I met a salesman from an orange land Who said “Two fat and chubby legs of stone Stand on the golf course…In the bunker, on the sand Buried in broken promises, whose botox smooth Unwrinkled lip, and sneer of old demand Tell that it’s maker well understood Lifeless things will always be lifeless things This hand mocks him, there is no good And on the pedestal, these words appear My name is Trump, you’re fired! Look at my face, losers, and despair No trace remains of policies of decay A colossal trainwreck of heartless hot air Blows across the bunkers and far away.”
The charging cable that I always borrow from Kru Mai so I can use the speaker in the classroom. I’m charging now so I can use it for class tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
In my morning class finding 100 baht that someone had dropped but no one claimed. I kept it and waited to see if anyone would come back to claim it though no one did.
In my second class, it was Anchan’s birthday and we sang her happy birthday. Often the kids ask me for money and I’ll give them one baht and tell them to share. Anchan cheekily asked for 100 baht and as I was up for the day I gave her the money I’d found.
Something I learned today?
In 2010 the US Supreme Court made a ruling in Citizens United versus Federal Election Commission that companies are people and money is speech, therefore allowing companies to use money to influence the political process, effectively turning the US into a plutocracy.
What is my favourite photo of the past month?
I think this must be the pictures Aing took of me at the waterfall. The experience itself was fantastic and freezing and then to see myself, a flabby middle-aged man in his underwear dwarfed by the torrents of water falling from the rocks yet laughing with joy, stupid mad joy still motivates me to live my life any way I can and want.
I took this picture because, in the messy garden of House which is full of green everything, this red flower overhanging the path screams ‘take my picture’!
A lazy weekend spent trying to keep my brain in control. It wasn’t too bad but it meant not being in the mood to do anything much.
There’s a bunch of chores I was hoping to complete but ended up doing only the essentials so another huge pile of shirts awaits as well as all Amy’s indoor plants that need some topping up with water.
At the the start of the week I’m somehow filled with energy but by the end I’m knackered. This weekend was a catch-up with myself.
To push myself a little I’ve messaged Bruno to go for a little ride which also forces me to get my bike a quick service and a wash too. By committing to some things I’ll get pushed along.
I did spend the weekend chatting in LINE with some students about their futures and that was a good little exercise in communication, not just for them but for me too.
Back in the classroom, this morning was fun as I’m relaxing into the end of the semester, as the students have been doing for the last six weeks or so already.
Sometimes I question whether pushing the kids harder is the right thing to do. Their lives are so much easier compared to my own experience and what I understand for many other students around the world. In my mind that leads to laziness and lack of innovation or critical thinking.
I look at myself and realise how I, myself, hidden away from people, generally ignorant of the dramas of the world, feel much happier that way. Maybe there’s just no right and wrong, or good or bad way. I can feel that I’ve bonded with this group of M1 (grade 7) students – I guess as we’ve had at-school classes for the whole year instead of the lockdown interruptions of the last two years.
I’ll miss these kids as I won’t teach them so much next year if class arrangements stay the same
Among a single soft bed Nothing stirs except The slow rise and fall as the cats breathe
Their three minds Like closed doors To the bedroom containing three cats
Awake, stretch, turn and re-settle These times of little drama
Two cats slumber together As one Three cats slumber together As one
No favouritism at the sight Each purrs with affection Soft eyes stare at mine Before closing again To mouse dreams
inspired by the first five stanzas of Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird by Wallace Stevens
Today I’m feeling:
Reasonably happy and satisfied.
Today I’m grateful for:
A little breeze this evening that will hopefully blow away some of this smoky polluted air. The forecast is for many days of storms but with a 0% chance of rain! (As I finished writing this with Kim sitting on my lap there was a peal of thunder and the sound of rain on our roof! Hooray! Kim has gone back to sleep under the doona!)
The best thing about today was:
Relaxing a little with my grade 8 classes. I didn’t push them too much and allowed the class to end early knowing that I can test them on the work on Friday. My afternoon grade 7 class though was more taxing as they looked at me blankly when I asked them to find the verbs in some sentences, not knowing what a verb was until I gave them the Thai translation for the word ‘verb’!
This is another lesson for me to re-evaluate what and how I teach next year. I’m almost fully resigned now to let the students keep their phones, making each lesson very simple, with some element of artistic output so that the result can look good at least and then I will just grade the students on whether they do the work or not.
Having said that I hope that next year’s classes are of a similar level of comprehension at least. I feel like I’m at the point of just giving in to the easy way out. To make my life easier.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This is more a continuation of the above but many of my students today still lack a serious comprehension of (what I generally consider) simple tasks and instructions, or even just making connections throughout what we have already studied this semester. I’m feeling resigned.
But I did come home with the knowledge that I need to change my approach. If I have to make life easier for my students, I have to make it easier for myself too.
Something I learned today?
A recent poll found that 56% of Taiwanese people distrust the USA and worry that they could be in the middle of a potential war that they didn’t ask for.
What small task brings me satisfaction?
What is a small task? Exercise? Feeding the cats? Reading? Cutting nails?
Ok, I’m going to say vacuuming my floors and washing my sheets. I can go do a long time without doing either so I do feel satisfied with a clean floor and fresh-smelling sheets.
Aing took this picture last week because I was the only one of us brave/dumb enough to jump into the waterfall. I only just got this picture and was quite shocked at how big the waterfall is and how small I am in comparison.
At the vanguard, the pinnacle No longer an unknown fuzz It doesn’t get better than this And then it does
At the peak of the mountain After setting the world on fire Nowhere left to go after this And then someone else goes higher
Supersonic humanitarian jets Speed help to any disaster Always first on the scene Until someone else goes faster
Everything pushed to the limit Achievement no longer a buzz It doesn’t get better than this And then it does
Today I’m feeling:
Rundown and a little bored and unenthused.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mama noodles, egg, onion and dried protein from Oasis that formed my dinner. All the people involved in making, packaging, buying and selling and delivering these separate ingredients that made into my kitchen, my bowl and then my belly.
The best thing about today was:
I’m not in the best of moods today though purely due to tiredness. I did feel better after eating and did then enjoy reading another Anton Chekov story ‘Ariadne’ which at one point describes that deep emotional love of connection with another body that one must savour completely. I also got absorbed in another chapter of Affluenza in the evening too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I couldn’t force myself up and out of bed this morning. I ate a weed gummy a couple of hours before going to bed last night and was maybe feeling the lingering effects of that. Consequently, I was late to get to school, which shouldn’t really be a problem this week though.
I went for coffee and struggled through adding more blog entries before heading back home and lazily watching some videos and finally hopping into bed with all cats present. I quickly fell asleep but also quickly woke up again which surprised me. I was still tired but suddenly I was no longer sleepy.
I could feel myself getting grumpy during Amy’s calling at dinner time. She was a little emotional about missing our cats and was also a little drunk and talkative. She happily talked whilst I prepared my food and ate it and I’m glad I didn’t let my own emotions take over and cut our conversation short. I felt a little better by the time we said good night.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, cats get whisker stress if their food bowls are too deep and bend their whiskers whilst eating. I watched our cats eat this afternoon and our bowls are good for them. This was information in a video about things to do to keep your cats happy. We pretty much do them all and our cats exhibit the behaviour of happy cats.
What was the highlight of this week?
Undoubtedly it was walking up to Khun Korn waterfall and jumping into the water. This week has been relatively quiet so this was an easy choice.
I took this picture because Tigger is so happy in this house. He has so many spots he enjoys lying, sleeping or rolling around. Today I had to give him another shampoo clean to help with his skin problem and afterwards he went straight out into the sun but was already rolling around in the dust and leaves.
The body was weak with a cancer at the heart Viruses found a way in to rip it all apart Poison took hold and began to stake a claim So began the one hundred years of shame
Infection spread to disable all the limbs Antibodies form and internal war begins Now a puppet left to play in a rotten game Raped and tortured by a hundred years of shame
Slowly, slowly the body returns to balance Both yin and yang improve upon their talents Heads held higher to rise above the strain The beginning of the end of a hundred years of shame
Now the muscles flex, the body’s lesson learned At unity with the brain, power has returned No matter the want, things are not the same Since the end of a hundred years of shame
Today I’m feeling:
Content and energised. A long walk in the jungle and a dip in the freezing water under the waterfall really got my blood flowing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing and Now paying for my lunch which we had at the restaurant in the stream. All the food was delicious. Spicy seafood salad, Tom Yum soup, veggie fried rice, deep-fried fish and squid.
The best thing about today was:
Getting under the waterfall and having the air sucked out of my lungs. It was freezing and invigorating and I felt cosy once I got my shorts and t-shirt on again. I should sleep well tonight.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Last night I found Kim had a scratch on her head and was limping again, presumably from fighting, so I decided to keep her in again. I really want her to enjoy the freedom to be outside but she just can’t stay out of trouble. I’ll start putting her back in her room at night again from tomorrow.
Right now she’s in our walk-in where she’s content to recover as best she can. She still seems happy enough and is eating fine. Hopefully, she gets better soon.
Something I learned today?
There was an earthquake in Turkey and Syria a couple of days ago and China has already got people on the ground there helping. In comparison, the USA has sanctions in place for Syria which hampers Western allies’ possible efforts to help.
Syria is already crippled by civil war and US military involvement as well, removing their oil to be kept in a safe place ie. the USA!
I’m coming to respect China more and more every day. I just hope they can avoid getting dragged down by the bullying tactics of the West.
What is a word you feel that too many people use?
Taking this question literally, the word is probably ‘Mine.’
I took this picture because this was the destination for today. Khun Korn waterfall. Aing and Now said they wanted to come here as they never did during the time they were studying in Chiang Rai. They’d been busy until today so today it had to be. Just by chance, at school this morning, I met Kru Mai and Kru Karn waiting to be picked up and I guessed they were going camping with scouts. I asked them where the campsite was and it was also at Khun Korn! So I made sure to go and surprise my old students whilst visiting. They all told me that they weren’t having fun but it looked like they were really!
Is he laughing at or with? The thief of dreams Time was never his to give Stolen in extremes The folly of wasted youth The crooked smile beams Dirty with the truth Liew, scrubs and cleans
The media never met a potential apocalypse it didn’t like.
from Superfreakonomics
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: The National Geographic English textbooks the school somehow obtained and I’ve been able to use in one of my classes and figured a way to push 4 of the better students by giving them higher graded books. I hope it pushes them a little. The best thing about today was: Playing, teaching and having fun in class, trying to motivate them and helping them find the correct answers to questions and seeing their faces light up when they get it. They may forget it by tomorrow but in those brief moments, I feel like I may be a legitimate teacher! What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? A few of my smart students in one class were very distracted by having their phones and I’ve noticed them slacking off a bit lately, just copying work and not really attempting to learn. Instead of getting angry or upset I talked to them after the class and let them know that I was aware of their changed behaviour and was a little disappointed by it. They looked a little sheepish as expected and I’ll have to wait and see if it has any impact. I’m pleased with myself that I kept calm this time. Something I learned today? From listening to the Oh Brother podcast I learned that the curmudgeonly Mark E Smith always returned his empty pint glasses to the bar. It reminds me that I usually clean up after myself in the cafes I go to when I’m finished and I wonder if I’m also a curmudgeon and this is my small act to show others that I may be a good human after all. Are you going to do something exciting? One would hope so…. But…. I’m not very exciting these days. Chiang Rai is not particularly exciting and it’s all suiting me just fine. I kinda miss being excited but with highs come lows and I prefer to avoid the lows. If Amy starts a business here then that will be kinda exciting. Is it stress that gives me excitement? Organising a SEA tour would be exciting but it’s the stress, the heightened awareness, the lack of sleep etc combined that holds me in awe. So, it seems the answer may be no, or, kinda….
I took this picture because this little innocuous waterfall sits outside the school cafe and I walk by it every day, noticing it but never really looking at it so today I stopped for a second to enjoy it.
I am so happy and grateful to have spent time yesterday with friends walking up to Khon Korn waterfall. It was a long happy day filled with smiles and laughter.
Sleeping alone out in my office man cave meant being able to listen to music quietly through the night and I sometimes approached consciousness and felt deep involvement in the sounds in the room. I have no idea of those sounds or songs once awake again and I also had to turn off the stereo when a long noise piece came up on the shuffle as the sun was rising outside.
The sofa in my room is plenty comfortable for a one-hour nap but not so great for a whole night and as the brightening day chased away the night I threw down a couple of glasses of water and headed out on the motorbike with the intention of heading into the mountains to see if I could get to the stupa that is visible from the fourth floor of our school.
I had a rough idea of where to go and figured it wouldn’t take too long and could get back home before the day got too hot. It was a little cloudy and the big rain the day before had cooled everything down by a couple of degrees too.
But first, to Utopia to throw down a couple of coffees to get fully charged. They perfectly hit the spot and I hit the road in earnest.
I had a rough idea of the direction to head towards, which involved going over a road I travelled down with Amy a few weeks previously. I took the highway down to the other university in the area, this being the first time I have actually gone that far on this road. It’s usually a little hectic on this road with lots of crazy aunties just pulling out from side-roads and houses on their dilapidated old motorcycles, so I was glad to get down there and off towards the university as soon as possible.
Around to the side is a huge pond of water lilies with flowers yet open looking like massive cabbages on stalks.
A little further and a fishing lake with views towards the mountains at the back of my house.
Onwards towards the hot spring and then across to the Big Buddha, which isn’t a Buddha at all, but the Chinese goddess, Kwanyin.
Big Buddha is easier to say and absolutely everyone knows where you mean. This monument is a good landmark as you head into the mountains too.
To get there you have to pass a landfill which is tucked between a couple of hills and only announces itself as you turn a corner and the stench hits the back of your throat. Here the road crumbles down to a dirt track but having been here fairly recently I remembered the way through. The old wooden houses here are dirty and rotten and mangy old dogs stare at you if they can even be bothered to lift their heads from their slumber.
Then it’s onto the bypass – another scary proposition but at least there are not many side roads here for motorcycles to sudden pull out from, it’s just the speeding trucks to be aware of. Fortunately this newish road is still not used that much and it’s an enjoyable ride along. At the bridge I can see the stupa in the distance that is my planned destination (the little white dot on the mid-left in the picture above). The hill in the foreground grabs my attention though as there is a house up there as well as another Buddhist monument. How the hell do you get up there – the view must be amazing. One day in the future I will find out.
The opposite view takes in the river, which flows towards the city. It looks fairly sedate but from my one experience of falling in I can confirm it flows quite fast! The ground is dry yet the jungle manages to maintain well enough. We’re approaching the rainy season and there was a big rain a few days prior but not enough to waterlog anything yet.
Here’s the side on view of the same hill, it looks like the monks accommodation is in the white building but there’s no obvious temple here. Apparently there are caves in here somewhere too. Investigate later.
The red trees are flowering everywhere though the photos don’t really show up how bright they are. I love these rigid lines of plants growing, they counter the randomness of everything else here in Thailand.
I don’t know what the plants are. Anyone know?
Further on, I’m struck by this modern looking building on the hill – what a great place to live. A couple of hundred metres down the road and there is a sign indicating that there is a coffee shop up there, so what the hell, let’s go have another coffee and see what the view is like. The toilet is a tiny cute shack but I couldn’t find a light so had to guess with the small amount of light penetrating the gaps and cracks in the wooden frame. I think I got some in the bowl.
And the view was indeed fabulous. Yet another Instagram cafe here in Chiang Rai. Everyone seems to have one. The owners house, back and above the cafe looked magnificent, with two big dogs lazily guarding the gate. And the coffee was great, along with the refreshing tea that comes with it.
Just around the corner I noticed a big dragon staircase being built and a road up the hill next to it, so I nosily went to have a look. The top opened out into this area with this beautiful tree which I wanted to take home and use for shade in our garden. Behind the tree is a small stupa and I’m wondering now if this was the one I could see before. I thought it was a bit further along than here but I actually didn’t end up going to where I had planned to see what was there. Again, plenty of time to go back and investigate again.
I’m a sucker for these red flowering trees.
And in the distance here, again, not accurately significant in this picture, a huge pink flowering tree that I hoped to see more of so I could get a picture close up.
I was due to turn away from the river so stopped a few times to take more pictures. Here, two locals were walking along the banks, possibly looking for fishing spots. They saw me and shouted ‘Hello’ as I replied ‘Sawatdee khap’ in return. People are generally happy and friendly everywhere I go. They are curious about what you are doing and give them something to gossip about when the community gathers in the evenings.
This picture was taken at a covered area with a few plastic chairs scattered around – probably the community gathering spot. Like everything, it’s dirty and dusty and looks unused and anywhere can a meeting place anyway. Who knows what happens here at night?
This monument presumably brings luck and abundance to the surrounding land. I haven’t seem any other places similar to this.
I started deviating from the plan I had in my mind (actually I forgot to turn off at the right point) and ended up in this strange village with just a few buildings and didn’t look like many people were around. Maybe it’s just one big extended family living here. Their mango tree is doing better than ours.
And so I started heading up…
…and the views got more spectacular.
Finally a waterfall. However, the road ahead was begging me to keep going, so I did. I don’t know how to measure inclines but this picture doesn’t really show just how steep it was. And beyond here an Akha village where everyone was gathering for the Sunday church service. Beautiful hymnal singing came out of the building, in what sounded like the local language, making it all the more intriguing to me. There were many locals standing around, staring at the dumb lost foreigner and I felt like I was invading their space somewhat, so chose to head on. That was a mistake, as the hill got ever steeper and thinner until the road ran out at a house at the very top. As I tried to manoveur around on the slope, with out rolling backwards and over the edge, the owner came out to see what the noise was and told me, in English, I had to go back and turn at the bottom of the hill. I didn’t realise yet but I’d totally missed the turn off I should have taken and ended up here.
I went back down the hill and tried to ride up to the waterfall. I only got about 15 metres before the path was blocked and not knowing just how far the waterfall was (I have walked to other waterfalls for several hours without ever finding them!) I just took this quick snap and turned back. Friends tell me later that it isn’t much further along, so, again, one for another time.
I head back down hill looking for this turn off I should have taken. Google Maps shows it as a major throughway so I’m looking for some solid concrete road. The local kids are bemused to see me riding up and down looking for it.
And it turns out this is the main road – actually the only road – through the mountains going south. Here it is a little wider, the actually entry from the road I was on is little more than an overgrown foot track. And once again I’m heading up but this time through some slippery, sloppy muddy parts.
First part navigated and things dry out a bit. But I’m still going up and I’m starting to hear and smell the engine working hard over this tough irregular road. It’s a struggle and at some points I ponder turning back. But the thought that there might be something special just around the corner spurs me on.
I’m also spurred on my the fact that there are relatively fresh bike tracks along here which means that it is still getting used often enough that I can be rescued if the need be! In fact I start to worry about hitting a rock and falling off and breaking bones. But not enough to stop me. Around here I could also start to hear the buzzing of chainsaws so I figured these bikes tracks may have been made today. It was only a few minutes later I realised it was the buzz and rattle of cicadas (or whatever other bugs make noise in here).
Up and up and just a small gap in the bamboo jungle. Now I have to hope that Google Maps is keeping me on track.
This one is still one the way up. About another 15 minutes later I reached a peak and took some video (which I can’t upload here). It’s a panaroma around both sides of the ridge and it is absolutely silent except the buzzing of insects. No industry, no people, no machines. Just nature. If you can zoom in to this picture you’ll find Kwanyin as a tiny white dot in the distance.
And so, to the other side. Now, getting down was a scarier prospect than going up. Just over the edge here turned into thick mud and brakes became less functional. I could hear the roar of engines in the distance and presently four teenagers rounded the corner on their trail bikes and we smiled and nodded at each other and I’m sure they had a good laugh at the silly foreigner trying to navigate these roads with his little step through motorbike. Whatever, I made it down safely.
Going down hill didn’t last for long as I finally arrived at this village which was only 4 kms away from the main road but had taken me about an hour to get here. At each village the road returns to concrete until you get to the other side. At each concrete road I had thought I had arrived back on regular routes, only to discover more mud just around the corner, or, once again, up the hill. It was also threatening to rain up here but only managed a spit.
If you’re going to live in a wooden shack, make sure it’s the best spot in the village. Up some more again.
Zooming in on this shows the ridges of the mountains repeating off into the distance. It was around here I started to feel a natural ecstasy. A oneness, a wholeness. Goddamn, I want to hold on to that feeling.
I joked with myself that I was getting sick of seeing beautiful things over and over again. It just didn’t stop. When I showed Amy these pictures later she was very blazé about them. ‘It’s my country, it’s what I’ve seen all my life.’ I was intoxicated, however.
Here, the local soccer pitch looks like it could use some loving. Just to the right is a Chinese gravesite, looking over the valley which runs long and wide. ‘Bury Me High’ indeed.
Yet, it seems I can still go further up. A couple of spots of farmers burning crops thankfully weren’t enough to smog up everywhere.
Scenes like these make we want to travel more. This one reminds me of places in Sichuan province in China and I also love the mountains in Switzerland.
I guess I’m a mountain person but I think I equally enjoy the beach. 22 years in Sydney probably took care of my beach pleasures though there are times here in Chiang Rai when I wish it was possible to just go rush into the cold waters of the ocean again.
Finally I made it to the other side, about 4 hours after leaving on what I thought would perhaps only take 2 hours in total. I still had to get back yet. This view is to the south of Chiang Rai – all the others had been looking north or west.
I didn’t take any more pictures as I was going down again as I was hanging on for dear life, most of the way, followed by trucks and other motorbikes and sometimes negotiating tractors and other farming vehicles.
And finally a rest stop, with 4g connection and I tell Amy I’m fine and not to worry. I call my friend to meet for lunch in about an hour at a cafe back near the river. I basically completed a large circle on my journey and would finally end up back on the bypass.
But, I still had an hour before needing to be at the cafe and going directly there by road would only take about 20 minutes. So I rode around Singha Park, enjoying it’s manicured grounds, and ended up coming out the other side back near the mountains again. Another hill tribe village and a check of Google and there looked like roads to make it through, so let’s go and see.
Quickly, the farm land was taken over by rows and rows of pineapple and these dirt roads petered out into walking tracks. Still, Google showed that there was a way through so after crossing a couple of streams I finally found a way out.
Here the vista opened up to these papaya trees and a happy dog was lounging in the shade of the rubber trees on the right.
All around this hill sat various Buddha images which I lost count of as I rode on past. After meeting my friends for lunch I headed home as directly as possible as my skin was already turning crab coloured from sunburn. I made it back at 4pm. Once this sunburn was healed I hope I can go out again. I might also have to wait for the rainy season to finish too. There’s been a couple of big rains since this adventure which may have made much of this journey impossible now.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I can remember that 24 hours can change everything. One day you can feel so bad but the next day things become good.
Brain dump
Better, better, better today, glad to be feeling this way. Are you reading this, future me? Future anyone? Can you read this drivel scribble?
Naked Reagan Vanilla Blue – but I’m okay. Talking with Hayden on the first floor (sunshine girl in hotpants buying drinks) we make an agreement to tell each other more about our lives. He has gone through the wringer and I can tell he is grateful for our support. He tries to make me feel better and I really appreciate that.
Memory goes in and out – trying to recall things in my past – maybe removing things from now. Doesn’t matter too much but Amy gets mad. What a life! I’ve been and done little compared with some but done so much compared with others. Rise, fall, rise.
So many books. Loving reading – take me to a different world. Thankful. Time to meditate.
To-do list
Silent good wishes – compliment – smile ✅
Enjoy the dentist – as always ½
Take pictures for visa
Do some more for Nu’s zine
Find things to print for Aing too ✅
Quiet day today – feeling fine – except the dentist was not so much fun today – a little painful but I tried to breathe through it. Now the numbness has worn off, the pain is coming through again and giving me a big headache.
Tomorrow will likely be another quiet day so, a good opportunity to try and repeat some better habits. With only a couple of more weeks of free time left, I should take advantage of this.
Are you living in line with what you value?
Yes, and this is causing some difficulty for me as I cannot accept the cultural difference here in Thailand. I value fairness and justice and finding elements of corruption permeate society here, gossip can rule the day here. It’s a difficult adjustment and not one I’m sure I can endure.
I am so happy and grateful to the two kids we meet yesterday who wanted to help us find the local waterfall. It was really nice of them. Nong Da and Biew. Even though we couldn’t really speak each other’s language I hope I met them again one day.
1994ever 