The Contract – 20th March 2023

Killing time still brings the crows
A pile of shit still grows the rose
Who will hold and stab the blade
To break the contract freely made

To cut the cancer, counter pain
To withhold freedom for general gain
Sign the papers or travel far
To find agreement to what we are


Today I’m feeling:

Much better than yesterday. Despite sleeping less than 7 hours I woke a little more motivated, did some exercise and told myself that I will do some lesson preparation to keep myself occupied in the morning.

I also wrote a message to Amy explaining how I was feeling over the weekend and we both are missing each other.

Took a full tablet of sertraline this morning. I know it can’t take effect immediately but the placebo effect can.

Today I’m grateful for:

The patient waitress at Lardna Aroi who understood what I wanted with my bad Thai and some translation help. I tipped her two baht to round up the bill to 100 baht. Last of the big spenders.

The best thing about today was:

An unexpected message from my student Earn in the class LINE saying that she missed me. I replied that I missed everyone too. It’s funny because usually if I try and talk to Earn at school she tells me to go away (in a non-serious way). Leaving this job one day will be super hard!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’m still struggling with some small issues with my computer but I have some optimism that they will get sorted out with a bit more investigation and time. Nothing particularly stressful.

Something I learned today?

I saw a video this evening that indicated that Australia wouldn’t follow the US into war with China. This is a surprise, particularly after investing in submarines that would likely support a war effort. Something is going on behind the smoke and mirrors.

What makes me unique?

I want to be facetious in my answer. I am not unique at all. Yet, everyone is.

But in the spirit of the question….I don’t know. Perhaps it’s not for me to say but for others. It’s usually easy to say something like this about someone else rather than yourself. Why?

This is ridiculous, the more I think about it the less unique I become.

Someone working at Daytripper took this picture and then used it in one of their Facebook posts to promote that they were open. Free model, listening to Kishore Mahbubani talking about US-China relations, deep in thought. But this picture just makes me want to work off more of that back fat so that my shirts fit better.

Confirmation Bias – 19th March 2023

Stop looking at it
It’s all you’ll ever see
Your beliefs reinforced
Swinging from a tree

Stop picking at it
Or the wound will never heal
A rising of blood
Drowns out your appeal

Stop clicking on it
The addict and the fix
Knock your house down
It’s built on broken bricks


Today I’m feeling:

Quiet, low, not down but unenthusiastic and bored. Missing my little Amy at times like these.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little rain. It’s 8.30 pm and I just went to close the gate. Tigger was around and chatting with me. Light drops hit my skin every step or two and it felt like that would be it. I hung on the straps in the garage for a second enjoying the stretch in my arms, shoulders and back.

Then I came to sit outside our front door and write here. Slowly larger drops fell noisily on our assorted roofs and Tigger looked on bemused.

Then a flash and peal of thunder excited the air. A very slight breeze has made the temperature bearable again and I think even the mosquitoes are hiding. More rain, please.

The best thing about today was:

I think right now, listening to the rain. I knew today that I would watch the replay of the first Swans game of the season but the app didn’t work on the iPad so I checked the website on the laptop, which annoyingly doesn’t have the option to hide the scores. I obscured the screen as best I could but looking around to find the replay button, which wasn’t there yet, I accidentally saw the scores. We won but it still steals the pleasure of watching the game not knowing the outcome.

As I waited for the replay option to become available I played some more Xbox and started on a beer.

Today, I planned to have a beer or two whilst watching the game, as a kind of reminder of days past in Australia.

Amy video-called me as she was on a boat trip around the harbour. A beautiful hot day there, perfect to be on the water. Later she called again, a little drunk and happy but also teary because she wished I was there. And I wished I was too.

Finally, the replay was available to watch and we played well but I felt joyless. After a second beer, I decided not to have more as I was starting to nod off in the final quarter of the game. Enough so that after it finished I got into bed with the fan on me, waking up a couple of hours later in a 31-degree sweat. I felt a little better but still joyless and bored.

Now Tigger is sitting on me here in this chair, purring and observing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My mood is a little out of control again and I think I want to go back to my full tablet of sertraline again. I’m realising that the deep connection I feel with my students leaves a vacuum in the semester breaks. I need to give some love to myself but don’t feel quite capable.

Something I learned today?

I took a little detour when riding back from Utopia this morning, around the back of the village towards the hidden temple halfway up the mountain. Everything is changing so quickly out there. The temple is no longer hidden and new dirt roads are heading off deeper into the mountains. I’ll go check them out one day soon.

How can I continue to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone?

Although I fall into laziness quite easily I try to challenge myself into making my classes better for my students. That’s not particularly outside my comfort zone though. My comfort zone keeps me fairly content and I can mostly adjust to any boredom that arises from it. But I don’t want to get complacent either.

Somehow, usually in time, fresh challenges come forth and I’m ok just waiting for them to arrive. It feels like a balance that is usually maintained. It’s not often I need to find things to challenge myself.

I feel like I don’t know what I’m writing here. These thoughts feel very now. If asked this question on a different day I think my answers would be almost the opposite.

I took this picture because Cap wanted to watch the football too.

Total Victory – 18th March 2023

Nothing but total victory will suffice
Is at the heart of democratic advice
Diplomacy is an admission of defeat
Propaganda must make victory complete

Cutting off the head is seen to win
The hearts and minds of those within
Here we go again, history repeated
Total victory has been totally defeated


Today I’m feeling:

Woke up tired after not sleeping until about 1 am as I’d been busy setting up my computer again. Feeling right after coffees!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people in the world who make it possible for me to get my computer running the way I want. It often involves a little bit of fiddling around to get dodgy bits and pieces of software going but once it’s done I forget about it until the next time I have to rebuild my computer.

The best thing about today was:

I took Cap back to the vet to check his blood and got the all-clear which was good news. Cap talked all the way there and back and was relieved once home again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was upset over something that happened with one of her friends and even though I thought I was saying the right thing it wasn’t what she wanted to hear so she hung up the call. Unfortunately, her upset transferred to me and I just felt grumpy after that so I took an afternoon nap which was enjoyable at least.

I still feel a little uninspired and bored after that though. I didn’t feel like playing guitar which I had been looking forward to in the morning. I ended up just playing Xbox for a while and even that felt like a struggle.

Something I learned today?

I learned how to play Dishonored 2 on Xbox. I enjoyed the first game and this one looks good too but my head is just not in the right space at the moment for time wasting like this. That could change in a couple of days though.

What are a few of my favourite wise quotes?

Check out any entries from last year. One every day.

I took this picture because these plants are getting their new leaves. Even the one that looked totally dead has hung on for another year.

New Wombs – 17th March 2023

We’ll birth our babies from sacs
So our mothers feel no pain
Patting ourselves on our backs
With this technological gain

A matrix of unborn babies
Hanging up in store
We take away one suffering
Perhaps replaced by more

A matrix of millions
Spat from artificial wombs
Why not exploit them further
In this society that consumes

Mothers now free of pain
Have more time for shopping
Acceptance is hard to explain
When there’s no sign of stopping


Today I’m feeling:

A tinge of sadness but in general pretty happy. I was sad when I got to school and walked around but found no students. An empty school reminds me that at other times these are just useless buildings.

I miss my students already though I know I will be over it soon enough, maybe even already!

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff who fixed my iMac and called me at 11 am, just as I was about to head home. It was ready to pick up. Great timing.

I’m happy to have a working machine again and looking forward to getting it back into the shape that works for me.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a quick haircut was pretty satisfying as it’s getting too hot to have a thick head of thinning hair.

Sitting at Daytripper and putting together another lesson was fun too.

Also, whilst there, watching the highlights of the first game of the AFL season on my laptop and watching students come and go.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I struggled to find all the software I needed to reinstall on my refurbished iMac. I’ll probably have to fiddle around a fair bit more before it’s really back in the shape I want. But that’s all right, this kind of annoying challenge suits me.

Something I learned today?

I watched a little Al Jazeera segment on the state of Iraq since the Western allies’ illegal war there. It seems that the little hope Iraqis had at the removal of Saddam Hussein was very short-lived and one has to wonder how much is the fault of the allies and how much the Iraqis themselves.

Money, power and religion make for a terrible mix when it comes to governance.

What is something in my life that I feel “lucky” to have?

Trying to think how to answer this. In one way I feel lucky for everything I have. In another, I feel like it wasn’t luck at all. So I’m trying to think of something that was just luck.

So after five minutes, I’ve decided all the things I have were not due to luck. Except for one thing.

I’m reminded by my student who told me her story of her parent’s rejection and asking ‘if they didn’t want me then why did they have me?’ We didn’t ask to be born, yet here we are.

So the one thing in my life that I feel lucky to have is life itself.

I took this picture because I’m at the hairdresser again. To get a haircut, not to just take a picture of their cat.

The Diplomat’s Anthem – 16th March 2023

My respected enemy, my hated friend
Our love to hate may never end
A battle of wits, a game of pretend
A hold on hope on which we depend

13th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Writer’s Workshop Prompts


Today I’m feeling:

Happy, content and later, tired.

The temperature is perfect at around 7 pm and I feel like going for a walk but there’s nowhere really to go. I could walk just for the sake of it but feel that my house is so comfortable it’s challenging to motivate myself by this time of day. I think about walking to Daytripper but I usually go there with my laptop to either work or write and I don’t want to carry a bag with me all that way.

First-world problems in a third-world country for this entitled white boy.

Today I’m grateful for:

My work situation that allows me so much free time that I sometimes struggle to fill it appropriately.

I got home before 10am and have been doing all sorts of little things from reading to cleaning to vacuuming and suddenly it is evening already and I wonder where the day has gone, and everything is ok.

If I wasn’t doing (what feels like) a whole load of nothing I’d have to be at school usually teaching or on days like these with no classes filling up time with useless activity.

I’m so lucky.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing lots of excited happy kids at school for the graduation ceremony. If they weren’t graduating they were preparing to present gifts to their friends and siblings.

It’s funny to see some of the ‘bad’ students celebrating in this kind of traditional ceremony and it reminded me that the kids have a cultural understanding of expectations which I will never have and which sometimes brings us to odds.

While pushing them with all sorts of possibilities for their futures they understand their realities which I can’t see.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not much really. A car freshener I ordered online got refunded as it was out of stock and the computer repair shop called me and advised they couldn’t access the data on the old drive which is a minor inconvenience as about 99% of my files are backed up. Nothing too wayward today.

Something I learned today?

Despite wanting to watch less YouTube I found an interesting new channel from China by journalist Miao Xiaojuan.

The AFL season starts today and there will be 4 umpires on the field now and the bench will have one sub plus 4 to interchange. Swans play on Saturday and I will watch on Sunday.

What am I looking forward to?

I’m looking forward to going to Australia in October. It’s been five years since I left and I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been. Australia is what made me though and I am very fond of it there. It will be good to catch up with Hayden and Jochen and to look around my old haunts to see how or if they have changed.

I took this picture because this climbing plant has suddenly found its wheels and trying to overgrow everywhere, reaching out to find new attachments. The remnants of last year’s growth are still stuck up in the tree tops, dead and decaying yet still stuck. I have to fight it back this year.
Fatman report

No Freedom – 15th March 2023

There’s no freedom without morality
Or institutions to provide education
For freedom to provide peaceful reality
Needs reassessment of this situation

We (a royal we, a royal we of the West) are obsessed with freedom but we’ve misunderstood its reality. Freedom does not mean freedom to just do as you please. It must have some moral guidelines and that part is being eroded and going missing in our modern Western societies. I don’t know so much about other societies in depth but I feel that they have a different relationship with ‘authority’. It’s a choice to make and to pick your battles.

18th Aug 2025 – Shared with Reena’s Xploration #394


Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed, happy

Today I’m grateful for:

The shampoo that helps clean up Tigger’s skin. It leaves his coat feeling good and hopefully, this is the last time I have to wash him for a while as the blisters have almost all gone now. Luckily he doesn’t mind me washing him too much now.

The best thing about today was:

Starting to read Death’s End. First at Daytripper and then in the cooler late afternoon in the hammock. Already thought-provoking in the first 40 pages. Awesome.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t resist an afternoon nap after reading and I spent an hour fluctuating between lucidity and what felt like deep sleep. As I was falling asleep waves of euphoria hit me dragging me down to dreamland. It was delicious, I love that feeling and tried to make it last longer but the pull was too strong. I handled the ‘waste of time’ with sixty jumping jacks when I woke up and after shaking out my head a little.

Something I learned today?

After China brokered a deal between Iran and Saudia Arabia last week there’s talk now about the possibility of negotiating peace between Russia and Ukraine. That would be the biggest diplomatic coup so far this century.

Pushing the world toward peace is the exact opposite of what the US has promoted for the last 70 years. I really hope China can pull it off.

How can I express my creativity today?

How? In any number of ways. Anything is possible. However, I didn’t really. The two photos I took were about it. I did get some students to test my online lesson though, but I created that yesterday and will update accordingly tomorrow. I guess I got some ideas. Not every day is creative, much as we might like it to be.

I took this picture because it’s time to start a new book and get back into a good story. The third part of the trilogy and it’s off with a bang and a twist. I got to Daytripper early so not many people around. I also started to feel sleepy as my body and brain winds down from the intensity of the classroom.

No Suffering – 14th March 2023

Do you wish not to suffer?
How to know you’re alive?
Wanting for others not to suffer
Is the goal for which to strive

The love that comes to you
Share amongst your friends
Til the circle is complete
And one’s suffering truly ends


Today I’m feeling:

Down and up, happy and relaxed right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The counter staff at the hospital who assisted me today. One changed my phone number on file. Another asked me questions and advised me there would be a wait and another helped me to pay, all doing well with their English. I speak as much Thai as I can but know that they have to try hard to speak in English for me.

Also to Fon, who made me a small sourdough loaf and brought it to me at school. It was a little heavy but tasted great.

The best thing about today was:

Taking my iMac and SSD kit to the store at Central and getting a fairly positive response that they could fix it for me. It will be an expensive fix but at least cheaper than having to buy new and should hopefully keep me going for a few more years.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the hospital, I had to wait an hour and pay 150 baht for a one-minute consult.

As mentioned above I was warned of the wait so I happily sat and played poker on my phone and watched people coming and going, and despite being a little unimpressed at paying this fee for what was essentially just a mental health check-in as I was riding home I considered what this was like in Australia and how much it cost then too.

Really I’m very lucky to live close to a hospital where I can just walk in anytime and pay so little for their service.

After thinking in the morning that I would go back to a full sertraline tablet I actually started feeling more positive whilst I was waiting and decided to go for another three weeks at half dose.

Something I learned today?

Today was just more about US-China relations. I’m not sure why I’m so sucked into this topic except that I want to share the positives about China in the constant stream of negative propaganda out there. The actions of the US government in general disgust me.

Did I learn anything new today (on this subject)? Perhaps not.

Oh, related to this I discovered an archive site of articles that allows limited free access after following a link to one article that I wanted to read related to Mao Zedong. I will search the archive for other things of interest when I have free time.

What is most important to me today?

The health and safety of my family and friends or, in fact, anyone facing struggle. I can include myself in that. In general, there’s not much going on around me that is so important. Things seem under control.

I took this picture because I saw this muddy crew, this brown crew in a sea of green, as I rode up to the hospital. How can we tell if they are happy? I hope they enjoy their lives eating grass and cooling in the mud. It’s pretty fucking extreme out there!

Have my psych appointment today as a follow-up to switching to half a tablet of sertraline and I’m not feeling the best.
After dinner last night I went to bed early, not even bothering to close the gate or put Kim in her room. I just felt a sudden run out of energy. I slept well and couldn’t force myself up with my alarm but did stir after a few minutes, to find cat spray on the floor at the end of the bed.
Did half my exercise and could feel not quite right in body and mind. I’m still dizzy from the lesser amount of sertraline and finding negative thoughts more prominent though not overwhelming.
I’m leaning towards going back to the full tablet whilst trying to tell myself to push through reducing. I think with the holiday coming up though I will go back to the full tablet again. During the holiday I will have too much time with my thoughts. I need them to be positive.

Sweet Lips – 13th March 2023

A trickster manipulates words
I’ll collect them in my box
Register them with internal affairs
And see what it unlocks

Adding a twist of lemon
They become spat-out sour
More honest than the saccharine
Used to give them power

Everything already said
Is gonna get said once more
A constant strive for meaning
Makes a profit to explore

27th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – lips


Today I’m feeling:

Calm and relaxed.

Today I’m grateful for:

The delicious perfume of this candle that Amy brought from Australia for me. No matter how much you try to save money when buying perfumed candles the more you spend the better the smell and its lasting effect.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling in a great mood in the morning, chatting with students and spending time with them without any rush, then spending about three hours drinking coffee and updating the blog (1983 diary entries completed) and then back to school again for more chat and some play before shopping and home.

After eating dinner though I’ve run out of steam and ready for bed before the sun has even set.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was excited to get a call from FedEx as it meant they would deliver the SSD I needed which will hopefully upgrade my iMac and get it running again.

Unfortunately, when the delivery guy arrived he needed almost 800 baht in import tax before handing it over, adding another 40 bucks to the cost. What can I do?

I hope this all works in the end otherwise I’ll just have ended up with an expensive SSD drive and still no desktop computer.

Something I learned today?

I’ve made some lessons that require audio input from myself and the students and I went to record this afternoon but it sounds really odd when played back. There’s an option to upload mp3s so that seemed like the way to go except there is no simple way to do that without downloading new software. You can record to m4a files and then hopefully (I haven’t tested yet) can convert them in Apple Music.

I forgot how simple things can be once they’ve been set up, such as I had on my main computer and then just ran and worked forever. Now I’m back to fiddling around again to do this initial setup.

What is something I can do today to improve my well-being?

That would be the exercise I did this morning and the early night I’m about to get this evening so I can catch up on some sleep.

I took this picture because when I got home today I was greeted by this menagerie along with Tangmo and the white and black cat on the terrace. A few others in the village were investigating the herd just outside too. It seems to have grown as I only remember there being five last year though maybe he has smaller herds stashed around the village. My guess is that the aunties next door want the poop and the benefit of the jungle being kept at bay for free. Their vegetable garden is doing very well and none of the land belongs to the aunties or the cowman but it’s all for the common good.

Woke up to thunder, or was it a truck? I couldn’t hear any rain, must’ve been a truck. Wait, there it is again, must be thunder. Where’s the damn rain?
Soon my alarm goes off and even though I’ve only had six hours of sleep and feel a little achy, I’m feeling good and do my little exercises and then, finally, a little rain falls though not enough to mean I don’t need to water the garden still.
It’s still misty and hazy with low clouds too, so it’s difficult to tell if the rain has had much impact on the air quality yet.
I drive to school without rush for a change and hang out with the few kids who still bothered to come, particularly enjoying catching up with my old students, Aon, Aomsin and Wan, who fill me in with the latest classroom gossip.
It’s fascinating to see the changes in these kids over the three years I’ve known them and to get some idea of the direction they would like to head in.
Aomsin told me how the class dynamics had changed and I mentioned another class that were all good friends in grades 7 and 8 and then all split into different factions in grade 9. Aomsin said, ‘Of course because we are all growing up.’ It made me question why, when we grow up, we lose that forgiveness for our friends?

Broken Mind – 12th March 2023

Giving in to the
Broken mind
You got me down here

Pinned to the floorboards
Can’t stand up
Falling down again

Every time I rise
With the sun
Comes the clouds and rain

Giving in to the
Medicine
What is normal now?


Today I’m feeling:

Some aching bones but relaxed and positive.

Today I’m grateful for:

My blow-up neck stretcher. I don’t know if it really helps my neck but it does feel like it helps keep it stable and forces me to sit up rather than lie down to read or watch TV. I go through phases of using it and it has felt necessary for the last few days.

The best thing about today was:

Forcing myself out and enjoying sitting at Daytripper and putting together more lessons with Quizizz. It’s making me look a bit more at my lessons to see how to improve them. I don’t like to do work at the weekend but I’m spoiled with actually doing so little work whilst I’m at school during the week!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my ongoing attempts to counter the smell of cat pee in my mattress, I pulled off all my bedding, shoved it into the washing machine and headed off for my morning caffeine injection.

Waiting for that first cup I checked my phone and found a heavy rain warning for the whole day. Everyone is hoping for rain to crush the poisonous smoke in the air. But will it rain?

It was forecast yesterday too but with nothing eventuating. Just a smoky sky that even the power of the sun was unable to really penetrate.

Either way, today looks like more of the same. I’ll stick the bedding under cover and hope the humidity dries it out by bedtime.

(It’s 8 pm now and there’s been no rain and the hot humid air dried everything before lunchtime. Tomorrow’s forecast is a 90% chance of rain so let’s hope that that comes true!)

Something I learned today?

A piece brokered between Saudi Arabia and Iran by China. Could this be the start of lasting peace spreading around the world or will the USA inevitably stick its nose in to destabilise things for its own gain?

What is a simple delight I have been enjoying lately?

My two bottles of Curcumin C, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, activate my tastebuds in the best possible way.

Talking with Hayden has also been nice the last few times we’ve talked too. He seems a lot more open and not stuck in his head so much.

Yoghurt, muesli, strawberries and of course, coffee.

Our cats, despite the pee issue, make me smile every day somehow.

My students, despite frustrating me to no end, are all also delightful.

Life is pretty good.

I took this picture because I often see this furball sitting here in the beauty shop next door to Utopia. What a beauty but I’m glad I don’t have to deal with all that hair.

Peacemakers – 11th March 2023

There are words that form the world
And the response is the surest test
One way will lead to destruction
But it’s the peacemakers that are blessed

Investigating the phrase ‘Blessed are the peacemakers’ it feels that it is a deliberate attempt to subvert its actual intent of advocating peace for all. With the addition of ‘for they shall be called the sons of God’, the implication is that peace is only available for one religious belief. To hell with the rest!


Today I’m feeling:

Tired and reflective. More so than normal today whenever memories of the past pop into my head they feel like they belong to someone else.

We change as we age so we are not the same person as we were before. Sometimes I miss myself.

I’m nostalgic for the pain I had of growing up.

Today I’m grateful for:

Tigger being the strong cat he is. Taking him to the vet today for regular vaccines and blood check found everything normal. He has really found his place here and his diagnosis of having AIDS hasn’t affected him so far.

The best thing about today was:

After lunch, I took a nap in air-con, finally not able to stay without and woke up a little grumpy. Apart from my half sertraline tablet, I didn’t take anything else today so was a little dizzy and down again.

Somehow though, I forced myself to pick up the guitar and with a few breaks ended up playing along to some of my favourite songs with the Capo app for around three hours.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My emotional stability was a little off this afternoon. But only slightly and I was well aware of it. It makes me a little unenthusiastic to do things even though I know if I start then I will enjoy it.

Something I learned today?

Amy video-called me from Chatswood and our old apartment visiting Anna; as she walked around the suburb I caught glimpses of shops I remembered there and I initially thought it would be nice to go back and have a look again but at the same time, not much has changed there really.

Amy said she thought I didn’t really have any feelings for our old apartment but I do. It’s just that they are memories now, in the past and cannot be repeated.

I’m sitting here in Kim’s room writing this and thinking this would be a good space as a painter’s studio and how I could do that if I wanted but then think am I really settled here?

I’m perhaps holding back on what I could do here. I love this place and where it has brought my life and the satisfaction I have with that, but with Amy not happy here and wanting to be settled back in Australia it seems that even this place will not be quite home.

I can’t imagine us having a place of our own in Australia somehow.

Did I learn something? Maybe that nowhere is home.

What is this season of life teaching me?

Naps are good. Even though time is running out there is lots of time. There’s no rush.

I took this picture because I love potatoes!