Tag: What do you see

When You Are Ready – 30th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

I will always hold you up on high
I will be your rock until I die
When you are ready I will never ask you why

I will walk through this field of dreams
I will remind you all is never as it seems
When you are ready you’ll know what it means

I will give you all the love I can give
I will show you how I learned to live
When you are ready you’ll know who to do it with

You will know there’s much to learn
You will teach them respect to earn
When they are ready – it’s their turn

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit slow again but I was able to take it pretty easy with my classes today.  I was still tired and hungry by the end of the work day though.

Today I’m grateful for:

The last bagel in the freezer that I ate for dinner.  Thanks, Nut!  It’s probably been in the freezer for more that six months already but, well, that’s what freezers are for, right!?

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that next week is Scout Week again.  I initially cheered when David told me but then he reminded me that last year we ended up doing some silly useless tasks (that I decided to enjoy at the time). 

Either way – it’s a whole week out of the classroom (again!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy called while I was at House saying that she would stay in the city as the new owners of the apartments that Mum sold were having a housewarming party.  The plan was for me to pick her up after I finished work, we go home and then I bring her back to get the truck in the morning. 

When I got there though Amy was still happily drinking and talking whilst I was tired and hungry and itching to get home.  I stayed for a while but when Aun came back from work she offered to bring Amy home later and I quickly agreed that that was a good idea even though I would have to find my own food. 

Of course, I could’ve just come straight home after work but I tried not to think about that.

Something I learned today?

Whilst watching Jerry Grey talking about the possibility of war between China and the USA he brought up a point that makes some sense, about who would fight for the USA in a conventional war. 

This got me wondering about the fact that so many Americans are in debt and many are also homeless.  Is this being done on purpose so that when a serious war might arise the military will be able to easily incentivise joining up as a way for citizens to get back into the black? 

Could they be that cynical or is it my own cynical streak coming through?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With writing up old things into this blog I’ve been talking online a little more often with Rich Levine and will also drop an email to Rob again at some point.  He still doesn’t use much of this new-fangled technological stuff and only has email.

I did wait fairly patiently for Amy this afternoon.  Was it a vile deed to leave when it became convenient?  Perhaps, but hunger and tiredness can do that to a man.

My student Nudee stayed back in class after everyone had left and I saw that she was doing some of her own self study with a Kumon workbook.  It looked like a very useful study aid for her and she said she has been using them for about three years to improve herself.  Later she sent me a message that she had received a certificate from them for being in the top 5% of around 3000 students in Thailand.  She was ecstatic and I told her I was proud of her too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 9. Take More Risks. Don’t be such a wimp.

I think this one would be more appropriate for me ten years ago than today.  Though ten years ago I was still big into risks – such as moving to a non-English speaking country to live.  These days I’m not so big on the risk taking. 

As the body’s inevitable decline edges ever closer I’m not so keen on taking physical risks though I suppose I might get further beyond that at some point and just think ‘fuck it’ such as sky diving when I’m 90 or something. 

I suppose I still take some risks with money as I’m still investing in releasing records that I’m not certain I can sell.  Those are low-level financial risks balanced by spiritual rewards.  I’m not going to sink all my money into trying to make a business out of it now. 

Amy is still considering the risk of opening a restaurant in Australia which would easily see us use up all our money and probably go into debt.  I’m not so keen on this idea though I will happily support her because I think she could do it well.  Whatever happened financially though, the stress levels of pursuing that dream might be enough to make me very unhappy.  My mindset would probably change though once this plan was executed. 

I guess I’m just happy with my life where it is right now and thinking that I would miss this.  Once getting into the maelstrom of something though my survival instincts would likely kick in.

I took these pictures on Sunday because this is where I drove to so that Amy’s mum and dad could leave gifts and give thanks because they had come here before to ask for good luck to sell the apartments and within a month they had sold. I don’t know the reason that they came here or even why these monuments are located here, directly opposite a T-junction.

Two Whispers – 23rd January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Where the light turned to dust
Silence remains
When two became none

Where the light became air
Extinguished flames
Await the rising sun

Where the light turns to the sky
Who prays
And in their solitude sit?

Where the light falls west
Who stays
To watch the candles lit?

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

Good and positive again. I can feel that I have a better attitude and more energy in the days that I exercise in the morning and that I should also force myself to do this on weekends and holidays as I often just fall into laziness then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little female (age indefinable) petrol pump assistant who double-checked what I wanted and then, after filling the car,  gave me two bottles of water. She tried to explain about the water but I didn’t understand. I just assumed that they were free!

The best thing about today was:

Taking time with a couple of my troublesome students this afternoon and helping them get a better idea of a grammar point. I felt relief and joy when they started getting the answers right by themselves. I even managed to get a smile out of one of them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class today with grade 8s was a little wearisome. Some days it feels like they just insist on not learning. I stayed relatively calm but inside I feel a little tired and deflated from it.

Something I learned today?

The single most expensive item for the British in the American Civil War was rum.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

We went to the temple again for some follow-up Buddhist things for Grandmum. I did as was directed though wasn’t sure about any of what was happening. In the end, we served monks food and everyone (except me) at lunch too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO
3. Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.

My tribe is my family these days. I’m not particularly close to anyone except for Amy and I’m fine with that. If I ever need to make new relationships they will come naturally from within my tribe. 

The internet definitely has made things easier to stay in contact with my tribe, who are scattered all around the world.

Whilst the ease of communication keeps us together, our tribe survives apart.

Fighting For Freedom – 1st December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

To have the freedom to question
Are not words that need to pass these lips
All belief is uncertain
And held far away from our fingertips

Freedom is found within the mind
And questions can be asked in silence
Share the meaning that we find
And remove the systems of violence

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

Better after arriving at school this morning, the kids cheered me a little.

I struggled a little with getting up and exercising but once I got going it was ok. I ate extra yoghurt for breakfast too as I think that now I’m eating better because of Amy’s cooking I’m not actually eating enough. I seem to be losing weight quite easily; it feels a little too easy. I will try to eat a little extra today but must stick with healthy things.

Today I’m grateful for:

The free time I had today and also finishing early to watch some of the students practising for their sports day events (or just sitting around waiting for instructions and complaining a lot!). The kids are sure happier to spend less time in class.

The best thing about today was:

Some of my old grade 9 students saw me working in the small teacher’s room and came to chat. One of them, August (the girl who likes dance), was curious about what I was doing on my computer. 

I was translating one of my lessons about sexual abuse in Thailand into Thai because I will teach it again to my grade 10 class whose English isn’t so good and I want them to understand as much as possible. 

As she was reading the Thai translation I was quite happily surprised when she started reading it out in English, doing the translation in her head. She was then curious about the rest of the lesson and I went through it quickly with her, asking for her opinion on what is appropriate behaviour or not. 

She had finished the work in her own class, where she was supposed to be and so stayed and asked about what other lessons I was teaching, so I showed her one about relationships, which I had also got translations for and she then helped me find better words for students to understand. 

In the end, time was up but she was enjoying helping that she was reluctant to go.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sat and talked with the grade 7 student who reached out to me about mental health. His English is very good, much better than the rest of his class, and as a counterbalance to that, he can’t communicate as well in Thai! This is causing him some problems with making friends in his class.

He is also very thoughtful but sometimes he thinks too much and goes over things again and again. He is, thankfully, quite self-aware.

I gave him some suggestions and feel like he will be able to work things out though I think his abilities will mean that he will always feel a little separate from others.

What am I looking forward to this month?

The thing I look forward to most at the moment is being at school and I think this month will be a lot of fun, with having shorter classes and the kids excited about sport, Christmas and days off.

What is one thing I learned about myself this month?

I learned that I can still keep calm despite the reasonably big stresses of money and visa issues this month. I’ve learned to trust in myself and others and that things will turn out ok. This is a little different to how I might have been five or ten years past.

In Western countries, life can be quite rigid and your posture adapts accordingly. Things need to be known and in order for them to run smoothly.

In Thailand, I’ve learned that things rarely run smoothly but that everyone readily adapts without complaint. I’ve been learning this over the five years I’ve been here so that the problems that have occurred in the last month that might have been stressful before are more manageable now.

I took this picture from a video of the super naughty (and hilarious) KB hamming it up for the camera and her friends after fighting with me about doing work. It’s difficult to get angry with her because she is so funny and she does usually finish things with a push. She is also capable but just immature and lazy right now.

Where Go You, My Friend? – 25th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

I am not what I seem
I have masks to protect you from me
I stay alone in my house
And it will this way forever be

I am simply understood
Because I am a mirror in my ways
Yet you should not trust my deeds
Or my thoughts that reflect your plays

I hide from you my darkness
My skies of purple shadow
As you ascend yourself to Heaven
It’s down to Hell that I go

Your steps are taken with caution
Whilst my madness removes my care
There’s direction to your movement
But I feel it’s not going anywhere

My friend, you are not my friend
But how shall I make you understand?
My path is not your path
Yet together we walk hand in hand

Inspired by a Khalil Gibran parable, with the last four lines lifted word for word. I found this short parable very affecting and particularly relevant to my thoughts on friendship.

25th Mar 2024 – Submitted to WDYS with the above picture prompt

6th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #346

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Oasis restaurant for making yummy vegan food in Chiang Rai.

The Stolen Masks – 19th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

I cursed the thieves the night my masks were stolen
Yet I found the freedom of loneliness a blessing
Now I was safe from ever being understood
Those who would enslave, now forever guessing

And so I became a madman as I let go my masks
When the sun kissed my face, I found my belief
*But let me not be too proud of my safety
Even a thief in a jail is safe from another thief

*Inspired and pilfered from Khalil Gibran’s parable ‘The Madman’
17th Apr 2024 – Submitted to WDYS

You cannot define a person on just one thing. You can’t just forget all these wonderful and good things that a person has done because one thing didn’t come off the way you thought it should come off.

Aretha Franklin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have found my regular breakfast of yoghurt and muesli. My modern version of cornflakes and milk.

Man Lives In Fear – 12th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

The Woman’s Era has been dawning
For more than a hundred years
Held back by the arms of man
And his resistant fears

Equality means inclusion
And ending this fickle game
To treat each other as human
To see each other the same

Embrace all our differences
Enrich our lives together
For the sake of all humanity
Wherever, whoever, whenever

Submitted to WDYS #228

Without urgency or panic, make the necessary time and make much of that time.

Mason Currey

My midweek chill was rudely interrupted last night when I suddenly lost my energy and good feeling. I was so exhausted and feeling dizzy and sick that I went to bed at around 7pm and was soon asleep. In the night, I felt hot and I’m also feeling hot now, though the temperature check just said 36.5 for me and the crappy ATK I bought shows a very faint line that I’m OK. Difficult to say if it worked or not.

Anyway, I woke up not feeling too bad, still a slight headache and not 100% but ok. When I read my messages, I had to cover Dylan’s class this morning too – which is OK but meant I was teaching all morning. I’m going to dash off now to Fascino to buy a different ATK and will check again tonight. I don’t really want Covid right now as it will fuck up all Amy’s plans. Faaaar out.

I’m following this 12-step course of creating new habits, this is from James Clear, whose book, Atomic Habits, I’ve read and used to some degree. I’ve developed many good habits already and considering what I should do to create a new one. I’ve been good at exercising, studying Thai, learning guitar and those things do take up a bunch of my time already.

One thing that I do want to get back to, is learning Ableton and using the keyboard I bought and to create music. Before I create music, I really need to understand how these things work and hold together. An early step in forming this habit is to make a two-minute rule, a very simplified version of just starting the habit, not necessarily completing anything. So now I want to figure out what I can do to get down to a simple two-minute rule so that I can start forming this. I think I need to have the keyboard set up and Ableton open and ready to go, maybe then, just study one part of the manual for two minutes and then begin to understand it well.

I need to fit this in with my routine in the evening, which is usually to write a blog entry or two, use Yousician for at least ten minutes, play guitar to some songs with Capo, which can take up to 45 minutes, after that, I usually go inside and watch some TV so that I can wind down.

I’m still not quite happy with my set-up in my room and don’t feel quite comfortable in there. Clear some space? Rearrange again? It’s quite a good working environment for all the things I’m doing but some days I just don’t want to go in there! I’ll figure it out I guess.

18th Dec 2025 – I still haven’t figured this out. I still have many days where I just don’t feel like going to my room. Maybe I have set it up in my mind that it is like my old bedroom, a safe space away from the world, and somehow it doesn’t quite live up to that expectation. The Ableton keyboard has been sitting on the desk since this entry and has collected dust for most of the time. Perhaps reading this today will give me some incentive to get back to it.