“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
I am so happy and grateful to be going to school this week and actually having something to do. When there’s nothing to do everything seems so pointless just to be there. I can feel a normal thinking stress in my body now as I try to work out how to do things – it looks like we have to teach online and I haven’t done that with a big class before.
Kim Chi was sleeping a lot. It’s normal for cats, we know. She still rolled and stretched herself and purred at a tummy rub. Her body felt hot – not so strange for a cat that has been curled up and the outside temperature is close to 40 degrees. But this type of hot, which I cannot ideally name, didn’t feel quite right. To describe it, it is not like a surface heat but a heat radiating from inside, under the fur, skin and meat.
And then she stopped eating. Again, this happens sometimes when it’s too hot – just a loss of appetite. But these signs combined led us to a trip to the vet – again – she was there only three weeks ago for a fighting wound.
Her temperature was high so they ran some blood tests which indicated that she has measles. Our neighbour had recently told us that many cats in the village had died from measles so this news was a little worrying. Then on top of that the tests also showed she has leukaemia…. This will most likely mean a shortened life and complications with any illnesses she may have.
This news is devastating but I also tried to be rational and consider that she was delivered to us in a bucket, on the way to the temple where she most likely would have led a terrible life. We have given her love and a home she may not have received otherwise. I hope her weak little body can fight through this illness. We cherish every day with the love of our cats. As arrogant, yet more loveable than most humans.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful we decided to take Kim Chi to the vet as we found out she has caught measles and they did more tests and found she also has leukaemia. It’s sad but at least we can try to help her with this knowledge.
30th May 2023 – She struggled and strived, using up her nine lives. You leave the biggest hole in my heart.
I am so happy and grateful to Aing and Maeve who trust Amy and myself for advice. Even if we feel we can’t help them much it makes me feel appreciated.
I love to watch the mountains in any season but in the breaks of rain, it’s fantastic to watch the clouds drop down into the valleys to give more depth and definition to the peaks on the horizon. It’s lovely to watch the rain out of the window.
The mountains advance from their cover
Mad swirling whispers rise and grey
Filled to dripping with lumps of water
The jungle climbing up trees to sway
The streams are full, crabs are caught
In plastic buckets and crowded net
Paddies complete for more life to rise
First came the sun and now the wet
We’re ten rounds in to the Australia Rules Football season and as my team, Sydney Swans, is doing better this year than the last couple, I look forward to the weekends when I can catch up with the game. I can’t afford to watch the games live anymore and have to wait the following day to watch the (free) replay, meanwhile doing whatever I can to avoid seeing the result anywhere, which is not always easy.
One player in the team is Nick Blakey and he cuts an unusual figure, tall, skinny and shoulders that seem to fall away from his neck down to his elbows. His odd gait when he is running has earned him the, hopefully lighthearted, nickname of the Lizard. Once hearing this, it is impossible not to see a Jesus lizard scampering across water when he goes tearing off down field.
So, anyway, the word Lizard has been on my mind and I will probably listen to the Jesus Lizard when I get home tonight. And, yesterday, the blue headed beauty in the main picture above blocked my exit from the car park, and luckily didn’t run away until I’d gotten out and taken a photo.
The little lizard below often greets me on the stone pillar of our gate when I get home. He’s got some cute symmetrical markings. His many, many brothers and sisters leave piles of black turds around the floor and counter edges throughout our house. And sometimes our cats deliver us some mid sized lizards that manage to escape their jaws and scitter off under the fridge or washing machine, only to appear later, high up on the screen doors frustrated that they can’t get out.
Nothing beats that time Amy, barefoot, trod on a huge dead gecko that, presumably, Tigger had left as a present in the dining room. I say presumably Tigger as this lizard was as big as Kim Chi and Cappuccino is too dumb to catch anything that size. Amy hates geckos with a passion but I think they’re beautiful – not that I want to touch it. Her scream range out across the valley and I’m surprised the police didn’t come.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to go on a long drive today and get out of home. It was a struggle.
Forcing myself to notice the pictures and decorations on the walls in different places. Strangely, this was a tough one and it made me realise that I don’t go to many different places, especially during these difficult pandemic times. Of course, it may be that I did go to many places but didn’t notice the pictures on the wall!
Gratitude Journal
I’m so happy and grateful to be able to stand in our garden at night and watch all the fireflies buzzing around. To feel the warm air surround my skin and to stare at the moon and wonder if I could go there. It seems close enough to touch.
The best thing about today was thinking and writing my way out of a funk. Last night, I was a little cranky, and Amy was drinking again. I was in bed, and she came in to play, but I wasn’t really in the mood. Then she bit my face, and I pushed her off me. She felt insulted and complained that I don’t love her anymore and walked out. I was tired and annoyed, and although I was thinking about these words, I was so tired I fell asleep and didn’t even hear Amy come to bed.
I was woken up during the night, having a dream that Amy was getting too friendly with Ben, another of the teachers we know, and after that, it was difficult to get back to sleep.
I snoozed my alarm, and Amy didn’t bother to get up in the morning, but before I left, I told her that I was worried about her still. She said she was the one who should be worried. I get really upset when she’s drinking and says things like ‘you don’t love me anymore’ just because I’m annoyed with her behaviour at the time.
This morning, I couldn’t feel my way out of this darkness, but eventually, by the afternoon,n I was feeling OK. Not brilliant, but OK. However, Amy was in a short and bad mood when I got home due to an upset stomach and problems with something she was trying to bake.
I thought we could go for a drive tomorrow – it’s a holiday here again. Amy asked ‘Where?” but I just don’t care where – just get out of the house and see what is out there. We both know that there is nothing out there but it’s just a distraction from staying home again.
*The .7 was bleeding through the page. The .5 is good for this paper I’m writing on at the moment.
*Re-arrangement of text from Ursula LeGuin’s ‘The Dispossessed’
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my pleasant relaxing weekend away from school. For a weekend of many cold showers to cool down and wipe away the sweat. For the delicious strawberry ice cream and tasty pineapple Amy prepared.
*pilfered and inspired by David Foster Wallace’s ‘Infinite Jest’
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for a relaxing Sunday morning with coffee and a book and then a couple of hours watching football. A little cooler today, thankfully, though still hot. The future is looking bright (if you close your eyes to other things!).
I am so happy and grateful to Benjii – a long-time collaborator with tenzenmen and his help with working with Trumans Water – one of my favourite bands. It gives me a further source of pride for the things I have been able to do with the label.
1994ever 