The words all emptied out of me Contemplating the push and pull Heart and head once so proud and full Sat now, a sculpture by the sea Contemplating the push and pull The words all emptied out of me
The Biolet is a six-line poem; the first two lines are repeated as the last two lines in reverse. The rhyme scheme can be expressed as ABbaBA (with the capital letters representing the repeated lines). The length of the lines can be in iambic tetrameter (8 syllables), iambic pentameter (10 syllables), iambic hexameter (12 syllables), or in unmetered lines of random lengths.
The second line doesn’t fit the iambic tetrameter but I like it there as the actual words make the reader contemplate the push and pull, chaotic like the ocean.
Tired! Gah! Reset my alarm again to get an extra 30 minutes, as I slept very well last night and wanted to sleep more. It’s another English weather day, making my eyes ache and strain again and though my classes were all fun today they also felt like a struggle.
Thankfully, my mind was in pretty good shape and I was able to come up with some good ideas on the fly.
Today I’m grateful for:
The village uncles (see below)
The best thing about today was:
Getting a message from Amy during one of my lessons whilst teaching. The message said ‘I’m in trouble’ and there was a picture of our car stuck in the mud of our lawn, as she had driven it across there to get closer to the house to unload her shopping.
I chuckled to myself as I carried on teaching. She managed to get it out later with the help of a couple of uncles from next door.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In my second class today, half of my students didn’t turn up as they had been pulled off to do something else. It was annoying to find out just as my class was starting and not have advance warning.
I dealt with it by just working with the 11 students who were there, which is a nice number of students for a class!
Something I learned today?
Ukraine has apparently reached out to China to help broker a peace deal with Russia. Hmm….whilst NATO is trying to keep the war going and possibly expanding it to China too….
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I got a message from Winter’s mum that he had had an accident in the morning and was in ER! I later found out that it was a motorbike accident and that he’s ok but his grandmum broke her arm. I wished them the best.
A bit groggy, perhaps sick, in pain! I didn’t sleep well because of the pain in my hip and I’m limping around a bit today. It’s a bit of a drain on my thoughts.
I’m also on the edge again with a sore throat. Lots of Covid and dengue fever around at the moment.
It’s cool again with some rain but the grey skies are feeling uninspiring. I’m motivated to sleep more.
Today I’m grateful for:
The young chemist who spoke good English helped me get some tiger balm patches to help my aching hip.
The best thing about today was:
22 Grams coffee for the morning. Gui closed House today to go to Bangkok, so 22 Grams is my next choice. It would be my first choice if it was nearer school and cheaper.
In the end, I didn’t stay too long as I came to the hospital to drop mum and pick up Amy, who hadn’t slept much as dad didn’t get into his operation until 11pm and out again at 4am.
I came home and struggled around with my painful hip, which seems to be agitated by sitting down.
Something I learned today?
It’s Spain’s birthday today and he told me that he is now 15 years old, which means that he is a year older than everyone else in his class. I guess that he was held back a year at some point because of whatever his minor social disability is.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
At around 5 pm I was getting hungry and Amy had mentioned the uni having a market on Fridays now.
I dropped by to Baipad’s to see if she would practice riding up there and though she complained, I convinced her to do it. She lets her lack of confidence stop her from doing things to improve herself.
Her sister jumped on the back too and we slowly made our way to the uni but there was no market sadly, so we headed back and then Baipad wanted to show me where Fahmai lived and we went there too but he wasn’t home.
At the end of the day, I think that Baipad gained a little more confidence in herself at least hopefully understanding that repeatedly doing something will improve her skills.
Baipad’s chatty kitten, whose name I’ve forgotten already.
Somehow, she deals gently with her blues A feathery kind an introvert would choose All told her that she is beautiful and smart She counters she has no confidence at heart
Pretty good again. I got up and exercised, the 20-minute video workout again, not feeling quite as strained after finishing this time.
Once at school, Baipad, Apple, and Ploy were excited about a new game, and I also later downloaded it and played a bit tonight to see what it was all about.
It looks really good, but trying to follow everything on the small phone screen just makes my eyes ache. I can’t imagine what it is doing to children’s eyes, with them playing for hours on end.
After my morning coffee time, I had the pleasure of teaching the grade 12 kids, who are getting more into what I’m teaching them and also doing quite well.
With my younger kids, their blank stares usually indicate no understanding, but the older kids’ blank stares are them thinking! Part of my class today was about showing enthusiasm in their conversation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Not teaching my second class as the classroom was in use for next week’s competition preparation. I assigned the students some writing work to keep them busy for a little while, and was able to skip out an hour earlier than usual.
The best thing about today was:
Having the grade 12 students use the website that Kru Tang told me about today, and seeing the happiness on a few of their faces when they achieved relatively good scores testing their speaking.
I will get them to test themselves each week, and hopefully they will be able to see their own improvement over time.
Something I learned today?
Parents have complained to the school that the teachers are not teaching their classes because they are too busy preparing for next week’s competition, just handing out worksheets instead. I think the parents would complain even more if they actually saw what goes on in the classrooms!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Spain turned up for class even though I had given them some writing work to do. He ended up following me around the school as I went checking up that the kids were doing their work.
Spain is a funny kid. He was some form of something or other, I wouldn’t like to say what, which seems to affect his social skills. With me today, though, he was nonstop talking, and I was quite impressed with his English skills. He struggles to make friends because of the way he is, but deep down, he’s a nice boy with a good heart.
Tonaor took this picture because she saw me passing by and shouted ‘selfie’, and everyone else came running out. From top right: Fah, me, Mei, Tonaor, August, Namthip, Namkhing, Nicha, Dena. Sadly, after three years of being in the ‘Talented English Program’, they can barely speak any English between them! Somehow, we’ve been able to bond and communicate with each other, though.
Pretty good considering that I was dead to the world until my alarm went off this morning. Managed some exercise and a 5-minute (what could possibly be described as a) meditation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding that Sydney Swans played yesterday against the Bulldogs and so I watched the Mini Match and happy to report that we pulled through for another win. The Swans are currently well clear at the top but there’s still a ways to go.
I’m still annoyed that I can’t watch the full matches, especially this year, as we’re doing so well!
The best thing about today was:
In my final class of the day with my grade 8s I have what you might call another ‘rogue’ student. She, Sugus, is a friend of Aida’s and has been coming to my class occasionally since last year but now she seems to come all the time.
She’s a quiet kid and doesn’t cause any problems for me but I told her that if she wants to stay then she has to do some work, to which she agreed.
Today’s class is an easy reading class and I asked Sugus to come and read for me and she did very well, better than some of my actual students!
So I talked with her some more about why she doesn’t go to her own class and if the teacher isn’t concerned about her. She couldn’t quite describe why she doesn’t go except that she feels bad when she does.
I’m a bit suspicious that something untoward might have happened but I didn’t push it.
Anyway, I told her that she was welcome to stay in my class and she thanked me and said that my class is fun for her. I was quite pleased about that.
It’s weird really. There’s no pressure on her to perform and there’s no pressure on me to teach her. With us both relaxed about it I think she will learn a lot!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
For my second class today, with the Hospitality grade 11s I suddenly found 12 extra students! Without telling me, and without anyone telling them why they have put two different programs together so I’m now teaching students in the Japanese program too. So much for my plans for this semester! I guess I’ll jag everything in somehow.
Something I learned today?
Chatting with David he told me that George complained to Nancy that he doesn’t want to teach the new Integrated Program to the grade 10s and so, magically, he no longer is. Now he only teaches grade 11 and 12. What a princess!
Last year he refused to teach grade 9 and now refuses grade 10. Maybe time is running out for him.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
This evening I’m still helping my grade 11 students with their presentation homework and replying to their messages.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
As I think about it, much of the day was challenging (as described above) but somehow I seemed to take it in my stride.
Tonaor took this picture because as she likes to do sometimes when she sees me she says ‘selfie!’ and so I hand her my phone.
Good again. Pretty peppy with an underlying exhaustion just from adjustment to this routine again.
Mai, Dave and Yaya, along with Mai’s parents, arrive in Chiang Rai this morning and Amy will be busy with them for the next four days and I’ll be joining them after work this afternoon.
Today I’m grateful for:
Our step ladder so that I can try and organise our vine plant to grow over our entertainment area and perhaps stop a little of the rain in the future, though will undoubtedly block the gutters with dead leaves too.
The best thing about today was:
Getting on top of everything in preparation for being back in the classroom. I think I have a fairly clear idea for each class now and can adapt as I go. It was a good feeling to be back in the game so to speak.
I had felt pretty on the ball at the start of the holiday but then slacked off a lot for the last three weeks. I put up a self imposed barrier in my mind though thankfully found it easy to overcome. Though I’m damned tired right now! Tired but feeling great and positive.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I felt increasingly positive and happy as the day has gone on and nothing could stand in my way or bother me.
Something I learned today?
Mai’s husband Dave was so excited when he got to Thailand that he overindulged in smoking too much weed last night and had to spend the day sleeping today, so I haven’t actually seen him yet.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I drove Amy and I back into the city at 5 pm and the traffic is getting busy again after the holidays. I picked up Mai and her family and took us to the restaurant for a really nice meal with Amy’s mum and dad joining too.
I took this picture because this is another Yaya that I know.
A disappointing practice of guitar has got me down and now the blaring PA system of the neighbours celebrating Songkran is annoying me. I just want quiet – to think, to read. It was fun to see the children preparing to start splashing everyone this morning though.
The skies are clearer than the last few weeks, there’s some breeze and the temperature quite bearable. Only one thing for us to do today – shopping.
Today I’m grateful for:
Art giving me a free cake for Songkran today.
Also, Amy wanting to go to Big C and allowing me to drop a couple of things in the trolley that I wanted.
She also paid for Swenson’s ice cream for our dessert – which was great and all but nothing on LungChom’s ice cream.
Needless to say, I’m putting on weight this month.
The best thing about today was:
Finding a baby cow at the front door!
We both heard some mooing outside our living room window but it sounded to me as if it was in the field at the back. A few minutes later we heard it at the front, though thought it was still coming from the field next door.
A second time though and we went to investigate to find the little cutie confused on how to get back to its mum that was calling from the field next door.
We were eventually able to usher it out and back where it immediately got to suckling and security.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both Baipad and Anchan have been out of contact for a couple of days.
There’s nothing to be done, I just hope that they are both doing ok for now.
Something I learned today?
I found a very funny comedian on YouTube called Dan Rath. He’s from Sydney too.
What’s a question I’ve been pondering lately?
I have been thinking a little about what is next? Am I just going to keep on documenting my life up until this point without really adding anything further to it? Am I done?
I am weirdly happy and satisfied though.
Or am I just old, tired and lazy?
Pondering questions raises more questions.
I took this picture because we take pictures of our visitors.
Pretty good again. The air is pretty putrid again today. You can taste it, not just smell it.
Today I’m grateful for:
The delivery people who still manage to get our parcels to us from all around the world, despite all the disruptions in our soi from the new road being built. 4 parcels were delivered while we were out.
The best thing about today was:
The air was slightly clearer the higher up the mountains we got but then once up there it was impossible to see any view.
Most of the restaurants and resorts were closed but we found one and enjoyed Akha food and coffee before hitting Charin Pie and LungChom for desserts.
We should get home around 5 pm and hoping the electricity is back on.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In our soi, they are moving the electricity poles today so they cut off the electricity all along. And today it’s forty degrees! No choice but to go out somewhere so we took a lazy drive up to Doi Chang.
Something I learned today?
Anchan messaged me again. She is staying in Chiang Mai by herself as her extended family is working in BKK.
Her mum, who is in jail, will go to court tomorrow and may end up in prison. She sent Anchan some money to take care of herself and some bills but her uncle, whose house she stays in in Chiang Rai, demanded it all off her.
She’s only 14 and has to deal with all this. She is keen to work to support herself and is highly motivated but I’m also worried about her being vulnerable and could easily be taken advantage of.
She’s smart but the offer of good money for selling her body could sway her and I don’t want that to happen.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan 200 baht to keep her going.
She didn’t want me to send her money and I can’t afford it much either but there is little else I can do. Even emotional support can’t buy her some vegetables.
I messaged some other of my vulnerable kids today to try and keep some dialogues open.
I took this picture because these red buds stood out at this little water feature as we entered Suan Charin Pie this afternoon.
Phlegmy and short of breath. I slept fairly well but yesterday another piece of porcelain fell off one of my teeth and has made it sensitive. One tooth fixed, another one broke!
Today I’m grateful for:
A storm! Hooray! I noted last year that we had a storm around this time in March which cleared the air for a while, but then got much worse as more fires were lit once it dried out again, which doesn’t take long. The forecast is for ten or more days of 35-degree plus sunny weather after today! Oh well, enjoy the air while it is breathable.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some positive feedback on some of my poetry and being inspired to write more, as well as trying to read and appreciate more of what others write.
Something I learned today?
My old student, and Baipad’s best friend, Jan will change schools to Sammakhi next semester. I hope Baipad doesn’t miss her too much though she knew that they wouldn’t be in the same class next year anyway, so she was hopefully a little prepared to accept this news.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Again, I randomly messaged a few of my students to chat and encourage them in their holidays. Tonaor was having a bad time with a boy so I comforted and encouraged her. And of course, I congratulated Jan on getting into Sammakhi.
I also messaged Nice, my old primary student, who I will teach again next semester. I asked for her input to help me plan what to teach them and she was very helpful, which I really appreciated.
When I got home at lunchtime Amy wanted to take Cap to the vet, which was ok with me. In the end, I’m glad we did as one of his blood levels was slightly high and they recommended for him to stay in a couple of days on a drip to help stabilise that because it can become more critical.
Amy took this picture because the surprise morning storm blew all the smoke away to reveal the blue sky again. Though only for an hour or two!
Good for taking an extra 30 minutes snooze this morning. I could have pushed through and got up and exercised but subconsciously I knew that I slept late last night because I wasn’t feeling tired and I was telling myself that I should rest more.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Na bringing us a small gift today. We invited her over again to make another contact if we need a cat sitter in the future. We’ve never needed to ask her but I think she would be happy enough to do it and she seems quite reasonable and responsible.
The best thing about today was:
I taught my grade 10s the Sexual Abuse lesson that I had used a couple of years ago. I had to adapt it a little and put in a lot of translation so that they could fully grasp all the concepts. They seemed to follow it well enough, especially the video of the Thai girl speaking out about being abused by a teacher.
They particularly perked up when we came to talk about words about sex, though they started off shyly until I asked them what about all the bad words that you are not supposed to say? Once they got the green light on that, they were off and running.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Late this afternoon I found out that there is an art event again tomorrow morning. I asked a few of my students but they didn’t know anything about it. As usual, communication sucks but I thought that perhaps I can use it to my advantage.
I came home and forgot about it though until one student contacted me, having obviously heard about the event from somewhere, asking if they could go to the event instead of class. Well, doesn’t that sound like a grand idea? But I kept them hanging and just replied ‘Maybe….’
Actually, if I had known something about it I could have prepared some tasks to at least incorporate the event into a lesson somehow. As it is, the kids will probably wander around the event for a few minutes and then go back to the classroom and play on their phones for the rest of the two hours. And so will I, except I will go off for coffee instead.
Something I learned today?
Hippos can’t swim but they can sleep underwater.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
The kids are mostly in a pretty good mood with the end of the semester approaching and I was being pulled in many directions to join and chat with different groups at different times during the day.
Before leaving to come home I usually walk around the park to see which students are hanging out there and I’ll chat briefly with the ones I know and sometimes ones I don’t know will start a conversation too.
This afternoon, Kaowfang, Miyor and Husna were walking by and Kaowfang, as always, was talking about the latest boy that she likes. Then she spotted the boy that Miyor likes and I feigned to bring him over and Miyor pulled me back.
We walked off in different directions but crossed paths again a few minutes later and Miyor went off to sit down whilst Kaowfang and Husna started telling me that Miyor was angry and upset with them. I thought maybe because we were teasing her about the boy that she likes.
I didn’t have time to get involved further in their coming-of-age quarrels but was messaged later that they were having a real problem with Miyor and they didn’t know how to deal with it. They said she was vain, self-centred and selfish! Wow! I didn’t see that coming. Miyor is a pretty quiet girl in class and I never heard any bad talk either from or about her.
I asked Kaowfang if she had talked directly to Miyor about it but she said that she would just get angry and not listen anyway.
I suggested that perhaps Miyor is upset because she just doesn’t like people talking about her, either good or bad and that maybe whilst we were playing and joking about the boy she actually felt quite serious about it. I also said that, really, it’s none of our business who she likes or doesn’t like so perhaps we can not talk about this with her next time.
Kaowfang thanked me for the suggestion. Let’s see what happens. Here I am still traversing the perils of teenage relationships.
What does love mean to me?
I find love a little difficult to define though I know it is what I feel for certain people and about certain things. Love changes throughout our lives so its definition changes.
The love I have for Amy doesn’t feel the same as the love I had for my first girlfriend (which I might hesitate to even call love now). It is also different to the love I have for my mum or my students or my home.
So what does it mean? Warmth, acceptance, understanding, kindness, growth.
For me, love also means fidelity. I think that if you cheat on your partner then you have stopped loving them. I say that without judgement as I have cheated before. When that happened I knew that I was no longer in love.
Now, having learned that I understand that it is better to break up with someone if you no longer love them, before sharing your love somewhere else. Either way is heartbreak but one is more morally acceptable for me.
I took this picture because Nong Na came and updated us on her first year at university so far.
1994ever 