Month: February 2023

百年羞耻 – 8th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The body was weak with a cancer at the heart
Viruses found a way in to rip it all apart
Poison took hold and began to stake a claim
So began the one hundred years of shame

Infection spread to disable all the limbs
Antibodies form and internal war begins
Now a puppet left to play in a rotten game
Raped and tortured by a hundred years of shame

Slowly, slowly the body returns to balance
Both yin and yang improve upon their talents
Heads held higher to rise above the strain
The beginning of the end of a hundred years of shame

Now the muscles flex, the body’s lesson learned
At unity with the brain, power has returned
No matter the want, things are not the same
Since the end of a hundred years of shame

Today I’m feeling:

Content and energised. A long walk in the jungle and a dip in the freezing water under the waterfall really got my blood flowing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Aing and Now paying for my lunch which we had at the restaurant in the stream. All the food was delicious. Spicy seafood salad, Tom Yum soup, veggie fried rice, deep-fried fish and squid.

The best thing about today was:

Getting under the waterfall and having the air sucked out of my lungs. It was freezing and invigorating and I felt cosy once I got my shorts and t-shirt on again. I should sleep well tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night I found Kim had a scratch on her head and was limping again, presumably from fighting, so I decided to keep her in again. I really want her to enjoy the freedom to be outside but she just can’t stay out of trouble. I’ll start putting her back in her room at night again from tomorrow.

Right now she’s in our walk-in where she’s content to recover as best she can. She still seems happy enough and is eating fine. Hopefully, she gets better soon.

Something I learned today?

There was an earthquake in Turkey and Syria a couple of days ago and China has already got people on the ground there helping. In comparison, the USA has sanctions in place for Syria which hampers Western allies’ possible efforts to help.

Syria is already crippled by civil war and US military involvement as well, removing their oil to be kept in a safe place ie. the USA!

I’m coming to respect China more and more every day. I just hope they can avoid getting dragged down by the bullying tactics of the West.

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

Taking this question literally, the word is probably ‘Mine.’

I took this picture because this was the destination for today. Khun Korn waterfall. Aing and Now said they wanted to come here as they never did during the time they were studying in Chiang Rai. They’d been busy until today so today it had to be. Just by chance, at school this morning, I met Kru Mai and Kru Karn waiting to be picked up and I guessed they were going camping with scouts. I asked them where the campsite was and it was also at Khun Korn! So I made sure to go and surprise my old students whilst visiting. They all told me that they weren’t having fun but it looked like they were really!

Almost – 7th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You became the master of money
And accumulated great wealth
Became a master of muscles
And maintaining physical health
But that final puzzle piece
Is still hidden as if by stealth
Couldn’t master your mind
Couldn’t master yourself

18th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed, waiting for the sun to drop so I can do some watering again. I’m hoping for an early rainy season again but I think this year may be long and dry, unfortunately.

Today I’m grateful for:

Manus at the post office for always being helpful and friendly and trying to help me remember the Thai word for ‘registered’.

The best thing about today was:

A long chat with Amy about different ideas and plans for the future.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had just gotten on a roll with updating more blog entries when Fui came to House and we started talking. I’m never sure how long he will stay but I decided I had no hurry today and we ended up chatting for about 90 minutes. We often go over the same things but we learn a little more about each other each time. At points, I was keen to get back to what I was doing but I told myself to relax and enjoy this time.

Something I learned today?

You can buy a cock ring called the Tally Wacker that counts your thrusts when fucking. I’m not sure if it syncs with your health devices but maybe 100 thrusts equals a calorie?

What is one lesson I am learning right now?

We’ll have to generalise ‘right now’ a little because if taken literally all I’m learning is what I can remember from ‘around’ ‘right now’!

I’m learning a little how to relax and even be bored again. This week involves a lot of TV and reading, playing guitar and listening to music. Much like many other weeks but interspersed with even less teaching than usual.

It’s taken me a long time to learn to relax and in the back of my mind, I’m confident that when the time comes necessary I will be able to get right back on my game again.

I took this picture because I wanted a different angle to look at the garden. I like this mini bamboo plant that apparently cats like to eat. Not sure ours ever do though. The leafless frangipani has more focus than the other trees near it which are also now losing their leaves. The frangipanis are just starting to show leaves sprouting through now. You can also spy the tops of some of our cacti too.

Letter to future me (sent 7th Feb 2022)

Dear FutureMe,

It’s the 7th of February 2022 and I’m sitting in the cafe, Le Paradis, next door to CRPAO, where I am currently an English teacher. It’s scout week and us farang teachers have nothing to do for this whole week. I’ve decided to clock in, show my face and go home again unless anyone wants me to do anything.

I’m feeling pretty happy these days. Amy has been in Australia for a week now and has gotten herself a job already, which she will start in March, after travelling to Albury and Adelaide first to visit friends.

Tomorrow I will go to visit Bruno and Nut for dinner and on Sunday Aing and Now will come to stay for a few days, for Aing’s graduation ceremony. She will look around the area with the intention to start some sort of business here, which is great news. It will give us a local cat sitter that we can trust!

By the time you are reading this, it’s possible you are no longer working – that might even happen as early as the end of the semester in March. Whatever happens, it will be ok, though I’m enjoying having access to almost all my income for a change.

I am still thinking too much about George and the way he is treating me but I am slowly able to push it aside, made easier by just avoiding him at work. I don’t feel anything bad towards him. He obviously feels hurt by my actions towards him, which in my mind have been fairly minimal and understated. He seems to have a higher expectation and can’t deal with that not being met. At least that’s how see it, with the little that I managed to get out of him to try and find out his true feelings.

Everything I accuse him of, I can accuse myself. It doesn’t matter. We’re just not compatible but I don’t let that interfere with staying polite.

I have written many times about my ability to keep myself (my mind) occupied and I don’t easily succumb to loneliness. I would rather be alone than struggle to maintain a difficult friendship. Perhaps this is something that I will improve on in the future but I am happy with myself the way I am. Real, good friends will find their way to each other.

Do I want to tell you anything? Just keep going. You’ve done so well to get where you are now. This year is looking bright to me, right now, with so many possibilities. Some will happen, others will wait.
I’ll go and make some music.

PS – look at your blog for this day in the past, over the years. Do you notice anything?

FutureMe – take it easy.

Ritual Of Panic – 6th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s no rest for the wicked
And no rest for those of virtue
Adrift in a world that never sleeps
The feeling of dread is gonna get you

Gasps of dismay at faint sleights
A skin now brittle and thin
This ritual of panic has become
The default state to be in

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.

Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!

Something I learned today?

The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!

What do you think gets better with age?

I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.

I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.

The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular.
Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow.
And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry.
Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter.
I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently.
And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything.
I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.

The Black Monk – 5th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Approaching from the horizon
Shrinking as getting nearer
A cloud-like hallucination
With a face forming clearer

And words whispered soft
Agreeable to the heart
The mirage matters not
As it hastens to depart

Soon a regular visitor
To discuss things of great import
To soothe a troubled soul
Where madness is said to cavort

And to banish the monk black
Is a mistake of pure vanity
As real life makes its attack
Upon one’s prevailing sanity

So despair visits the garden
For one more forming of breath
A reminiscence of loving times
Before submission unto death

inspired by the Anton Chekov short story of the same name

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and run out of energy during the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The water from the ground that is down there somewhere in the earth and finds its way to the pipes in our house so we can drink wash and feed our garden. I don’t understand how it works and I hope it never stops working!

The best thing about today was:

Riding my pushbike to Utopia and back this morning before it got too hot was a pleasant little exercise that my body and brain enjoyed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The only things out of my control today were trivial and inconsequential and were handled by just getting on with it (as my mum would say).

Something I learned today?

From an online video, I learned what to do at Thai police checkpoints. Be calm. Don’t offer money but wait until the police want to deal and then negotiate. The Thai Tourist Police number is 1155. Don’t go to the police station. You are entitled to record the officer’s information and film them inspecting bags.

Reflect on a meaningful experience I had this week.

It has been nice to see the two students I helped get antidepressant medication appear to be improving, at least from what they are telling me. Another one that confides in me though still seems to be struggling. I talk to them when I can but can only help so much.

I took this picture because P’ti fled out the door at Utopia as someone came in to buy coffee. Art caught him and sat him and the bench where P’ti spied on birds in the field like a Kilroy!

Semantic Shift – 4th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Opinions formed around the scantest of facts
Reinforce the feeling to sit back and relax
Delegated control to the seats of power
Surveilled to submission from the tallest tower

Freedom enforced with lies told twice
Stock up on guns is the latest advice
The hole keeps growing for the empire to fall
Where democracy now means nothing at all

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and energetic

Today I’m grateful for:

This Chinese New Year peanut brittle I bought at Makro. It’s slightly crystallised from being in the fridge and is crunchy. I’ve eaten a whole tub today so I’ll be way over any normal sugar quota. My mum used to love peanut brittle, though had to stop eating it because of her teeth and dentures but I never liked it much back then.

The best thing about today was:

Having a list of household tasks to complete and getting them all done. No reading, writing or blogging today, though I did get in a bit of guitar.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The price of a cup of coffee has gone up at Utopia. What can I do? Buy less peanut brittle I guess.

Something I learned today?

I feel like I didn’t learn very much today! Or nothing particular that I didn’t already know or have an opinion on. One thing I remember from a couple of days ago was a comment about how the ‘international media ‘ as the West understands only covers about 15% of the world’s population. Hmmm…

What are three things I am grateful for today?

The fan that has been cooling me all day now that it’s humid again.
Bandcamp for having so much great music out there to discover. Today I found Focusrights who are awesome!
The hair bleach that I received from online shopping and had burned my hair a crispy yellow shade to disguise all the white.

I took this picture because it’s hot already and the cats are losing hair and staying cool by rolling onto their backs.

Balloon – 3rd February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Let go and let fly
Gathering data from the sky
To understand a stormy why

Unsteered and set adrift
To heavens, the air will lift
Arriving as an unwanted gift

A drama begins to bloom
Gossipped hot air fills the room
Fills and refills the balloon

Tricked and deceived by lies
It comes to no one’s surprise
The balloon contained no spies

Debut album for Melbourne Noise Punks Ad Interim
now available for pre-order on vinyl with two bonus tracks unavailable elsewhere at adinterim.bandcamp.com/merch or stockrecordsperth.bandcamp.com/merch

A joint release by Tenzenmen and Stock Records

CD/digital originally released April 11, 2022

Guitar + Vocals – Max Ducker
Bass – Michael McQueen
Drums – Roger Newall
Guest vocals on “Sideways” – Prue Elyn

Recorded and Mixed at Cellar Sessions Studio by Max Ducker.
www.cellarsessionsstudio.com
Mastered By Alan Smith at Bergerk Studios

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and a little rundown. Reasonably happy though despite some of my annoying students.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady who I bought the salted fish from as she gave me extra sauce. Not that I could use it today. One pack is sure to be burning my ass tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying my classes and students despite what I mention below. We had a playful time and enjoyed learning and carried on into the playground during lunchtime.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As usual, it was some of my students and their disrespectful attitudes and I handled it by kicking them out of my class. Other students asked if I was angry or upset but I wasn’t. I told them I was happy now that those students were gone. I think they were happy too.

Something I learned today?

I learned not to give Cap and Tig the special treats we have as it’s only for Kim. I found out when Amy watched me feeding them via video call. I thought I’d seen her giving it to them before but I was mistaken.

What word or phrase would I like to give this year?

2023 – The Year of…..

Maybe this question will be better answered at the end of the year.

I took this picture because Tigger just loves the dust and dirt of our garden. I don’t know if it’s ever going to be possible to clean up his skin without keeping him inside, which he would hate.

Tough Haiku – 2nd February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Life is not easy
It is not supposed to be
Build up your wisdom

Today I’m feeling:

Happy but getting a little fatigued, maybe from pushing myself too hard with my morning exercise. But I need to keep pushing if I’m going to lose some belly fat.

Today I’m grateful for:

My tennis racket bug zapper. It’s supremely satisfying to hear the crackle of frying mosquitoes in its mesh as I wave it through the air.

The best thing about today was:

The positive response from the 4 students I sent messages to last night, telling them how well they are doing in class and for a couple of them to try and focus their friends too. Today’s class was much smoother and everyone seemed a little happier.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

If anything was out of my control today it didn’t have any noticeable effect on me.

Something I learned today?

I decided to look at the Guardian to see if there was anything I might learn that was in the news. I found very little. If each article just included facts about events they would be one paragraph long. It’s one of the reasons people only read headlines because there is little of consequence within.

What do you do to be involved in the community?

In general, due to my poor language skills, I don’t do much but I do consider that being a teacher is bring involved in the community. I hope to encourage these students to be the best that they can?

I took this picture because Cap was lying down with his tongue sticking out for some reason! He seems very happy.

Sometimes dreams and reality merge.
As I walked through the gate towards the regular morning coffee I’m thinking of cars, locking the door of my own with the key in my pocket. Imagine that, me from the 80s.
The remnants of sound of the podcast talking about used car salesmen and a ’68 Cadillac, friends driving around listening to old tapes.
And a vague, fleeting recollection of the dream last night of cars past, pieces falling apart and breaking down. Those pieces of shit – a nostalgia trip of loving memory.
The bad times were always the best.
So what was real in this fog of pre-caffeine confusion? And is that what dying is? Do dreams and reality blur slowly at the edges until we finally fall out of our existence and into the ever-long dream?

When All Else Fails – 1st February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a new gun in town
Throwing weight around
Scared of the open gate
When all else fails….escalate!

So diplomacy has failed
The ship of peace has sailed
Not gonna sit around and wait
When all else fails….escalate!

There’s a plan in place for winning
A great reset, a new beginning
The hawks will thrive on hate
When all else fails….escalate!

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and content

Today I’m grateful for:

The small teacher’s room that I’m able to use for my students to come and read, practice and discuss things. The room has, at times, been full of equipment, junk and other teachers. It is now quite clear of things so I’ve taken advantage of its availability.

The best thing about today was:

As mentioned yesterday I was frustrated with one class and had an idea for today which involved using the teacher’s room.

Instead of standing at the front of the class and instructing I started by asking the students to recall things we’d discussed this week on the topics of hobbies and clothes. I then split them into five groups and asked each group to come into the teacher’s room where we first discussed the activities they enjoyed or found boring and secondly to discuss what they thought about school uniforms which they got more animated about.

They used a lot of Thai and I used a couple of the top students to help translate but a few of them were also able to articulate their thoughts in English too. I

t went well for all five groups and I think everyone enjoyed this approach. I only wish it was possible to carry out classes like this all the time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite my best efforts to keep food and drinks (except water) out of my classroom students still smuggle them in and left a lot of garbage and spilt drinks today. I handled it by cleaning up a little and thinking about how to make it better in future.

Something I learned today?

I watched a documentary about Paulo Coelho and wondered if I would like him in person or not.

I’ve only read one of his books so far and enjoyed it a lot but I was thinking if this person was explaining similar things in direct conversation then would I react the same way? Maybe I find it difficult to separate the words from the personality in conversation.

I find the spoken word can be overbearing whereas the written I can ruminate on without other influences involved.

I know some people in my life have given me their wisdom in conversation and I initially rejected it because of other things about them.

It’s all a reminder to find my own way and that even the worst of people can offer useful words sometimes. Take it all in and filter out what I don’t need.

What do you love most about yourself?

I’ve recently been looking at my diary from 1981 and see comments like ‘I am great’, ‘I will win’ etc and it reminded me of the positive attitude I had towards myself at that time. That was all well and good but I never learned how to deal with failure properly which was part of my downward spiral in the coming teenage years. I was even conscious of it at the time but didn’t know how to manage it.

Anyway, these days I am more confident again, with occasional lapses, and feel pretty good about myself most of the time. I love that I still have the determination to improve myself and not rest on my laurels.

I took this series of pictures because I was trying to capture the beautiful sunrise this morning as it was happening. It never looks as good in a photo but I wish I could’ve sat and watched it for longer but I had to get to work.