Do you wish not to suffer?
How to know you’re alive?
Wanting for others not to suffer
Is the goal for which to strive
The love that comes to you
Share amongst your friends
Til the circle is complete
And one’s suffering truly ends
Today I’m feeling:
Down and up, happy and relaxed right now.
Today I’m grateful for:
The counter staff at the hospital who assisted me today. One changed my phone number on file. Another asked me questions and advised me there would be a wait and another helped me to pay, all doing well with their English. I speak as much Thai as I can but know that they have to try hard to speak in English for me.
Also to Fon, who made me a small sourdough loaf and brought it to me at school. It was a little heavy but tasted great.
The best thing about today was:
Taking my iMac and SSD kit to the store at Central and getting a fairly positive response that they could fix it for me. It will be an expensive fix but at least cheaper than having to buy new and should hopefully keep me going for a few more years.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At the hospital, I had to wait an hour and pay 150 baht for a one-minute consult.
As mentioned above I was warned of the wait so I happily sat and played poker on my phone and watched people coming and going, and despite being a little unimpressed at paying this fee for what was essentially just a mental health check-in as I was riding home I considered what this was like in Australia and how much it cost then too.
Really I’m very lucky to live close to a hospital where I can just walk in anytime and pay so little for their service.
After thinking in the morning that I would go back to a full sertraline tablet I actually started feeling more positive whilst I was waiting and decided to go for another three weeks at half dose.
Something I learned today?
Today was just more about US-China relations. I’m not sure why I’m so sucked into this topic except that I want to share the positives about China in the constant stream of negative propaganda out there. The actions of the US government in general disgust me.
Did I learn anything new today (on this subject)? Perhaps not.
Oh, related to this I discovered an archive site of articles that allows limited free access after following a link to one article that I wanted to read related to Mao Zedong. I will search the archive for other things of interest when I have free time.
What is most important to me today?
The health and safety of my family and friends or, in fact, anyone facing struggle. I can include myself in that. In general, there’s not much going on around me that is so important. Things seem under control.
Have my psych appointment today as a follow-up to switching to half a tablet of sertraline and I’m not feeling the best.
After dinner last night I went to bed early, not even bothering to close the gate or put Kim in her room. I just felt a sudden run out of energy. I slept well and couldn’t force myself up with my alarm but did stir after a few minutes, to find cat spray on the floor at the end of the bed.
Did half my exercise and could feel not quite right in body and mind. I’m still dizzy from the lesser amount of sertraline and finding negative thoughts more prominent though not overwhelming.
I’m leaning towards going back to the full tablet whilst trying to tell myself to push through reducing. I think with the holiday coming up though I will go back to the full tablet again. During the holiday I will have too much time with my thoughts. I need them to be positive.
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