Tag: victims family

Poems From Underground – 3rd July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

This was a mammoth task! Lots of quotes from Dostoevsky’s Notes From Underground stuck out to me and I could identify very well with The Underground Man. Finding many of these quotes elsewhere online seems to indicate that many others identify with him too.

Anyway, I decided I’d try to write a poem for each quote as I’d done before. This took a while!

The themes are obviously all very similar, maybe it could’ve been one long poem but that would’ve surely made me more crazy. Words are borrowed and manipulated liberally from the quotes. This was a fun exercise but I’m glad it’s finished. On to the Dreams of a Ridiculous Man!

But I still say that not only too much lucidity, but any amount of it at all is a disease.

Lucid Rivers

When you wake up, ready to go
In search of things you didn’t know
Does this compulsion drive you so
Too obsessive to properly grow
The disease of always learning
Never satisfies your yearning
That desire that’s always burning
Is like a wheel that’s always turning

…as a result of heightened consciousness, a man feels that it’s all right if he’s bad as long as he knows it – as though that were any consolation.

Done Bad

I know the things I’ve done
There surely is no prize
I justified the outcome
As I looked into your eyes

I’m guilty of being more intelligent than all those around me. (I’ve always felt that and, believe me, it’s weighed on my conscience sometimes. All my life, I have never been able to look people straight in the eye – I always feel a need to avert my face.)

Pedestal

Here on this pedestal, I sit
Judging all those below
It’s always been like this
And believe me, I know
When will you learn, I say
As if to deny what’s true
I don’t know who I am
But certain that you are you

….it will hurt itself a hundred times more than it will hurt the one against whom its revenge is directed, who probably won’t even feel enough of an itch to scratch himself.

Bad To Worse

When I took revenge on you
You didn’t feel a thing
Little did I understand
The trouble it would bring
I just wanted to hurt you
Make you feel my pain
Instead things got worse for me
Over and over again

How many times did I convince myself that I was offended, just like that, for no reason at all.

To Take Offence Is To Give Offence

Convinced myself I was offended
Just like that, no reason at all
My reaction less than splendid
Taking home my bat and ball

Where will I find primary reason for action, the justification for it? I exercise my power of reasoning, and in my case, every time I think I have found a primary cause I see another cause that seems to be truly primary, and so on and so forth, indefinitely. This is the very essence of consciousness and thought. It must be another natural law. And what happens in the end? The same thing over again.

Merry

Round and round in circles I go
Looking for the primary cause
It’s never ending, I know
It’s one of nature’s laws

You see, ladies and gentlemen, I have a friend – of course, he’s your friend too, and, in fact, everyone’s friend. When he’s about to do something, this friend explains pompously and in detail how he must act in accordance with the precepts of justice and reason. Moreover, he becomes passionate as he expostulates upon human interests; heaps scorn on the shortsighted fools who don’t know what virtue is or what’s good for them. Then, exactly fifteen minutes later, without any apparent external cause, but prompted by something inside him that is stronger than every consideration of interest, he pirouettes and starts saying exactly the opposite of what he was saying before; that is, he discredits the laws of logic and his own advantage; in short, he attacks everything…

Your Personal Friend

Roll up, roll up, he is everyone’s friend
He is another you
Arguing a point, a message to intend
About what you should do
Fifteen minutes, position is reversed
Opposite now true
Argued both ways, you’re becoming the worst
Split yourself in two
Attack from both sides needing to win
Making others blue
Needle your way under people’s skin
Two faced through and through

….in that future age of reason, there suddenly appeared a gentleman with an ungrateful, or shall we say, retrogressive smirk, who, arms akimbo, would say:
“What do you say, folks, let’s send all this reason to hell, just to get all these logarithm tables out from under our feet and go back to our own stupid ways.”
That isn’t so annoying in itself; what’s bad is that this gentleman would be sure to find followers. That’s the way man is made.

Return

“Deny all reason and follow me
Your system isn’t working
I am the one to set you free”
I whisper quietly, smirking

…a man, always and everywhere, prefers to act in the way he feels like acting and not in the way his reason and interest tell him…

Don’t Do It

Who controls my brain?
I’m not sure it’s me
Don’t think about pink elephants
But that is what I see
I tell myself, don’t do it
And do it anyway
Shoot myself in the foot
Reason has no say

…there is one instance when a man can wish upon himself, in full awareness, something harmful, stupid, and even completely idiotic. He will do it in order to establish his right to wish for the most idiotic things and not to be obliged to have only sensible wishes…it leaves us our most important , most treasured possession: our individuality.

We’re All Individuals

I want to be stupid
It’s my right
Do dangerous things
In the night
I know it’s dumb
But I’m aware
It’s my choice
You don’t need to care

I’m prepared to follow you as soon as you have eradicated my desires, destroyed my ideals, and replaced them by something better.

The Offer

Eradicate my desires
Perhaps I’ll follow you
Destroy my ideals
Would I join your crew?
If you want me to change
Follow you to the letter
You’ll have to show me how
You offer something better

You say you’re longing to live, and you try to solve the problems of life with tangled logic. And you’re so insistent, so arrogant, and at the same time, so afraid.

Tangled Logic

In your arrogance you insist
Don’t fear or resist
Your logic remains tangled
Your thinking quite mishandled
Change the way you live
By what it is you give
You can’t see it made
As long as you’re afraid

There is some truth in you, all right, but there’s no humility; and it is out of the pettiest vanity that you drag forth your truth, to exhibit it, to offer it for sale, to disgrace it. You really have something to say, but you hide your final words, out of fear, because you really have no courage, only the impertinence of a coward. You were bragging about your consciousness, yet you can’t grasp anything clearly because, though your head is quite lucid, your heart is murky as a result of debauchery, and real consciousness is impossible without a pure heart.

Truth For Sale

Do as I say, not as I do
It’s up for sale, what is true
No courage for your conviction
A murky heart, your restriction
Nothing clear in your action
No idea maintaining traction
Your debauchery brings disgrace
And permanently found its place

…there are things, too, that a man won’t dare to admit even to himself, and every decent man has quite an accumulation of such things.

No Freedom

Some things I hate to admit to you
And there’s others I cannot see
I also wouldn’t admit were true
So I’ll hide them deep inside of me

I would like to note here Heine’s remark to the effect that sincere autobiographies are almost impossible and that a man is bound to lie about himself.

Sincere

Every day your autobiography
Is accumulating on your stage
Where you cannot hide behind
Lies you put down on your page

I was twenty-four, but even then I led the gloomy disorganised solitary existence of a recluse. I stayed away from people, avoided even speaking to them, and kept more and more to my hole.

Recluse

A gloomy solitary existence
A rat hiding in it’s hole
Away from the tyranny
Of words that cut my soul

I, of course, loathed and despised everyone in my office, although I was afraid of them at the same time. At times, I even considered them above me.

Sits In His Office

In this office I sit and suffer
Despising those above me
Fools pandering to bosses
Whispering ‘please, love me’
Afraid of failure
And afraid of praise
I wish to be left alone
To quiet office days

I was painfully sensitive and complex, as a man of this age should be. The others, of course, were stupid and resembled one another like a flock of sheep.

No Sheep

Yes, I’m weird about some things
But that’s as they should be
At least I’m no stupid sheep
And learning what I could be

One day I’d refuse to talk to my colleagues at all; then, suddenly I’d be talking their heads off and even seeking their friendship.

Pie Bowler

Today I talk your head off
You just seem bemused
Yesterday I ignored you
No wonder you’re confused
I don’t know why it happens
My brain ain’t balanced well
What you’re gonna get today
Even I cannot tell

I, for instance, sincerely loathed my office work, and if I didn’t spit in anyone’s eye, it was only because I couldn’t afford to – I was paid to sit there.

Sits In His Office II

Another dollar, another day
I spat in no one’s eye
Loathing my self-loathing
Life trudges right on by
If I do not do this thing
I’ll be another useless jerk
So now I race to the office
For another hateful day at work

No, wait, don’t laugh, I can explain – I have an explanation for everything, you may rest assured of that.

Justified Brat

I have an explanation for everything
You may rest assured of that
I’ll justify all my contradictions
Like an ageless teenage brat

How can one ever understand you…with all these noble feelings.

Enigma

Your noble thoughts and feelings
Your enigmatic dealings
Can one ever understand
Life’s journey that you have planned?

I was already grimly wondering at the pettiness of their thoughts, the inanity of their talk, their games and their preoccupations. They couldn’t understand the essential things and were not interested in the most thought-provoking subjects, so I came to consider them as inferiors. …but while I was still dreaming, those boys were grasping the real meaning of life.

Mindtrap

I discounted you in my false superiority
Because I felt I was far above the majority
Your talk and games are inane
Yet the meaning of life they explain
I still lay here, still provoking thought
In this trap I made, I am clearly caught

I hated them violently, although I was probably even worse than they.

In Common

What you did to me
Makes me so mad
And what I do to you
Is just as bad
This violent hate
The same as yours
Exposes us both
To our own flaws

I did make a friend once, but I was already a tyrant at heart and wanted to be the absolute ruler of his mind….It was as though I’d only wanted his total friendship just for the sake of winning it and making him submit to me.

Tyrant Friend

The only way you can be my friend
Is if you submit to my will
Your submission must be total
Tho I will remain a tyrant still
If you break these unspoken rules
You will be castigated
I must be ruler of your mind
Until my ego is placated

I wanted to show the lot of them that I wasn’t the coward I myself thought I was.

Bravado

My true colours as a coward
My bravado comes to hide
I hurt myself to prove to you
There’s more to me inside

That’s bad too – not to think. Wake up and get hold of yourself while there’s still time. Because you do still have time, understand that!

Too Bad

I don’t want to think about it
I just want to drink about it
I try to fix but always doubt it
In my mind is where I shout it
Can I wake up to myself
Whilst there’s time to be had
Try to think my way out
But…ah, well, that’s too bad

…we must first learn to live ourselves before we begin to accuse others!

Jack Hughes

Issuing instructions on correct living
Somewhat insincere, granted misgiving
Accusations undermined in ignorance
Hypocritical, devious denial of intelligence

I didn’t understand that sarcasm is a screen – the last refuge of shy, pure persons against those who rudely and insistently try to break their hearts.

Extreme Screen

I dare not speak of those things I’ve seen
Shy, yet pure, I must raise this screen
My last refuge is not as it may seem
This story plays out as a reoccurring theme
Indirectly, I direct you to where I’ve been
Cry off in the corner as I, smiling, beam
My reaction may be considered extreme
My sarcasm will rudely disturb your dream

Habit can do things to people, I’m sure.

Does

Discipline breeds habit
Habits breed discipline too
Doing things to people’s brains
Doing the do, do do

I’d been insulted, so I wanted to insult back; I’d been made a doormat, so I wanted to show my power and wipe my feet on someone else.

Doormat

You wiped your shoes on me
With your insulting behaviour
I’ll take my shoes to someone else
So they may feel my failure

I can only play with words or dream inside my head; in real life, all I want is for you to vanish into the ground! I need peace.

Vanishing Point

The life I wish for is just a dream
I play out in my head many times a day
I would never stick a real knife in you
Though I need peace – please, just go away

Of course, spinning long yarns about how I poisoned my life through moral disintegration in my musty hole, lack of contact with other men, and spite and vanity is not very interesting.

It’s Not Called a Men-cave

As you can see for yourself
My life is quite ordinary
The tales of my disintegration
They don’t often vary
From my cave I look out
A life so poisoned with spite
Unable to deny my vanity
And unable to make things right

We’ve lost touch to such an extent that we feel a disgust for life as it is really lived and cannot bear to be reminded of it.

Daily Reminder

It annoys me to be reminded of the way you are
Disgusts me so much that I then take things too far
Losing touch with reality, trapped inside this cage
Punishing myself as I’m tortured with this sickly rage

We don’t know ourselves. We would be the ones to suffer if our whimsical wishes were granted.

Whimsical Wishes

Ah, it’s the usual story
Wasted wishes on whimsy
We think we know ourselves
Yet the evidence is flimsy
So that we may suffer
When desires are not earned
Your third wish is for three more
Is something to be learned

…we long to turn ourselves into something hypothetical called the average man.

Mr Average

Poison girls once did tell
That Mr Average did never exist
Yet the desire for exactly that
Is a want we cannot resist

23rd Jun 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – below

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to our friends who will come and visit us for lunch today. We can prepare tables, chairs, food and drinks for them all and we’ll have a good time.

I’m always changing the people and places just to fill up the empty spaces – 15th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t set your mind on things you don’t posess as if they were yours, but count the blessings you actually possess and think how much you would desire them if they weren’t already yours.

Marcus Aurelius

What if…

I never met Amy?
Hayden was never born?
I never met Paul and Charlie?
I never saw the Sex Pistols on TV?
I never met the Gaunts Common kids, Rupert, Jeremy, etc?
I never made plans for where I live now?
I never studied anything else after getting my first job?
I never took the chance to travel to China?
I never took the time to study about Asian music?
Hayden had a disability?
I didn’t have my own space?
I hated reading books?
I didn’t enjoy music?
There was no internet?

I have so much in my life to appreciate and I really do!

“You may not sleep again”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to look forward to ask things in my future. Just as we are now settled and made ourselves a beautiful home the question has been raised about selling and moving to the city. I really really love where I am now but selling this house would give us a huge boost of money that could take all pressure off us having to work all the time. Stay or go – everything is great!

To-do list

  • Read three chapters of Anna Karenina.
  • Sort music files and CDs (ongoing).
  • Upload TCRAH to SoulSeek.
  • 30 squats after waking up.
  • Email to Aaron.
  • Record another TCRAH?
  • Sort more files for TCRAH.
  • Close some Chrome tabs!

Did it list

  • 30 squats.
  • Sorted some music files and CDs.
  • Closed a few Chrome tabs.
  • Dictated and posted 2 blog entries.
  • Had a good time teaching the kids.
  • Went to a craft fair with Amy, Aing, Nu and Gus (enjoyable).
  • Made TCRAH available on Soulseek.

Every day would get thrilliner and thrilliner – 5th May 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

sidenote: Remember this mad bad blues band?

It’s all a blur of frenzied activity but here’s the gist. Stocktake over and it’s a glorious sunny day. I get drunk and talk to lady next door while Broni is off talking jumpers and work with Rosemary (getting good possible offers of work). I’m asleep drunk, tired and sun-scorched. Broni returns and we, with John, opt for Indian fool and blues music but we flake it early on and it’s back to dreamtime.

Next glorious sunny day and it’s down to Bournemouth and the record fair to see our friends Barry and Gary, being their usual fun selves. Happy and laughing we came out richer in pocket and in heart. Checked out the beach half searching for cynical Rich in his sandwich board. Back home to our sunny backyard before mad motorway dash once again to watch grown men run around with a football for 90 minutes. This being Steve’s memorial football match. Me, I’m grumpy but enjoyed talking to Chrissy and Karl Barry. Soon home again via mothers and back into bed.

Early morning rise and straight to the beach for early morning coffee (I actually pack for parcels of records before we leave – up very early today). In search of decent food, we spend a fortune at Safeways and proceed to drink away the day in the backyard, with brief excursions into football and kite flying with John and Sarah and Morbaina (this cool Zimbabwean dude). On into the night and we barbecue with our new roommate Simon and we drink and drink. Phew!

Up at five next morning to get Broni on the bus to London and then into work – I’m really pissed off and run off a series of poems before I start to feel very ill and decide to come home. I talked to Broni and tell her I miss her (very much). Hightail highway again, this time to go see Rollins Band in Portsmouth with all the crew. Tony buying beer and Selena not drinking?! Dig play and impress, Rollin’s music doesn’t impress but his presence is awesome. Not totally overawed though!

On return to Eastleigh, me and Rob fight sleep and talk about life and its people till three or so. Rich and Rob go off to work and I read magazines and play records to my aching heart’s content.

Broni rings and seems happy and I hope to see her later in London. I go off to Chrissy’s and try to keep Amanda busy – she is in a particular spoiled brat mood – dear girl. Rebecca is a beauty though! Ah! Chrissy feeds me and I must dash off to collect Rob for another roadbuster to mighty city to see old pals Victims Family. I talked my goddamn head off in the fat London traffic while Rob directs. Soon there inside gig we sell poetry to eager punters and watch Victims Family plough through their last set of their tour. I talked to Ralph for a while, he says they hope to get to Australia someday. I also meet that old dude Rob from Corby and chat before we exit during Grotus’ set.

On the streets, everyone’s celebrating Arsenal’s European victory and I ring Broni at Piers’ and organise a quick visit. Down the road, we enter this huge house and into Piers’ cool yuppie type flat, adorned with great obscure works of art. Broni is a bit self-conscious but that’s okay – soon on again then and coffeed up we drive any old ways out of town. Twice awake and half asleep. A great conversation on the way home reminds me of talking to Steve again! I dash straight to Poole after dropping Rob and back to beautiful bed! Soon awoken by beautiful Broni’s early morning call and knowledge that she returns tonight.

Victims Family, Drive, Yardstick – The Den, Wigan, Lancashire, UK – 21st March 1992

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

VICTIMS FAMILY/DRIVE/YARDSTICK
The Den, Wigan

Totally refreshed and revived this morning. and hit the road pretty soon. My car seemed to be ok again, to,o which was quite pleasing. Unfortunately, as I pulled into a service station just above Birmingham, the gearbox decided to go! After an hour or so of waiting for the RAC, they turned up to say “Nothing I can do, mate!” In fact, all he could do was take it to the nearest garage, which was 200 yards away in the services! Wow, that’s cool, I thought, but aha! The bloke down in the garage was a real ignorant, arrogant fuck, and said the best he could do was about 3 days time! Oh well, without much option, I left the car there to be repaired in the hope of returning sometime on Tuesday.

There was nothing for it except to stick the old thumb out in the wet and cold, and hope! Ok, it wasn’t raining but it sure was cold. After about half an hour, a car pulled up – to let someone out! About twenty minutes later, a van pulled up and offered me and this other guy a lift.

People always say to watch out for weirdos when hitching, and this couple were weird but, luckily, in a nice sort of way. They asked where we were going – about twenty times! They also didn’t know where they were. They said they’d left Birmingham to go to Weston Supermare, but took the wrong motorway and thought they’d go to Manchester.

Anyway, they decided to go to Blackpool instead (I’m not sure they knew where it was, though)! I got off at an exit for Wigan and walked into town to the venue, where there was no one waiting.

I walked around to Alan’s record shop, where I met Alan, who looked totally different to how I imagined. As I was walking into Wigan earlier, I was trying to picture Alan and put him down as having black hair and a tache. Of course, no tache and blond hair! The shop was packed with people and I saw a whole slew of records and stuff that I couldn’t afford. I did purchase a copy of the Touch & Go fanzine and headed back to the venue, which should have been open by now.

Unfortunately, the keyholder hadn’t turned up yet but I did meet Mel and Sean (Tabby Cat Village), who were also waiting outside. The Victims Family van turned up a few minutes later and I managed to blag a lift off them to Birmingham tomorrow. I went off to seek food and drink in the meantime. On my return, there were loads of people waiting to get in (a few already inside too!). I was really surprised by the amount of people here, but as Alan explained, Wigan is an easy place to get to from Liverpool and Manchester. More of a surprise was the amount of young people here and the amount of girls. One person quipped about being back in the youth club.

As the people piled in, I met a guy who had been to the Newport and Stoke shows, who, it turns out, plays in Kismet-HC. I also met my old bandmate Paul Simmons (currently in Manchester), whom I hadn’t seen for about a year and a half. We chewed the fat as the first band, Yardstick, played. They were unimpressive from where I was standing, but I do admit to not paying much attention.

Drive were on next and plenty of people went down the front. I was surprised to see they have a new bass player and drummer, but they seemed to handle everything well. I’m not a big fan of Drive but they sounded ok tonight.

Victims Family hit the stage at about 10.15 and most of the 200 people there packed the dance floor and the band turned on an even better set than in London. The couple of mistakes they made (yeah, they made a couple!) were compensated for by the sound, which was great down the front. The crowd went apeshit for a while with plenty of friendly stagediving (which annoyed me, I’m afraid and things were going well til a bit of over excitement by the crowd landed the microphone full on Ralph’s nose (Ouch!). After a brief rest break, it was full steam ahead. The band played a couple of numbers as an encore but were cheered back for one more, to which the crowd went totally ape, and a piece of wood across the ceiling didn’t survive the stage diving. Phew! A good night all round.

After packing up and food nourishment, we returned to Mel’s place, where Tim quickly found the porn channel on satellite, but we watched MTV for about an hour, which, naturally, featured Nirvana (who MTV seemed to idolise) amongst the totally wishy washy shit of Bryan Adams and 2 Unlimited. Pretty soon, everyone fell asleep (funnily enough).

Before I forget, Ralph was tickled at the graffiti in the toilets at the Den, which read “I’m the devil, me!”

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS & WHAT PIZZA TOPPINGS DO YOU HAVE?

Ralph: Mexican, Indian, Chinese hot & sour soup. Any meatless pizza is cool with me. I’m sort of into rocheese  (rotis?) as well.
Tim: Mexican food, pasta and pizza. Cheese, mushroom and olives.
Larry: Indian, Mexican and Italian. There’s a place in Vancouver that makes a veggie pizza with spinach and feta, that rules!

WHAT DOES THE HC SCENE HAVE TO OFFER THE “NAIVE CHILDREN” OF THE WORLD?

Ralph: Well, that song was written for this insufferably snobby booking agent we had one tour, and it’s basically about how sick the whole music biz bullshit makes me. HC offers an alternative to that, but I see the same kind of crap in the indie scene as well. HC (or DIY) offers people a chance to really be creative if they just use it.

Victims Family, Homage Freaks – Camden Underworld, London, UK – 20th March 1992

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

VICTIMS FAMILY/HOMAGE FREAKS
London Camden Underworld

People started rising at about ten (which was the time we were supposed to leave). The guy I was talking to about Buffalo Tom said he had to be at a band practice soon. I asked him what his band was and, would you believe it, he’s in the Wedding Present. Wow –  hanging out with the stars! He looked a bit rough, actually, and explained he’d been drinking whisky before going to the show last night. How the other half live, eh!

Everyone was soon up except Josh, who looked really ill. The dog in the house soon got him up though, by jumping on his face! I got a lift back into Leeds as the band had to go to a music shop to make running repairs. We caused some hold up in the traffic as we found out we couldn’t get into the multi-storey car park cos the van was too high. Unfortunately, we didn’t find out til we were in it! After some delay, I got dropped off and found my car. Still there in one piece! And it started, first time!

On my way to Northampton to pick up some friends to go down to London. After some brief R&R in Northampton, we headed towards London. I was really tired by now and my car started playing up a bit too. I was a bit nervous of my car again, to say the least.  Things were going just a bit too well!

We made it into London ok and even managed to park quite close. After a while bumming around, we went in and pretty soon the support band, Homage Freaks, came on. They were ok but a bit loud and tuneless in places. 

A few more people came in and soon the Family hit the stage. The sound tonight was excellent and they got to play quite a long set (no breakdowns this time either). The audience was very appreciative but there wasn’t much dancing going on (possibly to do with a huge pillar right in front of the stage). As my friend Zoe said, “A bit difficult to boogie to.” Met friends from Southampton who were up for the night, and Rob made it too! Surprise of the night was meeting Paul, whose new band, Stockwell, I should get to see in a couple of days back in Southampton.

After saying goodbye to everyone I knew, and getting some chips, we headed back to the car. My body was just so tired, and driving back was no fun at all – but at least I knew I had a nice, comfy bed waiting for me. My car decided it was ok again and I was quite happy with that (phew!). I watched a bit of a totally crap war movie before hitting the sack for a cool 8-hour sleep!

WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL DREAM/FANTASY (BEARING IN MIND YOU’RE STUCK WITH THE SAME FIVE OR SIX PEOPLE?

Larry: If the six people could be Woody Allen, Frank Zappa, Michelle Pfeiffer, David Letterman, Eugene Chadbourne and me.
Ralph: To go somewhere warm! We’ve been touring for about 3 months now and I’m sick of freezing!!!
Tim: That every show is packed, nothing breaks onstage and everyone has a great time, I guess.

PRESUMING ELVIS, JIMI HENDRIX & SID VICIOUS HAD ALL LIVED, WOULD YOU HAVE STILL FORMED A BAND?

Ralph: Yes, I would have formed a band with Sid, Elvis & Jimi.

WHAT WAS THE ORIGINAL MOTIVATION BEHIND VF?

To boldly go where no other band would want to?

Victims Family, Tse Tse Fly – Duchess of York, Leeds, Yorkshire, UK – 19th March 1992

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

VICTIMS FAMILY/TSE TSE FLY
Leeds Duchess of York

I fell asleep on the floor and woke up some hours later in darkness and silence, freezing my bollocks off! People emerged pretty soon, except for Ralph – crashed out on the kitchen floor!

After a refreshing cup of tea, it was off into Stoke to get some food and money and back on the road.  Got to Leeds far sooner than expected, including a two-hour stop off on the way. I enjoyed travelling across the M62 as it had some spectacular views. Most motorways, there’s bugger all to see, but this was quite a treat.

Got to Leeds and got rapidly lost looking for a car park.  I tried three, which all advised not to leave your car overnight! Not an optimistic prospect, though if people knew what my car went like, I’m sure they’d leave it alone. The car park I did end up in had a person on watch til nine but even he seemed a bit dodgy to me – hope I’m wrong!

Went up to the Duchess at about six o’clock, where I met Rob outside – much to our frustration, we couldn’t get in. We chatted about everything from good music to good comedy with a brief interruption by a really pissed-up lady who we managed to escape from unharmed – just!

I’m afraid we missed the first band, Tse Tse Fly, who were late replacements for Dawson. I sold the last of the fanzines I’d taken and headed towards the stage where the Family were about to unleash their frenzied onslaught on the expectant crowd. There was a real good sound tonight and things were going well up til Ralph broke 3 strings in about 10 minutes! Not to be outdone, Tim broke the bass drum pedal, upon which an impromptu version of ‘Sinatra’ was performed. Bass pedel replaced and it was on with the show. Once again, the crowd enjoyed the band and the merchandise stall was crammed with people. After some food, I managed to blag a place to stay with the band and said goodbye to Rob who was going home, before heading towards London.

We loaded up the equipment and went to this house in Leeds. I think it belonged to the girl who organised the show (Becky). Everyone was up til about 2 and everyone got reasonably drunk. I was talking to some guy there about Buffalo Tom who we both admired. Victims Family admitted their admiration for Nirvana, whom they played with a couple of years ago on their first UK tour. Nirvana were one of the support bands! Ralph puts Nirvana’s success down to simple pop tunes. Is that why Victims Family aren’t successful then? “Yeah, but our songs are getting straighter in the hope to attract more people.” Other bands on the Family approved list include Assassins Of God, My Name, Pitchfork/Drive Like Jehu, Jesus Lizard (Ralph’s favourite guitarist), amongst others.  Eventually, everyone crashed out to the Nirvana LP.

DO YOU THINK NIRVANA HAVE HANDLED THEIR NEWFOUND SUCCESS WELL?

Ralph: Yep!

HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE BEING IN THAT POSITION?

Ralph: Buy lots of drugs and OD! No, seriously, I don’t know if I could deal with that.

HOW ARE SONGS MADE?

Ralph: Lots of different ways. When I write a song, it can either come from a musical or lyrical idea. Most of the time, a song will be pretty close to the finished arrangement when it gets to the band, but we do lots of tinkering until it’s got that finished feel to it. Essentially, we tweak songs continually until we record them.

Citizen Fish, Victims Family – Wheatsheaf, Stoke, Staffordshire, UK – 18th March 1992

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CITIZEN FISH/VICTIMS FAMILY
Stoke Wheatsheaf

Was woken at eight by Simon’s screaming kids. That’s not true, but it conveys the state we arose in that day. After a couple of refreshing teas, I set off again, leaving Simon and John (Round Ear Records) to go hunting for a record fair venue in Cardiff.

I took it easy all the way, stopping at every service station. This became necessary as half of them were undergoing reconstruction and had bugger all facilities. Actually, I had no cash!

Arrived in Stoke some 5½ hours after leaving Newport. This included a slight delay at one service station as I’d left the lights on on my car! I was sweating for a minute there! Found a cool place to park in Stoke. Just 25p for 12 hours. Bought a copy of the NME to read, which was actually quite interesting for a change. Especially enjoyed an article on who will be the next Nirvana, which slagged off journos building up bands and knocking them down again!

Walked up to the Wheatsheaf, where things were in the setting-up stage. Approached some guy at the bar in the hope of finding somewhere to stay, but he said he wasn’t from Stoke but from Warminster. I said, “Are you with Citizen Fish?” to which he replied, “Yeah, I’m the drummer!” Wow, here I was, talking to Trotsky! The reason I didn’t recognise him was that he’s had all his hair cut off!

The next couple of hours were spent bumming around the bar, reading fanzines, drinking beer and chatting with various members of both bands. People started turning up at about 8.30, and it was reasonably crowded by the time the Victims Family hit the stage. Due to time restrictions, they played the same set as Newport. The sound was a bit too loud at the front, I thought, and I think some people may have found it hard to comprehend the Family’s little subtleties. It sounded better nearer the back of the hall, though. A couple of guys I was chatting with were dead impressed and a fair bit of merchandise was sold. I think the band enjoyed themselves too. 

Citizen Fish came on and played a pretty good set, though I’m not a huge fan of theirs. Spent a fair proportion of their set chatting with Josh, sound man cum merchandiser for VF, and wrote out some questions for the band. Ralph was telling me he saw the Minutemen play on a six-band bill  – all great bands but he couldn’t remember any of them! Probably five bands people in the UK would’ve died to see, and he couldn’t remember them!

Talked to the band about their friends Nuisance, with whom they hoped to do a split 7″, covering each other’s songs. This, I thought, would be a great idea and I hope it comes off. We all agreed ‘Big Sky’ would be the Nuisance song to cover.

After taking some photos, Citizen Fish wound up their set and much bartering went on at the merchandising table, which should keep the Family in Citizen Fish shirts til the end of the century (slight exaggeration). Managed to squeeze in a place to stay with the band, along with another chap, Rob, who had been to the Newport gig and was also going to Leeds. We all squeezed into a front room and drank some beer.

Entertainment was provided by Chong movie (or was it Cheech?) ‘ Rude Awakenings’, which was extremely funny, though due to overindulgence and a few sucks on a spliff, I remember little of it now. One thing I do remember, though, is the phrase “Ungowa” kept popping up in the movie, which anyone familiar with V.F’s 3rd LP will recognise – weird coincidence!

Not content with this, Bucky wanted some cartoons and was totally thrilled by Yogi Bear and Oggie Doggie & Doggy Daddy. I said to Bucky, who was getting really excited by now, “Are you serious?” but the look on his face said he was serious! Apparently, these are the cartoons he grew up on. These are the cartoons you can only see here on TV-AM! And I thought we had it bad here in the UK!

HOW HAVE YOU FOUND ENGLAND IN ITS TREATMENT OF BANDS COMPARED TO EUROPE AND THE USA?

Tim: England is nice.  It’s sort of like the U.S. in the fact that people have to know a band before they come to the shows, it seems. The people rock out and move around, which is a good sign.
Larry: England seems to have the DIY aspect of Europe and the hype dependency of the U.S.

ARE THERE ANY ENGLISH BANDS YOU ADMIRE?

Larry: Citizen Fish and Herman’s Hermits.
Ralph: Yes, Citizen Fish definitely.
Tim: Snuff and Motorhead.

WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT HOME?

Burritos!

Spermbirds, Victims Family, Rectify – TJ’s, Newport, Gwent, Wales, UK – 17th March 1992

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THE VICTIMS FAMILY/MORRIS MARINA TOUR DIARY

Starring:
Shaun as the driver on the road to rock n roll oblivion!
Morris Marina as the nightmare in transit!

And Introducing: The Victims Family Crew
Ralph Spight: guitar and vocals
Tim ‘Bucky’ Solyan: drums
Larry Boothroyd: bass 

Assisted by: Josh Ray: sound and sales
Hetty: Tour coordinator and Diks van driver

SPERMBIRDS/VICTIMS FAMILY/RECTIFY
Newport TJs

I departed home at about 12.30, allowing enough time to get to Newport and give me a chance to find a decent place to park and find Rockaway Records.  I was pretty nervous of my car on the way as it hasn’t always been the most reliable of vehicles (as certain people on an ill-fated journey to Leamington Spa to see Shudder To Think will testify). Travelling along all the A roads gives you chance to see some pretty nice scenery and towns (particularly Bradford Upon Avon).  Having made it to the motorway with a couple of brief rest breaks, I headed towards the Severn Bridge and Wales.  The bridge is pretty spectacular in size, and offers a mean view in all directions.

A straightforward drive took me into Newport and I found a place to park easily enough.

Check out the monument by the river! I headed in the general direction of the shops and found the Provisions Market, home of Rockaway Records (run by Simon, who helps put on the shows in Newport). Hung out til closing time, checking out the great selection of new and secondhand records – picking up a couple of bargains with the ‘Happy World’ 7” and the  World Class Punk’ Rior cassette. Headed over to TJ’s after my first portion of chips of the tour so far.

Simon had been hassling me to come to a Newport gig for ages and this one promised to be a treat. TJ’s is quite a small place, but just about the right size for this kind of show, i.e. not too full, not too empty.  As it’s a club things start and finish a bit later too which meant a fair while sitting around and waiting. Most people didn’t start coming in til 9.30. A stall had been set up with tons of merchandise available (like a mini-market!) all at very reasonable prices too.

Rectify came on stage at about 9.50 and blasted out their hardcore attack to an appreciative audience (gosh! people dancing to a support band!).  I enjoyed Rectify live but it’s not what I’d choose to listen to at home. Their set was halted due to a broken bass drum pedal.

After a short break, the Victims Family took the stage and plenty of people gathered around to watch.  Even knowing the old songs they are still a great spectacle live. The quirky stops and changes never cease to amaze me, and they played a couple of songs way faster than their vinyl versions. Highlight was a song which reminded me of The Minutemen and talking to Ralph later he confessed an affection for both them and the Big Boys.  A couple of people in the crowd were literally stunned by the Family’s musical accomplishment and the new songs are easily added in to their set. After a short gap, they came back to finish with an ultra-fast ‘Anti Satan Song For Mom’.

Again, after a brief gap, the Spermbirds hit the stage and knocked out their own brand of HC, putting in tons of energy and huge riffs aplenty. Lee (singer) was slightly perplexed at a girl screaming at the side of the stage, “I want to come on your fucking face!” She was quite adamant about it too! The masses of people dancing sucked up all the energy the Spermbirds gave and after about 40 minutes, it got a bit too much for me, so I went outside for a while til the encore of ‘Shit Job’, which went down a storm.

The piles of sweaty people went home contented. They even found it in themselves to donate £40 to Victims Family who had had their tyres slashed by some arseholes outside the venue earlier. I eventually left at about 3am to go back to Simon’s with him and a couple of other guys (sorry, forgot your names already!). Over a nice hot cup of tea, we chuckled at the local newspaper with Pig from Rectify and Chaos from Chaos U.K. in a full colour cover, with a centre page spread about the Newport HC scene. Good stuff, which will hopefully encourage others to support one of the best scenes I’ve come across.

After that it seemed like a good idea to get some sleep as we had to be up early next morning.

HAVE YOU BEEN IN ANY PREVIOUS BANDS?

Larry: Yeah, lots of ’em. The one right before VF was Skirt Boys, a sort of mid tempo, groovin’ peace punk band.
Tim: Only a local metal sort of Victims Family outfit.
Ralph: I was in a sort of power pop thing.

WHAT WERE YOUR CHILDHOOD AMBITIONS?

Larry wanted to play music and travel in a van! Ralph wanted to play baseball until he discovered guitar. Tim had no childhood ambitions.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE HEAD OF THE NEW JAZZCORE EXPLOSION?

Larry: It wasn’t us, we were outta town, you can’t prove anything! No, but really, if jazzcore means breaking down barriers, that’s cool, but if it’s just this year’s trend – fuck it!
Tim: I could hardly call it jazzcore. I think that’s a bogus description.  I personally feel 2nd to No Means No if there were some chart.
Ralph: Or John Zorn.