Tag: valley

Exposed – 3rd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These words are a photograph
A fight against time
Just a brief exposure
Into this life of mine
A snapshot, incomplete
Make of it what you will
It’s your story too
This one I’m living still

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again after a good cannabutter-aided sleep. My body is a little stiff but I was happy to see more definition when I looked in the mirror this morning. Slowly, slowly getting to the shape I might like.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s banana muffins, small, light and so delicious I ate three immediately.

The best thing about today was:

Starting a new book. This time it’s Wuthering Heights. I read the first couple of chapters and already have a feel for the story.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The internet is often not good in my room and today was a little frustrating as it it difficult to play guitar along with the app I use and then trying to prepare for my classes tomorrow. I just gave up and came inside.

Something I learned today?

It’s thought that this year China reached peak carbon. Maybe the first country to do so?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Today has been a relatively quiet day with few interactions and mostly general acts neither good or bad.

I did go and wait on the bridge for Amy’s som tum food delivery. 

A future good deed I’m considering is painting our house number on the bridge so delivery drivers can find us more easily.

27th Feb 2024 – Our bridge will be gone in the next couple of months as part of widening the road in our soi. Let’s see what it all looks like in the end and maybe I’ll have to make a sign.

What is a piece of advice that I would give to my younger self?

My ten-year-old self: Take every opportunity to try new things. Don’t worry about what other people think. (I wouldn’t have taken this advice as I was too stubborn and contrarian)

My twenty-year-old self: The way you are feeling is not normal, go see a psychiatrist. Also, stop using alcohol as medication.

My thirty-year-old self: Now you’re getting there. About time. Keep going with those adventures. You still need to learn to love yourself more, this will stop you from hurting and hurting others. Stop drinking.

My forty-year-old self: You’re almost there. Almost worked everything out. Keep doing what you’re doing. Stop drinking.

My fifty-year-old self: Look at you, slowly getting fit and healthy, mentally and physically. You’re understanding that life is meaningless but don’t tell the kids that! Give hope. Share goodness. Be wary of false prophets and the pedestal you put them up on.

What is your favorite part about your town or city?

Let’s think about the three main places I have lived. Wimborne, Dorset, UK. Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. Ban Huai Phlu, Chiang Rai, Thailand.

Wimborne: After my formative teenage years growing up in the countryside outside Wimborne, when both grandparents had passed away, we moved to Colehill on the outskirts of the town but still within walking distance if the weather was suitable.

One summer I scored ten cheap hits of acid and decided to spread them out over the weekends doing a half on Saturday and a half on Sunday. From there my mind was open to many things and I would often head off out for a random walk. I loved the fields and though I rarely went near it, also the river.

One Sunday afternoon I headed down the hill into the Stour Valley with pollen floating through the air as you might imagine in a fairy tale. I knew where I was without knowing where I was, following tracks and trails over fences and through fields, ending up at the river. I don’t recall which way I ended up coming home but I revisited this walk one time when visiting my mum in 2011(?) and it was still an enjoyable excursion.

Back then, though perhaps after that summer, I would also ride my pushbike around similar areas that led to discovering the old train lines and then trying to follow them from Poole to Ferndown. Perhaps it is these times that endear me to the countryside still.

Sydney: There is a walk from around St Leonards that goes through some bushland along Flat Rock Creek, down into a ravine that opens up into a park that then goes down to the harbour at Cammeray. 

This walk is sentimental for me as it recalls the time of new blooming love, passion and understanding. Long lazy walks with TLJ found my mind opening to so many new things that I needed to replace in my life. It meant leaving some things behind, heartache for some and eventually for us all.

I recall one time, escaping home with the idea that a choice needs to be made and lying in the park alone in the warm spring evening that decision was finally made. My life took a new course from there. That was 1998.

Chiang Rai: It is comparable to the area in Wimborne, a valley that leads to the river. Beyond the bypass that takes me to and from work the valley opens out long and wide, the mountains on the other side seem far far away. The jungle here has long been cleared for rice fields and there have been times that I have been riding my motorbike here, crisscrossing the land to trying and understand how everything fits together, that reminds me of the walk in Wimborne. 

The first time I rode here I was so excited that I returned again the next day. I’ve given it a little break this year because things change here quite quickly so will check it out again and find new surprises.

I took this picture because Noey wasn’t working today. When she is working and I’m late she always messages me asking where I am so today I sent her this picture asking where she was. Predictably, she has exams.

Everything – 2nd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

You can’t have everything
Where would you put it?
In a world-sized garage
Under everyone else’s everything?

Keep everything in your thoughts
Give away your proudest dreams
They’re still yours
Now you have it all!
Walk out of the cave

24th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United as tangentially related to ‘an elegant sufficiency’!

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly good after an extra hour of snoozing then good coffee so that when Amy suggested going out for lunch that sounded pretty good to me. The air is already unhealthy due to burning but it’s not overwhelming yet. It will be soon unless a fire ban is implemented and followed up.

27th Feb 2024 – A fireban was implemented from 15th February until 14th April and so far the air is better than last year.

Today I’m grateful for:

Soulseek, it being the only place I could manage to find Prog 2000 of 2000AD which was a special edition at the time due to the end of the millennium. It has some parts of the stories that I’m reading in the regular edition but is difficult to track down online as it isn’t actually the 2000th issue and was just called Prog 2000. To complicate it more, there is a 2000th edition of the comic which came out around 2016 I think. I think the series is up to about 2500 issues now. I love reading it. I’m not even half way through. I reckon it might take me another ten years to get up to date with it!

The best thing about today was:

Lunch. We went up into an Ahka village nearby to try their food and just get out of the house. Perched on the side of a hill overlooking our valley was a wide panorama of hills, jungle and rice fields. We could see several plumes of smoke slowly filling the valley but thankfully it was on the far side. Above us the sky was still a bright blue. I felt relaxed and enjoyed stacking up on some calories. I resisted the urge to nap when we got home, instead settling into the hammock to finish reading the Clive James biography. Wuthering Heights is next in the pile.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I usually sit and read with my weekend coffees at Utopia but today Amy decided to come with me as she hadn’t seen Art since she got back. Knowing that my I wouldn’t have chance to read I could have been disappointed but instead decided to just enjoy the change in routine.

Something I learned today?

The average age of Palestinians murdered by Israel in the last two months is five years old. Zionism is sick.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Last night I dealt with the tokay in the kitchen (see photos), cleaning up its blood and still wriggling tail.

I cleaned out the water tank and also brought a mop and bucket of water to Amy when she requested it to clean the floor in the teaching room.

I drove us up to the Ahka cafe for lunch, and back again but my lack of funds meant that I couldn’t pay for the meal.

What do I like about this time of year?

Now is high season for North Thailand as the temperature during the day becomes bearable and the nighttime cold. But there is just a short period to enjoy this as the farmers fill the air with smoke from burning their rice fields. Now, at least, their is some breeze to stir it around to reveal blue skies but soon, once the hills come alive with fire, the air remains still and stagnant leaving it putrid brown and acrid. This should be the best time to enjoy being outside but sadly, gets reduced to being the worst.

Amy took these pictures. Last night Tigger brought this special gift and Amy was freaking out. I didn’t have my glasses on and thought I was looking at a freaky enormous dinosaur-style lizard, only seeing the tokay later. Tigger was quite proud but Amy wanted it out. After a bit of chasing around the kitchen I managed to grab it with some tongs and it hissed and spat its disapproval at me as I threw if over the fence. Then this afternoon instead of Amy brushing this little lizard off my back thought it better to take a picture.

Crow’s Feet – 19th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

A survey of the skin
Tells our stories
A book held within
Full of old glories

The cut, once blood
When tears did run
Baked on, caked on mud
Drying in the sun

Each crevice and crack
Formed from laughs and cries
Can never be turned back
No matter how many tries

Botox babies and teens
Scared to take a fall
Fear what it all means
When it means not much at all

10th May 2024 – Shared to dVerse OLN

Today I’m feeling:

Slept early last night and got up early ready to go for a ride with Bruno, up to Doi Chang.

I was too early for Utopia but felt pumped to be going on a long ass ride. Once getting into the mountains the cool clean air tickled my nose with the now-familiar smells of fresh growth foliage and flowers. All the food stalls around added to the perfume and even the small fires around reminded me of camping trips from days gone by. 

It was a joy to be out there today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Bruno being the way he is and leading us to accidentally drink civet-shit coffee overlooking a glorious long valley view. 

The owners also gave us a fresh avocado with local honey and Bruno asked if they had any more to which he was told sure, just go pick them. They went off under the terrace and picked up 4 or 5 big cricket balls from high up using a net on a 3-metre bamboo pole. I love that Bruno will just go and do what takes his fancy and it always ends us up in interesting situations

The best thing about today was:

The ride down from Doi Chang and through Doi Wawee was just beautiful and Wawee especially was a pretty village. The school had just let out students at midday and we drove up past the gates. The school is magnificent, sculpted up the hillside, and looks impeccable. All the kids were happy and playful as they tumbled out down the hill. 

Riding through these places made me reflect a bit more on my place in Thailand and as a teacher. I can understand more about the teacher’s and the student’s apathy when I see the places where they live and the lack of opportunities and ambition around them. I give them a hard time to make the best of themselves and now I recognise those soft faces looking up at me quietly expressing, ‘What’s the point?’

Once on the road back to Mae Chan, I got stuck behind a van with about ten school students stuffed in the back along with various packages, parcels and goods. They were all happily, lazily chatting and looking at their phones, perhaps just being in the happy childhood state of not knowing what is going to happen next, where they are going or what they will do when they arrive.

In opposition, all I wanted to do was overtake the van but the roads were too twisty to be able to get around. I just wanted to get home to where I knew exactly everything that will happen. I wished I could go back to that state of happiness that comes from interruptions to boredom, saying yes to anything, just to hang out a bit longer.

When I was like that I was usually the last one home.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I thought I would struggle with not having my usual two morning coffees but for some reason, I was just psyched to be riding and didn’t really want to stop anywhere until we got ‘there’, wherever the next ‘there ‘ was.

At the end of the 7-hour ride, covered in mud, dirt and dust I dropped into Utopia for coffee finally and they all wondered why I hadn’t been in the morning.

Something I learned today?

I learned that civet shit coffee tastes smooth but is overpriced and overrated.

What was I like as a child?

The same as I am now but less grown up….in effect, I am still a child, it is just that I have learned how to handle adult responsibilities. 

I took this picture because we nearly missed this shop but glad we turned back to stop and check out this incredible view.

Your Daily Meditation – 22nd November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Let’s waste some time
Kick a ball
Forget our problems
Forget it all
Let’s watch TV
Take a nap
Rest your brain
Don’t let it snap
Breathe it in
Nice and slow
Fuck it all
And let it go

Revolution starts within each of us – in the demands we take up against the world, in the daily fight against nihilism.

Hua Hsu article about bell hooks

Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good by evening time.
Today I’m grateful for:
The psychiatrist at the hospital for not being upset with me for missing my appointment 3 months ago. The way they work here is just in the outpatient department, just get in line and wait your turn. I’m guessing most of us are just getting re-ups on prescriptions anyway. I’ve been lazy to go recently even though visits don’t usually take more than 30 minutes. If I’m feeling good again in the next few months I may cut down to half a tablet and see how it goes.
The best thing about today was:
Sitting at Daytripper, thinking about the morning, my students, my actions and my reactions. It’s a nice environment with tables of uni students around lazily studying. Usually, there will be interesting people to watch and invent stories for (only in my head). I always think about what other people’s lives consist of, even in their mundanity. I want to see and experience every boring corner of everywhere and everyone’s lives. Do we tick the same?
Daily thought
What is something that surprised you recently?
I’m not much surprised these days, to be honest. I think I need to look out for it again, otherwise, life will just feel like an endless series of disappointments.
Have you been skiing?
I haven’t. I wouldn’t have minded to try when I was younger but the cost always felt prohibitive or not worth it in my mind. It probably would have been a better option than buying a skateboard when I was 40. I gave that up at the first fall landing on my hip.

I took this picture because I noticed the foliage around the stupa has been cut down making it more visible from below and obviously making the views more open from the top. I already have a few good pictures from here before but these are even better.

Sure – 24th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Why does what you believe make you so mad?
If something else was true would it really be so bad?
So angry at the skies you take it out on the clouds
So oblivious to yourself as you fight amongst the crowds

Was it something that you lost that others took away?
Did someone take their ball so that you couldn’t play?
Divided we are conquered, that’s the way it’s been
Let’s celebrate our diversity to realise our dream

When looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now.

Joseph Campbell

Today I’m feeling:
Dozy and happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The coconut lip balm I have. I think I’m missing something in my diet that is causing me dry lips and this balm works wonders.
The best thing about today was:
The brilliant 4-hour afternoon nap I had. It was a light sleep and could feel myself enjoying it! Sounds played on my thoughts and influenced my semi-lucid state. I didn’t want it to end!
If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?
This answer would change over time. I identify a lot with Dostoevsky’s Underground Man but that is a me from the past. I recognise the thoughts but no longer think like that. Me, now? I don’t know. Alice? As I often contemplate the wonder in the world around me.
…I realise I’m reading the question wrong. If I could be a character…. I suppose when reading a good book or watching a great movie you become the characters in them. If I could choose though…? I’m struggling to think of an answer. I think it may pop into my head when I come across it in the future. Perhaps I’ll return to this question then.

I took this picture because this is the valley I live in. My house is near the mountains there on the horizon to the right. Behind me are mountains on the other side of the valley, a similar distance away. Zooming in you can see three levels of mountains with smaller valleys in between, places where I’ve ridden my bike around many times. Now I’m enjoying the discovery of the big wide valley. It’s beautiful and I’m lucky and grateful and can’t believe I’ve ended up here.

Old Smelly Goat – 7th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The old smelly goat can always be found
In an honest conversation
The bush is eaten, not beaten around
Never requiring explanation
And so the room is full of his stink
At least in your imagination
The truth doesn’t care about what you think
Your position or situation

He who has endured most suffering, most privation, will awaken in the afterwards most keenly alive.

Lev Shestov

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and satisfied.
Today I’m grateful for:
Watching the sunset from the middle of the valley, across rice fields and the big wide sky. I felt at one with the world.
The best thing about today was:
Discovering a whole new part of the valley to explore when I have more time. I didn’t want to go out in the afternoon as I’m already sunburnt so I decided to go at 5pm and I raced down to the airport only having a rough idea of where I wanted to go and so I found lots of nice villages and rice fields and good riding tracks and with lots of wide open space with tracks going off everywhere. Not much jungle here in the valley.

I took this picture because this sums up my days recently since it stopped raining. I spend time in the hammock reading and looking at the home around me.

Coconuts On The Corner – 8th August 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Blue clad and behatted
Tending to the rice
Determined yet superstitious
Calves sold half price
Gnarled hands tie knots
Stakes hammered into earth
Mothers, nose-ringed, stuck
Appraised of the markets worth
A slower circle of life
The farmer or the cow
Waiting for the rain to stop
Yet enjoying it right now
The cultivated garden grows
On any patch of dirt
Tuppence for every pumpkin
Surely doesn’t hurt
Buffalo poop now sundried
On the corner, sold in bags
Every family in the valley
Desires to shed their rags
The lady with her eggs
The boys grilling fish
Coconut smoothies, ice cold
Or any other drink you wish
The dust blurring teary eyes
As the sun pounds down again
Hang that old washing out
Before the returning rain

8th August 2023 – The coconut stall has gone now and the area cleaned up with some sheds knocked down and the remaining building converted into a small eating space which has also closed down already!

There is no sin in being wrong. The sin is in our unwillingness to examine our own beliefs, and in believing that our authorities cannot be wrong.

Neil Postman

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to get another holiday for two days. I can watch the football at my leisure today.

Thoughts all seem to stray to places far away, I need a change of scenery – 12th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Last Sunday Amy and I, along with Mum and Dad, had to attend a funeral in Chiang Mai. It’s a three plus hour drive and meant a 5am start for us. I know we’re getting older and getting up earlier is kinda normal but damn, 5am!

I was hoping to be able to spend some time listening to podcasts but when we arrived at Mum and Dad’s and found Dad asleep in the passenger seat it was obvious that I would be driving. It was still dark as we left the city and approached the mountains. The air turned grey and dusty as the sun rose slowly somewhere in the sky and it was entrancing to watch the changes to the colours of the mountains that I was driving towards and soon driving through.

Dad’s big truck made easy time as we settled into the long valley and then through the twisting second set of mountains where a never-ending road work slows things down somewhat. I had to ease off once into the Chiang Mai valley though as, eager after the road works, I was starting to hit 140 km/h without even realising it.

This funeral was for cousin Ting’s mum. Ting had taken the time to travel an hour or so to my own mother’s funeral in the UK so it was only appropriate that we attend her mum’s and it was good to catch up with her despite the circumstances.

Monks did their thing and relatives did their thing and I followed where and when I was told. I noted the ‘No women allowed’ sign outside one of the buildings and wondered when Thailand will discover its enlightenment. Is it my place to judge and do I need to care about how people following certain religions behave? Well, if it feels like injustice it feels ok to care. Just know that progress of this sort often takes more than a single lifetime but we can hope that the progress is made before the world burns.

Having left Chiang Rai before the sun came up, we returned after the sun had set again. Chiang Rai missed us for the day and still the Earth turned without care.

And so it was we arrive at Friday and this time I’m on a solo adventure in my own car, again to Chiang Mai. This time it was for my UK passport renewal and I had allowed myself an overnight stay so as to split up the driving.

I had challenged myself since the Sunday journey to drive more conservatively and having that extra time I planned to enjoy the drive and take a few extra seconds to check out the views. It also meant I could listen to music uninterrupted for 3 or 4 hours.

For some reason I enjoy driving; I’m not sure why. This trip towards Chiang Mai was especially entrancing and I arrived in a very good mood. In fact I was a little annoyed that the first half of the travelling was complete!

The first port of call was back to International House, where I had studied for my CELTA certificate, almost two years previously. I bumped into my favourite tutor there and was pleased to have a quick chat and also to see a few other staff members that I still recognised, though had forgotten their names.

The environment here on the mini campus still amazes me, it’s so beautiful and not what you would expect. Like a holiday resort but with not much to do except study. I somewhat envied the students who would be arriving after the weekend but then I remembered the feeling in the first week when I was questioning myself whether I could do it or not.

I had hoped that they still had copies of my work for the course in the office there but unfortunately, they only hold on to them for six months. Never mind. It was nice to drive through those familiar small lanes where nothing has changed too much. The city is sprawling out that direction but has only had minimal impact so far.

Back into the middle of the city and everything went well with my passport application, though I had some difficulty making my signature similar to what it was 10 years previous. The staff laughed with me and I’m guessing it’s not that an unusual problem as they had paper prepared for applicants to practice.

Quickly out of there and across town to a book shop that had been recommended. An hour and 1000 baht later it was time to find some food and I treated myself to a tiny pizza and salad. Woohoo! Holiday time!

Dark by now, I waited at the Mohawk Bar to catch up with Facebook friend John Murrie. The bars opening time is 8pm and it was only 7pm so I sat in the car reading some more Anna Karenina, taking the opportunity to cross off one of my daily challenges. By 8.30pm the bar was still closed and Tolstoy was taking a sleep-inducing hold of me and I had to quit and head out south to my overnight lodging with one of Amy’s old school friends.

I wuz ‘ere. No one else wuz.

Tired and sleepy I was somewhat energised by meeting the two puppies of the house, once I was accepted as a welcome enough intruder. I was warned to keep my shoes away from them so placed them in my room and shut the door. Not long after, I placed myself in the room and fell asleep but reminding myself I must make an effort to talk more with my hosts Oh and Namtan when I was in a more lucid state in the morning.

In a flash it was morning and after getting my reading challenge completed before 8am, I did 40 squats, took a shower and planned a breakfast coffee for my hosts. Unfortunately, I had left the bedroom door open and hadn’t noticed the dogs sneak in looking for some bounty.

Everyone showered and set I went to get my shoes but they had disappeared. Obviously, the dogs had got them but no problem, whatever, let’s just go on a hunt for them. One under the car, another at the back of the garden. Unfortunately, they hadn’t just been deposited but chewed on and spat out! Ah well, farewell my shoes. Luckily they were just about wearable as I had no other shoes with me. The girls were very apologetic for their pups’ behaviour but I just thought it was funny. I’d had the shoes for a few years so they’d done me pretty well. Maybe an excuse to go shop for some others soon.

An excellent coffee later it was time to get back on the road and my mind was filled with wonder as I listened to good music and again enjoyed the twisting roads round rolling mountains. I counted off the landmarks backwards, breaking the 3 hours down; mountains, valley, mountains, home. The return journey never as exciting as the outset, slight melancholy following the setting afternoon sun.

However, once home I was awed by the feeling of comfort. Looking across our garden I gave Amy a big hug and declared ‘I love it here. I love this life and I love being with you.’

The local rock group down the street
Is trying hard to learn their song
They serenade the weekend squire
Who just came out to mow his lawn
Another pleasant valley Sunday
Charcoal burning everywhere
Rows of houses that are all the same
And no one seems to care

– The Monkees

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have the energy and motivation to get up and do things. Today I took time to water the garden and clean the car.

…my memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.

Mark Twain

To-do list

  • Write blog about Chiang Mai trip ✅
  • Record TCRAH
  • Water garden in the morning ✅
  • Prepare CD cases and case some more discs ½
  • Clean up balloons

Once again time ran out but I had a very busy and productive day. As well as getting up and watering the garden, front and back, I also washed the car. I ate breakfast in there somewhere too.

Before the morning was out we went for coffee and photocopied in preparation for afternoon lessons. In between lunch and teaching, I also wrote up a blog entry about my trip to Chiang Mai. It wasn’t as good as it was in my mind yesterday though.

Time running out doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as it has in the past. I’m more accepting of the fact that I can finish something later. So long as I’m getting some things done then it’s fine.

Tomorrow is back to the routine mad Monday. One of the lessons should be pretty straightforward though and hopefully, the two difficult classes will be getting used to the method of what I’m doing with them now. I hope to get the rest of the exam questions finalised this week and probably be able to finish the regular class one tomorrow if I put my mind to it.