personality traits that I admire in others?

I was thinking that the personality traits I admire in others are not always something I feel comfortable to try and replicate. They are not always suitable for my personality today. If they are admirable then perhaps I can learn to slowly integrate them in my own way. It’s unreasonable to expect to immediately become the kind of person that another is. Also, some traits that I admire may be in people that I dislike for other traits that jar against mine. Separate the trait from the person.

Where did I embody courage?

I’ve been trying to answer this for a couple of days already but don’t feel like I’ve had to embody courage at all recently. Life has been pretty much within my stride for the last couple of years. I’ve embodied courage in my past, for example, when moving countries or going to visit new countries with little information, starting new careers and so on. I’m happy to keep exploring new possibilities but things that might require good chunks of courage are not really on my radar either because my level of fear has been defused or things are beyond my thoughts to attempt these days.

I took this picture because this nice piece of art was in Utopia. I like it.

A Gift Is A Gift – 15th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can I keep the bullet you gave me
When you shot me through the heart?
Perhaps one day it will save me
To put back together what you ripped apart

Today I’m feeling:

Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times!
By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! 
They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!

Today I’m grateful for:

In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. 
I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!

The best thing about today was:

I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!

Something I learned today?

I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.

How can I be kinder to myself?

I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.

I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.

A Glass To The Gods – 11th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Never admit that the gods will win
Even if you know it true
It’s your dream you’re murdering
If such you are admitting to
Accept the contradiction
So that the greatest art is created
It’s a long line of tradition
In which the battle is clearly stated
Children born with great dreams
Eyes turn cold when they learn
Nothing is ever what it seems
And for that, the heart must yearn
The lovers and kings will dance and drink
Until they can masquerade no more
Because there comes a time to stop and think
What was all that dancing for?

inspired by this post by John Coyote

Today I’m feeling:

I slept so badly last night maybe because I had that nap that left me exhausted but also not helped by the humid air that even with the window open and the fan sucking in air did little to help. Woke up before my alarm and bumbled around before riding my pushbike to Utopia. Still not sure how I feel yet.
(Later) I managed to get going and keep going until now, late afternoon, shopping and vacuuming and just now playing guitar and reading but my body is feeling like it will enjoy sleep again. Let’s just hope it is better than last night.

Today I’m grateful for:

Haagen and Mei for getting a very drunk Amy safely home tonight. I don’t like to see Amy like that, it looks like it has gone beyond happiness and towards oblivion. I’ll never ask her to stop drinking because I know she enjoys it so much but I would like her to moderate better. As I’m not drinking these days it is difficult for me to share her feeling and I find myself frustrated. I generally don’t like hanging around people when they have had too much to drink unless I feel compelled to take care of them. Of course, I will take care of Amy and I hope that sometime she will start to feel like me in that the hangovers counter the pleasure to a negative degree.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling better than yesterday though I am wondering if I may be sick with something. Last week there were free covid test kits in the teacher’s room as many people supposedly have had it recently. Also, a couple of my students have looked sick in my classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I asked Art to come with me to the aircon repair shop next door to Utopia and see if he could convince them to come and fix mine. This time the lady said that the mechanic was too busy. So it seems like he’s not sick anymore. Well, too bad for them. They did mention another aircon shop and Art sent little Art out to see if they could help but he soon came back and said that they close on Sundays. I really appreciate all the help they gave me and makes me feel that I have at least some friendly local acquaintances here.
I will drop by that shop tomorrow afternoon and see if they can help me. I’d like to get it fixed before Amy comes back which we realised is only 4 weeks away now!

Something I learned today?

I watched a video of a mosh-style hardcore band (Speed) touring South East Asia and it reminded me of the documentary I took part in about ten years ago. Watching the reactions of the band members to the quirks of South East Asian life and the enthusiasm took me back to my own experiences and made me miss Kimi and the thought that I will find it hard to travel there again without him being around. Writing this also reminded me to contact Asikin, Kimi’s widow, which I just did.

How can I improve this moment?

Damn, I’m in bed, about to do some Thai study and a bit of reading before sleeping. The aircon seems to be working again (fan only) and I’m prepared for a good sleep. This moment may only be improved by actually being asleep.
I will try to improve with some positive reflections to take into my dreams.

I took this picture because a couple of these mushrooms suddenly appeared overnight. No idea if they are edible and I’m not going to try.

Forked Tongues – 10th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These Indians red took the word
Of these well-dressed men of cloth
But soon lines were drawn and blurred
And the taking was never enough
One man whispers truths to be bent
And conquered all within his path
Claiming their gifts were heaven sent
And the pious enjoyed the last laugh
On and on the conquerors strode
Until the world fell to its knees
So as the words further flowed
They would see the world less pleased
Promises broken along with trust
Would see anyone’s station fall
So rises the river as needs must
To flood the lowest of them all

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired again but enjoyed a Saturday sleep-in. I was a little relieved that Matt hadn’t replied to my message about going over so that I can relax at home. At Utopia, Noey was working so it’s nice to see a pretty face and as Art was off doing coffee stuff, she and the boys, Gong and little Art, were enjoying a little freedom at work.
After a haircut, I rode to the 20 baht shop to get some batteries and rode by the grilled pork stall on the corner. I’d previously seen a girl there wearing a CRPAO shortcut but didn’t recognise them. Today though the girl working waved and smiled a big smile at me. It was my student AumAim. I stopped and chatted a little with her and her mum, telling her that she was a good student, which is true. They live in the soi along from me.
In the afternoon I ran out of energy again and woke up feeling shit after a nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Realising I had potatoes in the fridge, which I then baked, covered with butter, cheese and a little onion, salt and pepper. I’m wondering if this is what made me feel tired though?

The best thing about today was:

Definitely the morning. I felt good, my mood was good and I got things done.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was planning on getting Art to come with me to the air conditioning shop to convince their mechanic to come and fix mine but when I got there they told me he’d gone into the city. Maybe I’ll catch him tomorrow. Either way, the temperature is a little cooler now and a fan or two is ok to sleep with.

Something I learned today?

US media is claiming China is racist for not going to see the new Disney movie because the lead actor is black, discounting the fact that the top-selling movie in China is the latest Spiderman which also has a black lead. Anything for a China Bad story, it’s ridiculous.

What was the most interesting thing I saw or heard today?

Amy’s student from a couple of years ago, Na, will go to the university near us and Amy said she will ask her to house/cat sit for us when we need. Great idea! She’s got common sense and is respectful. 
I guess my day wasn’t particularly interesting but this possibility could give us a little extra freedom to travel when want.

How did I embody a beginner’s mind?

I remind myself that I know a lot of things and that amount to a fraction of all the things that are known. 
When I’m teaching in class I’m reminded by my students that we all share a beginner’s mind and that we should never be complacent that we know everything.

I took this picture because I have to get my ginger cat fix from the hairdresser’s cat now. I think she said its name is Hoi Tod, Fried Clam!

On The Buses – 5th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Two weeks on the suffer bus
Do we have to do this dance again?
Always waiting for the cat bus
Under umbrellas in the rain

First two lines inspired by reading Broken Summers by Henry Rollins, second two lines inspired by Miyazaki’s My Neighbour Totoro and the title inspired by the titular 70s UK sitcom.

Today I’m feeling:

Still a little stiff but better than yesterday. I managed to be conscious of my sleeping position during the night which helped a little. As today is a holiday I’m happy to be around home and do a little more exercise and stretching.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gym rings I bought this week and can now hang from them to stretch out my back. I only have strength enough to hold it for 15 seconds but hopefully, that will improve a little. I’m not so fussed about strength though, more for the stretch.

The best thing about today was:

Getting up early and not having to be anywhere. I know I just had six weeks or more of this but my feeling is different when it’s during the working weeks. The temperature outside is just about perfect at sunrise and sunset too. I should be outside more.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

So it was, after talking with Amy and doing a bit of Thai study with her, I decided to try and fix up one of our trees. It’s the weird one that doesn’t have leaves (so it’s probably not even a tree) and it breaks off easily and exudes a sticky white glue substance that is really hard to get off the skin and as usual, I was only wearing shorts. I climbed up the ladder to try and fix some branches in place and several pieces broke off covering me in the sticky juice on my head and arms. After I finished I jumped in the shower but the juice in my hair and on my head got into my eyes and stung like crazy, reminding me of the time I got conjunctivitis in my early years in Sydney. I ended up crying uncontrollably for about an hour and even now my eyes are still stinging. Damn, that goop is nasty. I hope it doesn’t cause any long-term problems.

Something I learned today?

I learned how to play a simple Iron Maiden riff on guitar today though it took me a long time to get it right.

What do I want to focus on this week?

I suppose I want to focus on getting my body out of this pain and that will help focus my mind. I need to get my stamina back up to speed so that I am not so exhausted by the end of the week. This is a long ongoing process after many years of bodily abuse.
I always need to focus on improving my classes and management and I’m still trying to sort out some technical issues with Quizizz. It’s getting there.

I took this picture because this is my bookshelf at Utopia. I’m almost out of music biographies to read and having read all the above need to start bringing new books from home.

The Contradiction – 4th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

There are always days I disagree
With all the things that even I believe
The human condition
Is a contradiction
But I’m still blessed to receive

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up hot as the aircon conked out in the middle of the night and for some reason, my hips, back and shoulders were stiff and aching badly. It took me a while to get moving. It wasn’t until later in the morning that I felt more comfortable again. I also found some nice stretches that I hope will help too along with some advice on sleeping positions which may be the root of the problem. I also bought some gym rings earlier this week and today I hung them in the entertainment area so that I can hang from them and get a good whole-body stretch, my poor old wrists willing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Boss at Utopia advising me about an aircon repair shop just in the next building to there. I’m still not good at recognising the shops here. Pictures can be very misleading on buildings as they might just be being used for shade or advertising for another business somewhere else. A lot of shops don’t offer much information on the outside either. Rural Thailand also isn’t the sort of place where you can walk down the street and just check out stores either. Through translation tools and my broken Thai, I managed to arrange for someone to come and check out the aircon tomorrow though later got a message saying it may have to be on another day. I know all these repair people are busy fixing broken aircon everywhere at the moment.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling an improvement in my body from the stretching and hanging. Once my body felt better I felt compelled to be doing things such as a bit of cutting back the crazy vine and some watering in the garden as well as ironing my shirts. I did take an afternoon nap again though only for the duration of one play-through of Yes’s Drama today. I did feel good enough to play some guitar again too. I totally skipped it yesterday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Aside from taking a nap and my body aches as mentioned there’s nothing that really bothered me today.

Something I learned today?

In Sapiens I was reading about The Problem of Evil and why do bad things happen to good people. If we remove the judgement elements from the sentence and reduce it to ‘why do things happen to people’, the problem disappears.

How am I feeling right now?

I’m in bed now about to read and sleep and I can feel a little ache in my back again and I’m worried I’m going to feel stiff and achy again in the morning. I’ll try to keep the advice about sleep position in my subconscious during the night and hopefully that can help. Mentally I’m feeling pretty good. Did some reading, writing, guitar playing and Thai study to keep my brain moving.

I took this picture because Tigger cries to come into the living room just so he can sit on my shirts that are waiting to be ironed.

Death Count – 28th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I know too many dead people
They creep up on you one by one
More smoke to add to the skies
It’s a problem to face head on
Out of control, it cannot be
Controlled by either you or me

Today I’m feeling:

Snoozed my alarm whilst Tigger waited patiently on the bed nearby and eventually I put him on my chest for a couple of minutes of rubs whilst I woke up and he purred affectionately.
I knew I had to get up and go as I’d arranged to meet Bruno at Utopia at 9 to go for a ride. We had a good ride around in the forest and valleys that I like just northeast of home but got pretty stuffed quickly as it was so unrelentingly hot. We had to negotiate the crazy path that I had taken about 9 months ago and this time I tipped the bike and bashed myself on some jungle growth of one kind or another giving me a big bruise on my already sore tricep but it was pretty funny and entertaining as I was travelling at zero kph at the time.
When we decided to return we found a way through the valleys that is a valid way around the checkpoint. It’s still a long way around but it’s the best option I’ve found so far. I got a bit muddy on this stretch and when we got back I limped into the 7/11 to stuff an ice cream before another coffee at Utopia. It wasn’t even midday.
I hosed off my shoes and stuck them and everything else in the washing machine and cold showered. I relaxed in the aircon for a while but suddenly got the urge to go check our guttering as it looked like it might rain. The tape I put on yesterday, over the top of the existing tape was sagging off already in one spot so I squished it up again, checked the rest and then figured to actually go look in the gutter itself.
So I climbed up the ladder and immediately saw the problem of the leaves blocking the drain and piles of them stuck at various points too. Nothing for it but to get up there and clear it out. It was dirty sweaty work but I was on a roll. After carefully getting back down again (I could hear Auntie gasping next door) I poked the hose up in the gutter to see if the water drained away. It soon became obvious that the tape was still leaking and also now there were places where the guttering was rusting through. Really, it all needs replacing with something better. Something to sort out another day.
However, I wasn’t done. I was getting dizzy but still had energy so I started clearing the drain outside the classroom which gets blocked with soil and then things growing in that. By the time I was done, I couldn’t see straight.
I got into the kitchen and stripped off again shoving my fresh pants, already dirty into the washing machine. I felt like drinking something fizzy and ended up cracking a beer and drinking a cupful before another cold shower and my third change of clothes for the day.
Eventually, I sat in the living room, drank two beers with a packet of chips as my only sustenance for the day and it wasn’t even 4pm yet. I’m in bed now at 8 pm, exhausted.

Today I’m grateful for:

The reasonably priced sunscreen that worked well to protect my hands today, everything else was covered up. I thought it would be more expensive.

The best thing about today was:

Being active, doing things, and having a feeling of achievement.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I thought I’d try and find out more about Noey at Utopia to see if she might be suitable to catsit for us in future. However, she wasn’t there and when I asked they said that she had been scratched badly by a cat and couldn’t work. Hmm.
I asked Art about her personality and he said she was trustworthy and reliable as far as he could tell but that she wasn’t very active, as in pushing herself to do more.
Then she arrived, along with her new boyfriend, to show off her scars which were minimal, to say the least, but she had a tetanus injection and perhaps was worried about any side effects from that. I asked if it was her cat that scratched her, and she said no, it was a friend’s and it’s just two months old. I asked if she had cats at home here, no, and back in her home town, again, no.
So ultimately with her lack of experience, I couldn’t see her being able to handle our big cats if they had any problems.
Well, never mind. Aing says she should be able to come and take care of them in October but my guess is that she would be happy too but come the time may not actually be able to. Amy is also asking her friends to see who may be available.

Something I learned today?

I watched a video showing how to work your way up to pull-ups, something which I don’t have the arm and shoulder strength to do. I’ll start doing the simplest wall pulls and build from there. Maybe I’ll still never be able to do a pull-up but I’ll feel better either way.

I took this picture because this buffalo looked magnificent, his leathery skin crisping in the lethal sun. Do animals like this get skin cancer?

Temptation – 27th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Winds a-whispering such alluring tunes
over the sashaying hips of the golden dunes;
A devil tempts to caress sweet flesh,
to find soft lips to taste afresh.

The valleys first open to be explored,
the enchantment, too strong to be ignored;
A hopeless daydream, a critical situation
must be forgotten, not lost to temptation.

There, within, lies the road to destruction;
the unthinking mind, the unfeeling instruction.
Look beyond this beauty, stunning, unreal;
around each corner lies further appeal.

The holy grail is beyond where the fishes swim,
the welcoming waves beckon to dive within;
Surrounding forest and earth, both lightly scented,
this story, oft-repeated, that has been invented.

21st Nov 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #204

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and my muscles aching, the ones I barely use until I worked them out yesterday. Just 7 minutes and I’m in pain. I’m weak, I know, but I’ll give it a go. I remember all the talk about working out and taking care of your body during my years of abusing it instead. Is it too late to fix it? Well, who cares. I can’t go back so I’ll do what I can now. My aches are good aches. I know my pain, mental or physical, is good even if it sucks.

Today I’m grateful for:

The grass cutter we bought when we got here that annoys the fuck out of me as it is difficult to use, feels like it’s falling apart, hurts my hands with its violent vibrations, gives me blisters and the engine burns my skin. But I’m still grateful for it to be able to do a little bit of cutting whilst waiting for the gardeners to come and do the job properly.

The best thing about today was:

Having a burst of energy that saw me wash Amy’s doona which smelt of cat spray again. Vacuuming and cleaning parts of the floor. Do some grass-cutting and apply the tape to the guttering in the garage again as it failed to stop the leaks in this week’s rain. I like the feeling of this energy and hope it keeps perpetuating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I almost lost my temper with the grass cutter and the body strap that supports it. In fact, I did at one point, throwing the cutter to the ground whilst it was still spinning. I think it needs a proper service and repair just to tighten things up. I use it so rarely that I forget to take it for repair and just get frustrated again when I use it! It probably needs a new blade too as I don’t have anything to sharpen it with. 

Something I learned today?

I watched a video that asked the question ‘Why make music when no one cares?’ For me and the legion who grew up on DIY punk, this question never needed to be asked and I find it ironic that it is a common question amongst modern music makers. I don’t think a self-respecting artist would make their art for any other reason than to please themselves. You are the only person that needs to care. If you are doing it for any other reason it is no longer art but just a product.

What challenges am I facing right now?

Health is my main challenge. It’s not something that I consider a major challenge like trying to ace an exam, move to a new country or such like, but more a fight against the ageing process. It is also a challenge that is just a regular fact of life. Any challenges are really self-imposed. For example, I want to improve my Thai and get better at guitar but they are not really game-changers if they fall by the way. I also challenge myself to improve in the classroom and sharing knowledge with my students.

Things like cancer, deep depression or debilitating grief would be real challenges and I’m not facing anything like that.

I took this picture because I saw this plant stem literally looking at me as I walked to the door of Utopia. Even looking at it now is kinda creepy and cool. Reminds me of the movie Labyrinth which I loved to watch whilst tripping in my 20s.

Busy With Nothing – 13th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stuck in traffic going home
I’m busier than a bee
I’ve got no real friends to phone
To hear my annoying plea
My girlfriend or my shoes?
Everything is a problem to me
I got everything to lose
And that’s all that I can see
Running round in circles 
Is this all I’ll ever be?
Searching for the exit sign
Will you come and set me free?

Today I’m feeling:

A little inspired. My brain is gearing up slowly. A slow start off the grid but preparing to hit cruise speed as quickly as I can.

Today I’m grateful for:

Can I say coffee again? Art mixed a blend for me this morning that was delicious and smooth. So good that I stayed for three cups.
But I can’t always be putting coffee here so let’s be thankful for my back door, of which a big chunk of wood came off today. Pounded by intense sunshine, wild variations in temperature and cold mountain rain it was only a matter of time until it would start disintegrating. We have a screen door so no critters can get it thankfully.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a little lizard in my living room suddenly run out from behind the tv cabinet with its head held up. It was looking at the wall and an ant appeared from behind the curtain. After a second of stalking the ant was in its mouth and it dashed off to safety behind the cabinet again to enjoy its meal. This is a lizard house and without them, it would be an ant house.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today the aircon repair people called me but they couldn’t speak any English and my Thai wasn’t good enough but I did understand enough to hear ‘add LINE’ and I said ok. I put their phone number into LINE and their profile came up but when I clicked ‘add’ it said the account had been deleted. Thankfully it’s cooler today and there seems to be enough cool air coming through to keep the bedroom at a good temperature. I haven’t had the air on in the living room today as it has been just cool enough….but only just.

Something I learned today?

I watched a Jerry Grey video about the Chinese ‘police stations’ supposedly around the world and all roads lead back to a Swedish guy who was deported from China (I forget the reason ) who has a grudge.  The alleged ‘police stations’ are nothing more than administration offices offering services to Chinese citizens who need documents processed to save them from having to return to China to do it and all the people working in them are not diplomats so they don’t have immunity to local laws. Two people were arrested in New York and as Jerry says it is likely that no crimes will be found to have been committed but there will be no reactions or apologies ever offered and either way it’s just another small piece of propaganda on top of a huge fucking pile that has been building for years.

What’s on my mind right now?

I’m feeling a nervous excitement for the new semester and meeting new students. In some ways, I’m glad that the main classes I taught last year I will only see briefly this semester. I loved them all dearly but they sure did exhaust me testing my patience. I’m wondering if I can disconnect myself a little from my students this year. Connecting in such a way has upsides and downsides. It fills up a reciprocal affection that warms the heart yet devastates at the end of each semester when everyone goes their separate ways.

I took this picture because this tree is fully in bloom again. It seems like only a couple of months ago it was blooming. The tropics are wild.

7th June 2023 – All the flowers in this picture dropped again but now another new lot is blooming. Weird.