Maybe It’s A Madness – 21st December 2023

Staring at the TV static
Hearing the song of the dishwasher
Hidden messages reveal themselves
To those who listen closer

The stars whisper in the wind
Words that make the shapes
Colours taste of iron and gold
The myth perpetuates

Maybe it’s a madness
But someone must be chosen
As the alien messenger
The guide for the gods


Today I’m feeling:

Definitely tired again and not from lack of sleep.  Still waiting to get over the hump of exhaustion brought on by exercise.  Thankfully just the one class in the morning today and I spent til midday running around to get documents together for my work permit again before heading home and a catch up nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy again, as I asked if she could get the medical certificate I needed for me again, like she did last time.  Otherwise it means me either waiting around or going back to the city after 6pm and the last time I did that the clinic didn’t even open.  Happily, she agreed.

The best thing about today was:

A third coffee at 22 Grams, after a couple earlier at House. It tasted delicious and spurred me to action to make some easy Quizizz for my classes tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been trying to push my student Baipad to become more confident and independent but I can see now that she is not yet mature enough and is somewhat comfortable despite her frustrations.

I get it, at 14, we want independence AND everything handed to us on a plate. Sooner or later a rude shock awakens us.

It’s an interesting contrast that she knows girls a similar age as her back in her family village in the mountains and they are already having babies. We both agreed that that is not a good situation to be in but also highlights her somewhat comfortable life at home where a bed and a mobile phone are the main objects of her interest.

Something I learned today?

I still don’t have syphilis! I’m not sure why foreigners need to get tested for this to get a work permit.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I made sure to encourage the students who were putting some effort into their work today. Once they got rolling with it, it was great to see. Some days they make me proud. Tomorrow may be a different story of course, but I’ll take it for today.

I took this picture because this is as Christmassy as we get here in Chiang Rai. This year, despite being two months into winter already, we’re still using aircon for a couple of hours at night.

Ritual Of Panic – 6th February 2023

There’s no rest for the wicked
And no rest for those of virtue
Adrift in a world that never sleeps
The feeling of dread is gonna get you

Gasps of dismay at faint sleights
A skin now brittle and thin
This ritual of panic has become
The default state to be in


Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.

Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!

Something I learned today?

The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!

What do you think gets better with age?

I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.

I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.

The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular.
Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow.
And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry.
Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter.
I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently.
And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything.
I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.

Greyskull – 1st November 2022

With the power of Gyges ring
The possibility to do most anything
What are the morals that you bring?
To darken the world or make it sing?

2nd Nov 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge – Grey


Freedom, a gift wasted on the free.

Alex Dobrenko

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Seeing most of my students again, one month older. Even in that short time, they change quickly. I wonder if I do too.
The best thing about today was:
Happily waiting at the bank to open a new account. It took about an hour to just get seen but after that was easy. The thing is, it never felt like an hour as I was prepared mentally and kept myself busy with my phone and my brain.
What do you love about the month of November?
Right now it’s gotta be the cooler air. So good to almost feel cold. It’s almost time to start putting on a t-shirt. Daytime is still melting but a little less intense.

I took this picture because I just happened to glance outside to see this as I was eating a big bowl of salad. The sun had already gone behind the mountains a good 40 minutes already so this was a bit of a surprise.

My Terrorist – 16th September 2021

You’re my terrorist, siding with our gods
Next week’s enemy, against all the odds
Difficult to believe, though it’s oft-repeated
Cheating the cheaters, so everyone is cheated

You’re my terrorist, you may do my bidding
About those rewards, I was only kidding
You die for nothing, just another’s lies
And in your defeat, I still claim the prize


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the coolness of winter days very slowly returning. Comfortable mornings of fog and misty mountains.


As I’m reading another article about stoicism, gratitude and amor fati, I can feel my brain changing. These words were revelatory for me when I first read them. Now they are comfortable reminders of my acceptance of the way the world is and the way I am. I often think about my mother and wish to hear her talk about things in our lives. I can’t do that except in my mind. That brings me some comfort still.

I miss Kimi even more, in some ways. My mother is/was always a part of my life. Kimi was a kindred spirit I found, like Jochen and Matt, Rich, Steve and Rob and others. Finding some special people in your life is a rewarding experience that provides hope and gratitude to my being.

Amy’s auntie passed away last night. Perhaps some people will feel the same way about her. I hope so.

Our plans (what little we have) will change this weekend but that is out of my control so I can accept it.

I will do what I can to continue living this blessed life in the best way possible. Now, it’s time for class. Let’s see if I can take this positivity and rub it off on some of my students.

We got that attitude! – 26th September 2019

Yesterday I showed some resilience. Small things upset me in the morning and everything felt overwhelming again. After school, I went to the dentist. I think sitting under the drill settled me down again. At home, Amy was quite negative about being here in Thailand but I was the one telling her things aren’t that bad. I realised I had some strength and resilience I need to draw on more.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that other people have shown an interest in working with me. It shows me that I am valued for my contributions.

Gratitude Journal

Today I’m looking forward to a job interview with another school. I’m looking forward to Hayden coming to visit in a couple of weeks’ time. My friend, Ellen, will also visit from China with lots of yummy Sichuan sauce. I’m looking forward to getting away from some people in this school where I work. I’m looking forward to time hanging around at home with Amy and our friends. I’m looking forward to the cooler weather of winter. Damn! I’m looking forward to a lot of things.

23rd Feb 2021 – Looking back on this looking forward is interesting. Some of the things I was looking forward to, didn’t necessarily turn out for the best but it was definitely the right way to approach all those things. I know some folks who anticipate the worst of the future and then feel pleasantly surprised when things turn out better than expected. I think I used to be like that but not these days. I’m much more of the thinking that even difficult tasks, events and situations are just occurrences and they will be over after a certain period of time regardless of what my thoughts are about them.

Nervous, I’m nervous, so nervous – 18th January 2018

Don’t complain about the weather.  Don’t complain about the weather.  Don’t complain about the weather.  It’s boring!

Faaaaark it’s hot!

It was 42 degrees today here in Adelaide.  Luckily I slept through it and it was only 41 degrees when I woke up at 5pm.  Dropped down nicely to 31 degrees when I went out for my walk at 10.30pm.

Yes, it’s boring to talk about the weather.  But when you live in Australia and plan to move to Thailand it’s quite a relevant topic.  I didn’t own a jacket for the first 7 years of living in Australia, and I only had one after that because it was a present from a girlfriend.  I do appreciate some warmer clothes during the winter here these days though, these old bones are getting creakier. I have seen frost in Sydney once too – about 12 years ago.

Amy has suffered through the Thai winter where there is a regular annual news item about how could it is each year.  This year the lowest overnight temperature was around 8 degrees.  Looks like I might still need a jacket then.  For the two weeks that it lasts anyway.  Kind of the reverse to an English summer.

I’m promising myself not to ever complain about hot it is in Thailand.  Let’s see how long that lasts.

Front

Amy has gone from bored-to-stressed in 24 hours, as she has been running around dealing with the people who will build our kitchen and walk-in wardrobe.  Figuring out who will build our bed base design and special wardrobe in the second bedroom.  Expanding the outdoor kitchen area and deciding to put the washing machine out there and renaming the laundry to Amy’s craft room.  Choosing the wall paints and figuring the guys building our fence deserve a bottle of rice whisky when they finish – to keep in their good books if we need any other help in the future.

Back

Hopefully, the paint goes on in the next few days so Amy can see how everything will look and change anything before it’s too late if she decides.  It’s still so weird for me to be here just looking at photos and only being able to visualise living in a finished house, rather than be involved with its development so closely.  I hope I like it!

Fence

I emailed off my application for the CELTA course in Chiang Mai, starting in April, after Songkran.  They wrote back quickly and I’ll need to do an interview with them sometime soon.  I want to do a video interview but need to make sure the internet is stable enough.  I also need to be on top form and with only have a day and a half break between shift changes again this week I can pretty safely assume I won’t be up for it.  As well as this, I’ll be moving house on Tuesday evening and there won’t be any internet connectivity for a week or so.  I guess by then though I should have a long enough break to be alert enough to what I already know will be a difficult interview.

I’m just a little petrified about my ability to do this course – it’s been so long since I’ve been in a study situation where I’ve had to actually care about what I’ll be learning.  I was sent on so many useless courses in my old job that I never really paid much attention. I know my focus and concentration is not as good as it used to be too.

But hopefully, with a more meaningful result and benefit at the end of the course as the reward, I will be motivated enough to push on through and do my best.  I really want to learn to do something that has more meaning, to myself and to others.  I hope that I can be a good English teacher, and a great mentor to those I will end up teaching.

Once done I’ll start investigating opportunities to work in schools and also to do some private tuition, which I think will be what I might end up doing longer term, once I’ve done a couple of years to get a good grounding on the best way to do things.

I’m still nervous though.  If I can’t pass the course, what will I end up doing?  I do take comfort in the knowledge that other of friends have passed so if they can do it, so can I!