Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

We got that attitude! – 24th November 2021

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I am so happy and grateful to have had the chance to sit quietly in the cafe doing work. Today I won’t be able to do that and I will miss it.

Naturally, last night I went over things in my head many times. I thought about many different questions and defences for my work but by the morning, I decided not to meet and talk more with Kru Nu. I’m certain that any parents’ complaints are just from lazy students and the only reason they complained is because I told them their children are lazy.

I’m still annoyed that the school didn’t support me without finding out any information but that’s the way it is. So, simple solution – don’t tell the parents!

I was hoping that by telling them that it would encourage them to push their kids a little when they are not at school. Maybe it worked for some but others are perhaps convinced that their little princes and princesses can do no wrong. Maybe they even believe the grades they get!

So, I will carry on as is, perhaps making things a little easier of simpler but I will push on with pushing them on. As I told Champ, I’m not really teaching English. Their understanding of English will occur naturally once they see the rewards of work and practice through thinking.

Coy Maids Yield – 23rd November 2021

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A peach, not yet ripe, hangs tempting
Soft fur on skin clear and pale
Untouched by the hands of fate
A heart grows older, lamenting
This light will never be the same
When summer arrives, the crow is late
And so shall end this game

The gravity tugs at all the fruits
Suspended like puppets, dancing on the wind
The ripened fall among the flowers
As the strings begin to yield and bend
Gently whispered words that sour
As hungry wolves gather sniffing
In search of fresh fruits to devour

No new ideas found under Newton’s tree
What is gone will bloom again
Forbidden fruits in gardens green
Cherries picked, hummingbird and bee
Seeds spread to await cold rain
The coy maids’ pollen floating free

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we found a little scratch on Cap’s belly last night so that we could treat it before it might get infected. It was because I love to pet our cats that I usually find scratches and cuts that need attention.

All good things must come to an end? Whilst I’m happily working away, thinking up more and better ways to encourage my students to learn, I got told that the school has received complaints about me from parents. It’s not clear to me exactly what these complaints are yet but giving students assignments to work on when they are not in class (ie online teaching times) was mentioned.

As I think about it I wonder if these complaints are actually not so much about me but about the students, their children. Some are so far behind that they would struggle in even primary classes.

Tomorrow I will talk to Champ and Kru Nu and I will think of questions that I want to ask them. In particular, now, my two questions are what are the specific complaints and what do you want me to do? When I was talking with Champ, I just got the vague response of ‘make the complaints go away.’

I know that George will be shaking his head if he knows about this. He always keeps everything smooth and makes everything as easy as possible for his students. They can cruise through his class. I see the Thai teachers doing this too.

Ah – I’ve written this all here before. I want to push the students, make them curious and interested to learn. Each class has such good students mixed with others who have very poor skills. I prefer to teach to the middle-top rather than be bored with teaching such simple stuff.

But maybe I should change my thinking, have the simple life, make it easy and care less about the outcome for the students. It feels like such a cop out to me. Should I even be a teacher? I’m anxious and confused now. I want to defend myself but I should just try and keep my mouth shut. In the meeting tomorrow I should take notes and just work to what they tell me.

Gah! Even as I’m writing that my head is going ‘but…but…but.’ Do I care too much? I love all these kids, even the poor students. Even the ones who don’t like me.

Along with all this we’ve been trying to sort out Amy’s name change for her Aussie passport and that can of worms continued to grow but now we’ve sorted it out and will have to deal with all the Thai paperwork when she’s back from Australia again. That was stressful and it’s still stressful knowing that we will have to revisit it again in the future.

In another 11 years (or is it 15?) I will be able to get my superannuation from Australia. Where do I want to be? Where will we want to be? Should we sell up and go back now? Could I survive in Australia again? Could I do it without working? Where is the easy life I was searching for?

Haha. I make myself laugh. I’m always telling myself that it is better to suffer in life. To know that you are alive. Life is pain. And that’s ok with me.

The Week That Was – 25th February 1979

Sleep Alone – 22nd November 2021

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We can’t share this dream together
Each world, a darkness of our own
The waking world we have in common
Born to us after our sleep alone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Dave Drayton in Australia who sent me his book of poems. Today I will send him something in return.

Yesterday was a beautiful blue sky day, which Amy tuts at and means that people will start burning again now, and then we’ll be back to a smoky sky. What she says is true but I’d rather just take in the beautiful sky as it is, right then and there. She warned me that she was pre-menstrual, so I didn’t say anything!

We went to visit Bruno and Nut and had a good lunch through to dinner, chatting about everything and anything. Bruno and I did a quick dash into the city to meet an acquaintance of his who has just opened a coffee shop at their house. His name is Run and his English was pretty good.

Back at Bruno’s, I ate lots of hot pot food and took part in drinking all their ‘weed whiskey’, which didn’t taste like either and didn’t have much of either effect too, but it tasted nice. I had a good time even though I didn’t get a chance to practice guitar. I’ll make up for it tonight, hopefully. I’m starting to feel a little tired now.

This week is no-kids week for me, so I’m at House, marking their work as they send it and preparing for more weeks for 2/9. My ass is getting sore from sitting on these stools for too long.

At some point, I want to sit and listen to a CD and write about each song, to try and practice my writing and get down how those sounds make me feel. I really wanted to just listen to the Leopold CD I just bought. I heard it last week and really liked it and wanted to take the time to concentrate on it a bit more. I ran out of time though.

No Permanent Thief – 21st November 2021

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Stolen words, grabbed from shelves
Taken off pages with eyes aware
Returned to racks, no damage done
No theft, just a knowledge share

Inspired by Ray Bradbury describing stealing magazines from newsagents, reading them and then putting them back on the shelves.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have things to do this weekend. Yesterday was a little teaching and today we’ll visit Nut and Bruno.

When Karlotta Died – 20th November 2021

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Gunter IV owned a mansion
Overlooking the Biscayne Bay
Stands to make 30 million
When it goes on sale today

Eight bedrooms to sleep in
Whilst watching the morning fog
It’s ridiculous to consider
That Gunther is a dog

The rich staying rich is so easy
Even a dog could do it
He doesn’t even live there
And somehow I already knew it

Based on this story

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my abs. They hadn’t been used for many years and now I’m making them work. I think they can remember what to do.

I could die right now, sitting at my chair, as I continue to sort through music files to listen to as I have been doing for year after year. Listen, listen, keep or delete, listen later – maybe later never comes, it doesn’t matter. I enjoy the process. It keeps me occupied with something I enjoy, even if it is endless, somewhat mindless, essentially worthless to anyone but me. I dig it. Twenty million hours of music in a digital library. Keeping obscure and weird tunes in the unconscious conscious minds.

I don’t give a shit what you think. I don’t care if you are pretending to be friends with your acquaintances, if that’s what you wanna do. Your judgment, as mine, is irrelevant. I’m with my people. My singers, guitarists, drummers and whatever. I’m at the club of my dreams, surrounded by the people I love, doing what they love.

I upgraded my guitar playing and have also figured out this app, Capo, that gives you the chords for any song file you have, so I’ve been trying to play along to some Crane, Superchunk and Mudhoney. I don’t know what I’m doing but it’s fun.

I talked with Amy’s student, Na, this afternoon as part of her class. We talked so much that we went an hour over time. She was nervous at first but settled in and I could feel she was happy by the end, especially when she said ‘I want to talk!’

Damn! The enthusiastic students make it all worthwhile.

The Hum Of Life Has Gone – 19th November 2021

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Those were the days of objects that sing
Now all our machines ever do is ping
I don’t want to say that it’s wrong
But I’d like to hear a different song

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that most students didn’t come to school yesterday – I ended up drinking coffee and getting a massage.

My neck and back were sore yesterday evening after my massage yet somehow I was invigorated and stayed up reading pretty late.

Today has turned out a little busier with more students around but all at a nice, manageable size. I’m thinking about changing 2/11’s work as they all seem a little confused about even simple things. At the opposite end, 2/9 are doing super well.

I watched a short video about sexual assault in Thai schools and I want to show it to 2/9 and have some discussion around it. I talked with the class leaders to make sure that they tell me if they think there may be any problem for any students to watch this. I mean, who knows if anyone is going through those things now? They seemed to think that it would be ok. So now I’m looking forward to putting together some questions and scenarios for them to discuss.

It’s interesting and frustrating, the different levels I am teaching these kids at. I think they are all great though – even the lazy and disinterested.

My Wife’s Performance Review – 18th November 2021

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Yesterday I reviewed the dog
Today I review my wife
I feel her performance
Doesn’t meet the standard for my life

She’s got some goals to reach
And I will keep on poking
Look out, here she comes
No honey, I’m joking! I’m joking!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the adjustable bracket I bought for my iPad so that I can read laying down flat and looking straight up. I hope this helps a little with my sore neck.

Well, turned up today to find only 4 students come to my first class and none to my second! I guess I would’ve done the same after getting a vaccine and being told you may get sick afterwards. I would definitely be sick!

But, I haven’t let the kids off – I sent them the work I had planned. I expect the good ones to do it. It will help them with their work for next week.

It means I have another full day mooching around so at the moment I’m in 22 Grams as I had to come and collect Amy’s vaccine passport. I will apply for one too next week, now that I know where to go and what to do.

Hayden called me yesterday and seemed pretty upbeat. He’s getting involved in some disability care training, which could be really good for him. Doing good things for other people will definitely improve your own self-worth and esteem.

Amy’s student, Nong Na, will come on Saturday and I will teach/talk with her for half an hour or so. I’ve been thinking about what to do and as I’m writing this, the idea has come forth for her to interview me. Sometimes the act of writing provides the inspiration.

I’m waiting for Central to open in 15 minutes (11 am) to go and double-check the price of the MacBook Air. I’d like to buy it before Amy goes away. My laptop is starting to get very slow and finicky, especially the trackpad. As I mentioned before – it still works though. 12 years use for a laptop is pretty good going!

I already prepared all of next week’s work for classes yesterday, so I can start on 2/9’s future classes with the subjects they’ve chosen. I could probably finish that all this afternoon and, who knows, maybe even tomorrow, students will still be ‘sick’. Then next week I can just sit in cafes and read, write, caffeinate.

Here I am again in another job where there’s hardly any work to do. I’ll motivate myself to improve the quality of my work. Put effort into the common good.

(Later) I made a good decision to go and get a massage. I feel great! Now, I’m back at House for afternoon coffee and I’ll go back to school around 3 pm, as I did yesterday, and eat lunch!

A Dog’s Performance Review – 17th November 2021

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Oh dog, your performance is far too poor
You are not achieving what we hired you for
The rats still run rampant everywhere
You’re on probation until you start to care

Your KPI’s are well below par
Do you know exactly what you are?
Eating shoes and snapping at flies
You are a dog! Do you realise?

Scared of cats and other critters
The village bears your many litters
Hopefully, these puppies understand their job
The proper work of being a dog

Based on this article
15th Aug 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – cats and dogs

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have been asked to be the voice of the Chiang Rai Flower Festival again.

Amy was pretty drunk yesterday. She is obviously very excited about going to Australia and open to the possibilities there – lots of options. Sometimes when she is drunk, her emotions can swing wildly. Last night she was ok but cried a few times, not with happiness or sadness but with gratitude and appreciation for her parents and me.

We both went to bed early and I held her little body in my arms as she settled down and rolled over and found her sleep. I had some interesting dreams, with lots of people from my past.

Today I usually only have one class and that was cancelled as the kids are off for vaccinations. I knew that I had to do recording for the Chiang Rai Flower Festival today, like I did last year but I only found out that I had to go to the CRPAO official offices, next to Immigration, about 15 minutes before starting.

I met Kru Gratae and Kru Tee there and they did their Chinese version and I did the English version, even nailing the long Thai name first time. The texts they use are pretty weird, flowery words that any English speaker would immediately recognise as fantastical hyperbole. It’s pretty funny to read though.

So for the rest of the day I’m pretty much free. I will take advantage and prepare the class work for students next week, do a little reading and check out more of this free literature course that I found online.

Tall Tales Told – 16th November 2021

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The stories we tell always change
To suit the audience being told
Fake news has been around forever
The preposterous tales of old

Legends live on in our minds
To moralise for the present
Made obvious for the new generation
Who is bad and who is pleasant

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the two guys who make the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast as they have introduced me to good music that I would maybe never hear otherwise.

I don’t know how many months now that it has been that I have been trying to play Scarborough Fair 100% accurately on guitar. It made me mad and then I got all ‘whatever’, thinking that one day it will come. I’m still waiting for that day. The chord change from Dm to F was/is the main stumbling block and when I do manage it I end up not quite nailing something else. Never give up. I do fucking hate this song now though.

I’m out in my room and can hear Amy screaming inside. I don’t mean screaming scared but just drunkenly emoting loudly on the phone. She does get excited after a couple of wines.

Good classes today. Some testing students but not too bad. I’m pretty calm most of the time now.

I Need A Maid – 15th November 2021

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Feed the cats, iron the shirts, wash the dishes
My wife has gone with the bestest of my wishes
She did so much and I even paid
But without her, I realise that I need a maid

First-world problems, yes, I understand
Pleasure and housework don’t go hand in hand
Now I’m wishing that my wife had stayed
Cos I don’t want to admit that I need a maid

See yesterday’s poem

4th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s parents for understanding her and not making any crazy demands of her.

A reasonable Monday with a couple of classes. Felt good, students playful but did their work. Did they learn anything? I’m not so sure! Keep plugging away.

I’ve had lots of thoughts go through my head that I though might be interesting to write down but I failed to capture them at the time and now they’ve left the long winding river, somewhere out of reach. If they’re important enough, I’m sure they will float back sometime.