Tag: Word of the Day Challenge

Day In Court – 5th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

Mother, I’m not like you
I’m not wise to your ways
I’m barely a teen
And can see through your plays

Is it better raised like this
Or for you to be taken away?
When you are gone
Where do you expect me to stay?

When Dad died we fought hard
To make our way together
Until you saw the glitter of gold
That turned out to be old leather

Uncle tried a little bit but can’t even manage himself!
He just takes ALL the money, I don’t know where
ALL I’ve got is INSTANT NOODLES for the rest of the MONTH!
Mother don’t leave me here, I know you still care…

A STRANGER came to me today and SPUN A GREAT STORY OF FORTUNE
I didn’t know whether to BELIEVE HIM BUT I’VE NO ONE ELSE TO TRUST!
I ALWAYS TRIED TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT BUT LOOK WHERE THAT HAS GOTTEN ME!?
WITH NOWHERE ELSE TO GO I’LL HAVE TO DO AS NEEDS MUST – Sigh!

…

Mother, I don’t want to be like you
I don’t want to be wise to those ways
I’m still a vulnerable child at heart
But I’ll hold on to anything that stays

Sadly, a situation facing one of my best and favourite students right now, though I have taken the poem where I hope it doesn’t end up for her. Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge – Vulnerability and NaPoMo.

3rd June 2024 – Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #333

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again today. Though the pollution is getting worse I, at least, seem to have gotten over any allergic reaction.  For now, anyway.

Today I’m grateful for:

The people who came and removed the roof from our entertainment area so that when the storms come this year the winds should just blow through instead of ripping the roof off.  It’s a shame to see it all laid out on the floor to be taken away.  That was expensive stuff.

The best thing about today was:

Lazily going about my day getting things done that I wanted to do, with a little bit of everything thrown in.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ate a weed brownie and started reading about the Boer War and how some folks back then saw the British Empire’s decline in the same exact way that happened to the Romans and as is happening to the USA now.

It’s just wild to watch people (societies) walk into the same mistakes that have happened over the centuries.

Anyway, all that was fascinating until I got to the end of a section and wanted to listen to music.  I stuck on some CHROMB! and put my brain into overdrive trying to keep track of what the musicians were doing.

I was happily lost in its madness and was in a trance-like state for the best part of an hour.  I think I handled that pretty well then!

Something I learned today?

Wholesome news:

Dozens of Huskies Escape Pet Cafe in China

The barking mad footage from a Shenzhen shopping centre shows the dogs running wild after a customer failed to close the door properly. It reportedly took about one hour to round them up.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I took out the garbage this morning which was easier said than done as our usual dumping area on the road has disappeared with the work going on.  Luckily there is another area not far away though.

I unpacked the packages of cat food, put them away in the cupboard and broke down the boxes.

I cleaned out the gutters, urging rain to come and fill them.

I watered the mango tree which is budding hundreds of tiny fruit.  Let’s hope some make it to maturity this year.

I took this picture yesterday because the restaurant we went to for lunch had these two coloured grasses along their driveway just like we do. But I kinda like it in monochrome.

We’ll Be All Right – 25th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Get ready for the struggle
Get up and get strong!
Don’t waste time on the puzzle
If all the pieces are wrong

Injustice sits in the heart
Sending signals to the head
Ignore them from the start
Choose to grow instead

The world is not unkind
Neither is it cruel
Fast forward, not rewind
The correct use of the tool

Inspired and paraphrased from The Red Hand Files #272

2nd Jun 2024 – Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

I’ve got some energy today, mainly through having ideas for lessons for next semester, which I need to focus on this week in preparation.  

I just hope that what I’m working on is suitable for the students and not above their level.  

I sometimes overestimate how skilled the students are and as this is my first time teaching grade 12 I have some reservations.

Today I’m grateful for:

Cap being able to come home from the vet.  He hates being there as he is a princess scaredy-cat a lot of the time.  

I doubt he slept much for the last three days but the saline has helped stabilise his blood levels and hopefully, he soon gets his appetite back.

The best thing about today was:

Getting on a roll with my lessons.  I checked with the grade 12 teacher from last year and they were very supportive of what I was hoping to teach some of these students.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I talked to Kru Mai about changing one of my classes so that they matched the other classes in that grade and he said he will look at it.  

But in the process of that conversation, the annual discussion of integrated study came up again and our grade 7 and 10 classes may need to follow that format.

I argued against this unless we are given the lessons to teach (which is not likely).  Every year they try to implement this and it’s always been shot down but it looks they are going to try and muscle it in somehow this time.

Also, any rejigging of our classes may also mean I don’t end up teaching the grade 12s that I just spent all day working on lessons for.  I asked if that could be left alone because I hope that I can get this opportunity to test out my skills and abilities, as well as the students.

Something I learned today?

USA TikTok users said that they were worried if the company was sold to a US corporation, believing that it would be more censored and restricted than it is currently as a subsidiary of a Chinese company.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy asked me to do many little things for her this evening and I’ve done them as required, even though it interrupted things that I was doing.

I took this picture because the full moon was looking rad as I went out to help Amy in the teaching room. She has plans for it but I’m not sure exactly what yet.

No Haiku – 12th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

I ain’t got not haiku for you
Fireblossom’s word engines
Experimenting poets shirk taboo
Sober rhythms scent intentions

The art blues of lucky zeroes
The coyote and fox so cunning
Wildflowers in the weeds are heroes
The lilies in this soup of punning

Submitted to the Word Garden
27th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – taboo

Today I’m feeling:

Better for all the sleep but my body feels a little like a pharmacy sponge – soaked in medicine.  I pushed through a little exercise with a six a.m. wake-up and hope to get back to full exercise again tomorrow.

Today I’m grateful for:

The That Record Got Me High podcast for featuring Cardiacs this week.  Their music is so familiar to me now but it’s always exciting to hear it again.

The best thing about today was:

All the students being in a good mood after finishing their scout week.  The grade 9s in particular were happy because this was the last time they will ever have to do it.  Tomorrow morning the kids celebrate Chinese New Year, another morning free of classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House this morning the shop was shut.  I still went in and played with Tokyo and gave her a snack but no one was around.  I grabbed a coffee at Hobby Roasters to keep going and when I went back to House later Gui apologised saying that he had slept in after working every night at his restaurant last week.  No big deal as there is other coffee around.

Something I learned today?

Israel is bombing Rafah during the Super Bowl when many North Americans may be occupied.  But the other 90% plus of the world is not watching football.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  16. Don’t Judge. Just because people make different choices than you, they are not stupid. Also, you don’t know everything about people, so don’t judge them – help them.

I used to judge people who were straight and boring, those who did the expected and followed paths given to them by acceptable standards of modern society.  I used to hold animosity towards them.  I still do in some way but much more forgiving.  So long as no one is pushing their agenda on me then it’s fine. 

I no longer try to push an agenda on others.  Lots of things that I did that went against the grain have become mainstream now.  I was judged harshly at that time.  I remember what it was like.  My animosity and judgement was a reaction to that.  Everyone has a story and sometimes it’s worth listening to.

I took this picture because Amy asked me to. The jacaranda flowers are small and not as plentiful as the species in Australia but it’s nice to have them like this as a reminder.

Just Dirt – 28th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Here the farmer stood
Surveying all his fields
Knowing the earth was good
Increasing next year’s yields

Yet, the prince, he scoffed
“Nothing here is growing”
The farmer turned and coughed
Satisfied and knowing

23rd Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.

Today I’m grateful for:

The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price.  Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste.  I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.

The best thing about today was:

Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof.  I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year.  But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall.  The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up.  Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger.  I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year.  I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.

Something I learned today?

Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting.  It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere.  Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches.  I’m still quite smitten with it all though.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”

The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for.  Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something.  I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.

I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm.  I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.

I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning. 

Bare Hearts – 7th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Running barefoot along the beaches
A meditation and reflection unspoken
The past master no longer teaches
To prepare for the bare hearts broken

Knowing everything and nothing too
Knowing that something must be learned
As bare feet and bare hearts must do
The future must be earned

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
21st Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Tired, relaxed and lazy again.  Today is a repeat episode of yesterday pretty much.  Not excited, not unhappy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cake that Amy came back with at lunchtime, presumably from Nong Oh who she was out with.  A light chiffon with cashews in a thick caramel topping.  It was nice in that it didn’t taste as sweet as it looked.

The best thing about today was:

Cleaning up the last pile of junk on the floor of my room.  There is stuff there that is inspiring me to think of new lesson plans so I hung on to quite a bit of it.  The floor is clear but I still need to go through the stuff on the shelves and that will mean more inspiration and ideas and then a concern about lack of time to execute all those ideas.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the scheme of things, I did very little today.  If there was anything out of my control then it had no lasting resonance with my memory.

Something I learned today?

From watching the interview with Nathan Rich I discovered that you can inject whisky into your veins and get drunk from it.  I mean, it makes sense but it seems like a stupid thing to do when you can just drink the stuff! 

That guy has certainly had an interesting life and we share a weird connection in that we both got into computing as a way to raise ourselves up in the world (and both into punk and then with interests in China).

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Today was all about Amy and being sympathetic to her situation with the unfolding drama therein.

Was the killing of hundreds of hairy worms on the avocado tree a good or vile act?

Tell about something you love doing that you’re terrible at. And tell about something you really do not like doing that you’re great at.

For the former, I guess it would be playing guitar, though I don’t really think that I am terrible.  I’m just not good.

For the latter maybe Maths, though again, I wouldn’t say that I was great at it either.  In fact, if I think about it I actually like learning about Maths but have an aversion to it because of a long-held hatred of my high school Maths teacher.

Even then, I’m over it (I should be because it was 40 years ago!) so I need to think of something else here.

It’s tough. I don’t consider myself particularly great at anything and at my age now I’m not really doing anything that I don’t like doing anymore.

I took this picture because this pup is cute and loves me.

A Muse – 14th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Her words are like kisses
Each sentence inspires
She’s an amusing muse
Setting touch-paper fires
Lighting the way to art
Where the image is created
We set ourselves apart
Related, yet unrelated
Yes, she is an amusing muse
It wasn’t up to me to choose

2nd Dec 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – amusing

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and positive. I got to school early so that I could chat with students a little. That makes me happy. ****** wasn’t there today, Jan said she threw up this morning but I messaged her a bit later and she seemed ok though she still hasn’t even met her mum in their house since things happened a couple of nights ago.

Today I’m grateful for:

The new iOS Journal app looks pretty interesting as it gives prompts based on things you do on your phone. It’s not near a replacement for Day One yet though but it’s possible it could become so in the future.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a Love and Rockets documentary on YouTube and being reminded about what a truly awesome and inspiring comic it is. It reminds me that I would still like to get a Maggie and Hopey tattoo one day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I started looking into my lessons for the next week or two and realised I needed to make some changes but there was some problem with the files that had me fixing them for the best part of three hours. Not exactly what I had planned for the afternoon (though I hadn’t really planned anything to be honest).

What random memory comes to mind right now?

Trying to force a memory into my head just to answer this question is hardly random!

Hira Hira have popped into my head a few times recently for some reason. Seeing them play at different venues at different stages of their couple of years existence. They are a reminder of fun times of involvement in Sydney’s music scene.

I took this picture because this interesting menagerie of items caught my eye at the hotel we stayed at. The Guy Fawkes mask has become a common emblem though I’m not sure that it’s use here is indication of anything in particular. No new pictures for three days now!

Honey Latte – 29th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

There’s a honey latte running through her head
So sweet and milky, her memory a thread
Not knowing the day, she ventures to the city
Things she thought she knew shined so pretty

Alone, together, the hands are like ghosts
Long gone now, sailed to separate coasts
Eyeing the barista, nails polished black
A laptop hipster, personified slack

She’s a wanna-be adult, yet still sixteen
Smart and serious but remains unseen
Loving the self-loathing, when will she arrive?
Only when she realises she’s always been alive

Wishing for the future and suddenly it’s gone
Standing in the middle of what she wanted for so long
Nothing left to prove, no longer the impostor
Discounted all the time that getting here cost her

Here’s to the memory, the empty honey cup
Close the cafe door, breathe til she’s full up
Treading familiar sidewalks always reveals the change
Yesterday, today and tomorrow always seem so strange

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
30th Sep 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – arrive

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired with a headache and cough again. I didn’t sleep well due to discomfort in my shoulders. I woke up and exercised and felt good for that but my eyes are aching again. 

I wondered if part of the problem was connected to the air quality so I checked on the AirVisual app and saw that the quality is already poor and approaching dangerous. Amy has also suddenly got her cough and runny nose back. We will put the air filter in the bedroom tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to get paid a little money this month at least. Nancy has figured out some trickery so that I won’t starve just yet.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that all classes are reduced to 50 minutes for December as kids go off for sports practice at the end of each day. There are also three days off this month. Great.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House I was hanging for coffee but Gui’s machine was broken. I stayed a while doing some lesson checking and planning but couldn’t wait in the end and went around to Hobby coffee and I don’t know if it was just the wait but the first cup I got there tasted of delicious honey. I took a second cup back to school and carried on planning.

Something I learned today?

My old student Fah, who was always a bit of a handful but I was drawn to her because she reminded me of me when I was her age, got kicked out of school last semester due to lack of attendance, work, care etc. I wondered why I hadn’t seen her for a while.

Apparently, she has become even worse since, though she is supposed to be studying at another school.

I think she felt an affinity with me, maybe because I never gave her too much of a hard time and encouraged her more than berated her, every time she saw me, without fail she would give me a big hug.

I hope she makes it out there.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Nong Fah (Sonsawan) an encouraging message to keep going with English in the future, using Amy’s story as evidence.

I helped fix many students’ microphone access so that they could read my work today. I’ve managed to figure out on most phones how to change the setting’s language to English and from there allow them microphone access.

When one of my students accidentally mixed up their words today and asked me if I was studying instead of if I was teaching, I told them ‘Yes, I’m always learning!’

I finally got to congratulate Funfai in person and she is very proud of herself for winning four trophies.

Despite being tired and wanting to get home I stayed and played Uno with Kru Ren, Jet, Noah, Lin and Mai after my class had finished and somehow the kids conspired to make sure that the teachers didn’t win. It was a lot of fun.

I gave my last candies to two of my laziest students, trying to buy their attention for our next class!

Rista asked if we could make Christmas cards in our class again like we did last year. Well, I don’t see why not?

I took this picture because as Tonaor and Nicha were on their way to their next class they suddenly shouted out ‘selfie’ and this was the result. I’d forgotten about it until now.

We Are The Hedons – 22nd September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Goodbye temperance, born in America
Though you’ll never see its shores again
Your virtue was traded for a case of beer
But I’ll never forget it
Falling over rotten fruits
Stumbling and staring like zombies
Yielding to hordes of defiant
Adrift from a safe port

We are the addled, the overfed
Eyes wide at the pornography on show
We are the sexed, we ritualised
Our own descent into vice
We are the Hedons
Second-rate human beings
Grab your beers and a handful of pills
The Hedons have won again!

The theme inspired by a post from the Stoa Letter and words adapted and morphed from The Van Pelt’s ‘We Are The Heathens’

20th Sep 2024 – Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge – answer

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and also feeling like my energy is depleting quickly. At least Fridays are relatively easy days for me. Annoyingly I woke up about an hour before my alarm with my brain already active and my alarm went off just as I got back to sleep. I got up with a ‘fuuuuck’. The morning sun is enjoyable though, although without the shade over the playground at school, all the short kids want to stand in my shadow.

Today I’m grateful for:

The doctors and nurses who took care of Amy’s dad in hospital and in the operating theatre. The good news is that as far as they could tell the cancer hadn’t spread beyond the bowel so hopefully after recovery, maybe he’s good to go again.

The best thing about today was:

Another successful spelling test with my grade 7s. After the better students finished and left I really enjoyed helping the stragglers to figure out the words using mime and drawing, just trying to lead them in the direction of the answers. It was interesting to see how some students used their phones to help themselves. They also motivated themselves to improve their scores with second and third attempts. It feels like the culmination of the semester’s work has come together pretty well.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I went to leave House this afternoon a truck was blocking me in. There is a building being constructed next door and the workers there asked me to pull forward so the truck could get in. I assumed that they just wanted to quickly unload something and wouldn’t take long. They obviously didn’t understand that I wanted to leave but finally came to clarify when I was still sitting in my car with the engine running. I wasn’t upset or rude to them and they quickly let me out. A minor frustration, surely for both of us, but no need to get wound up.

Something I learned today?

I discovered that the new iOS has added a State of Mind log to the Health app. Now I want to figure out the shortcut to take me straight to it.

What do I want to remember about this time of my life?

As I’ve been fairly fastidiously writing this time of my life down here I’m hoping to remember a lot. Also to be able to review the gradual changes and see the challenges I have overcome.

Looking back at my old diaries has shown how little of what I wrote was meaningful and only serves as tiny memory joggers. Most of it is ‘got up, went here, went there, went home, went to sleep’! Even when I wrote that I was pissed off I couldn’t really articulate why.

Even though my life is a lot less exciting now I’m hoping to get down to more of the detail.

What I want to remember is how I turned myself around to feeling good and healthier and I don’t see any reason that that can’t be maintained. I suppose if I’ve forgotten things from 35 years ago then, if I make it to 90 I may forget the things I’m doing now.

I took this picture a couple of days ago because I didn’t take any new pictures today.

Three Years – 27th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Lives on hold, unprepared
Hiding under the stairs
Trembling and scared
World revolving unawares

A chance, opportunity
Wasted, waiting for the fix
Hoping for immunity
From Batman’s bag of tricks

Next time, unprepared again
No lesson learned
Three years become ten
None may be returned

16th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – Immunity

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more active than yesterday. I think the pleasure of the cannabutter is giving me good long sleep but also still affecting me the following day so I’m going to lay off it for now. It’s effect is very mild and pleasureable but if it makes me groggy for the whole of the next day then it’s not worth it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My own understanding of my body and brain. Today has been completely drug free except my anti-depressant and whilst it’s not been a fun day to speak of it’s passed by pleasantly enough. I can feel my muscles and joints recovering slowly and hopefully they are primed to get me going again in the morning.

The best thing about today was:

Finally watching Come And See. I feel like I don’t have the attention span for movies sometimes but then realise I can sit through hours of podcasts or TV series. I knew this movie wasn’t going to be any kind of rom-com but the mood kind of reflected my day and it’s message and purpose were clear to me. It showed the trauma and atrocity of war and was a struggle to watch but I’m glad I did. I might have to sit back with something comedic tonight to balance it out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The weekend has been a bit of a write-off, no writing, little reading, no workout and no guitar. I’m not worried about it at all as I know I need downtime. It’s just sometimes I feel like kicking myself when it feels like I’m wasting time.

I’ll be back on it tomorrow though. Morning exercise then off for coffees. Then I have an 11.30 appointment with Kru Hin to learn how do our grades in the online system, my one class at 1.30, then off up to the hospital to get more sertraline and back to play guitar and watch the last Swans AFL of the regular season.

Something I learned today?

One of my grade 7 students was proud to send me pictures of himself running in a 5km through the city today, similar to one that Amy and I did a few years ago. It’s nice to feel that he wants to show his teacher this. He was one of the kids I kicked out of class a couple of weeks ago so there is an element of sucking up involved but I know he’s a good kid, just being a teenager.

If I could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?

I’d like to live anywhere that is safe and stable. I’ve found living somewhere where I don’t fully understand the language has been helpful as I don’t get fully sucked into the vortex of shit-talking that people find so enjoyable. No matter how much I tried to avoid the corruption of politicians in the UK and Australia I always would get back into it. It was a waste of my time. I know things are even worse here in Thailand but I don’t have to think about it or be involved with it. 

I can still see myself living in the UK or Australia though I don’t think it would be for extended periods. Otherwise, I think I can live anywhere, as I said, so long as it is safe. Water, electricity and internet preferred.

I took this picture by accident when I was talking on a video call with Amy. She was busy running around cleaning Lewis’s poop at the time, just as I was about to feed our cats (action shot in the top corner). This is how Amy and I have communicated for the past two years and I’m glad of the technology that makes it possible.

No More Shiny Things – 25th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What is left to be pursued?
The bigger, brighter things have faded
Realising that there’s nothing new
Has made us all become jaded

No longer entranced by shiny things
It’s all been seen and done before
A mind that’s closing sooner brings
Death knocking at your door

5th Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – pursuant

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and good! I slept early last night and ended up waking a little earlier but as it was still dark I tried to get back to sleep and when I finally got real deep into it again the alarm went off.

I pushed and struggled through exercises telling myself how much better I will feel afterwards. My arms and legs ache at the joints from all the extra work they’ve been doing but ultimately my body feels more together and capable. I can only imagine how I might feel if I had treated myself better in my teens, twenties and thirties.

In my early thirties, I started going to the gym after work and then straight to the beach to bodyboard. I always felt great after that but rewarded myself by drinking. One step forward, one step back.

Today I’m grateful for:

The nice taxi driver that took drunk Amy home from the city this evening. It reminds me that most people are ok.

The best thing about today was:

Messaging with Nong Mee and getting an update on how she is doing as I rarely see her these days. She is the girl who swallowed a bunch of pills last semester. She said she is doing better and that even when she feels down she knows both myself and some of her friends are there to support her. I was heartened to read that and happy for her too.

Something I learned today?

I read in Derek Sivers’s book Hell Yeah Or No that our beliefs and understanding of the world are based on our location. 

Obvious, true, but the point was that when you go to foreign places, the people there grow up with their own set of beliefs and understanding. Rather than take the approach that our way is best we need to unlearn our own beliefs and accept different ones. 

Even knowing your way is better it’s not appropriate to try and change something blatantly. Gradually, exposure on both sides will find some kind of agreement.

I know I struggled with this when I started teaching in Thailand. Of course, I want to improve things for the lives of those I’m teaching. I no longer think I can do that with words but rather through actions and just being.

Quote: Day by day, what you do is who you become. – Heraclitus

I guess it’s obvious. But when you are in the middle of being you, and always believing you are right, the obvious becomes obscured. 

Since my late teens, I became less confident in the things that I knew. Doubt crept into everything. 

For a long time, I considered myself a fence sitter, often admiring those who held strong beliefs. Now I have come around to the fact that the fence is often the best place to be. The wind can blow in different directions. Whilst there may be universal truths everything else is always up for debate.

How did I practice stillness?

I’m going to say that I practice this when I’m reading. I know my brain is still active but I am usually focused within the story, almost out of body.

Even when I do meditation my brain struggles to calm though I do generally feel less stressed after. I know it’s a matter of practice. I don’t think I’m in a state of stress that requires me to counter it with converted efforts towards stillness really.

I took this picture because after I finished my class around 4 pm I ended up playing volleyball with Nicha and one of the boys and got soaked with sweat as there is no cover in the playground at the moment. The sun kept appearing through the broken clouds along with the already high humidity. Nicha joked about how cold she was when I tried to block the sun with my hand. I didn’t even really cool down in the aircon of the car on the drive home and the house was already stinking inside so I tried to cool down with a shower but even that was a struggle. Then, seemingly suddenly, it got dark and proceeded to rain heavily non-stop for about thirty minutes resulting in all this water sitting on top of the soil under the trees, the ground already too waterlogged to soak up more. The rain has calmed down a little now but is still coming down with no sign of it stopping just yet.