The car service only costing a little over 1000 baht though I’m curious about what they actually did. At least I can see they cleaned the car.
The best thing about today was:
Spending the afternoon watching Kishore Mahbubani’s US-China relations course whilst sitting in Daytripper again. There was a group of Chinese students with books open learning Thai yet practising speaking Japanese and playing English word games. Hearing them talking reminded me of my travels in China.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Despite me sitting in the same building as where my car was being serviced, instead of talking to me the service people called Amy in Australia two times to say this thing needed fixing and that thing needed fixing. Amy would then call me asking why they weren’t talking to me to which my only reply could be ‘I don’t know!’ She was getting annoyed but there was nothing either of us could do. At least they didn’t do it again after she told them to just talk with me cos I was there!
Even with our differing languages, we could still have worked things out but they seemed reluctant to even try. No one told me anything about the work they actually did so I just paid the bill and said thank you, then left. No big deal.
Something I learned today?
Sydney is building another harbour tunnel that was originally planned to be completed by 2026 but the method of construction was changed after the project had already started. It will now complete in 2028 instead but it will supposedly be cheaper. It will be tolled too and ultimately lead to there just being more cars in the city. One day I will go back and marvel at all the changes there.
What do I need right now?
I need to pick up something to eat for dinner tonight. If I decide on something before going, the store will invariably be closed so I’ll just have to go and look around.
I took this picture because what’s not to like about sitting in a cafe overlooking newly planted rice fields during golden hour?
At the vanguard, the pinnacle No longer an unknown fuzz It doesn’t get better than this And then it does
At the peak of the mountain After setting the world on fire Nowhere left to go after this And then someone else goes higher
Supersonic humanitarian jets Speed help to any disaster Always first on the scene Until someone else goes faster
Everything pushed to the limit Achievement no longer a buzz It doesn’t get better than this And then it does
Today I’m feeling:
Rundown and a little bored and unenthused.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mama noodles, egg, onion and dried protein from Oasis that formed my dinner. All the people involved in making, packaging, buying and selling and delivering these separate ingredients that made into my kitchen, my bowl and then my belly.
The best thing about today was:
I’m not in the best of moods today though purely due to tiredness. I did feel better after eating and did then enjoy reading another Anton Chekov story ‘Ariadne’ which at one point describes that deep emotional love of connection with another body that one must savour completely. I also got absorbed in another chapter of Affluenza in the evening too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I couldn’t force myself up and out of bed this morning. I ate a weed gummy a couple of hours before going to bed last night and was maybe feeling the lingering effects of that. Consequently, I was late to get to school, which shouldn’t really be a problem this week though.
I went for coffee and struggled through adding more blog entries before heading back home and lazily watching some videos and finally hopping into bed with all cats present. I quickly fell asleep but also quickly woke up again which surprised me. I was still tired but suddenly I was no longer sleepy.
I could feel myself getting grumpy during Amy’s calling at dinner time. She was a little emotional about missing our cats and was also a little drunk and talkative. She happily talked whilst I prepared my food and ate it and I’m glad I didn’t let my own emotions take over and cut our conversation short. I felt a little better by the time we said good night.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, cats get whisker stress if their food bowls are too deep and bend their whiskers whilst eating. I watched our cats eat this afternoon and our bowls are good for them. This was information in a video about things to do to keep your cats happy. We pretty much do them all and our cats exhibit the behaviour of happy cats.
What was the highlight of this week?
Undoubtedly it was walking up to Khun Korn waterfall and jumping into the water. This week has been relatively quiet so this was an easy choice.
I took this picture because Tigger is so happy in this house. He has so many spots he enjoys lying, sleeping or rolling around. Today I had to give him another shampoo clean to help with his skin problem and afterwards he went straight out into the sun but was already rolling around in the dust and leaves.
Once again, I was told I was free That I could be whatever I wanted to be So I told of the things inside my head That had filled me full of existential dread
Then I found that so many people didn’t agree I was called out and threatened constantly I never thought just because of words I said Made people so upset they’d want me dead
I realised freedom does not mean free What’s freedom to you is not so for me A common line must be towed instead If you wish to lie in a settled bed
But is it possible for us to agree That opposition is the end of you and me We don’t need to succumb to lies we’re fed Together we can travel the road ahead
Productive if only for household chores. Not sure I’ll be able to stay awake this afternoon.
Today I’m grateful for:
An afternoon cappuccino to keep me awake through the day but hopefully not so much that I can’t sleep tonight. I went out to Daytripper to enjoy it and watch the Kishore Mahbubani online course videos about US-China relations.
The best thing about today was:
A sense of achievement from sweeping up leaves, cutting back some climbing vines, preparing for cleaning off the roof, washing bedclothes, cleaning Kim’s room and getting everything ready for her to spend her nights in here again. I enjoyed doing it all.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m here in Kim’s room writing this and I can see that the fuckin’ ants are out of control. I wonder if this is why the doesn’t like to sit directly on the floor. I sprayed ant killer in one corner of the room where I could see them coming and going but there must be many different colonies here all vying for their pieces of territory and the pull of Kim’s food bowl.
Kim is sitting watching me and wondering what the hell is going on.
Something I learned today?
The US voted no at the UN to make food a human right. They voted no to the Convention of Rights for Persons with Disabilities. No to the Convention on the Rights of the Child and against the resolution ‘combatting Nazism and contemporary forms of racism.’ The US sure likes to be different.
What emotion am I feeling right now?
Lethargy as my body winds down from the activities of the day. My mind though is still busy but that will soon wind down too. I also have a feeling of anticipation looking forward to jumping into bed with fresh clean sheets. My body is already experiencing the sensation, I’m looking forward to it that much.
I took this picture because new sheets, new sleeps. Almost summer.
The body was weak with a cancer at the heart Viruses found a way in to rip it all apart Poison took hold and began to stake a claim So began the one hundred years of shame
Infection spread to disable all the limbs Antibodies form and internal war begins Now a puppet left to play in a rotten game Raped and tortured by a hundred years of shame
Slowly, slowly the body returns to balance Both yin and yang improve upon their talents Heads held higher to rise above the strain The beginning of the end of a hundred years of shame
Now the muscles flex, the body’s lesson learned At unity with the brain, power has returned No matter the want, things are not the same Since the end of a hundred years of shame
Today I’m feeling:
Content and energised. A long walk in the jungle and a dip in the freezing water under the waterfall really got my blood flowing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing and Now paying for my lunch which we had at the restaurant in the stream. All the food was delicious. Spicy seafood salad, Tom Yum soup, veggie fried rice, deep-fried fish and squid.
The best thing about today was:
Getting under the waterfall and having the air sucked out of my lungs. It was freezing and invigorating and I felt cosy once I got my shorts and t-shirt on again. I should sleep well tonight.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Last night I found Kim had a scratch on her head and was limping again, presumably from fighting, so I decided to keep her in again. I really want her to enjoy the freedom to be outside but she just can’t stay out of trouble. I’ll start putting her back in her room at night again from tomorrow.
Right now she’s in our walk-in where she’s content to recover as best she can. She still seems happy enough and is eating fine. Hopefully, she gets better soon.
Something I learned today?
There was an earthquake in Turkey and Syria a couple of days ago and China has already got people on the ground there helping. In comparison, the USA has sanctions in place for Syria which hampers Western allies’ possible efforts to help.
Syria is already crippled by civil war and US military involvement as well, removing their oil to be kept in a safe place ie. the USA!
I’m coming to respect China more and more every day. I just hope they can avoid getting dragged down by the bullying tactics of the West.
What is a word you feel that too many people use?
Taking this question literally, the word is probably ‘Mine.’
I took this picture because this was the destination for today. Khun Korn waterfall. Aing and Now said they wanted to come here as they never did during the time they were studying in Chiang Rai. They’d been busy until today so today it had to be. Just by chance, at school this morning, I met Kru Mai and Kru Karn waiting to be picked up and I guessed they were going camping with scouts. I asked them where the campsite was and it was also at Khun Korn! So I made sure to go and surprise my old students whilst visiting. They all told me that they weren’t having fun but it looked like they were really!
You became the master of money And accumulated great wealth Became a master of muscles And maintaining physical health But that final puzzle piece Is still hidden as if by stealth Couldn’t master your mind Couldn’t master yourself
Happy and relaxed, waiting for the sun to drop so I can do some watering again. I’m hoping for an early rainy season again but I think this year may be long and dry, unfortunately.
Today I’m grateful for:
Manus at the post office for always being helpful and friendly and trying to help me remember the Thai word for ‘registered’.
The best thing about today was:
A long chat with Amy about different ideas and plans for the future.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had just gotten on a roll with updating more blog entries when Fui came to House and we started talking. I’m never sure how long he will stay but I decided I had no hurry today and we ended up chatting for about 90 minutes. We often go over the same things but we learn a little more about each other each time. At points, I was keen to get back to what I was doing but I told myself to relax and enjoy this time.
Something I learned today?
You can buy a cock ring called the Tally Wacker that counts your thrusts when fucking. I’m not sure if it syncs with your health devices but maybe 100 thrusts equals a calorie?
What is one lesson I am learning right now?
We’ll have to generalise ‘right now’ a little because if taken literally all I’m learning is what I can remember from ‘around’ ‘right now’!
I’m learning a little how to relax and even be bored again. This week involves a lot of TV and reading, playing guitar and listening to music. Much like many other weeks but interspersed with even less teaching than usual.
It’s taken me a long time to learn to relax and in the back of my mind, I’m confident that when the time comes necessary I will be able to get right back on my game again.
I took this picture because I wanted a different angle to look at the garden. I like this mini bamboo plant that apparently cats like to eat. Not sure ours ever do though. The leafless frangipani has more focus than the other trees near it which are also now losing their leaves. The frangipanis are just starting to show leaves sprouting through now. You can also spy the tops of some of our cacti too.
It’s the 7th of February 2022 and I’m sitting in the cafe, Le Paradis, next door to CRPAO, where I am currently an English teacher. It’s scout week and us farang teachers have nothing to do for this whole week. I’ve decided to clock in, show my face and go home again unless anyone wants me to do anything.
I’m feeling pretty happy these days. Amy has been in Australia for a week now and has gotten herself a job already, which she will start in March, after travelling to Albury and Adelaide first to visit friends.
Tomorrow I will go to visit Bruno and Nut for dinner and on Sunday Aing and Now will come to stay for a few days, for Aing’s graduation ceremony. She will look around the area with the intention to start some sort of business here, which is great news. It will give us a local cat sitter that we can trust!
By the time you are reading this, it’s possible you are no longer working – that might even happen as early as the end of the semester in March. Whatever happens, it will be ok, though I’m enjoying having access to almost all my income for a change.
I am still thinking too much about George and the way he is treating me but I am slowly able to push it aside, made easier by just avoiding him at work. I don’t feel anything bad towards him. He obviously feels hurt by my actions towards him, which in my mind have been fairly minimal and understated. He seems to have a higher expectation and can’t deal with that not being met. At least that’s how see it, with the little that I managed to get out of him to try and find out his true feelings.
Everything I accuse him of, I can accuse myself. It doesn’t matter. We’re just not compatible but I don’t let that interfere with staying polite.
I have written many times about my ability to keep myself (my mind) occupied and I don’t easily succumb to loneliness. I would rather be alone than struggle to maintain a difficult friendship. Perhaps this is something that I will improve on in the future but I am happy with myself the way I am. Real, good friends will find their way to each other.
Do I want to tell you anything? Just keep going. You’ve done so well to get where you are now. This year is looking bright to me, right now, with so many possibilities. Some will happen, others will wait. I’ll go and make some music.
PS – look at your blog for this day in the past, over the years. Do you notice anything?
There’s no rest for the wicked And no rest for those of virtue Adrift in a world that never sleeps The feeling of dread is gonna get you
Gasps of dismay at faint sleights A skin now brittle and thin This ritual of panic has become The default state to be in
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.
Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!
Something I learned today?
The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!
What do you think gets better with age?
I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.
I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.
The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular. Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow. And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry. Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter. I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently. And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything. I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.
Approaching from the horizon Shrinking as getting nearer A cloud-like hallucination With a face forming clearer
And words whispered soft Agreeable to the heart The mirage matters not As it hastens to depart
Soon a regular visitor To discuss things of great import To soothe a troubled soul Where madness is said to cavort
And to banish the monk black Is a mistake of pure vanity As real life makes its attack Upon one’s prevailing sanity
So despair visits the garden For one more forming of breath A reminiscence of loving times Before submission unto death
inspired by the Anton Chekov short story of the same name
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and run out of energy during the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The water from the ground that is down there somewhere in the earth and finds its way to the pipes in our house so we can drink wash and feed our garden. I don’t understand how it works and I hope it never stops working!
The best thing about today was:
Riding my pushbike to Utopia and back this morning before it got too hot was a pleasant little exercise that my body and brain enjoyed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The only things out of my control today were trivial and inconsequential and were handled by just getting on with it (as my mum would say).
Something I learned today?
From an online video, I learned what to do at Thai police checkpoints. Be calm. Don’t offer money but wait until the police want to deal and then negotiate. The Thai Tourist Police number is 1155. Don’t go to the police station. You are entitled to record the officer’s information and film them inspecting bags.
Reflect on a meaningful experience I had this week.
It has been nice to see the two students I helped get antidepressant medication appear to be improving, at least from what they are telling me. Another one that confides in me though still seems to be struggling. I talk to them when I can but can only help so much.
I took this picture because P’ti fled out the door at Utopia as someone came in to buy coffee. Art caught him and sat him and the bench where P’ti spied on birds in the field like a Kilroy!
Opinions formed around the scantest of facts Reinforce the feeling to sit back and relax Delegated control to the seats of power Surveilled to submission from the tallest tower
Freedom enforced with lies told twice Stock up on guns is the latest advice The hole keeps growing for the empire to fall Where democracy now means nothing at all
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and energetic
Today I’m grateful for:
This Chinese New Year peanut brittle I bought at Makro. It’s slightly crystallised from being in the fridge and is crunchy. I’ve eaten a whole tub today so I’ll be way over any normal sugar quota. My mum used to love peanut brittle, though had to stop eating it because of her teeth and dentures but I never liked it much back then.
The best thing about today was:
Having a list of household tasks to complete and getting them all done. No reading, writing or blogging today, though I did get in a bit of guitar.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The price of a cup of coffee has gone up at Utopia. What can I do? Buy less peanut brittle I guess.
Something I learned today?
I feel like I didn’t learn very much today! Or nothing particular that I didn’t already know or have an opinion on. One thing I remember from a couple of days ago was a comment about how the ‘international media ‘ as the West understands only covers about 15% of the world’s population. Hmmm…
What are three things I am grateful for today?
The fan that has been cooling me all day now that it’s humid again. Bandcamp for having so much great music out there to discover. Today I found Focusrights who are awesome! The hair bleach that I received from online shopping and had burned my hair a crispy yellow shade to disguise all the white.
I took this picture because it’s hot already and the cats are losing hair and staying cool by rolling onto their backs.
Guitar + Vocals – Max Ducker Bass – Michael McQueen Drums – Roger Newall Guest vocals on “Sideways” – Prue Elyn
Recorded and Mixed at Cellar Sessions Studio by Max Ducker. www.cellarsessionsstudio.com Mastered By Alan Smith at Bergerk Studios
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and a little rundown. Reasonably happy though despite some of my annoying students.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady who I bought the salted fish from as she gave me extra sauce. Not that I could use it today. One pack is sure to be burning my ass tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying my classes and students despite what I mention below. We had a playful time and enjoyed learning and carried on into the playground during lunchtime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As usual, it was some of my students and their disrespectful attitudes and I handled it by kicking them out of my class. Other students asked if I was angry or upset but I wasn’t. I told them I was happy now that those students were gone. I think they were happy too.
Something I learned today?
I learned not to give Cap and Tig the special treats we have as it’s only for Kim. I found out when Amy watched me feeding them via video call. I thought I’d seen her giving it to them before but I was mistaken.
What word or phrase would I like to give this year?
2023 – The Year of…..
Maybe this question will be better answered at the end of the year.
I took this picture because Tigger just loves the dust and dirt of our garden. I don’t know if it’s ever going to be possible to clean up his skin without keeping him inside, which he would hate.
Life is not easy It is not supposed to be Build up your wisdom
Today I’m feeling:
Happy but getting a little fatigued, maybe from pushing myself too hard with my morning exercise. But I need to keep pushing if I’m going to lose some belly fat.
Today I’m grateful for:
My tennis racket bug zapper. It’s supremely satisfying to hear the crackle of frying mosquitoes in its mesh as I wave it through the air.
The best thing about today was:
The positive response from the 4 students I sent messages to last night, telling them how well they are doing in class and for a couple of them to try and focus their friends too. Today’s class was much smoother and everyone seemed a little happier.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
If anything was out of my control today it didn’t have any noticeable effect on me.
Something I learned today?
I decided to look at the Guardian to see if there was anything I might learn that was in the news. I found very little. If each article just included facts about events they would be one paragraph long. It’s one of the reasons people only read headlines because there is little of consequence within.
What do you do to be involved in the community?
In general, due to my poor language skills, I don’t do much but I do consider that being a teacher is bring involved in the community. I hope to encourage these students to be the best that they can?
I took this picture because Cap was lying down with his tongue sticking out for some reason! He seems very happy.
Sometimes dreams and reality merge. As I walked through the gate towards the regular morning coffee I’m thinking of cars, locking the door of my own with the key in my pocket. Imagine that, me from the 80s. The remnants of sound of the podcast talking about used car salesmen and a ’68 Cadillac, friends driving around listening to old tapes. And a vague, fleeting recollection of the dream last night of cars past, pieces falling apart and breaking down. Those pieces of shit – a nostalgia trip of loving memory. The bad times were always the best. So what was real in this fog of pre-caffeine confusion? And is that what dying is? Do dreams and reality blur slowly at the edges until we finally fall out of our existence and into the ever-long dream?
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