Month: July 2020

Pleasure’s real or is it fantasy? – 21st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Dark and rainy but I’m happy. Five-minute exercise with a few squats and foot exercises – can I fix my feet? Dream – I know I didn’t want to wake up because I wanted to know what happened but now I don’t remember what it was about. Earlier I dreamt about giving Matthew Sherlock (an old school friend) a blow job – he had a skinny dick. What’s the meaning?

I’ve been thinking recently about how over time everyone will be more open to each other about any sexuality so that we will all experiment with everything. A few generations away. Have a good day Shaun – happy.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that is easy for me to listen to podcasts in the car and I’m enjoying listening to this one (You Don’t Know Mojack) about all the SST releases. Very interesting.

To-do list

  • #1 – awards game
  • Gratitude, mantra, compliments
  • Listen first, speak later

These entries seem to be going a little by the wayside at the moment. A little because I have been busy transferring old DVD burns back to mp4 files. I mentioned to George that I was doing this and he asked me ‘why’, as if he couldn’t comprehend it.

It made me wonder a little too and I realised that I enjoy cataloguing and ordering things. I always seem to be in this process. Now I’m looking at my photos, physical and on my computers, cataloguing my life and 1994 diary, CDs, music files etc. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. It’s mostly pointless and time-consuming but for some reason, it makes me happy.

School has been fun and I’m enjoying teaching these new classes. The environment and other teachers are all pleasant and contribute significantly to the good feeling. I feel good and self-confident almost all the time now.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #48 – 18th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Lindsay Cooper, Unrest, Work and Play, Boss Hog, Sonic Youth, Code of Honor, Gas Rag, The Cichlids, False Prophets, Buff Medways, Fun Things, Fire Engines, XTC, Electric Prunes, Blues Inc, Thug, Arcwelder, Void, Makimakkuk, OMFO, Orthrelm and Park Ji Yoon.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my patience and care for Amy and for being able to turn an annoying situation into an ok one. I left her with Bee and George in the nightclub and tried to sleep in the car which was difficult but eventually, I ended up listening to music on my iPod. Listening to the Van Pelt and US Maple made me happy. Instead of thinking I had to suffer being uncomfortable until Amy was ready to leave I told myself that I get a chance to listen to great music.

Can I have the key? – 17th July 2020

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Wake up at night and clench my jaw when I stretch – stupid. Brain jukebox – Volcano Suns – Medicine Cabinet. What a brain! Five days habit morning – losing a little weight – now steadily under 80 kg – happy with that.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my long-running laptop. It keeps on chugging along.

To-do list

  • Awards game all the time – play it!
  • Turn the awards game into compliments
  • Smile, talk less, listen more

I did play the awards game and turned a couple into compliments (on Friday) but forgot after that – why don’t I remember? Will try again.

Went out with Amy on Friday night and whilst she and everyone else were drinking, I decided not to – knowing what I would feel like on Saturday. Everyone was having a good time but I was super tired and went to the car to rest and listen to music. Despite being uncomfortable in the car I was in a positive mood and turned it into ‘getting to listen to my music’ instead of ‘having to wait for Amy’.

Needless to say, I felt good on Saturday morning and Amy struggled through the day! I even managed to get up early on Sunday and do my 5-minute exercise routine which made me feel great for the rest of the day until about 6 pm when I got tired and went to bed (to read).

I also didn’t eat much this weekend and got back under 79kg again. I want to keep going and burn off the rest of this belly fat.

I spoke to Hayden over the weekend and he sounded much better than before. His speech was clear and his ideas had more clarity too. He said he hasn’t smoked pot for 30 days now. That’s great to hear. I’m so happy to hear him sound more positive at last.

Classes have been going well. The kids are working me out and they make me laugh. I’m not taking things too seriously now – just try to enjoy our time with each other in the class.

We got that attitude! – 15th July 2020

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Weird dreams – girl on bus wanted sex. I was taking care of a package but don’t know why. Ended up meeting old friends. I lost my bike – went to a record store that was also a bar. Az worked there – he got hit by a payphone that fell off the wall – I felt like it was my fault. He let me into a weird place with lots of people who wanted to dose me with drugs and kill me. I got this from reading the beginning of the Hendrix book.

Up early today – at school by eight, in new room. Tired but happy. Cats came to visit my room. Tigger wanted to spray. Maybe he did.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have any lessons today so I can plan for my next video.

To-do list

  • Smile, laugh – listen, listen, listen ✅
  • Compliment two people ✅
  • Play the awards game in your head ✅
  • Who can you connect with? ½
  • Record for Bruce if time

I went to the dentist on Wednesday so didn’t get time to write here but it was a good cruisy day with some video-making and writing. I followed the same points above today and did OK but sometimes I think I still talk more than I need to and should listen more. I did remember to compliment people – two on Wednesday but only one today. I really really want to remember to play the awards game because when I do remember it makes me laugh inside and feel happy.

On Wednesday I connected a little with JJ and First but now everyone is busy with teaching so there is little time left to try and go a little deeper with people. I had a couple of difficult classes today though there were a few students who stood out. I hope I can encourage the others to open up and participate more. It’s early days.

Two students fell asleep in my afternoon class and I got the rest of the kids to creep out quietly and we let them sleep. They thought that was funny and everyone had a break.

We found that attitude! – 14th July 2020

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Quick today – teaching today finally. Brain in gear? Brain in gear – ready to go. Stay with it. Make it fun for the kids.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be in the classroom again. It gives me some confidence, I know I can do a good job.

To-do list

  • Compliment everyone you can ½
  • Mantra and blessing ½
  • Keep students happy – teaching is second ✅
  • Smile, laugh, listen first ½

I was very happy today. Possibly a little too exuberant but I couldn’t help myself. I should try to reign it in a little bit though as sometimes I get too comfortable and forget about how I make other people feel.

I only ended up teaching one lesson this morning – and then made a video. Being with the students again made me happy.

Later, as we discussed the schedule I offered to take 2 lessons each from George and Dylan as they are the subject I’m supposed to be teaching anyway. This meant less work for them and more for me but I felt good about that because it means I can monitor the progress of the students easily. I’m also happy to be working in the class more.

Even the bad news that we now have to arrive before 8 am couldn’t get me down today. We’ve had it easy for a long time really – we’ve been very lucky.

We’re gonna carry on for another day – 13th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Quick pages. Dark and raining, cool and humid. Motivated this morning but teeth hurt. Dream? I know I had them.

Suck in deep breaths. Mini workout – my style – one day I’ll do more. Slowly, slowly is okay.

Busy day ahead? Maybe – let’s see – can face anything now right? You can, you can. Brain blur – meditate.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my new chair so I can relax outside and watch the football. I felt great.

7th Sep 2022 – I was trying to think what this chair was and suddenly remembered. It was a kind of comfy padded folding chair without legs so you could adjust it in many ways. It was good for a while but the arm mechanism soon broke and one drunken evening Amy kept tripping over it and picked it up and threw it into the yard where it broke even further. I think it must still be in my man cave, which is a place I need to visit and make sure has not been fully taken over by spiders and insects and hope that the roof has not leaked with all the rain. About 95% of my CD collection is still in there.

To-do list

  • Compliment two people ½
  • Mantra and blessing ✅
  • Give Dylan positive feedback ✅
  • Be vulnerable – open and helpful to other teachers ✅
  • Record audio for Bruce in the evening

After a fairly relaxing day of making videos and preparing to make more, we finally got asked to teach in the classroom. Actually, I had already gotten a little bored and helped T. First in a couple of lessons already and I found them quite stimulating and fun.

Finally, we get to teach – it’s been so long! I felt good all day and fairly confident about everything.