The dream is dead, since the sixties Turned to the seventies, nice and sleazy Endless wars processed the hippies and pixies Economic vandals left a peace uneasy
Was it in our name, the forever fight for peace? Did we ever question what’s going on here? The grabs for land then returned for lease The struggle for survival, a punishment severe
Can the decks be cleared with genocide? The algorithms are running the numbers There’s no longer a place to hide And we’re left holding only clunkers
Sign away our lives with disappearing ink Fingers crossed and handshakes informal Accustomed to shit we no longer smell the stink This is the new normal – abnormal
Was it a fantasy? A fair fumble in the past – Mystical ticks as the clock rewinds That magical ache in the chest again, at last – A blood-pumping petition reminds
Gave up reality for frolics in the dark – Gardenias by day, jasmine by night Naked in starlight, reignited the spark – Gladdens the mind from a dark requite
A little bit weary before coffee but fairly upbeat after. Will try to get out to my room before watching any TV today, make sure I do things that are pleasurable, though take some effort, rather than just sitting watching the box all day. Whilst content may be interesting, too much at one time gets boring.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at the hospital who gave me advice on when to come back to get my medicine.
The best thing about today was:
Playing guitar again for a couple of hours was fun and though my skill seems to have plateaued, I’m starting to understand it a little more deeply.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went up to the hospital, though only after talking with Hayden about health, which reminded me to see if the psych was there. Actually, I knew that he was only usually there on Monday mornings, so I wanted to find out if he would be there next Monday, but as today and next Monday are holidays, the department he is in is not open. It was a vague hope that they would be.
However, a nice member of staff, with reasonable English, told me that he would be there from 1pm tomorrow, so I figured I’d take tomorrow morning off and wait at home until then and go to my afternoon class at 2.30. I don’t want to have to go back and forth twice tomorrow as I’m short of cash and will need to refill the tank at some stage.
Something I learned today?
Biden steps down as the 2024 US presidential candidate, and civil war there feels like more and more of a possibility.
On a similar note: Jellyfish are not fish; they have no brain, heart, or bones.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I followed up with Baipad about her cat and also with Freya about herself.
I took this picture because finally, our ground is waterlogged again.
Tired but awake with a headache. My sleep was much disturbed by aches in my shoulders and arms due to my exercise this week, so I skipped it this morning.
I have a few things to do today connected with the SpeechOdd Malay tour and the Minnesota release and hopefully will play some guitar too. I didn’t make it to my room often last week.
Today I’m grateful for:
My village and the folks therein.
The best thing about today was:
Being able to keep going after a filling lunch and resisting the temptation to lay down. Before that, I had already gone to Sinthanee and got a new battery for the bike and picked up the fish at Betagro for Amy to cook for lunch. My two morning coffees seemed to keep the lights on in my body after waking up tired but not sleepy.
Lunch could have finished me off, though. My eyes were feeling heavy as my body was breaking down the fish and rice. I drank a bottle of soda and knew it was a bad idea to lie down with all that bubbling around inside me so decided to walk around the garden and on seeing our dirty car I decided that I could take it to the garage to be cleaned as we will drive to meet Mei and Hagen at Singha Park tomorrow for lunch.
Also, I thought it might be a funny catalyst for some rain as it hasn’t rained in the four days since we got the gutter replaced, so we still don’t know how effective it is.
On the way to PTT, where I normally get the car cleaned, I dropped into Utopia and asked if they knew a local shop that could fix the puncture on my car, and they told me that Art recommended the shop right next to the PTT. Easy. And I picked up another coffee, too!
At the PTT, they couldn’t clean my car immediately as there was a truck delivering fuel, and they said they could only do it after that had finished. No problem, I’ll go and get the puncture repaired.
In the shop the guy there got straight to it and within about ten minutes had fixed everything and delivered me a screw that had caused the problem. And only cost 150 baht. The fish this morning was more expensive!
As it was so quick, I went back down to the car cleaning place next door to Sinthanee, and they said it would be about an hour as they had a couple of cars in already. No problem. I could go across the road and talk with Baipad for a bit.
At Baipad’s, her mum was finishing off a customer’s hair, and NamHom was playing an online game and talking with the other player, her friend, on her mobile phone. Kids these days! So lucky. Her mum kept telling her to go and get Baipad from upstairs, but she was too engrossed, so I watched her playing and scoffed when she failed at the quest she was trying to complete, which, to my surprise, she was completely unbothered by; she just kept starting again without complaint. I would have thrown the phone down in frustration many times if that had been me when I was younger! So, I’m not sure how I feel about that. Is she not frustrated due to resilience or to a lack of emotion?
Anyway, the customer left, and mum forced NamHom to go up and get Baipad, and I asked her mum if it was her car outside and if she would like me to teach Baipad all the things inside, without actually driving anywhere. She said that that was fine but that Baipad was probably too scared to drive anyway and shook her head. I think she would like Baipad to step up a little bit with taking action.
And so talking of which, NamHom came back downstairs and started playing again, saying that she knocked on the door and told Baipad to come down. 20 minutes later, and no appearance. Her mum said that she was probably playing on her phone all last night and was still sleeping now and had locked her door.
She sighed, I sighed, but whatever. I walked up to Lotus and got some Curcumin drinks and went back to the car wash and sat in their waiting room from where I called and chatted with Hayden for a while.
Once the car was done, outside, inside, underneath and another 250 baht gone I felt pretty lively and inspired to keep going so, once home, got into my room and sent off a message to Unite Asia about the Speech Odd tour, wrote to Johnny in HK about the Bennu 12”s and whether he’d be interested in the Minnesota Pocket Circuit release. I also set up a Facebook event page for the Speech Odd tour and started to feel like I was really getting connected back in with things.
I was tired and dizzy but inspired again. I practiced guitar for a little while and then played along to a couple of songs until my amp cut out from playing too loud. Time to go back inside and relax.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was unfazed about things today, even Amy telling me to do this and do that, I looked at her with a fun mocking face.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I told the puncture repair guy that Art at Utopia had recommended him so that they both got some recognition within our community.
I’m saying goodbye to all the terrible kissers Crazy roommates and sideways pissers No more mental breakdowns for me I’m handing the landlord back the key
Moving on from fast food dates Working minimum wage cleaning plates I’m tired of all the dreams I’ve dreamt That I never had time to attempt
But finally, the time has come for me To make the trip towards a different sea The school of life has me graduating Beyond the realms of just contemplating
The terrible kissers will be a reminder To treat myself and others kinder Four winters and summers now past The time is right to move on at last
Ok but still coughing a little. When I got to school I found that one of my classes has 15 students off sick today! Amy is coughing and has a sore throat now too.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student Lydia for expressing her appreciation for my class today which was about vowel sounds.
I was also grateful to Tulip, who I moved from the back of the class to the front, which she was extremely unhappy about but then excelled in her interactions and was full of smiles.
I messaged her later to see how she felt about it and she gave positive feedback. I hope it encourages her for the future.
The best thing about today was:
A steady diet of happiness, many happy positive moments without one standing out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I turned up to an empty classroom for my first class of the day, only then finding out that they had to go off to some meeting for the morning.
It would be nice if the kids learned about planning and communication so that when they become adults they can plan and inform people like me that get frustrated about its lack!
Nevermind. Five hours before my next class. Let’s drink coffee!
Something I learned today?
I read it on the internet so cannot claim it is true but this text said that supermarket apples can be up to one year old. After picking they are covered in wax, hot air-dried and placed in cold storage.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent supportive messages to Tulip, Khawhom, BB and Namfon after our class today.
I encouraged my grade 10 students when they sulked after I gave them a more difficult option and then proceeded to do very well anyway, so I gave them positive feedback.
I helped supply a couple of forgetful students with pens this morning.
I helped Amy without complaint immediately after getting home. She had been sweeping up leaves and wanted me to finish off and throw them over the fence.
What deserves my energy and focus right now?
Now I’ve settled on Thaipod101 for my Thai studies and will stop with the other apps for now. I have a two-year subscription and must focus on pushing forward with it. I have the routine and habit in place and the belief that I can do it. So, this is not just ‘right now’ but it does start ‘right now’ and ‘right now’ every day!
I took this picture because I was thinking I should try to identify this dead snake that Amy found near our terrace. It was hard to say why it was dead. There were no obvious wounds except a little blood around its mouth.
Run down and sick. I slept through most of yesterday and last night and feel like sleeping more. My sore throat has transformed to a sexy voice as my nose starts running causing me to cough and hack up phlegm. To top it all, I forced myself to eat this morning and more of my busted booth came loose. Really have to get back to the dentist soon. Needless to say, I’m not at school. I should go to the hospital but not looking forward to sitting around for a couple of hours just to get prescribed medicine I can get at the pharmacy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at the hospital that made everything relatively smooth and pain-free. Just a bit of waiting around. A bunch of meds were prescribed all for 200 baht, about 8 Aussie bucks. I don’t not know how much the meds had to do with it but I started feeling a little better after getting back from the hospital.
The best thing about today was:
Still working a little with my students in the afternoon while waiting at the hospital. The work I give to my grade 8s is simple and repetitive just with a different text each week so I don’t actually need to even be there with them. Still, about ten students skipped doing anything, which is a shame.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went out to Utopia and grabbed coffee but the bike wouldn’t start after and I had to wheel it down the road in the scorching heat, adding to my already-addled brain. After the guy in the shop got it running again I decided just to buy some medicine and go home and rest. Amy came back an hour or so later and berated me for not going to the hospital so here I am, already told it’s at least a one-hour wait. I’m handling it by sniffing, coughing and wondering if I’ll even be well enough to go to school tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
Thailand is introducing a Clean Air Act but has no real solutions to stop the yearly burning by farmers. Just ideas and suggestions. There is support online behind a 28-year-old doctor who is about to die from lung cancer but I can’t imagine anyone in government is going to do anything seriously to stop this annual event that is due to be worse and for longer this year.
What new hobby would I like to try?
It’s not new I guess but I really need to get on and make some music with the equipment I have. The problem is that I would have to drop some of the other things that I already like doing with my time.
No new pictures today so this is from last week. Kam, Amy and Praewa tiktokking for me.
Pretty good. I persevered with morning exercise despite this being a week with no classes and I could easily have decided to have a break. But I pushed through. It was weird to be at school again with no students around. It’s amazing to think that these thousands of kids are all out there somewhere doing things and during the term they all gather together in this one place.
Today I’m grateful for:
The folks at MFU hospital today. I had to go and get more medicine and have waited four months beyond my scheduled appointment because the timing has not been good with me having to be at school when the doctor is there. Somehow I managed to breeze straight in despite a roomful of patients(presumably they were waiting for other doctors). Then I decided I was waiting too long to pick up the medicine so went off to Daytripper to get some lesson planning done and on return to hospital I was able to breeze in again, collect my meds and go. Easy.
The best thing about today was:
Getting into the swing of lesson planning again. I only did one today but can feel more brewing! I just need to focus.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Totally ran out of energy around 7 pm, perhaps enhanced by a drop too much cannabutter. Sleeping early tonight…
Something I learned today?
Matt sent me a cool video of a band called Hariguem Zaboy. The song had some great off-kilter post-punk guitar and a bouncy rhythm that reminded me of some Japanese bands.
What is my favourite thing about this month?
October? The only regular thing about this month is my birthday which doesn’t carry much significance for me anymore.
This is holiday time in Thailand which is nice but last year we had a 4-week break and this time apparently it’s just 5 days (though I’ll be taking longer with my trip to Australia). Planning things here can be difficult and it sort of contributes to the chill chill attitude and just going with the flow. In some ways, it’s a child-like approach to life which can be exciting but I’ve long grown out of it so sometimes it grates.
October is also the end of the rainy season and the cool of winter approaching is a great relief.
We don’t dream, we don’t ask for much We live next door to our best friends There’s nothing the community doesn’t touch We’re twenty years behind the trends
God gave us this blessing to enjoy And thanks must be given by our deeds The twisted roots may often annoy But among them are nurtured the seeds
Marrying a best friend’s brother Swelling further our congregation Expelling all that worships the other And questions their role and station
We’re white, right and pious Our satisfaction is easily met Nothing evil will get by us In God’s way, we’ve all been set
A little bit more upbeat than yesterday, thankfully. I feel like I’m going to succumb to an afternoon nap right now though (at 1 p.m.). (Later) Somehow I managed to stay awake and I’m pretty happy about that. I should sleep okay tonight. I feel a little lazy and uninspired but also very comfortable in my lovely home.
Today I’m grateful for:
The salad seller at the market. I bought two, one with 3 small prawns and another with avocado. I mixed them both up along with sesame seeds and a packet of English Cheddar chips that I’d bought a stack of from Makro. Stirred through with two blasts of creamy salad dressing that made for a fine-filling fancy.
The best thing about today was:
Getting back into the guitar lessons on my app. Since I bought premium access more than a year ago it allowed me to play any song on the app which I’d been doing. I figured I was pretty much stuck on the lessons too but I have steadily improved enough to give them a good go. Slowly slowly.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both our bathroom sinks are leaking again and I was hoping Amy’s mum’s plumber could come and sort them out but they advised me to figure out all the different things that needed doing in the house so he could come and do it all in one go rather than back and forth, which makes sense but also means no one will come until Amy is back and has checked everything that she wants done.
In the meantime, I took apart and cleaned all the pipes under my sink and shoved it all back tightly together but it needs proper sealing at the wall.
Something I learned today?
Messaging Aing today to see if she could come up from Bangkok to visit later this month she told me of her struggles since she has been back there. All her hopes and dreams have been shattered through no real fault of her own though she probably realises that she would have been better off saying no to certain things at some point. She wants to come back to Chiang Rai and I hope she can find a way in the future.
What have I been savouring lately?
Mostly writing and updating this blog. Every old entry I add feels like a ticking off of a box of the longest-ever to-do list. I’m adding diary and poetry entries from 1984 and it’s triggering lots of things. Currently, there is also a big gap of entries from around 1997 until 2004 which doesn’t have much written down but sure played a big part in my life. A time when I was living and loving with a lot less thinking.
I took this picture because for a while I couldn’t find Tigger. Sometime during the afternoon I went to sit at my computer and found his fat butt poking from behind the screen. I’ve never seen him up here before. What are you doing fat cat?
I’d set my alarm later than usual for 8 am but that still wasn’t enough sleep and when I finally got up an hour later I was still groggy. I did 60 jumping jacks and had a cold shower to wake up and my body feels good though my brain hasn’t quite kicked in yet. A job for coffee.
Today I’m grateful for:
The ten baht soft noodles, the twenty baht watermelon and 75 baht drinks I bought to go with dinner, a super spicy fish soup that sure woke up my face. And despite the morning coffees I never really got going today.
The best thing about today was:
That nothing really mattered too much. I got things done, chatted and prompted some students with their catch-up work etc and also this whilst feeling exhausted and lethargic. Pick it up and start again tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was sipping my coffee at Utopia I saw the lady from the phone store next door outside and remembered that I should get my phone screen replaced there, to give them my business. I went out and she said she could do it for me. My memory of having the protective screen replaced was that it cost about 100 baht. I was a little surprised when she said it was 250 baht. Has the price gone up that much? Did I remember wrong? Was she taking advantage? I don’t know so I thought of it as a random act of kindness that makes her happy and keeps me happy too.
Something I learned today?
I saw a BBC story about terrible things happening in North Korea. I didn’t watch the content but I’m now wondering if this is further preparation for war with China? The timing seems convenient.
What are some personality traits that I admire in others?
I was thinking that the personality traits I admire in others are not always something I feel comfortable to try and replicate. They are not always suitable for my personality today. If they are admirable then perhaps I can learn to slowly integrate them in my own way. It’s unreasonable to expect to immediately become the kind of person that another is. Also, some traits that I admire may be in people that I dislike for other traits that jar against mine. Separate the trait from the person.
Where did I embody courage?
I’ve been trying to answer this for a couple of days already but don’t feel like I’ve had to embody courage at all recently. Life has been pretty much within my stride for the last couple of years. I’ve embodied courage in my past, for example, when moving countries or going to visit new countries with little information, starting new careers and so on. I’m happy to keep exploring new possibilities but things that might require good chunks of courage are not really on my radar either because my level of fear has been defused or things are beyond my thoughts to attempt these days.
I took this picture because this nice piece of art was in Utopia. I like it.
1994ever 