Pretty good again. The air is pretty putrid again today. You can taste it, not just smell it.
Today I’m grateful for:
The delivery people who still manage to get our parcels to us from all around the world, despite all the disruptions in our soi from the new road being built. 4 parcels were delivered while we were out.
The best thing about today was:
The air was slightly clearer the higher up the mountains we got but then once up there it was impossible to see any view.
Most of the restaurants and resorts were closed but we found one and enjoyed Akha food and coffee before hitting Charin Pie and LungChom for desserts.
We should get home around 5 pm and hoping the electricity is back on.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In our soi, they are moving the electricity poles today so they cut off the electricity all along. And today it’s forty degrees! No choice but to go out somewhere so we took a lazy drive up to Doi Chang.
Something I learned today?
Anchan messaged me again. She is staying in Chiang Mai by herself as her extended family is working in BKK.
Her mum, who is in jail, will go to court tomorrow and may end up in prison. She sent Anchan some money to take care of herself and some bills but her uncle, whose house she stays in in Chiang Rai, demanded it all off her.
She’s only 14 and has to deal with all this. She is keen to work to support herself and is highly motivated but I’m also worried about her being vulnerable and could easily be taken advantage of.
She’s smart but the offer of good money for selling her body could sway her and I don’t want that to happen.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan 200 baht to keep her going.
She didn’t want me to send her money and I can’t afford it much either but there is little else I can do. Even emotional support can’t buy her some vegetables.
I messaged some other of my vulnerable kids today to try and keep some dialogues open.
I took this picture because these red buds stood out at this little water feature as we entered Suan Charin Pie this afternoon.
Phlegmy and short of breath. I slept fairly well but yesterday another piece of porcelain fell off one of my teeth and has made it sensitive. One tooth fixed, another one broke!
Today I’m grateful for:
A storm! Hooray! I noted last year that we had a storm around this time in March which cleared the air for a while, but then got much worse as more fires were lit once it dried out again, which doesn’t take long. The forecast is for ten or more days of 35-degree plus sunny weather after today! Oh well, enjoy the air while it is breathable.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some positive feedback on some of my poetry and being inspired to write more, as well as trying to read and appreciate more of what others write.
Something I learned today?
My old student, and Baipad’s best friend, Jan will change schools to Sammakhi next semester. I hope Baipad doesn’t miss her too much though she knew that they wouldn’t be in the same class next year anyway, so she was hopefully a little prepared to accept this news.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Again, I randomly messaged a few of my students to chat and encourage them in their holidays. Tonaor was having a bad time with a boy so I comforted and encouraged her. And of course, I congratulated Jan on getting into Sammakhi.
I also messaged Nice, my old primary student, who I will teach again next semester. I asked for her input to help me plan what to teach them and she was very helpful, which I really appreciated.
When I got home at lunchtime Amy wanted to take Cap to the vet, which was ok with me. In the end, I’m glad we did as one of his blood levels was slightly high and they recommended for him to stay in a couple of days on a drip to help stabilise that because it can become more critical.
Amy took this picture because the surprise morning storm blew all the smoke away to reveal the blue sky again. Though only for an hour or two!
Good for taking an extra 30 minutes snooze this morning. I could have pushed through and got up and exercised but subconsciously I knew that I slept late last night because I wasn’t feeling tired and I was telling myself that I should rest more.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Na bringing us a small gift today. We invited her over again to make another contact if we need a cat sitter in the future. We’ve never needed to ask her but I think she would be happy enough to do it and she seems quite reasonable and responsible.
The best thing about today was:
I taught my grade 10s the Sexual Abuse lesson that I had used a couple of years ago. I had to adapt it a little and put in a lot of translation so that they could fully grasp all the concepts. They seemed to follow it well enough, especially the video of the Thai girl speaking out about being abused by a teacher.
They particularly perked up when we came to talk about words about sex, though they started off shyly until I asked them what about all the bad words that you are not supposed to say? Once they got the green light on that, they were off and running.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Late this afternoon I found out that there is an art event again tomorrow morning. I asked a few of my students but they didn’t know anything about it. As usual, communication sucks but I thought that perhaps I can use it to my advantage.
I came home and forgot about it though until one student contacted me, having obviously heard about the event from somewhere, asking if they could go to the event instead of class. Well, doesn’t that sound like a grand idea? But I kept them hanging and just replied ‘Maybe….’
Actually, if I had known something about it I could have prepared some tasks to at least incorporate the event into a lesson somehow. As it is, the kids will probably wander around the event for a few minutes and then go back to the classroom and play on their phones for the rest of the two hours. And so will I, except I will go off for coffee instead.
Something I learned today?
Hippos can’t swim but they can sleep underwater.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
The kids are mostly in a pretty good mood with the end of the semester approaching and I was being pulled in many directions to join and chat with different groups at different times during the day.
Before leaving to come home I usually walk around the park to see which students are hanging out there and I’ll chat briefly with the ones I know and sometimes ones I don’t know will start a conversation too.
This afternoon, Kaowfang, Miyor and Husna were walking by and Kaowfang, as always, was talking about the latest boy that she likes. Then she spotted the boy that Miyor likes and I feigned to bring him over and Miyor pulled me back.
We walked off in different directions but crossed paths again a few minutes later and Miyor went off to sit down whilst Kaowfang and Husna started telling me that Miyor was angry and upset with them. I thought maybe because we were teasing her about the boy that she likes.
I didn’t have time to get involved further in their coming-of-age quarrels but was messaged later that they were having a real problem with Miyor and they didn’t know how to deal with it. They said she was vain, self-centred and selfish! Wow! I didn’t see that coming. Miyor is a pretty quiet girl in class and I never heard any bad talk either from or about her.
I asked Kaowfang if she had talked directly to Miyor about it but she said that she would just get angry and not listen anyway.
I suggested that perhaps Miyor is upset because she just doesn’t like people talking about her, either good or bad and that maybe whilst we were playing and joking about the boy she actually felt quite serious about it. I also said that, really, it’s none of our business who she likes or doesn’t like so perhaps we can not talk about this with her next time.
Kaowfang thanked me for the suggestion. Let’s see what happens. Here I am still traversing the perils of teenage relationships.
What does love mean to me?
I find love a little difficult to define though I know it is what I feel for certain people and about certain things. Love changes throughout our lives so its definition changes.
The love I have for Amy doesn’t feel the same as the love I had for my first girlfriend (which I might hesitate to even call love now). It is also different to the love I have for my mum or my students or my home.
So what does it mean? Warmth, acceptance, understanding, kindness, growth.
For me, love also means fidelity. I think that if you cheat on your partner then you have stopped loving them. I say that without judgement as I have cheated before. When that happened I knew that I was no longer in love.
Now, having learned that I understand that it is better to break up with someone if you no longer love them, before sharing your love somewhere else. Either way is heartbreak but one is more morally acceptable for me.
I took this picture because Nong Na came and updated us on her first year at university so far.
A little bit slow again but I was able to take it pretty easy with my classes today. I was still tired and hungry by the end of the work day though.
Today I’m grateful for:
The last bagel in the freezer that I ate for dinner. Thanks, Nut! It’s probably been in the freezer for more that six months already but, well, that’s what freezers are for, right!?
The best thing about today was:
Finding out that next week is Scout Week again. I initially cheered when David told me but then he reminded me that last year we ended up doing some silly useless tasks (that I decided to enjoy at the time).
Either way – it’s a whole week out of the classroom (again!)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy called while I was at House saying that she would stay in the city as the new owners of the apartments that Mum sold were having a housewarming party. The plan was for me to pick her up after I finished work, we go home and then I bring her back to get the truck in the morning.
When I got there though Amy was still happily drinking and talking whilst I was tired and hungry and itching to get home. I stayed for a while but when Aun came back from work she offered to bring Amy home later and I quickly agreed that that was a good idea even though I would have to find my own food.
Of course, I could’ve just come straight home after work but I tried not to think about that.
Something I learned today?
Whilst watching Jerry Grey talking about the possibility of war between China and the USA he brought up a point that makes some sense, about who would fight for the USA in a conventional war.
This got me wondering about the fact that so many Americans are in debt and many are also homeless. Is this being done on purpose so that when a serious war might arise the military will be able to easily incentivise joining up as a way for citizens to get back into the black?
Could they be that cynical or is it my own cynical streak coming through?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
With writing up old things into this blog I’ve been talking online a little more often with Rich Levine and will also drop an email to Rob again at some point. He still doesn’t use much of this new-fangled technological stuff and only has email.
I did wait fairly patiently for Amy this afternoon. Was it a vile deed to leave when it became convenient? Perhaps, but hunger and tiredness can do that to a man.
My student Nudee stayed back in class after everyone had left and I saw that she was doing some of her own self study with a Kumon workbook. It looked like a very useful study aid for her and she said she has been using them for about three years to improve herself. Later she sent me a message that she had received a certificate from them for being in the top 5% of around 3000 students in Thailand. She was ecstatic and I told her I was proud of her too.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 9. Take More Risks. Don’t be such a wimp.
I think this one would be more appropriate for me ten years ago than today. Though ten years ago I was still big into risks – such as moving to a non-English speaking country to live. These days I’m not so big on the risk taking.
As the body’s inevitable decline edges ever closer I’m not so keen on taking physical risks though I suppose I might get further beyond that at some point and just think ‘fuck it’ such as sky diving when I’m 90 or something.
I suppose I still take some risks with money as I’m still investing in releasing records that I’m not certain I can sell. Those are low-level financial risks balanced by spiritual rewards. I’m not going to sink all my money into trying to make a business out of it now.
Amy is still considering the risk of opening a restaurant in Australia which would easily see us use up all our money and probably go into debt. I’m not so keen on this idea though I will happily support her because I think she could do it well. Whatever happened financially though, the stress levels of pursuing that dream might be enough to make me very unhappy. My mindset would probably change though once this plan was executed.
I guess I’m just happy with my life where it is right now and thinking that I would miss this. Once getting into the maelstrom of something though my survival instincts would likely kick in.
I took these pictures on Sunday because this is where I drove to so that Amy’s mum and dad could leave gifts and give thanks because they had come here before to ask for good luck to sell the apartments and within a month they had sold. I don’t know the reason that they came here or even why these monuments are located here, directly opposite a T-junction.
Good and positive again. I can feel that I have a better attitude and more energy in the days that I exercise in the morning and that I should also force myself to do this on weekends and holidays as I often just fall into laziness then.
Today I’m grateful for:
The little female (age indefinable) petrol pump assistant who double-checked what I wanted and then, after filling the car, gave me two bottles of water. She tried to explain about the water but I didn’t understand. I just assumed that they were free!
The best thing about today was:
Taking time with a couple of my troublesome students this afternoon and helping them get a better idea of a grammar point. I felt relief and joy when they started getting the answers right by themselves. I even managed to get a smile out of one of them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My first class today with grade 8s was a little wearisome. Some days it feels like they just insist on not learning. I stayed relatively calm but inside I feel a little tired and deflated from it.
Something I learned today?
The single most expensive item for the British in the American Civil War was rum.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
We went to the temple again for some follow-up Buddhist things for Grandmum. I did as was directed though wasn’t sure about any of what was happening. In the end, we served monks food and everyone (except me) at lunch too.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 3. Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.
My tribe is my family these days. I’m not particularly close to anyone except for Amy and I’m fine with that. If I ever need to make new relationships they will come naturally from within my tribe.
The internet definitely has made things easier to stay in contact with my tribe, who are scattered all around the world.
Whilst the ease of communication keeps us together, our tribe survives apart.
Better after arriving at school this morning, the kids cheered me a little.
I struggled a little with getting up and exercising but once I got going it was ok. I ate extra yoghurt for breakfast too as I think that now I’m eating better because of Amy’s cooking I’m not actually eating enough. I seem to be losing weight quite easily; it feels a little too easy. I will try to eat a little extra today but must stick with healthy things.
Today I’m grateful for:
The free time I had today and also finishing early to watch some of the students practising for their sports day events (or just sitting around waiting for instructions and complaining a lot!). The kids are sure happier to spend less time in class.
The best thing about today was:
Some of my old grade 9 students saw me working in the small teacher’s room and came to chat. One of them, August (the girl who likes dance), was curious about what I was doing on my computer.
I was translating one of my lessons about sexual abuse in Thailand into Thai because I will teach it again to my grade 10 class whose English isn’t so good and I want them to understand as much as possible.
As she was reading the Thai translation I was quite happily surprised when she started reading it out in English, doing the translation in her head. She was then curious about the rest of the lesson and I went through it quickly with her, asking for her opinion on what is appropriate behaviour or not.
She had finished the work in her own class, where she was supposed to be and so stayed and asked about what other lessons I was teaching, so I showed her one about relationships, which I had also got translations for and she then helped me find better words for students to understand.
In the end, time was up but she was enjoying helping that she was reluctant to go.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sat and talked with the grade 7 student who reached out to me about mental health. His English is very good, much better than the rest of his class, and as a counterbalance to that, he can’t communicate as well in Thai! This is causing him some problems with making friends in his class.
He is also very thoughtful but sometimes he thinks too much and goes over things again and again. He is, thankfully, quite self-aware.
I gave him some suggestions and feel like he will be able to work things out though I think his abilities will mean that he will always feel a little separate from others.
What am I looking forward to this month?
The thing I look forward to most at the moment is being at school and I think this month will be a lot of fun, with having shorter classes and the kids excited about sport, Christmas and days off.
What is one thing I learned about myself this month?
I learned that I can still keep calm despite the reasonably big stresses of money and visa issues this month. I’ve learned to trust in myself and others and that things will turn out ok. This is a little different to how I might have been five or ten years past.
In Western countries, life can be quite rigid and your posture adapts accordingly. Things need to be known and in order for them to run smoothly.
In Thailand, I’ve learned that things rarely run smoothly but that everyone readily adapts without complaint. I’ve been learning this over the five years I’ve been here so that the problems that have occurred in the last month that might have been stressful before are more manageable now.
I took this picture from a video of the super naughty (and hilarious) KB hamming it up for the camera and her friends after fighting with me about doing work. It’s difficult to get angry with her because she is so funny and she does usually finish things with a push. She is also capable but just immature and lazy right now.
I am not what I seem I have masks to protect you from me I stay alone in my house And it will this way forever be
I am simply understood Because I am a mirror in my ways Yet you should not trust my deeds Or my thoughts that reflect your plays
I hide from you my darkness My skies of purple shadow As you ascend yourself to Heaven It’s down to Hell that I go
Your steps are taken with caution Whilst my madness removes my care There’s direction to your movement But I feel it’s not going anywhere
My friend, you are not my friend But how shall I make you understand? My path is not your path Yet together we walk hand in hand
Inspired by a Khalil Gibran parable, with the last four lines lifted word for word. I found this short parable very affecting and particularly relevant to my thoughts on friendship.
25th Mar 2024 – Submitted to WDYS with the above picture prompt
I cursed the thieves the night my masks were stolen Yet I found the freedom of loneliness a blessing Now I was safe from ever being understood Those who would enslave, now forever guessing
And so I became a madman as I let go my masks When the sun kissed my face, I found my belief *But let me not be too proud of my safety Even a thief in a jail is safe from another thief
*Inspired and pilfered from Khalil Gibran’s parable ‘The Madman’ 17th Apr 2024 – Submitted to WDYS
You cannot define a person on just one thing. You can’t just forget all these wonderful and good things that a person has done because one thing didn’t come off the way you thought it should come off.
Aretha Franklin
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have found my regular breakfast of yoghurt and muesli. My modern version of cornflakes and milk.
Without urgency or panic, make the necessary time and make much of that time.
Mason Currey
My midweek chill was rudely interrupted last night when I suddenly lost my energy and good feeling. I was so exhausted and feeling dizzy and sick that I went to bed at around 7pm and was soon asleep. In the night, I felt hot and I’m also feeling hot now, though the temperature check just said 36.5 for me and the crappy ATK I bought shows a very faint line that I’m OK. Difficult to say if it worked or not.
Anyway, I woke up not feeling too bad, still a slight headache and not 100% but ok. When I read my messages, I had to cover Dylan’s class this morning too – which is OK but meant I was teaching all morning. I’m going to dash off now to Fascino to buy a different ATK and will check again tonight. I don’t really want Covid right now as it will fuck up all Amy’s plans. Faaaar out.
I’m following this 12-step course of creating new habits, this is from James Clear, whose book, Atomic Habits, I’ve read and used to some degree. I’ve developed many good habits already and considering what I should do to create a new one. I’ve been good at exercising, studying Thai, learning guitar and those things do take up a bunch of my time already.
One thing that I do want to get back to, is learning Ableton and using the keyboard I bought and to create music. Before I create music, I really need to understand how these things work and hold together. An early step in forming this habit is to make a two-minute rule, a very simplified version of just starting the habit, not necessarily completing anything. So now I want to figure out what I can do to get down to a simple two-minute rule so that I can start forming this. I think I need to have the keyboard set up and Ableton open and ready to go, maybe then, just study one part of the manual for two minutes and then begin to understand it well.
I need to fit this in with my routine in the evening, which is usually to write a blog entry or two, use Yousician for at least ten minutes, play guitar to some songs with Capo, which can take up to 45 minutes, after that, I usually go inside and watch some TV so that I can wind down.
I’m still not quite happy with my set-up in my room and don’t feel quite comfortable in there. Clear some space? Rearrange again? It’s quite a good working environment for all the things I’m doing but some days I just don’t want to go in there! I’ll figure it out I guess.
18th Dec 2025 – I still haven’t figured this out. I still have many days where I just don’t feel like going to my room. Maybe I have set it up in my mind that it is like my old bedroom, a safe space away from the world, and somehow it doesn’t quite live up to that expectation. The Ableton keyboard has been sitting on the desk since this entry and has collected dust for most of the time. Perhaps reading this today will give me some incentive to get back to it.
1994ever 