Month: November 2022

Someone Else – 20th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Confident and handsome
A mirror, to make smiles
Smart enough to understand
Dumb enough to be ignorant
Wanting for nothing
Always in control
The best of health
Someone else

How much pain have cost the evils which have never happened!

Thomas Jefferson

Today I’m feeling:
Tired but happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Little Amy being her usual happy self. Her own energy rubs off on me and pushes me even though I’m tired. I need it. I need to move my body despite everything inside me telling me not to.
The best thing about today was:
Cleaning, moving, cutting, planting things in the garden with Amy and enjoying the fruits of our labour.
Does your family make any special dishes for the holidays?
My family? Who is that these days? Amy will make special dishes but doesn’t need a holiday to do that. This app like many things one might come across on the Internet is US-centric and is referring to Thanksgiving but this annoys me really. Most of the world does not live in the US or celebrate Thanksgiving or the genocide of indigenous populations. I felt the same in Australia when people always talked about the seasons not thinking that half the world doesn’t follow the same seasons! So, in general, in short, I guess my answer is no. With a cherry on top.

I took this picture because my student Anchan took my phone and replaced my Gloomy wallpaper with her selfies so I had to find some new Gloomy wallpaper images. I love Gloomy, and Anchan too!

Famous For Less Than 15 Minutes – 19th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

His name is in the papers
Overcome with joy
Running around excited
As a little boy
There, upon a page
Was indeed his name
A minor accident
Bought a day of fame
It surely won’t last
As other events soon came
But it was still a source
Of pride just the same

inspired by an Anton Chekov short story

Coould be worse, think of all those poor people who have to answer emails in an office all day.

from Soaring Twenties Social Club newsletter

Today I’m feeling:
Exhausted
Today I’m grateful for:
Our old vacuum cleaner that still soldiers on despite all the cat hair and mummified lizards. The floor will look good for five minutes. As soon as the cats come in from outside bringing dust, dirt and grass with them it will be back to normal.
The best thing about today was:
Talking to Hayden for a good thirty minutes. He’d received the blog posts that I’d printed out for him and we chatted about those amongst other things. It was good to share with him and I think he appreciated my sending them.
Daily thought
What would you do with the ring of Gyges?
I’d like to think I would be a guiding hand for good. Stop cats and dogs from getting run over, and somehow help people make better decisions and not get stuck with problems. Perhaps I would be a little Robin Hood too though. Try to spread the wealth and happiness around further. It’s all perilous though. Maybe there’s a set balance in the world and for every good in one place something bad would still happen somewhere else. Maybe if just be a voyeur and trying to understand the ways people think about things.
Write about your favourite/worst haircut.
I liked my hair when it covered more of my head. I liked it when it was shaggy. I always like it messy too. I liked when it was blue too but that was only for one day as Amy refused to be seen with me with my hair that way. Haha.

I took this picture because Pi’ti was looking cute here and the only places I went today we’re here at Utopia and the car wash. Not many photo opportunities there.

Squash – 18th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some days feel so full of lack
And nothing goes right at all
Remember that you’ll be bouncing back
Just like a small black rubber ball

It is only when you meet someone of a different culture from yourself that you begin to realise what your own beliefs really are.

George Orwell, The Road To Wigan Pier

Today I’m feeling:
Good but a little frustrated.
Today I’m grateful for:
The couple of orders I received for tenzenmen products after a quick promo post a couple of days ago. I don’t sell much these days but I appreciate everyone who shows interest.
The best thing about today was:
Playing with Tangmo with the rope as I went off to the post office and market and him proudly running off and presenting the rope to the aunties back home. When I came back I rode up and collected it from auntie Sue and we both chuckled. Tangmo had gone off in search of other adventures by that time.
Daily thought
How are you going to remember to keep fighting when the storm is around you? Running away is the easy option and sometimes serves a purpose but how are you to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment and carry on?
What is your “grit” word?
A ‘grit’ word? Is this a thing now? A word to remind yourself to keep going? I could have done with that today. After leaving my class early because I was annoyed by the attitude of some students, I talked with Saipan later (she is one of the smarter, motivated ones) and told her I wasn’t happy with the classes behaviour today and she just looked at me and said ‘keep fighting ‘ like she was a wise old auntie. Keep fighting or ‘su-su’ in Thai is what everyone says to a complaint and in my mind, there’s an underlying implication of ‘shut up and get on with it.’ Maybe this is my grit word.

Someone took this picture because they need a friendly foreign face for the school promotional material and it was my turn. I seem to be looking off to the side but at least my eyes are open! The girl is JubJib, a smart one in my class who I can’t really teach as her skills far surpass many of the other students whose level I have to teach to.

God’s Deal – 17th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s catching up, chasing at our heels
Kicking guts and stabbing in the feels
Lumps are growing, now we’re knowing
This is the worst of God’s shitty deals

We stand before the world, in all its majesty and torment, and say ‘we mean something’ – we, who contribute in some way toward the betterment of the world; we, who have skin in the game; we, who improve matters; we, who care. We find, to our utter astonishment, that we have faith in ourselves.

Nick Cave

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The rain again. It’s not long since the rainy season ended but in that short time, the garden was getting parched and forcing me to water far more often than my laziness would like. But today, I can lie down and relax and watch the downpour doing the work for me.
The best thing about today was:
Taking about an hour to leave school as at every turn there were new groups of students wanting to chat. I had good conversations with many of them, my current students, my old students and even some I don’t teach.
Are you in control of your life?
As much as it is possible to be. So many factors can not be controlled and honestly, it is better that way.

I took this picture because this cutie was above the door into the bathroom at school and though the picture doesn’t show it is bigger than my hand. What a beauty.

Wind Up – 16th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a crowded room full of screaming
And I’m feeling out of control
I wish I was only bad-dreaming
As I’m sinking into this hole

I gotta leave here quick
Or something’s gonna blow
Not sure what’ll do the trick
I don’t know, I don’t know

Temperature rising to the max
Smoke coming out my ears
Gotta face up to the facts
Or it’s gonna end in tears

Ran myself out the door
Before I got to blow
I can’t do this anymore
I know, I know

How you confront difficulties with determine your fate.

Robert Greene, Daily Laws

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and satisfied
Today I’m grateful for:
Working for most of the day. Some days I’m happy to only have two classes (4 hours) and can relax and then sometimes on days like this with three classes (6 hours) I can feel happy and achieving something too. It helped that I’d planned well and that the students were in pretty good moods.
The best thing about today was:
Taking time to be one on one with some of the poorer or quieter students in my last class and seeing them start to understand more about what I’m asking them to do. It’s a little frustrating that some students get left behind in the melee of the full class especially when they can do the work if they take the time to understand. The pull of the crowd is strong though.
Daily thought
Do you have any hopes or fears?
I do but I don’t put much stock in them. For instance, I hope Amy can come back here and find some happiness and something to occupy her time effectively and I have some fear of packing up and moving back to Australia (fear of the logistics and effort) but at the same time I know that whatever happens everything will be ok. So I would downgrade fear and hope to preferences.
What do you think of the idea of living forever?
Just about everyone ponders this idea at one time or another. I first did after watching the first Highlander film or reading The Sandman and was quite into the idea. I once thought aloud that I would live to 300 which seems a little more reasonable. But to live forever means to live beyond the existence of the universe and forever would not just be a long time but would make our universe’s existence like just a pinprick in time. That does not seem amusing. Perhaps the joy of our lives is knowing that they will not last and why I enjoy the excitement and wonder of my students with whom I can still share in their dreams. I hope they can all find some satisfaction in their own lives.

Praewa took this picture because we were having fun in the classroom today and I was pretending to be angry. It’s funny to see this because I guess this is what I must look like sometimes when I am actually angry. Even my ‘bad’, ‘difficult’, and ‘annoying’ students were ok today.
Fatman report

My Cockroaches – 15th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Lizards are my cockroaches
Skittering everywhere
Hiding in dark corners
Always on a tear
Cats always chasing
Mostly without reward
Lizard shit on everything
Cannot be ignored
Second life and tailless
Laying eggs in sheets
Cute little babies run
And so it all repeats

We are so focused on improving our lives, we forget how to live them.

paraphrase Alan Watts

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Breaking routine and going to Sammakhi to meet Kamboom instead of going home straight after classes. Sometimes it takes an effort to get out of my comfort zone.
The best thing about today was:
Walking around Sammakhi with Kamboom and meeting a couple of other old students of mine. It was interesting to be on the grounds of another school and Kamboom is a good kid with a lot of potential and is in a good place to realise it. I also understand better that where I work isn’t so bad for the students when I consider that some of the old Anuban students are now at Sammakhi and they were very poorly skilled before. Sammakhi is supposed to be the better school but I imagine they also have to cater for a wide range of skill levels.
Daily thought
What are you in doubt about at the moment?
I doubt when I talk myself into it.
I have felt doubt about how things will be when Amy returns but when I’m thinking about it now I know everything will be fine.
I doubt myself on bad days at school but that turns around when the next day is fine. These doubts are good reminders though, not to take things for granted.
Who is your favourite singer or musical artist right now?
At my age, it is so difficult to answer a question like this. There’s too much information in my head, too many favourites from the past, from maybe yesterday to last week, year or decade. Why even force a decision like this? It’s a conversation question but not really a journal question. 20-year-old me wouldn’t even hesitate to answer this though. Is 55-year-old me smarter or wiser?

I took this picture because Don’s new puppy was at 22 Grams today and I haven’t met before. The same type of dog as Amy’s dad and just as bouncy and active.

They Shook Hands – 14th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Smiling for the camera
Deceptive poker plays
Air pushed in translation
No thunder today

Arm wrestle the future
Knives behind backs
Until advantage found
In what the other lacks

Back to the big oak table
For diplomatic fire
Promises made and broken
As new demands require

All the hands now shaken
To sighs of relief
Yet rendered in denial
And insincere belief

31st Mar 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt

I shall vomit back onto my contemporaries the disgust they inspire in me…

Gustav Flaubert

Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good though my students were very raucous today.
Today I’m grateful for:
The guy at the food stall who gave me a sesame-covered glutinous rice ball to try as I went out after class with the kids to get snacks.
The best thing about today was:
Getting the ironing done before Amy is back. I don’t want her to feel that she has to iron my shirts. Time went quick enough as I watched videos whilst doing them.
Daily thought
An example of good coming from a bad experience.
When going through the bad experience you feel as if nothing good could ever come out of that sick feeling. It is only on reflection that growth is recognised. Bad experiences include getting dumped and cheated on, being treated with contempt by bosses, and being made a scapegoat. To think about recent times would be how my first two teaching experiences dealing with the administrative system totally sucked but out of that I ended up where I am now where I am much happier.
Do you have a life partner?
Oh yes indeed. My lovely little Amy.

I took this picture because this is what happens when the kids take my phone to take pictures with. Bless them.

The Calmers – 13th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Take a deep breath
Still that thrashing heart
Stop for a second
Before you fall apart

Not the time to run
Bouncing around
Turn the TV on
Until you’re settled down

Upon the fields of friendly strife are sown the seeds that, upon other fields, on other days will bear the fruits of vistory.

General MacArthur

Today I’m feeling:
am: tired pm: lively
Today I’m grateful for:
The afternoon coffee that is keeping me up late right now. I’m glad I forced myself to get out this afternoon as I had a quick midday nap and could’ve just spent the rest of the day lazing around.
The best thing about today was:
Going to Daytripper as just described and finding that the girl working there is someone I often see at Utopia reading books but we’ve never spoken. As I paid to leave she asked how the coffee was and we chatted a little. Her name is Natalie and now we have a basis to talk in the future. There was also a group of the barista’s friends there playing a card game and just as I was getting energy back from the coffee I really wanted to ask them if I could join but by then I had to get home to feed the cats. A missed opportunity to make some new acquaintances but I’ll be sharper next time
Daily thought
Do you complain too much?
Maybe. It is definitely not at a level I left the UK with and I think I still continue to improve on this but as with these things you generally don’t tend to notice yourself when you are doing it. So I’m saying maybe because I don’t think I do complain too much these days but I may be missing it.
Do you ever see wild animals?
Can I include my students?
Snakes, lizards, birds and some mad insects. I don’t think there are any big cats in Thailand and any elephant I’ve seen is no longer wild.

I took this picture because the stupa on the hill is a landmark letting me know I’m near home. This shot was in the golden hour taken from Daytripper across the rice fields. I’m not tired of rice field shots but they never quite catch the experience. Maybe I should crack out the big camera and see how that performs.

Daisy – 12th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There she is, dressed in black
She’s clinging to my arm
There’s no way to take her back
But there’s no cause for alarm
Even though she’s hurting me
I know it will be ok
And not everyone will see
That she is here to stay

Western civilisation is a story of full bellies and starving hearts. Of a feast of information and a famine of truth.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and dizzy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The girls at the tattoo studio again for doing a great job. They don’t mess around and just get on with the work. Again, I was out by midday and on my way home.
The best thing about today was:
My new tattoo, obviously!

I took this picture because it’s fresh.

The Myths We Made – 11th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

So much for the myths we made
Throwing rocks at the running police
Looking out from the tenth-floor flat
And dreaming of release

The tunes were busting on the stereo
And cigarette smoke filled the room
Bass was shaking the floor below
They were banging with a broom

Nothing to do and nowhere to go
We made fists and painted shirts
Promised ourselves we’d never stop
No matter how much it hurts

Time went on and the myths grew large
So much, they hung around our necks
Weighed down with hypocrisy
Until the truth could no longer flex

The tragedy of being human is that even when we are doing our best to be kind and compassionate, sometimes we still hurt and get hurt by others. In moments like this, I believe that compassion becomes a matter of faith: Choosing to believe in our own innate goodness, even when others refuse to see it; and choosing to believe in the goodness of others, even when they are refusing to show it.

Kai Cheng Thom

Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to accompany Amy via video call as she makes her drunken way from the city to her home in the early hours.
The best thing about today was:
Talking to Jochen for a two-and-a-half-hour catch-up on things. It felt very comfortable and natural even though we haven’t talked except via messages for more than a year. We have a common understanding born from our musical backgrounds despite having variations in taste. We get it. Jochen is one of my tribe.
Daily thought
Do you remember a time you let something external bother you too much?
Yes, too many times, unfortunately. Sometimes the situation feels like it can’t be escaped due to financial responsibility and risk for example quitting a job to get away from a shitty manager. In cases like that, it feels like having no control and I couldn’t be brave enough to get away. Perhaps ego also plays a part and wanting to be right to the detriment of my own health. Looking back it is easier to see that I could have understood the situation better and concentrated on the things that I could control rather than get upset about the things I couldn’t. Just thinking about some of those situations now though still winds me up so I wonder if I could behave better if it happened again. I’m weak and in denial. Maybe one day I’ll get it!
Write a thank you letter to someone you love.
Well, I didn’t do this specifically but I did get a burst of energy today writing emails about vinyl production and south-east Asian touring possibilities. Talking with Jochen for a couple of hours sort of fills this criterion too. I don’t consider myself to have many good friends but I love those that I do have and that includes Jochen. He’s one of the good ones.

I took this picture because I was surprised to see this little fella just sitting here camouflaged in the early evening. Better than finding them dried up under the sofa!