Tag: Zoe

Jawbreaker Tour Diary – 28th September 1992

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Left home at about midday to go stay with a friend (Zoe) in Northampton. This was a convenient time to catch up on things since last seeing her on my Victims Family trek and also has me most of the way to Nottingham for tomorrow night.

All was going well with the car except for one scary point on the M1 where I was in the fast lane with lorries in both the others and the engine started cutting out. Thankfully it only did it in short bursts and carried on, after a couple of miles things right themselves. Let’s hope this isn’t a bad omen for worse things to come!

Made it to Northampton and even arrived early, before Zoe came back from work. We took her dogs out for a walk and did some shopping in preparation for a pizza and beer evening keeping up with tradition (from the Victims Family tour). We went to get a couple of videos and ended up watching Cheech and Chong’s Next Movie and Still Smokin’. We ate our pizza and drank some beer and laughed at the films into the night.

We ended up dozing off to the Stooges, Deep Purple and Hair……

Hate Club – 29th September 1984

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I said I loved you, now I believe that’s not true
Now you don’t like me and I don’t like you
I never wanted to hurt anyone
But this love bullshit is spoiling my fun
My hate club, all your friends
My hate club, we’re at different ends
You say you still love me, but you found someone new
A funny way of showing love, now what do I do?
Hate club

1st July 2023 – Another poem about ‘breaking up’ with Zoe and her telling me that her friends, who I’d never met, all hated me. The tricky situation of dealing with broken teenage hearts. No doubt, I handled myself terribly.

Who Started It? – 25th September 1984

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I don’t know how I manage to do it
No one wants to see me through it
All I ever got were questions to which I could not reply
‘Do you love me?’, ‘Say you do’, “I wanna know why?’
It doesn’t matter who started this affair
All that matters is that we still care
Although all is over and is said and done
Don’t look at me as though I’m the only one
There were things I could never explain to you
I didn’t think I was getting through
Now I just want you to remain a friend
And we can be like that to the end

1st July 2023 – This must have been about Zoe from Northampton, whom I had met in the summer (in 83?) when she was on holiday with her family. We wrote to each other and sometimes talked to each other on the phone and at one point she came and stayed for a few days. During that time, I had my first sexual experiences though I remained a virgin as we were both afraid of her getting pregnant.
The distance between teenage lovers was too much for me to deal with and perhaps I also, deludedly, believed I could do better. I couldn’t.

*The Week That Was – 17th September 1984

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Record of the week: Pregnant Combine Harvesters – AURA, Zounds – Can’t Cheat Karma, Cult Maniax – Full of Spunk RP

17th September 1984
Nothing special happened today.

18th September 1984
Met Zoe in Wimborne. Had a laugh with Parafin down the woods. Pissed around with Bennett’s air pistol. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy still gives me the horn. But SHE’S SO BEAUTIFUL I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER. Found my giro. £49.50

19th September 1984
Collect money. Went to Poole. Went with Bernice on the bus. Got some records. UKDK LP, In Excelsis, Disorder, Chaotic Dischord, Zounds and Cult Maniax. Had a laugh with Parafin again.

20th September 1984
Got up late. Granny had a go. Went and bought some things. Chased Burt for something to do.

21st September 1984
Went to Wimborne. Got pissed. But somehow got bored. So came back.

22nd September 1984
Went to Fog’s. Rupe was there. Jez came over. Fog came. Went to party. Had a good time. Went to the Void. Went back to party. Went back to other one with Jez. Went back to Fog’s. Came back. Mum was back.

23rd September 1984
Got up at 1. Went to Wimborne. Jez and Rupe came round. Played Megamania and Super Breakout at Bennet’s. Watched Threads. Quite disturbing. Mum got me horoscope book.

*The Week That Was –25th June 1984

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Records of the week: Conflict – 1st side of Increase The Pressure, Minor Threat – Eps 12″, Major Accident – Massacred Melodies LP, Black Flag – Three Nights

25th June 1984
Got up and stayed in my room most of the day. Zoe rang in the morning. Got petrol in the afternoon. Watched telly most of the time. Rung Jez. Had a game of snooker which I won. Came back – watched Scully then went down track. Muz is giving me bullshit. I went to James. Had a chat with him and Greg. Watched Hill Street Blues.

26th June 1984
Got up late. Watched telly most likely. I haven’t been keeping up with the diary so I can’t remember everything. I think I went down to the track. Mum’s been going on about me getting a job. Getting really pissed off with her. Watched telly in the evening. Mum has found me some jobs to do tomorrow around the house. I’m pissed off. Watching the stars.

27th June 1984
Got up late again. Cleaned out the yard. Did the bricks. Fuckin’ pissed off. I keep playing Three Nights by Black Flag. Sieved elderflower. Had tea. Went down track. Pissed around. Built freestyle jump which is pretty good. Came back. Went to sleep. Working at Sharon’s tomorrow.

28th June 1984
Mum woke me up at 9. Rung Sharon. Went over. Cleaned windows. Went to Poole with Sharon. Then to Bournemouth and back to Poole again. Then back. Cleaned garage doors and racked up grass. (?) so came back. Had tea. Went down track. Went to James. He gave me money to get a video tomorrow. Went to (???). Came back with her.

29th June 1984
Went to Wimborne. Got videos. Went to Sharon’s. Did wallpapering all day. Got £4.50. Came back. Went down track.. Burd came down. He went to Wimborne. Went to James. Got wrong type of video so went back and changed it. Came back. Poltergeist – was ok in places. Pretty daft story though. Came back at 1 and went to sleep.

30th June 1984
Got up at 9. Went to Bernice’s. Got bus down to Bournemouth. Bern bought some shoes and dress. I got some records. Both Christian Death LPs are there. Saw plenty of people. Ran out of money so came back. I came home. Went down track. No one there. Went to James’s and had a chat with everyone. Came back. Watched telly for the rest of the night.

1st July 1984
Woke up at 9. Couldn’t sleep because of stomach upset. Took aspirin and went back to sleep. Didn’t get up til 1.30. Took dog. Went down track. Digging it all up. Everyone’s getting on each other’s nerves. Came back. Went back down again. I got my light smashed. Me and Murray are thinking of setting up a delivery service. Went to sleep.

*The Week That Was –18th June 1984

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Record of the week: Pregnant Combine Harvesters – Bells tape (fuckin’ amazing), The Blood – Parasite In Paradise (ace guitar riff)

18th June 1984
Got up at about 11. Pissed around for a while. Rung Jez. Went to Gaunts. Saw Muz and Graeme. They went to Stanbridge. Got the paper. Went to Hinton Martell. Met Jez there. Wheeled Greg’s Maico back to my place. Went to Houldey’s – no one there. Cut through fields to Hinton Martell. Stayed there and talked to Greg and James til 12. Greg says he’ll buy my pushbike for twenty quid.

19th June 1984
Got up at 11 again. Went to Wimborne. Met Bernice. Hung around for Jim. Got some booze, which we slurped. Jim went on to get some food. Bern went on. So did I. Got some food. Rung Vince up. Meet him tomorrow. Went down Gaunts. Had a dirt and sticks fight (at the track). Came back. Watched Young Ones. Saved a shrew from the cat’s jaws. Boring otherwise.

20th June 1984
Got up at usual time. I think. Pissed around for a while. Went to Wimborne. Met Vince. Told him how to get to my place. He went. Jim came out for lunch. Talked to Ian Bryant for a while. Came back. Went down Gaunts after tea. Had another dirt and sticks fight. Went back to Gaunts and pissed around with water. Came back, blah etc blah

21st June 1984
Woke up. Waited and waited. Burd came round, he spilt my (?). Vince came round. We went to Dominic’s. Bastard wasn’t there. His mum let us practice though. Dominic was supposed to be back at 6 but didn’t show til 7.10. We did our SDC song. Had to go at 7.30. Mum brought us back. Vince went on. We listened to our tape for a while. I went down track – no one there. Went to James’. Had a chat – came back.

22nd June 1984
Can’t remember a lot. Didn’t do much though. Jez was in school – his last day. Went to Jez’s later. He got his bike, we went to Ben’s after Jez got some booze from the club. Didn’t get pissed unfortunately. Went to Roo’s to get Jez’s record – his mother was in a good mood. Went back. Had some toast. Watched telly. I came home. Don’t know what I did.

23rd June 1984
Woke up and did fuck all. Rung Jez. He was getting his hair cut. He came over. Tried to get Maico on the road. Couldn’t. We went down track. Then to Wimborne. Met Elford. They went to chippies. I came back. They came over and went on. Jez came over. We went to Wimborne. We lost each other. I went to Bernice’s. Then up to Colehill. Met Liz. Found Jez. Went to (?). Piss boring. Jez was trying to be cool now he’s got a bike so I pissed off home.

24th June 1984
Jez came over. We went to Jim’s. Caught the bus to Bournemouth. Saw a bit of all right on there. Found Zoe and Sharon. Found an off-license and got booze. Farted around all day in the graveyard. Jim was really pissed. Zoe and Sharon got bus back. We went to Winton. No gig, we got the wrong date. Jim’s old man picked us up. I came back and watched telly the rest of the night.

*The Week That Was – 4th June 1984

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Record of the week: Black Flag – My War (again)

4th June 1984
Got up. Did this and that. Took dog. Burd came round. We did some practising til someone rang up and told us to stop. Did tape for Zoe and Sharon. Went down track later on with Jasp and Muz. Did a couple of fires and things. Got sofa from Houldey’s and put it in garage. Jez hates my painting. Haha.

5th June 1984
Got up at 7. Went to school. English in the morning. Went down town with Chesh. Came back. English all afternoon. I smell fuckin’ bad. Got home. Had a bath. Went down track. Everyone was down there. Muz, Martin and Scott chickened off down Hinton M. I went there later. Went to Frost’s and watched Young Ones. Met James and Greg. Had a laugh – remembering things. Watched Young Ones again on their video. Got back at 12.

6th June 1984
Got up at 10. Went to Wimborne to get stuff for Jasp. Met Jim. Had a chat. Came back. Gave Jasp – weedkiller. Came back then went back down. Did bloody everything. Made a fire jump which I went over. Came back again. Zoe rang. Had a decent chat. Cleaned (?) out. Went back down. Tried to start a fire. Martin got in a shit, literally. Had a laugh down at the school. Shit up Beki, Dandy and Becky. I hate Beki Houldey.

7th June 1984
Can’t remember much but I must’ve gone down to the track cos I didn’t do anything else. I was out this evening cos I missed Porridge. Jasper got done for making fireworks. Rode around the school on my moped. Had a laugh generally anyway. Me and Muz talked til about 10.30 and I came back.

8th June 1984
Went to Wimborne. Met Fog. We went to the Job Centre. I came back. Went down the track. Rung Jez up. He was going to Wimborne Disco. I went over to his place. Ben’s mum took us to Wimborne. Bought some booze. Saw Rupert the fucking cunt. Saw Jim. Jez went into the disco – the wally. Me and Ben stayed outside and drank people’s drinks. Ben got totally pissed and I was pissed. Rupert’s mum brought us back. Other things happened too daft to mention.

9th June 1984
Rupert’s mum brought Jez over to my place at 12. We didn’t get to sleep til 4. Woke up at 11. Did more on tape. Gave out leaflets on way to Houldey’s. Dandy was wearing a minidress – cor. Pissed off for a while. Mum took Jez home. I went on me bike. Me and Jez went to Ben’s. He seemed alright. He reckons Hatchard broke his nose. So we’ll have him. Had a chat with Ben’s mum. Came back blah blah blah.

10th June 1984
Got up. Went to Wimborne. Folk Festival was on. Mum was there. Didn’t see many mates so came back. Did fuck all. Went to track. Football was on. England beat Brazil 2-0. Fuckin’ surprise or what? Watched Spitting Image which was good. Watched rest of Sybil while doing crosswords.

*The Week That Was – 21st May 1984

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Record of the week: Confessions of Sin – Confession, Self Abuse – Loose, PCH – (This is not) Call The Cops
Record of the month – Subhumans LP, Confessions of Sin (live)

21st May 1984
Was going to start The Scar last night but started it today instead. Read half of it then watched film – which was ok. Had a bath. Then went to Houldey’s. They were setting up their new suite. Came back. Rang Paul. Talked for a while. Found out Zoe rang, said she’d ring again tomorrow. Watched Hill Street Blues. Read some more then went to sleep.

22nd May 1984
Decided not to go to school. When I woke up I started reading book. Finished it at 4 o’clock. It was a good book. Haven’t been doing anything otherwise. Went to Houldey’s. Found out Kathryn will go out with me when she’s finished with whoever. Zoe rang and apologised for Saturday. Dunno what else I did. Drew In Execlsis on my wall. Went to sleep.

23rd May 1984
Woke up early for some reason. Jez came round at about 10. Jim came at 10.30. Drew things on wall. Decided to do some PCH. Went to Houldey’s. Only Beki was there. I came back and got some sugar. Took our tape back and played it. Came back and did some more PCH. Came in. Jim and Jez went. I went to Houdley’s. Went to get some petrol. Came back. Came back. Went to Jez’s. Had a shit game of snooker. JC was there – cunt. Went to Ben’s. Went to a barn (?) on my bike. Came back. Spurs won UEFA Cup on penalties. Film was shit.

24th May 1984
Woke up about 10.30. Took dog. Went to Wimborne. Saw Liz eh. Got haircut. Bought some paints and gel. Came back. Went to Houldey’s. Had a chat with Beki. Came back. Wrote some of book. Didn’t do fuck all. Went to Jez’s. We went to Ben’s, spent ages trying to find him. He was with Harrison. Recorded tape to tape – stuff for Crass. We left at 10. I got back at 10.30. Dunno what I did but it must’ve been good.

25th May 1984
Woke up. Got letter from Zoe. Photos returned – so I decided to take them back to Bernice. Went to Wimborne – she weren’t home. Went round town. Saw a few old faces but not Bernice. Went to Jim’s. They’d just left to go to Poole. Left photos at Jim’s. Came home. Went to Jez’s to get money he owed me. Went to Houldey’s. Good news. Kathryn will go out with me. I think I was supposed to ring her but I’m not sure. Came home. Rang Paul and Andy. There’s a gig tomorrow at the squat but I can’t go. Went to sleep.

26th May 1984
Woke up. Watched TV. Was going to go to Wimborne but couldn’t be fucked – too wet. Got petrol and paper. Finished another book – Tarotown. Watched England V Scotland (1-1). Started Beast on my wall. Went to Houdley’s, no one there apart from Mr. H. Came back. Started painting the Beast’s head. Finished at about 11.20 – looks fuckin’s superb. Pissed off cos I can’t get Kathryn’s phone number. Watched film – Harry In Your Pocket – good.

27th May 1984
Woke up 12.10. Did fuck all. Had a bath. (?) went to get cat for Lorna. Stewart gave my mum a fiver – I had £2. Ben came over. His mum took us to Jim’s. Jum’s old man took us down to Winton. Pissed around for an hour. Got tickets off Andy. Cinema was a pit. Takano – ok. COF – fuckin’ brilliant. Self Abuse – brilliant. Got chucked out of a pub. Mum collected us. Took Jim back. Ben stayed the night.

*The Week That Was – 14th May 1984

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Record of the week: New Model Army – Vengeance and Spirit of the Falklands (from Vengeance LP)

14th May 1984
Went to school. Did Office Practice – piss boring. Came home. Went down track. Came back. Did some drums. Took dog. Can’t remember anything else. Watched telly all night. Went to Houldey’s – everyone was there apart from Dandy. Came back. Watched Scully – fuckin’ ace – and Hill Street Blues.

15th May 1984
Got up 12. Went to Wimborne, saw everyone come out of school. Went to Simon’s – he was occupied with some bird. Came back. Went to Allenborne to see if Kathy was about. Came back. Read book. Had tez. Went to Jez’s. Had a decent game of snooker. (?) beat by one point 70-71. Came back. Watched Young Ones – better than last week. Doing more on wall. Went to sleep.

16th May 1984
Got up about 11. Started pissing and rode to school on moped. Had a H.E. exam which was shit. Got back, did this and that. Doing wall. Zoe rang. Had a fuckin’ shit talk. She started crying and hung up. Fuckin’ pissed me off. Went round Houldey’s – had a laugh. Went to sleep.

17th May 1984
Woke up 10. Went down track. Went to Wimborne on moped. Looked for Kathy. Vince and Rob looked at my bike. Came back. Pissed around doing this and that. Went over Jez’s. He told Roo he was chucked out of PCH. Had another decent game of snooker. Came back. Went to sleep.

18th May 1984
Managed to get up – but only just. Went in – R.E. (exam) – was fuckin’ shit. Christian this, Christian that. Wrote ten poems. Finished R.E. in half an hour. Went up Simon’s to get amp but he wasn’t in. Bought tons of grub. Went to Jez’s. Had a shit game of snooker. Jack Chickenshit being a cunt. Took Carly and Cilla back. Now I’m home.

19th May 1984
Jez came over. Went to Poole. He bought NMA. Got bass back. Scrounged money for a lead. Met these girls who gave us some fags. Came back. Went to Three Legged Cross to get my amp. Got Shirl’s amp. Pissed around. Shirl came round. He went. We did some more. Went to Houldey’s – no one there. Came back. Had tea. Did some more. Sharon and Zoe rang. Zoe was in a shit still. Pigs came round and did us for playing too loud. Went to Houldey’s. Beki and Dandy were swimming. Came back. Went back at 10.45. They came back. We came back home.

20th May 1984
Playing PCH til 3 and went to sleep. Got up 10.30-ish. Fixed my bike so Jez could get home. He went. I took dog. Went to Houldey’s. Beki was going with Mini somewhere. I came back. Took Mat’s amp back. Dandy was there. Walked back. Went to Jim’s – took Subhumans LP. Had some food. Watched Spitting Image. Cane back. Roads were a cunt. Went to sleep.