Category: 2020

They just want your consciousness – 25th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A long time since writing in this book now a stream of consciousness writing exercise to let out all thoughts smoky air coughing up blood sore throat sweaty after a workout, well a five minute warmup anyway. Fan whirring. Door open ugh smoky air cats all safe no snake sightings. Unfinished jigsaw in front of me I enjoyed a few hours yesterday cats and books great idea for a picture. Pink gym ball I should do some situps no dream to remember right now messages coming on the phone. Meditate which first? meditate or situps many little things waiting to be done middle mass phrase Crayon Shin Chan’s little penis! Why? I don’t know but it made me laugh for a hundred Baht. Coffee! Yes, bad coffee but good caffeine. Smiling faces show teeth. Friends to be made no time to be grumpy how far do my thoughts extend before they run out or slow down. This exercise is slowing down my brain and speed of thinking – is that the purpose? Sit up straight soft seat. Tough hard wood at school. What will the day bring? Either way it will be okay – another day. I enjoy being around nicer people – that’s what I should be – nice – to everyone.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my calm this weekend. It has maintained my happiness when I could have been upset and angry.

To-do list

  • Listen carefully, practice breathing exercise
  • Take this happiness to work and bring it home again ✅
  • In free time at school – clear emails
  • Convert jpgs to docs – check the first lessons again ✅
  • Go to immigration ✅

Maintained my happiness throughout the day – and it was a very easy day. We had nothing to do – I wrote some more lessons but very lazily. I was nice to everyone and think I gave off enough of a positive vibe – I could always do better though.

Tonight, Nu, Aing and Mink came over – it’s Mink’s last night here so we bid him farewell. He’s a nice kid – very thoughtful – sometimes too much, so, he reminds me of me quite a lot at that age.

Tomorrow George is really excited that we might video record all the teachers singing ‘Happy’. It will be fun I really have to push myself to be in that frame of mind. Can I do it?

We got that attitude! – 24th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for taking the opportunity to learn a little about video editing. It was time-consuming but fun.

To-do list

  • Record TCRAH ✅
  • Warm-up video and exercise when you get up ✅
  • Double check lessons and organisation of them ½

Doing a warm-up and some weights this morning definitely seemed to put me in a productive mood. I feel like I managed to do so much today – even with three hours or so spent doing a jigsaw.

I was still energised as it cooled in the early evening and moved a lot of blocks and shovelled some stones. I’m pretty beat now but still feeling happy and positive. I will keep this positive feeling going into the work week.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #39 – 23rd May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Pregnant Neck, The Fugs, 35mm Dreams, Tsushimamire, Skurge, Mudhoney, George Duke, Electric Light Orchestra, Lightning Bolt, Unknown, Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, Dennis Brown, Wild Youth, Vibrato Fetish, Spanish Dogs, beNt, Cockney Rejects and The Temptations.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my shower in the morning, to cool and refresh, and prepare for the day.

To-do list

  • Continue video editing ✅
  • Enjoy Baew’s birthday party ✅
  • Record TCRAH if time
  • Find warm up video and then exercise
  • Read some more – I want to finish this book! ✅

I enjoyed learning the video editing software today. Amy was obviously in her monthly bad mood so it was good to be out of the way. She was baking cakes too. I find it hard to deal with her when she’s in these moods and even she knows that she is not herself.

She was happy when we got to Baew’s though and we started eating and drinking. I had to stop after a little bit though because I was tired and I ended up sleeping for a couple of hours!

Tomorrow – get up and go again.

We got that attitude! – 22nd May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for my little man cave where I can sit and meditate, work, play, read and sleep. My own little private space to enjoy.

To-do list

  • Listen, think, assert gently ✅
  • Offer more help to other teachers – build trust ✅
  • Enjoy filming ✅
  • Exercise, meditate, write in the morning ½
  • Write more blog posts ✅

Very happy with today. I still made some minor blunders but overall everything was good. I have offered to help Kru Tongjai with editing my video so that kept me busy for most of the afternoon and most of the evening too, but it’s been enjoyable learning the process.

Drank some beers this evening, so happy and lazy to write!

We got that attitude! – 21st May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for opportunities and choices. Last night Takky asked again if I would be interested in teaching with him and Alan at Tessaban 6. It’s good to have options.

To-do list

  • Enjoy the day again – not much for me ✅
  • Meditate and exercise – get up early ✅
  • Can you do morning pages? The quiet voice?
  • Drink more water ½

I got up early and did some weights and stretching, as well as a quick meditation. I felt pretty good but was a bit down and subdued when I got to work. I was still thinking about last night and my worry about Amy drinking too much sometimes.

I was a bit snappy with George too. He has been so helpful for me and Dylan and introducing us to the school. Today I got a bit annoyed at him telling us the best way to do something and felt like I wanted to assert myself a little so I can show a little independence. That was all well and good but I’m not as good a subtle craftsman with words and expression as he is and I worry that I upset him a little.

I still struggle to think carefully about how my words come out and how they might be received. I’m not yet quick enough to work out a better way of expressing my assertions.

I also think that my grumpiness is caused by the discussion last night about the possibility of working with Takky and Alan. They make a good option for doing meaningful work in their school but it would mean working a lot harder than I do right now and my preference is to work less and less! It is nice to receive praise from them but I also still doubt my own abilities.

Ellen has also been talking about teaching online through students she finds for me and she talked about how competitive it is now. She asked me what my main skills were and I really wasn’t sure what to say! I don’t really know what they are!

I often feel like I can’t really do anything until I’m actually doing it and even then when I get praise, it’s still not enough to give me confidence.

I met Kru Tang this morning and she mentioned that Kru Boe missed me a lot and Tang said Boe cried about what happened with me at the school last year. One thing that has come out of that is that things seem to have improved there quite a lot and it seems to be a result of my efforts and sacrifice there.

I did feel good about that but it’s not the kind of situation I want to find myself in again and the offer to work with Takky and Alan could prove to end up the same (or is that just my anxiety speaking?).

George says I like to play mind games, implying that I think too much about some things. I don’t know. I guess I’ll think about that too.

Tomorrow I’ll try to think how to be assertive in a more gentle manner – and listen first, in full, before deciding what action I want to take.

We got that attitude! – 20th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunity to work with George and Dylan at CRPAO this semester. I think we will have a lot of fun.

To-do list

  • Zoom with Ellen
  • Enjoy the role playing today ✅
  • Another article for Bruce
  • Some more Inner Engineering

The day at school actually went to plan and the evening at home didn’t at all! But that’s OK. These things happen and it’s nothing to get beat up over.

Amy and Takky and Amy’s dad were drunk by the time I got home and everyone was in a happy mood so I hung out and played with Ritchie (Takky’s dog).

I worry sometimes about Amy hurting herself when she’s drunk – she also gets a little maudlin and down. I like to drink too and have a good time but recently I just haven’t felt like it so much. We did on Friday and had a great time but it’s getting harder for me to do it on school nights.

We got that attitude! – 19th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have our cat Tigger in our lives. He’s a tough cat and been through a lot of tough times and now he is happily with us here in Thailand. It’s great to see him happy.

To-do list

  • Install Zoom at home ✅
  • Offer help where you can ✅
  • Find more articles for Bruce ✅
  • More Coursera and Crash Course ✅

A strange day at school. When we arrived it seemed like we had an urgent request to check all the videos that the Thai teachers had made because the parents had complained about bad pronunciation by the teachers. We were happy to help but not really sure exactly what they wanted us to fix (or how?).

Despite the urgency, the teacher we were supposed to get the files from wasn’t there and no one told us where she was or if/when she would arrive.

After lunch we got another message that it wasn’t the videos that we had to check but the PowerPoints they had made. We had already noticed mistakes in some that we saw and when we pointed it out they said that it was too difficult to change in time.

By the end of the day we had only received one file to check, so it wasn’t so urgent, I guess!

We busied ourselves preparing our next videos which we will record over the next couple of days. I feel very relaxed about the whole situation but also want to be careful not to slip into laziness. I helped the uni students and first-year teachers to proofread their work. The all really want to talk with us so that they can practice speaking English. Some of the first-year teachers told me that they thought the whole Thai education system was messed up and I encouraged them to be the ones who can trigger the change.

When I got home Amy told me about many complaints around Thailand about the quality of the Thai teachers teaching English and videos had gone viral. With online teaching the parents are now seeing what their children have to work with and are understandably upset.

I will maintain my relaxed attitude – everything still feels so uncertain for everyone. No point to get upset or frustrated.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #38 – 16th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Curse Ov Dialect and Kaigen, Social Distortion, Bannlyst, The Fall, Unknown, Sun City Girls, The Misunderstood, The Crime, Rancid, Eddy Current Suppression Ring, The Slaves, Billy Childish and Dan Melchior, Itch, My Dad is Dead, Heavy Vegetable, Refused and The Rattles.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that the men came today to look at our roof which blew away a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully, they can fix it. I don’t envy them, having to work on the roof in the blazing sun today.