Category: 2020

There’s nothin’ left to talk about unless it’s horizontally – 14th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Body swap story idea (unrealised)

Characters:
Donald Trump in the body of a sexy topless non-white siren
Rescuer – a full-blooded man with a strong desire for sex with the siren

Scenario:
A post-apocalyptic Earth with white people on the run from the rest of the planet’s people. Trump as President was shot and killed but a mind scan backup was quickly made and transferred to the siren by the rescuer. The rescuer chose the siren for obvious reasons. She was just a stupid chick before and now she is a stupid President chick.

28th Dec 2022 – I think the genesis of this idea is taken from stories in the 1994 comic anthology.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find my clothes washed and ironed each week

To-do list

  • Get down some notes about that body swap story ✅
  • Conscious of breathing, conscious in conversation ½
  • Study the TOEFL templates ✅
  • More printouts for Khawthang ✅
  • Finish casing CDs

Unfortunately yesterday I had a minor emotional setback as several things that had been bothering me came to a head. I felt sad and depressed and finding it difficult to overcome. The trigger was talking to Jimmy when he gave me my termination letter. He made pathetic excuses for my termination and it really made me mad.

Talking with George I thought would help me feel better but seemed to make it worse as I compare myself to him (which I know I shouldn’t). I don’t know how he can remain so calm and collected in the face of stupidity. I aspire to be like that too but I’m unable to control my emotions well enough. I feel like a failure, and feeling like that reminds me that I am.

They will crawl up in your skin and they will come out from the walls, if you let them – 13th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What do you believe that others do not?

– A daily writing prompt from stoameditation.com

I believe in fairness, justice, learning, compassion etc…  but so do many other people….

Perhaps there are things that other people believe that I do not, such as gods, more money will make you more happy etc…  Many people believe those things too though.

I feel like this is a trick question and should force you to contemplate all the things you do believe.  When you examine them all maybe there will be something there that no one else believes?

Is there anything that one person might believe that no one else believes though?  Even something obscure is likely to be believed by another person somewhere in the world. As you voice it for the very first time, someone else might agree!

What about this? Is there something you used to believe that you no longer do? When you stop believing something you sometimes block it out and disown it as if you never really believed it. Did I used to believe in ghosts? Some strange things happened that I couldn’t explain then but can explain now. Is that just learning and growing away from ignorance? Is it possible to grow so far away from ignorance, to be able to explain everything, to no longer have any beliefs? Is that some sort of nirvana the Buddhists idealise?

If you believe we live in a simulation then do you really know that one foot goes in front of another when you are walking or do you just believe it is so?

This stupid question has raised more than I’ve been able to answer. Ok, good. Keep the old brain ticking.

I’m off to start on my list of things I believe.

Who called?
What the hell did they say?
Get off the telephone right now
Don’t throw another minute away

Karate – There Are Ghosts

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have to teach at school for the next two days. Even though it was a late notification and bad planning it’s good for me anyways.

To-do list

  • Finish Kieran’s letter today! ✅
  • Study TOEFL templates ½
  • Connect with someone ✅
  • Random act of kindness ✅
  • Clear videos and emails ✅

I really enjoyed being able to sit in the quiet classroom and finish off Kieran’s letter as well as read a few other things and make some random notes. I skipped out in the afternoon so we could do some much-needed shopping. I don’t know if anyone will say anything tomorrow about not being there the whole day but it does feel a bit unreasonable to expect us to stay the whole day when there is nothing much to do.

It’s the constant annoying frustration of disorganisation and I am learning more to go with the flow.

Spent another enjoyable hour talking with Bruce and thinking of strategies to help him improve. I’m afraid it may be a long journey for him and I don’t want him to think that I’m just milking him for money so I will do my best to facilitate with what he needs to pass his exam.

I was calm and collected for the whole day and employed some of the techniques from the Smiling Mind meditations – becoming conscious of breathing and practising focus on people communicating – not just words but facial and body language, interactions within groups etc. When in those group communications I could have paused longer and forfeited my stories to enjoy theirs more. If I have that opportunity again tomorrow I will practice this.

Tomorrow I will spend all day reading, writing, learning and thinking.

I would be your whipping boy, if you look into my eyes – 12th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There are two important components of jerkhood.

First: an implicit or explicit sense that you are an ‘important’ person.
Second: an implicit or explicit sense that you are surrounded by idiots.

– Eric Schwitzgebel (blog extract)

Hands up if you’ve ever been a jerk? There should be no hands down. Please comment if you have never been a jerk. Not even once.

Here’s all the times I was a jerk…….

No, no, no, I’m not going to do that! Not here anyway.

I wonder if we actually are surrounded by idiots, or if those people have chosen a simpler path that just makes them appear to be idiots to others. They must have some redeeming qualities.

As individuals, we seem to be quite together, perhaps even inconsequential, yet when we get together to form systems or groups we often devolve into idiothood.

Sometimes I wish I was ignorant and close-minded. Then the truth – the reality – doesn’t matter.

So, I’m sorry to everyone who ever felt that I was a jerk to them. I’m trying.

Well, I feel bad
And I’ve felt worse
And I’m a creep
And I’m a jerk

Mudhoney, Touch Me I’m Sick

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my phone and this app (just called Gratitude). It reminds me of all the little things I should be grateful for.

To-do list

  • Finish reply to Kieran ½
  • Start creating events for WDS ½
  • Enjoy teaching Bruce again ✅
  • Case more CDs ½
  • Do not complain. Think before speaking ½

Got thrown an extra class this morning but luckily it was with one of the better classes of students. The following classes all went well too but I’m starting to feel worn down. I was wondering today if I’m just jealous of the freedom that the kids have, their care-less attitudes, their joys and grievances.

There was almost a fight today as two kids stood up to each other. I was curiously, happily watching it progress and wanted to see how the class dealt with it themselves. I’m not sure if someone was expecting me to step in but eventually Kru Noon did and it was a little disappointing that it fizzled out.

My self-control was tested somewhat when finding out late in the afternoon that there are no classes for the next two days but I looked on the bright side for myself rather than thinking about the unstructured disrupted learning these kids are going through. Two easy days ahead. I hope I get to spend more of this free time in the quiet classroom and write, think and study more.

I taught Bruce again today and he wants to study 2-3 times a week which is good for me. I need to do a bit more research for his lessons as he wants to learn about TOEFL exams for speaking.

I learned today that I can push through and enjoy it when teaching, even when I’m tired. I can improve my methods when teaching Bruce as I feel they have dropped off somewhat at Anuban. As Mohan laughingly mentioned ‘Once you start teaching here you can’t teach anywhere else.’ This shows me his satisfaction at his job and settled into this style, knowing its limitations and drawbacks. Can I do the same? I think I have to if I want to stay sane.

14th May 2024 – Four years later I can safely say that I have settled into a working style that is suitable for here but as Mohan infers, it would be very difficult to be a teacher anywhere else after this.

Paycheck to paycheck, living for what? Every night I get drunk to get sunk – 11th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The continuum of Problem-solving:

You solve the visible problem.

You solve the problem that caused the visible problem.

You avoid the problem.

When solving visible problems, it’s easy to signal value creation to others. If you work in a large organization with a regular paycheck, few people ask if the problems should exist in the first place. Instead, everyone thinks you’re indispensable because you’re so busy solving problems.

As you move toward avoiding problems before they happen, visibility decreases. Explaining what you do all day becomes harder and more subjective. Rewarding people for something that didn’t happen is very difficult. Thus, it becomes risky for the employee to avoid problems.

From Farnam Street’s Brain Food Newsletter

“If you work in a large organization with a regular paycheck, few people ask if the problems should exist in the first place.” Reading this took me right back to my old IT office job.

I really loved that job when I first started. It was overlooking Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Opera House. I worked my ass off to learn as quickly as I could. Years later I was rewarded with a technical administration position, which was better than it sounds.

It was a steep learning curve which involved a lot of testing, installations, maintenance, programming and 24 hour support. The product was a top of the range piece of software. It had just turned the year 2000 and money was flowing freely through the institutions that were supported. Work was interesting and fun.

Slowly, money started to dry up and upgrades were delayed. Often the users would demand it whilst their finance departments would not agree to pay for it. These battles went on consistently for about a decade. During that time all that I needed to do was to make sure the thing kept running. My typical work day could be over after 5 minutes of checking emails. So I made good use of the super fast internet, the office supplies and the printers.

Eventually they started replacing the product I was supporting with a cheaper alternative. Of course users complained because now their minor problems were turning into major problems. To save money, costed money. But it was more cost effective for my employer to pay penalties to the customer for fuckups than it was ensure the fuckups didn’t happen in the first place.

Eventually, after 13 years of arguing for better planning and products, sitting quietly doing my own things on company time, I was made redundant. It was an amazing relief to be honest, and it changed the course of my life. Much for the better, I like to think.

Now, wherever I am working, I can see the same redundant systems in place. The ‘work smarter, not harder’ mantra hasn’t managed to infiltrate everywhere as yet.

It won’t work,
Won’t work no more….

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our beautiful house. It feels like a home.

I am so happy and grateful to make friends with these puppies, even though they ate my shoes.

To-do list

  • Reply to Kieran ½
  • Catch up with Stoa and Daily Stoic ✅
  • Search more about TOEFL for Bruce ✅
  • Write a blog entry ✅
  • Get more CD cases finished! All? ½

An easy two-lesson day that could have been easily disrupted when I was told I could no longer use the library so I had to think quickly about new lessons which wasn’t too stressful.

I was pretty quiet today, still a bit tired from the weekend. I even lost my wallet at one stage but that didn’t phase me and I figured where it may have fallen out of my pocket and sure enough they had found it in the cafe. That’s the first time I have ever lost my wallet or anything out of my pockets. That’s a pretty good record but hopefully not a sign of things to come.

Things I could have improved on would be to not join in when other teachers are complaining. I don’t do it too much but it’s easy to fall into it.

I feel like I got a lot done today but still like I have a lot to do. None of these things are essential but one I do have to start getting on top of is the WDS tour so I’ll get back on to that tomorrow. I also start teaching Bruce online again so that will be a bit of extra cash coming in too.

We got that attitude! – 10th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for all the friends I have made around the world so that I can go to places and meet them. I met Kyaw Kyaw and Zarni from Rebel Riot and Christopher Luppi, a long-time scene veteran in Thailand.

The more people you listen to, the more aspects of humanity you will recognise, and the better your instincts will be.

Kate Murphy, NYT

Hinoki Land

To-do list

  • Savour the drive back to Chiang Rai ½

I did savour moments of our drive back especially when we stopped at Hinoki Land, a beautiful Japanese site with great architecture and views.

One thing I noticed a lot though was how much Amy makes small complaints and negative comments. They didn’t alter my own mood but I notice this more and more when I compare it to how we were in Australia. It’s like she didn’t need to comment on each small petty grievance in Australia because she was generally happy and positive about life around her. My concern is that she is less happy now and that will have a longer-term effect on both of us.

I’m looking forward to sleeping tonight and whilst not looking forward to going back to school, I am positive about getting back into a routine again. When we talked about it on our drive I realised there are only about 4 more weeks of actual teaching left.

We got that attitude! – 9th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for our friends taking care of our house and cats.

Ask truly curious questions that don’t have the hidden agenda of fixing, saving, advising, convincing or correcting.

Kate Murphy, NYT

To-do list

  • Talk with John (he will be busy though!) ½
  • Talk with Kyaw Kyaw and Zarni ✅
  • Get Kyaw Kyaw and Zarni to do TCRAH spot
  • Talk to as many people as you can ½

A very lazy day finished off by going to the show at Mohawk Bar. I met Kyaw Kyaw and talked with him a few times through the night which was rewarding and it was good to finally meet.

I probably wouldn’t have stayed around too long if I hadn’t met Christopher Luppi. As the older punk members club we swapped stories and he introduced me to a few others he knew. The evening passes quite quickly in the end. I had lots of opportunities to talk to more people but didn’t make the best of it, still a little shy and reserved.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #24 – 8th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Bob Drake, The Work, DMBQ, FLIRT, Neutral Sons, Prag, Brainticket, Grobschnitt, Appollonius Abraham Schwarz, The Sweet, The Dazzling Killmen.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see Oh’s puppies again and thankful she gave us a place to stay for one night.

To-do list

  • Stay relaxed – it’s a mini-holiday ✅
  • Do another Smiling Mind meditation
  • Really savour something today ✅
  • 3 acts of kindness ½
  • Only buy books on your want list

Went book shopping but ended up buying a couple of extra things because I didn’t see any books on my wants list.

In the morning we went to visit Jessica’s aunt and I really savoured sitting and talking with her in her garden. Whilst we were talking she mentioned a book she really enjoyed about Afghanistan. She couldn’t remember the exact title, something about a Thousand Suns. Just as I was leaving the bookshop I spotted on the shelf ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ and that was the book – so I bought that too.

An enjoyable day of food and shopping.

We got that attitude! – 7th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have a car. I like to drive and the drive to Chiang Mai is quite pleasant.

An emotion can be generated by the thought of something good or bad happening either now or in the future.

Massimo Pigliucci

To-do list

  • Enjoy the drive, take your time ✅
  • Stimulate the conversation with Tik and Oh
  • What acts of kindness can you do? ✅
  • Think more about drawing something for the kids

A long lazy drive, very much enjoyable, talking with Amy, listening to music and viewing the scenery.

When we met Tik and Oh it was quite noisy, in a very busy outdoor restaurant so I didn’t spend much time trying to get into conversation but it was a happy and fun evening.

I did, or tried to do, a random act of kindness today when I saw an older lady struggling with some bags. I helped her and she thanked me but soon after reversed the help I’d given her. I still felt OK and I still think she appreciated someone trying to help even if she didn’t actually want it.

I’ve added random acts of kindness to my coach.me habits app in an effort to keep it more in my mind.

Pull yourself up by the bootstraps – 6th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I’m so happy and grateful for my relative freedom. After reading about Natascha Kampusch spending eight years in a dungeon and how she dealt with it is really inspiring. But even outside her dungeon she still has a feeling of being trapped. Hence relative freedom.

Justification for infidelity and dishonesty in all their manifestations lies in the marginal cost economics of ‘just this once’.

Clayton M. Christensen, HBR

To-do list

  • Get cutting knife
  • Prepare Kru Noon’s card
  • upload TCRAH
  • Rip some CDs
  • Rest. Speak less. Listen more ✅

Well, I didn’t get many of those things done! But that’s ok because I really did rest a lot. I read a lot and watched a bunch of really interesting stuff on YouTube, some of which I really was savouring.

I was in a good frame of mind when Aing, Gus and Nu came and I enjoyed talking with them, kicking off a conversation by asking them that in ten years time they will be successful – what does success mean for them? Aing then surprised me by asking if I think about how I might die. While Gus and Nu laughed I thought it a very valid question.

It was an interesting and thoughtful conversation and I very much enjoyed it. So, nice and rested, I’m prepared for our long drive tomorrow.

Defenders of the world we make believe in – 5th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This morning’s breakfast was interrupted by a special cat delivery of a small baby bird. Once extracted from her mouth the bird attempted to fly away but couldn’t get too far. Some missing feathers, some blood and maybe a broken wing. Better the delivery was already dead. Now we will guiltily try to nurse this baby back to health or comfort it to its demise.

When bleeding lizards and frogs are delivered we simply throw them back in the long grass. What makes us more sympathetic towards some animals over others? In the same way, meat eaters think it’s disgusting to eat cats and dogs. Why I can justify eating fish to myself?

On returning home in the afternoon, the baby bird had indeed demised. The killer (pictured above in gentler days) strutted around oblivious to Amy’s admonishments and sadness. It was dinner time. “Feed me!”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to see the sunrise over the hills. This morning I videoed it for a couple of minutes. It was beautiful.

To-do list

  • Always keep a look out for photo opportunities ½
  • Finish week 5 Coursera ½
  • Write new blog post ✅
  • Buy a small cutting knife somewhere
  • 3 acts of kindness ½

After waking up feeling reasonably well, doing some squats and meditation, I enjoyed my breakfast and videoed the sunrise.

I felt a little dizzy but nothing too bad. I sat down at my desk at school and without even realising, sat reading, coughing and sneezing all the while. Kru Noon gave me some ginger and lemongrass tea and honey and lemon water for which I was grateful. However, my symptoms just got worse along with an annoying headache.

As I was at school already I decided to do my lessons and go to the doctor and get checked up at 2.30 pm. My first lesson deteriorated and I totally lost my temper with the class. It had the desired effect of shutting them up for a bit but I don’t think it served any of us very well.

I calmed down for the next two classes but couldn’t wait to leave. The doctor said it’s just a common cold and gave me some medicine but I decided not to go to school tomorrow as I have to be well to drive to Chiang Mai on Friday. So, all alarms off and time for a good sleep, hopefully.

I got some bits and pieces done today but just ended up watching a movie when I got home. It was Burden of Dreams. The story of the making of Fitzcarraldo. Both films are great and it’s amazing how the story of the movie is replicated in real life.

Tomorrow I won’t push myself too much.