Respun Visions – 18th August 2023

Today I experimented a little using AI. I took the five paragraphs individually in this post at Spinning Visions and asked AI to summarise each with a four-line poem:

A balcony that's hidden from the view
A door that's sealed with plaster and with lies
A neighbor who has seen what lies behind
A mind that's overgrown with ivy vines

They say our brains must prune the past
To make some room for what is new
But I don't want to lose the things
That made me who I am with you

I've closed so many doors inside
And left them in the dark
I've cut off ties that once were mine
And hid the broken parts

I saw him through the window pane
The one who broke my heart
I thought of all the words unsaid
And how we grew apart

I've left behind so many things
That once were part of me
But now they're hidden by the green
Of ivy's memory

I then asked AI to make these results more philosophical and ended up with this:

What is a balcony but a space
Between the inside and the out
A door that's closed can never face
The truth that lies beyond the doubt

What is a brain but a device
That stores and shapes our history
But when it prunes it pays a price
And loses parts of mystery

What is a heart but a vessel
That fills and spills with love and pain
A tie that binds or a trestle
That bridges gaps or breaks in twain

What is a memory but a shade
That fades and grows with time and light
A green that covers or a blade
That cuts and heals or stirs the night

Of course, I can’t really claim any credit for this beyond the fact that I took the time and effort to do it. I like Makenna’s writing at Spinning Visions and have found it quite inspiring to take her ideas and thoughts and consider them in my own contexts. This time I was just curious how AI would find summarising short texts into four-line poems.


Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive, a little sleepy when I stop and sit. Need to keep moving. I pushed through two workouts again and feel good for that. After my first class is a four-hour break that I will hope to stay awake through. I don’t want to get caught sleeping at the cafe!

Kept myself going by getting right into some more lesson planning so ran out of time to even do much blog updating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little plastic toe spacer that I hope will improve my sore big toe joint over time. I’ve tried a few different spacers but I find that they can get uncomfortable after an hour or so, even waking me from sleep. This one is smaller and simpler and just helps you keep the big toe straight in comparison with the second toe. It would be great if I could actually fix this painful foot that has bothered me on and off for most of my life. I’d also like to fix my hips which are out of balance and also contribute to the pain in my foot and other places such as knees, back and the hips themselves.

I can imagine a complete relief, like being pumped full of a relaxant but I think that will only come just before I die. A slow relief that completely overwhelms, until only your body is all that is left and you cease to exist.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to Nicha and Namkhing improve their reading skills, as I had been personally encouraging them last year with one-on-one lessons and whereas then, they struggled with even just two-letter words now they are able to make attempts at four-, five- and six-letter words. They still often fail but the fact that they are trying fills with happiness. I made sure they knew how happy I was too.

Something I learned today?

I rediscovered a website with some English lesson plans, quizzes and games and it inspired me to put together new lessons. Once I get into it I can imagine the work unfolding in the classroom, who will struggle and who will do well, deciding whether to push harder or pull back. Not every time is a hit and some days that happens can be frustrating for the students who then make it frustrating for me. I think I mixed things up well this week and kept my students occupied, learning (if they wanted to) and happy.

Where am I headed?

I’m just heading along. I feel like I’ve spent my life headed to here, where I am. I don’t have any other place I particularly need to be.

This could change in the future as I’m guessing at some point we will head back to Australia again. I don’t need to be thinking about that right now though.

What worries me the most currently?

I don’t tend to worry much about anything. Even things that might cause worry such as Amy being able to settle back here again, doesn’t really worry me that much. Whatever path life goes down I’m still on the path.

I took this picture because finally, something stood out to me that begged a photo to be taken. The sky was a little brighter today which seemed to open my eyes more to what is around.

Cyberpsychopath – 2nd August 2023

Hiding in the dark webs, to lurk and deceive
More reckless the more special you believe
Cyberpunk psychopaths, momentary flame
Burned white hot until the end of the game


Today I’m feeling:

Yesterday’s afternoon coffee kept me until midnight reading comics though I fell asleep immediately once I turned off my iPad. A nice lazy nine hours later and I’m up and drinking coffee at Utopia preparing my mind for the two days of school this week.

Today I’m grateful for:

Anything. Sometimes I feel that I take everything for granted. I think about just putting on some good shoes and walking down the highway to Bangkok with nothing. To put myself in some ridiculous situation that I will never actually attempt, and remind myself just how good I have it.

I know I have it easy yet sometimes feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s carrot cake which improves over time. This evening it was more delicious than yesterday, perhaps also aided by my hunger. Nuts, vegetables, cake. That’s my dinner.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Tigger didn’t eat this morning which is a bit unusual but sometimes when he has a hairball he’s like that. He did eat a little bit in the afternoon but he looked a bit exhausted. Amy decided we should take him to the vet where they found he had an infection and fever. They gave him some medicine and he immediately perked up though he was still obviously stressed to be at the vet’s. We have to keep him inside for a couple of days and take him back again on Saturday.

Something I learned today?

Stupid humans can make a story out of nothing and call it news. Ok, I didn’t learn this today but it was reinforced when mainstream media headlined a story that ‘Chinese zoo accused of a bear being a human in a bear suit’. I’m getting to the point again of cutting out news media from my life, even ones that are of interest to me as they often highlight and ridicule the stupid humans doing and saying stupid things. I want to believe that the majority is better than that.

What is one thing I can do to improve my mental well-being?

Exercise. That’s it. I know it works and it’s the hardest to motivate yourself to do when your mental health is not good.

If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to worry less about ______ and more about ______.

I’ve been looking at this prompt for several days now and am still not sure what to write. I’m struggling to recall some of the things that I used to worry about or that, looking back, weren’t actually worth worrying about at that time.

Sometimes I would worry about what people thought of me but then at other times didn’t care at all. I still don’t much care though I’m not arrogant or over the top about it. 

Amy told her friends that I’m an introvert but I don’t think I am particularly. I just don’t interact much with people who don’t really fall into my group of interests. And I’m ok to be by myself. I don’t need attention. 

When I was younger I worried a little about money because it was difficult to find. I don’t have a need to worry about that too much these days.

I used to feel incomplete without a girlfriend but I never really worried about it, it was just a desire to be sharing my life with one person. I’m not sure why that was.

So maybe I would tell myself not to have worried about that so much and learned to love myself more and sooner.

In some ways, I grew up slowly, about ten years later than the stereotypical norm. I was in my early 30s when I was behaving like I was in my early 20s. That’s OK. I got there in the end and maybe it’s keeping me feeling ten years younger than I actually am.

I took this picture because Cap has been squeezing himself into Kim’s old favourite sleeping spot. You can still see Kim’s fur along the edges. I miss her so much and every time I think of her I get teary and the only way I cope is to not think of her. Cap is too big for the space so bits of him flow over the edges.

The Container – 3rd November 2022

Oil is needed for the container
Good PR from the explainer
Once made, it needs to be filled
Opposition to it must be killed
The container is mandated by God
To surround those found to be odd
If the flow is something not agreed
The container must be seen to succeed
This box is not some piece of Tupperware
It’s a restricting restraining nightmare
Beaten by always holding one’s breath
If not capitulated by finding one’s death
Held inside, the hope and dreams of others
But not to be shared with Bigger Brothers
The container will succumb to decay
As new containers will come into play


If there is no solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it.

Dalai Lama

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and fulfilled.
Today I’m grateful for:
One of my students, Rista, came up to me and asked me if I dropped any money as she was holding out a 100 baht note. I hadn’t but she insisted I take it. When I told her it wasn’t mine she refused to take it back and consider the idea of keeping it for herself. Maybe it will bring bad luck or just the fact it’s not hers so she shouldn’t keep it and once it’s passed on she no longer has the burden. Anyway, I bought some yummy ginger fried fish and rice for dinner with it.
The best thing about today was:
Being in the classroom with my students again. It made me feel so happy to be a little part of their lives again.
Where are you visiting soon?
Amy and I were considering a quick trip to Vietnam when she’s back but we decided to visit Pimmy and Fern in Phuket instead. It will be nice to be near water again even if it is such a short time. Amy lives in Drummoyne at the moment and rides the ferry to work every morning. That’s a nice way to go to work.

Khokwan took this picture because she was playing around with a mirror photo app and asked me to look at the camera. Today I was a model teacher with two students as we posed for a photo shoot for some promotional thing or other. We were all a bit bemused as we were asked to look like I was teaching while we all smiled at the camera. Hopefully I’m not made into a 20-foot billboard.

We got that attitude! – 21st May 2020

I am so happy and grateful for opportunities and choices. Last night Takky asked again if I would be interested in teaching with him and Alan at Tessaban 6. It’s good to have options.

To-do list

  • Enjoy the day again – not much for me ✅
  • Meditate and exercise – get up early ✅
  • Can you do morning pages? The quiet voice?
  • Drink more water ½

I got up early and did some weights and stretching, as well as a quick meditation. I felt pretty good but was a bit down and subdued when I got to work. I was still thinking about last night and my worry about Amy drinking too much sometimes.

I was a bit snappy with George too. He has been so helpful for me and Dylan and introducing us to the school. Today I got a bit annoyed at him telling us the best way to do something and felt like I wanted to assert myself a little so I can show a little independence. That was all well and good but I’m not as good a subtle craftsman with words and expression as he is and I worry that I upset him a little.

I still struggle to think carefully about how my words come out and how they might be received. I’m not yet quick enough to work out a better way of expressing my assertions.

I also think that my grumpiness is caused by the discussion last night about the possibility of working with Takky and Alan. They make a good option for doing meaningful work in their school but it would mean working a lot harder than I do right now and my preference is to work less and less! It is nice to receive praise from them but I also still doubt my own abilities.

Ellen has also been talking about teaching online through students she finds for me and she talked about how competitive it is now. She asked me what my main skills were and I really wasn’t sure what to say! I don’t really know what they are!

I often feel like I can’t really do anything until I’m actually doing it and even then when I get praise, it’s still not enough to give me confidence.

I met Kru Tang this morning and she mentioned that Kru Boe missed me a lot and Tang said Boe cried about what happened with me at the school last year. One thing that has come out of that is that things seem to have improved there quite a lot and it seems to be a result of my efforts and sacrifice there.

I did feel good about that but it’s not the kind of situation I want to find myself in again and the offer to work with Takky and Alan could prove to end up the same (or is that just my anxiety speaking?).

George says I like to play mind games, implying that I think too much about some things. I don’t know. I guess I’ll think about that too.

Tomorrow I’ll try to think how to be assertive in a more gentle manner – and listen first, in full, before deciding what action I want to take.

Don’t Worry – 9th October 1989

Worry won’t change anything
Things always seem to happen
But whatever the outcome
I will always love you

Things bad blow on over
And times get good again
Those hold in my memory longer
The bad gets flushed away

But when they rear their ugly head
Don’t worry
I still want to be with you
Always

12th Aug 2024 – Guessing the date around this time because I’m also guessing this is connected with my then-girlfriend Cherry whose mother was the worst worrier I ever met and perhaps she passed some of this onto her daughter. Perhaps she was right to worry in the end, as this early-twenties romantic spew exposes and I did not, indeed, want to be with her always.

Cherry’s mum worried so much that she got pulled over by police and cautioned for driving too slow. Twice!