When Frank died his soul flew up high And ended up in a powerful war machine He screamed ‘ANNIHILATE’ but didn’t know why But then it turned out it was all just a dream
Inspired by Armoured Gideon, 2000AD
It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are all full of the truthless ideal which has been instilled into them, and each time they come into contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded.
W. Somerset Maugham
Today I’m feeling: Happy and satisfied. Today I’m grateful for: The front wheel of my motorbike. It took some hard knocks on some tough roads today and I was worried I would have to limp down the mountain with a flat tyre but it held up and got me home. The best thing about today was: Riding around new mountains and discovering some beautiful villages and amazing scenery. It was blissful.
What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life? For 24 years now I’ve been taking sertraline and that has made an incredible difference to my life, keeping me stable and less prone to depression. I still have bad moments but in general, I am much happier than a was in my first 30 years. Brushing my teeth. Sad to say that I didn’t look after my teeth well for my first 20 years or so. They are just hanging on since starting to care about them more. Making my bed. A small habit I only acted on since moving to Thailand. I actually don’t care if my bed is made or not but I do it so as to include it in a series of morning habits and to feel, no matter how minor, to have achieved something already, right at the beginning of the day. Exercise….if I do it every day it will definitely improve my quality of life. Now I just have to do it every day!
I took this picture because Bruno and I met these kids after a long muddy ride and they were so happy and inquisitive to see two muddy white men in their mountain school at the end of the road.
Kids, you are so lucky to be bored I wish for a return to those days too But someone here has to wash the dishes And do all the things that I have to do
I suppose these things could be neglected But who will feed the cat In fact, I have to get myself fed And who’s gonna take care of that?
Enjoy these times of twiddling thumbs Pulling pleasures from thin air Get to work at being bored again One day soon, you’ll want back there
You know what, your problem isn’t the outside world. Your problem is the story you’re telling youself about the outside world. And that story is a choice. If you’re not happy with the story, tell yourself another story. That simple.
Seth Godin
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be surrounded by good things, to have opportunities and choices. And to choose to do nothing and just be relaxed.
Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!
To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.
Joseph Epstein
To-do list
Upload TCRAH ✅
Finish writing to Chrissie
Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
Go to the gym
Sort out more in the office ✅
I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.
Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.
In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.
I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.
I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.
It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!
Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.
I’ve been spending what free time I have reading a lot this year and really getting into it. English books are a little hard to come by here – there’s just one guy who sells secondhand books from his house here. He’s a character – and not always particularly pleasant but his bigotry and short temper cracks me up more than offends. When you hear another foreign immigrant being racist to other people (who don’t live here), it kinds of shines a different light on things in some ways. Being English and white in this country is a double-edged sword – for me and for people judging me. It’s an unusual situation to be in.
One time I was sitting in his shop chatting with him when two early 20-year-olds, backpackers, had been browsing and brought two books to him to ask the price. They then spent what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about 30 seconds, discussing if they could buy both and carry both. I could see our bookseller getting more and more agitated and eventually he grabbed the books off them and shouted at them to stop wasting his time. He handed one book back and said ‘Give me 100 baht for this one and get out of my shop!’ I couldn’t stop laughing.
The girls were discussing whether they could afford to spend another couple of dollars or be bothered to carry two books instead of one. It was a very inconsequential decision that they just couldn’t arrive at. To have someone unable to make this decision when an extra 100 baht would really make a difference to this guy was obviously frustrating. They also weren’t to know that he was late to take care of a friend of a friend who was dying of cancer. Something done out the goodness of his heart. Humans are complicated.
Anyways, I’ve been stocking up books, trying to build a library of my own. Inspired by a friend’s room of books and old wooden shelves, which I always loved being in – to browse, to consider, to wonder, to breath in that mysterious air of hidden words. I once went into an antique bookshop in Albury and immediately told the owner that I wasn’t going to buy anything but I just wanted to look and smell the books. He was quite agreeable.
When moving from Oz to Thailand I grew accustomed to letting go of things that I had held with some regard. Of course, the things I held really dear I shipped over. It’s a good catharsis to sell or gift things that you own though. It’s not like we can keep them forever anyway.
I also remember a quote from a writer, maybe Marquez, along the lines of ‘one must die with a library of mostly unread books.’ Not sure my wife agrees with this philosophy but that’s probably why my office/library/man cave is in a room outside my house. I look through the books contemplating what I’m going to read next and can get excited with the possibilities. I turn my head as I’m sitting here and thinking about All Quiet On The Western Front, The Grapes of Wrath or Lord Jim?
On the iPad, which I use to read comics mostly, I’m thinking to start on Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses. It was the bookseller who got me interested in this as he mentioned it was banned in Thailand for some reason I forget now. He described the story a little bit to me and the idea seemed cool enough for me to give it a go. How can a country ban books these days when it’s so easy to transfer them digitally? I sent a copy of Animal Farm to a friend in China. Easy enough (and they’re still alive and free!).
The book I have been enjoying most is Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. I’m not sure where I saw a recommendation for this, though I’m guessing it was from The Daily Stoic. I’m guessing this because as I read it I see those philosophical themes throughout. The characters are fascinating in their different beliefs and ideas and Tolstoy makes you feel sympathetic with everyone of them.
I was never a big reader when I was younger and I was thinking that a younger me would have dismissed ever trying this book. Why would I want to try and understand about Russian aristocracy from over 100 years ago? What did that have to do with me and my life now? Ah, the stupidity of youth. I’m often envious of those who have found this beauty in the world at a younger age than myself. Why am I late to the wisdom table!?
I can only hope that in my teaching I can inspire the kids to get there quicker than I did. When I look at all the ‘trouble-makers’ in my class I only see my own stupid face reflected in their eyes. Ah, the stupidity of youth. But I wouldn’t really wish it any other way – and what would be the point?
“And so from school to the outside world these morals you will take…”
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my dreams. I can meet old friends, people who are no longer in my life. They stay close to my thoughts and experience.
To-do list
Email to Aaron and float the TCRAH idea to him
Give more positive reinforcement to the kids
Compliment one of the other teachers
Follow up with Andrew about Indra
Check on the IEC lesson for the New Year’s week, maybe plan something else
Did it list
Wrote email to Aaron. Made some arrangements with Indra for shows in Yogyakarta. Up to date with Anna Karenina cliff notes. Read 4 chapters of Anna Karenina. Did 30 squats and weightless shoulder presses. Posted to 1994ever blog. Survived one testing class today! Updated lessons to allow for the 2-day week at New Year’s. Cleared some emails and Chrome tabs. Brief online talk with Cake.
My regular English class were very testing today but I realised that my lesson plan was not so smart – the ideas were good but the execution was not so much. I don’t really know how to get the class to settle back down again after some excitement. I think to improve I need to be more aware of the class dynamic and arrange my lesson accordingly. Don’t shove too much into it. My other class went well though I still see room for improvement – it gave me an idea though, that hopefully makes the next lesson easier.
1994ever 