Tag: war

The Tides – 2nd August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 23 Comments

The words all emptied out of me
Contemplating the push and pull
Heart and head once so proud and full
Sat now, a sculpture by the sea
Contemplating the push and pull
The words all emptied out of me

Shared with WDYS #247 and the attached picture

The Biolet is a six-line poem; the first two lines are repeated as the last two lines in reverse.
The rhyme scheme can be expressed as ABbaBA (with the capital letters representing the repeated lines).
The length of the lines can be in iambic tetrameter (8 syllables), iambic pentameter (10 syllables), iambic hexameter (12 syllables), or in unmetered lines of random lengths.

The second line doesn’t fit the iambic tetrameter but I like it there as the actual words make the reader contemplate the push and pull, chaotic like the ocean.

17th Dec 2024 – Published at Edge of Humanity

Today I’m feeling:

Tired! Gah! Reset my alarm again to get an extra 30 minutes, as I slept very well last night and wanted to sleep more.  It’s another English weather day, making my eyes ache and strain again and though my classes were all fun today they also felt like a struggle.

Thankfully, my mind was in pretty good shape and I was able to come up with some good ideas on the fly.

Today I’m grateful for:

The village uncles (see below)

The best thing about today was:

Getting a message from Amy during one of my lessons whilst teaching.  The message said ‘I’m in trouble’ and there was a picture of our car stuck in the mud of our lawn, as she had driven it across there to get closer to the house to unload her shopping.

I chuckled to myself as I carried on teaching.  She managed to get it out later with the help of a couple of uncles from next door.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my second class today, half of my students didn’t turn up as they had been pulled off to do something else.  It was annoying to find out just as my class was starting and not have advance warning.

I dealt with it by just working with the 11 students who were there, which is a nice number of students for a class!

Something I learned today?

Ukraine has apparently reached out to China to help broker a peace deal with Russia.  Hmm….whilst NATO is trying to keep the war going and possibly expanding it to China too….

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I got a message from Winter’s mum that he had had an accident in the morning and was in ER!  I later found out that it was a motorbike accident and that he’s ok but his grandmum broke her arm.  I wished them the best.

Waging Peace – 1st August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Breath, the gift of all of your Gods
No windswept sketches deny
Deep down below, against all odds
Wars raging from sky to sky

Silhouette kisses, all agree
Will these wonders never cease?
Untangled sense for all to see
Wage peace, let the tribe increase

Submitted to The Sunday Whirl Wordle #665. ‘Let the tribe increase’, once again taken from The Mob’s album of the same name.
23rd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Living Poetry Prompt: Silhouette

Today I’m feeling:

OK, not up or down, not thrilled or dejected.

Last night I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with my brain running.  This has happened for two nights in a row but last night it was much more difficult to get back to sleep.

A few days ago, I decided to cut the Tramadol tablet in half to try and cut down and maybe give myself a break from taking it for a while to see how I feel.  And last night I thought that this was perhaps what had caused me to wake up because this waking up with my mind running hasn’t happened since I started taking Tramadol.

I will see how it is tonight and go from there.  I’ve been incredibly calm and content since taking Tramadol but still curious if I can be that way without it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Boom, my grade 12 student.  We were studying the IELTS Speaking exam about technology and a main question was about how your life would be different without your most precious item of tech.

To demonstrate I took Boom’s phone and put it in my back pocket and asked her how she felt.  After she finished, I purposely didn’t give it back, which she accepted well.

I carried on talking with other students for about 20 minutes and she only once play-whined,’ Teacher – my phone…’ but I still held on to it.

Once I’d finished talking, I opened the camera app on her phone and walked around the classroom taking random photos.  Everyone was laughing and Boom took it all in her stride.

In the evening, I asked her if she had any good pictures from today and she sent me this one:

The best thing about today was:

The whole class mentioned above was a pleasure to teach again.  A fair few students were missing, which made it even easier to get more personal interactions.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The downside of those missing students is that they missed the prep for work required for next week.  Well, nothing I can do about that.

Also, in my grade 8 class, I have them reading in groups of 4 and Ten has not been prepared to do anything to help himself, so I put pressure on his group that if I grade the group it will be to the lowest scorer amongst them.  

I know this will have a negative effect in that it will make the group members think even less of Ten than they already do but I want to demonstrate to them that this is what happens in real life. The weakest person lets down the whole team.

Something I learned today?

I learned a whole lot about semi-fake mobile game ads, why they are made and how they are implemented.  It was a head-shaking experience.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked a little with grade 8 student Film today, as he has cut himself off from Ten and No, as they are not really fulfilling his expectations of friendship. I’m just conscious that last year he came to me to discuss his mental health and I don’t want him to be so isolated and cut himself off from everyone. It’s a weird group of kids in that class for sure. I like them all, except for Ten.

Vendetta Generation – 25th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Voices trembling, yet as one to sing
A collected mind travels the crow road
Where prayers and prophets seek to bring
The moon silk dreams once borrowed

A shatter as the violence worshipped returns
A zigzag missile homes in on the heart
Faced with the darkness, the torment burns
The moon silk dreams soon fall apart

Submitted to The Sunday Whirl Wordle 664 wordlist.

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up with the light before 5 am and knew I wasn’t going to get enough sleep, so I reset my alarm for a little bit later.

Even then, I still felt like I could go back to sleep easily, even after breakfast, driving to school and coffee!

As it was a special event day today, though (Thai Language Day), I soon perked up walking around school and talking with students. There were very few classes going on, so there was a fair amount of excitement in the air.

I cancelled my grade 12 class, giving them a small assignment to do instead and took it easy with the grade 8s in the afternoon.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with students Jee and Pemai this afternoon. It started off with their gossip about Freya and helped me understand their point of view about her behaviour.  More interesting, though, was discussing differences between schools in Thailand and the West and also talking about some of the teachers and other students that they like and admire. 

Something I learned today?

Amy’s mum has shingles on the right side of her face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the effects before but it looks really bad and painful. I need to investigate more about it so that I can try and avoid ever having it too!

I took these pictures of Anchan and Jee because they gave speeches in Thai about the importance of education (so they told me) for today’s event.

Over The Horizon – 18th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

What about the baby that pulled the trigger?
He just liked explosions
That made him happy
So many toys to play with
The mind is easily distracted
– It’s so very far away
– Death is so very far away

It can’t even be seen over the horizon

Bang, bang, they’re dead
They all fall down
Because bigger is better
On this side of town

Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #335

Today I’m feeling:

A little less enthusiastic but still have energy reserves somehow.  The first half of the week is pretty easy now and whilst the last couple of days are busy, they are pretty easy too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Our little birds that came and raised their family with us.  It was cool to watch them grow and then fly away.  Good luck to them.

The best thing about today was:

Spending some time in my room sorting out online music stuff with Parthiban, getting some money sorted to pay Johnny in HK for the Bennu LPs and chatting with Nampan and Team a bit.

And I was able to play some guitar which was fun too.

Something I learned today?

There was a big fire at Chatuchak Market a couple of days ago that killed thousands of animals. I don’t remember even seeing animals anywhere when I was there.

Amy took these pictures because today our little birdies flew the coop.

We Aren’t The Freaks – 9th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Life forever felt like a struggle
We were constantly despised
Together we slowly gathered
– We aren’t the freaks I realised

The tribes became a legion
We held hands and joyously cried
All wishing for a better life
– We aren’t the freaks you realised

With a quiet determination
And through all the things we tried
So we came to change the world
– We aren’t the freaks we realised

Inspired by a thought by Norman Brannon in the Anti-Matter Anthology

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. I did sleep an hour beyond my alarm but was able to force myself to exercise again. 

I want to vacuum my room and sit and do some writing, if possible today. Admittedly, I don’t feel like writing when I’m at home, preferring to be in a cafe where there are less distracting options.

Today I’m grateful for:

The carrot cake that Amy made whilst I was drinking my coffee this morning. After a couple of hours in the fridge, I ate it for my dinner.

The best thing about today was:

Getting lots of things done in my room today, including vacuuming up all the dried-up lizard shit.

I read a bunch of poetry, wrote three new poems and started analysing some texts for a blackout poem. I only managed to play a little guitar because I got distracted talking with Team in Bangkok about his latest EP and then figuring out whether to make some CDs for it too.

I also got a little bit of work done and prepared for this coming week.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite getting lots done, I still ran out of time with lots of other little things having to wait. 

Something I learned today?

94% of the USA want to end the war in Ukraine. But they don’t get to decide that.

I took this picture because I’ve been struggling to take pictures recently, and I can see these becoming a daily photo opportunity following their lives from egg to flight!

What You Learned – 11th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A mother’s love, so strong and true
The guiding hand was not guiding you
A little Emporer enjoys the spoils
Whilst the princess humbly toils

Slowly the empire will expand
And falls away any guiding hand
Is what you learned enough to rule
The head and heart of a simple fool?

Today I’m feeling:

Unsure.  Last night I could feel an oncoming tickle in my throat, I thought, perhaps from burning garbage smoke in the air.  I slept early and woke up feeling ok but with more of a sore throat.  There are a few sick students again recently, including Baipad and Apple who I see on most mornings. 

Now, mid-way through the day I’m feeling on the edge.  I could either recover and be ok by tomorrow or this will snowball into a full-blown flu or cold.  Trying to stay positive through whatever happens.

Today I’m grateful for:

The almond croissant that Amy bought and we shared today.  I’m not that into them so I wouldn’t usually buy one for myself but I found it sweet and tasty, a good post-dinner dessert this evening.

The best thing about today was:

At the end of my extra class with the grade 10s today I asked 4 of the students if the work was ok and they told me they enjoyed it and it was fun.  I was happy to hear that.  I had fun teaching it too.

Something I learned today?

The shortest war in history was between Britain and Zanzibar on August 27, 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

As normal, I guided a few struggling students through their work and thought perhaps that they needed some extra information that would help them with this in the future.  I think I had an expectation that they already understood this grammar (present simple verbs, positive and negative) but whilst a few knew it, many did not.  I need to make the lesson a little clearer if I decide to use it again.

I took this picture because I’d been asking Ploy, who is now in grade 9, to draw another picture of me as the previous one she did was two years old already. I like it though it is way more handsome than the real me!

Bucket Of Life – 11th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a labour of love, not big dreams
But about what being human means
Sticking a dollar in the cup, passing through
This is all a gift from me to you
And back again, that’s our reflection
Open to each other’s introspection
In for a penny, in for a pound
Let’s pass the bucket of life around

Today I’m feeling:

A good vibe. This morning is not too hot. I lazily prepared for the day by rolling back and forth in bed due to stiffness finally getting up and mosying along to Utopia for a delicious throat-soothing coffee. Art told me about his ride to Doi Ang Chang and it looks like a great ride so I messaged Bruno to plan to go there next weekend.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s dad feeling good enough to come out to Central and eat at the seafood restaurant there, where we treated him for his birthday, Amy’s mum for selling her apartments and Nong Aun (Amy’s brother’s girlfriend) for getting a job as a teacher here.

The best thing about today was:

The first coffee was pretty spot on. Meeting Baipad’s mum, sister and three super cute cats was fun.

The fish speciality at Laem Charoen was delicious for lunch. The afternoon and evening are a relaxing chill-out. It’s been a good day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My sore throat was getting me down a little at times today but I finally got to rest a little for an hour or so after lunch and it’s improved a little since taking some medicine. I dealt with it by soldiering on and despite feeling a little grumpy I don’t think it showed that much.

Something I learned today?

A theory behind renewed conflict in the Middle East is to cut off oil to China. A terrorist attack is said to be rumoured on US soil that will trigger them into war with Iran.

This whole ridiculous idea seems more likely every day. The US is putting all its pieces into play in preparation. The US is isolating itself more and more from the rest of the world and the rest of the world is looking forward to its downfall.

Whilst people were scoffing at the idea of the end of the Empire last year, this view is now going mainstream.

What’s on my mind right now?

This morning I will go and meet my student Baipad and her mum to introduce myself as her teacher. She lives in our village and since opening up to me about her struggles with being bullied in primary school and her father passing away a few years ago I’ve tried to encourage and support her. As she lives close by I suggested that once a week I can bring her home from school and hopefully introduce her to Amy so she can pick up on some confidence-building skills and keep up her English, which she is pretty good at in general. 

I took this picture this morning because this oversized asparagus-looking plant is so big that I had to wide angle the shot to get it all in the picture. The multiple mini flowers are cute though not the spectacle-worthy of a stalk growth of this size.

Sanctioned – 11th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No bombs dropped 
No drones deployed
Bloodletting stopped
Society destroyed
A silent terror
Stalks night and day
Without error
Slowly eating away
Bloodless coups
To change regimes
No power to choose
Economic dreams
For years to suffer
To wither and die
Each breath tougher
A silent cry
A subjugated state
Media silence
Returns tenfold hate
Brewing violence
Order dies alone
Then the lies reveal
The war comes home 
Melting beams of steel
All the machinations
The manipulators
Warred with nations
Hate generators

Today I’m feeling:

The morning went fine as I had no class and the kids in the playground were all chatty and playful so I felt pretty good hanging out at House drinking coffee. I went back early to get some paper ready for my first class to make origami hearts and that went well and everyone had a good time. For my last class, I prepared a nice little Quizizz lesson about Japan in preparation for Friday’s Japan theme. Sadly things didn’t go well. Twenty minutes into the class and about 12 students hadn’t arrived so I marked them absent. I sent a message to their homeroom teacher who said that six students were helping her. Well, thanks for letting me know. When other students finally arrived I told them that they were marked absent and could leave if they wanted. Some did. Fuck them.

From here the students that were there were already rowdy and got more so as the lesson went on. They were mostly spread out all over the floor, rolling around and playing. I kept my cool as long as I could and we got to the final question of the quiz where the students had to write two things that they learned. When they just started writing nonsense I blew it. They had already been crying to leave early so I made them wait until the actual end time and told them they would have to do the whole quiz again within the next 24 hours and answer the question properly.

I left school bewildered and pissed off. Even the younger kids are more together than this class. And why do I let it bother me? Like I said above  ‘fuck them’ but really I can’t help myself. I want to try to make it better. So I have to find a different way. I’ll think about it more this week.

Today I’m grateful for:

The one or two students in that class who were paying attention and trying their best. I’m glad to see that some of them have some awareness about what is going on around them though they feel just as helpless as me.

The best thing about today was:

My first class making origami hearts was a lot of fun. I told them that they could write inside who they wanted to give their heart to and that caused a lot of frivolity. As they finished making them I handed back ever smaller pieces of paper to see how small they could go. They all accepted the challenge eagerly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

While I was drinking my morning coffees Amy messaged me that her cousin (?) Boom had died. He had gotten sick after exposing himself somehow to some strong insecticide which started eating away at his legs. He was given medicine to help but apparently decided taking multiple doses would cure him quicker but sadly it fucked up his internal organs until they gave out. I’m not sure this is the full story but the sad thing is that it is possible he could have survived if he had money to pay for ICU for longer. Unfortunately, he had a bad habit of being spoiled by his family and had frittered away everything that they ever had. I don’t think people deserve this fate but some people certainly don’t do anything to help themselves.

In the back of my mind this afternoon, whilst struggling with my class, was having to go to the temple, possibly this evening but thankfully I don’t. I’m still feeling tense and annoyed. It looks like I will be able to go on Friday late morning as it is nearby. That’s better than having to go after the work day.

Something I learned today?

I read and learned a lot this morning but now my mind is full of saltiness. I look forward to waking up more positive tomorrow.

What does it mean to be wise?

This morning I heard a great line from Gino Jevdevic from Kultur Shock. It went along the lines of, to be old and wise you must be first young and stupid. I guess that’s no guarantee but perhaps feels like a requirement. So people seem to be wise already in their youth. Something innate for a special few though no doubt they themselves may not see it that way.

To be wise? To understand oneself, to understand the world as best as you can and for that understanding to bring contentment.

When was the last time I showed perseverance?

I think I show this quite often. For example, I will persevere with this annoying class of mine even when my thoughts are of just giving up on them. I will try to find a way to make it work for them and for me. 

I’m persevering with guitar playing despite very slow progress, same with learning Thai. I have kept going with tenzenmen for 20 years already through various ups and downs. 

I’ve persevered with writing here on this app too, almost a year now, so this sentence is an example of the last time I showed perseverance,

I took this picture because the sun was playing crazy with the tops of the clouds and this storm that threatened blew away somewhere else.

World Expanding – 17th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Stealing away at sunset
To the corner of the block
Distant twinkling on the horizon
There lies a future to unlock

Reaching out to infinity
If only with open eyes
Beyond the grip of safety
A world full of surprise

Removing the lines drawn
To travel the streets alone
Comfortable in the welcome
Arms returning home

And slowly, steps are growing
The night reveals the joy
For the wanderer, the movie
Of boy meets girl meets boy

Next the flight over oceans
To a scary place indeed
Where next to expand the mind?
Wherever it is, Godspeed

Inspired by this post by Makenna Karas

5th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

I’d set my alarm later than usual for 8 am but that still wasn’t enough sleep and when I finally got up an hour later I was still groggy. I did 60 jumping jacks and had a cold shower to wake up and my body feels good though my brain hasn’t quite kicked in yet. A job for coffee.

Today I’m grateful for:

The ten baht soft noodles, the twenty baht watermelon and 75 baht drinks I bought to go with dinner, a super spicy fish soup that sure woke up my face. And despite the morning coffees I never really got going today.

The best thing about today was:

That nothing really mattered too much. I got things done, chatted and prompted some students with their catch-up work etc and also this whilst feeling exhausted and lethargic. Pick it up and start again tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was sipping my coffee at Utopia I saw the lady from the phone store next door outside and remembered that I should get my phone screen replaced there, to give them my business. I went out and she said she could do it for me. My memory of having the protective screen replaced was that it cost about 100 baht. I was a little surprised when she said it was 250 baht. Has the price gone up that much? Did I remember wrong? Was she taking advantage? I don’t know so I thought of it as a random act of kindness that makes her happy and keeps me happy too.

Something I learned today?

I saw a BBC story about terrible things happening in North Korea. I didn’t watch the content but I’m now wondering if this is further preparation for war with China? The timing seems convenient.

What are some personality traits that I admire in others?

I was thinking that the personality traits I admire in others are not always something I feel comfortable to try and replicate. They are not always suitable for my personality today. If they are admirable then perhaps I can learn to slowly integrate them in my own way. It’s unreasonable to expect to immediately become the kind of person that another is. Also, some traits that I admire may be in people that I dislike for other traits that jar against mine. Separate the trait from the person.

Where did I embody courage?

I’ve been trying to answer this for a couple of days already but don’t feel like I’ve had to embody courage at all recently. Life has been pretty much within my stride for the last couple of years. I’ve embodied courage in my past, for example, when moving countries or going to visit new countries with little information, starting new careers and so on. I’m happy to keep exploring new possibilities but things that might require good chunks of courage are not really on my radar either because my level of fear has been defused or things are beyond my thoughts to attempt these days.

I took this picture because this nice piece of art was in Utopia. I like it.

A Gift Is A Gift – 15th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can I keep the bullet you gave me
When you shot me through the heart?
Perhaps one day it will save me
To put back together what you ripped apart

Today I’m feeling:

Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times!
By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! 
They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!

Today I’m grateful for:

In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. 
I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!

The best thing about today was:

I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!

Something I learned today?

I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.

How can I be kinder to myself?

I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.

I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.