“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Thinking how much better I feel mentally and a little bit physically. My body hurts in so many places but if I do my five-minute exercise every day I can feel it is making me feel better. I spent too many years ignoring my health and it’s hard to catch up but I’ll keep on.
Dreams – no recall. Today – last day of week with four days off.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the big breakfast I had this morning. Not sure I need to eat again today!
Oh No! Bruno! – brainbox. Dream? I’m not sure but I am tired this morning – did not want to wake up. Exercised (five minutes) feel good. Mozzie heaven in my room in the morning.
Read back into my past – what was I thinking? Some days good, some days bad. Tim Smith passed away – only 59. Seven years older than me. I want to live longer. Especially now I am happy.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my glasses. I feel really disoriented without them. I love being able to see properly.
Last night as I was going to sleep I remembered more of the dream that I had yesterday night. We – not sure who – were in some kind of outdoor festival/playground and I was scared to go headfirst down a cardboard tube in the ground. I don’t recall last night’s dream at all. Quick one today – want to meditate.
23rd Sep 2022 – Perhaps I had recently been remembering the time when I was six or seven and wouldn’t get on an escalator with my mum at a London Tube station. Escalators were truly scary for a little boy who had no idea what it was or how it worked and despite mum’s assurances that it was fine, I stood at the top crying my eyes out as she disappeared downwards. A very nice man walked me down the stairs to reunite with her a minute later. Such trauma!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the foot inserts I can wear to try and make my feet feel better.
Dark and rainy but I’m happy. Five-minute exercise with a few squats and foot exercises – can I fix my feet? Dream – I know I didn’t want to wake up because I wanted to know what happened but now I don’t remember what it was about. Earlier I dreamt about giving Matthew Sherlock (an old school friend) a blow job – he had a skinny dick. What’s the meaning?
I’ve been thinking recently about how over time everyone will be more open to each other about any sexuality so that we will all experiment with everything. A few generations away. Have a good day Shaun – happy.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that is easy for me to listen to podcasts in the car and I’m enjoying listening to this one (You Don’t Know Mojack) about all the SST releases. Very interesting.
To-do list
These entries seem to be going a little by the wayside at the moment. A little because I have been busy transferring old DVD burns back to mp4 files. I mentioned to George that I was doing this and he asked me ‘why’, as if he couldn’t comprehend it.
It made me wonder a little too and I realised that I enjoy cataloguing and ordering things. I always seem to be in this process. Now I’m looking at my photos, physical and on my computers, cataloguing my life and 1994 diary, CDs, music files etc. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. It’s mostly pointless and time-consuming but for some reason, it makes me happy.
School has been fun and I’m enjoying teaching these new classes. The environment and other teachers are all pleasant and contribute significantly to the good feeling. I feel good and self-confident almost all the time now.
I am so happy and grateful that I teach first thing on Monday morning and the students are good fun. It’s a happy start to the week.
Forced myself to do exercise this morning. Good coffee next! Dream? George was in it but I can’t quite remember the details now. Enjoyed yesterday a lot. Will do again today right? Coffee time.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my passion to discover new interesting music. It takes my mind to do many different places.
Music from Lindsay Cooper, Unrest, Work and Play, Boss Hog, Sonic Youth, Code of Honor, Gas Rag, The Cichlids, False Prophets, Buff Medways, Fun Things, Fire Engines, XTC, Electric Prunes, Blues Inc, Thug, Arcwelder, Void, Makimakkuk, OMFO, Orthrelm and Park Ji Yoon.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my patience and care for Amy and for being able to turn an annoying situation into an ok one. I left her with Bee and George in the nightclub and tried to sleep in the car which was difficult but eventually, I ended up listening to music on my iPod. Listening to the Van Pelt and US Maple made me happy. Instead of thinking I had to suffer being uncomfortable until Amy was ready to leave I told myself that I get a chance to listen to great music.
Wake up at night and clench my jaw when I stretch – stupid. Brain jukebox – Volcano Suns – Medicine Cabinet. What a brain! Five days habit morning – losing a little weight – now steadily under 80 kg – happy with that.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my long-running laptop. It keeps on chugging along.
To-do list
I did play the awards game and turned a couple into compliments (on Friday) but forgot after that – why don’t I remember? Will try again.
Went out with Amy on Friday night and whilst she and everyone else were drinking, I decided not to – knowing what I would feel like on Saturday. Everyone was having a good time but I was super tired and went to the car to rest and listen to music. Despite being uncomfortable in the car I was in a positive mood and turned it into ‘getting to listen to my music’ instead of ‘having to wait for Amy’.
Needless to say, I felt good on Saturday morning and Amy struggled through the day! I even managed to get up early on Sunday and do my 5-minute exercise routine which made me feel great for the rest of the day until about 6 pm when I got tired and went to bed (to read).
I also didn’t eat much this weekend and got back under 79kg again. I want to keep going and burn off the rest of this belly fat.
I spoke to Hayden over the weekend and he sounded much better than before. His speech was clear and his ideas had more clarity too. He said he hasn’t smoked pot for 30 days now. That’s great to hear. I’m so happy to hear him sound more positive at last.
Classes have been going well. The kids are working me out and they make me laugh. I’m not taking things too seriously now – just try to enjoy our time with each other in the class.
Another crazy dream. Lex was getting punished by slapping but it turned into Kim Chi – I didn’t want anyone to be punished.
I heard dreams are a process of brain rearrangement during the night. Moving storage on a hard drive.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the sunny morning and my sunny outlook today. I feel good and confident and look forward to a happy day.
Weird dreams – girl on bus wanted sex. I was taking care of a package but don’t know why. Ended up meeting old friends. I lost my bike – went to a record store that was also a bar. Az worked there – he got hit by a payphone that fell off the wall – I felt like it was my fault. He let me into a weird place with lots of people who wanted to dose me with drugs and kill me. I got this from reading the beginning of the Hendrix book.
Up early today – at school by eight, in new room. Tired but happy. Cats came to visit my room. Tigger wanted to spray. Maybe he did.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have any lessons today so I can plan for my next video.
To-do list
I went to the dentist on Wednesday so didn’t get time to write here but it was a good cruisy day with some video-making and writing. I followed the same points above today and did OK but sometimes I think I still talk more than I need to and should listen more. I did remember to compliment people – two on Wednesday but only one today. I really really want to remember to play the awards game because when I do remember it makes me laugh inside and feel happy.
On Wednesday I connected a little with JJ and First but now everyone is busy with teaching so there is little time left to try and go a little deeper with people. I had a couple of difficult classes today though there were a few students who stood out. I hope I can encourage the others to open up and participate more. It’s early days.
Two students fell asleep in my afternoon class and I got the rest of the kids to creep out quietly and we let them sleep. They thought that was funny and everyone had a break.
1994ever 