We got that attitude! – 12th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful for a day off work today. I was a bit tired yesterday – perhaps from working out too much and not enough protein – something I should fix. So I was beat when I got home and just watched TV and slept early – a nice long sleep.


I missed a day (of writing) because I didn’t come into my room yesterday evening – just lazed, watching TV and reading and then slept a lot – was even more tired.

I was fluctuating between happy and depressed depending on how I read into people’s reactions to me. I didn’t feel fully in control.

Today is a day off – now today has a day off for Chinese New Year and the urging to get people to go out and spend money again. There’s another long weekend in a couple of weeks too!

The best thing about today was meeting Aing and Manow again – it feels like a long time since we last saw them. Aing said she misses her old gang of boys (Nu, Gus and Mink) – her new gang is all girls and ladyboys. Nothing stays the same.

I enjoyed picking weeds our of the grass as the ground is still soft from the soaking earlier this week. My hands smell of green and dirt.

I’m also happily getting better at guitar – very slowly but I can see and hear the progress. I’m still enjoying the process. Slowly, slowly.

We got that attitude! – 10th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful for all the free health apps on my phone that give me suggestions for different workouts each day so I can work off some of my alcohol belly fat. I feel much better these days and much happier.


Weirdly tired this afternoon. Maybe a reflection of the fact that I am at my lowest weight in about 15 years and have not eaten enough and/or exercised a little too much.

Anyway, I still had an enjoyable day – in the morning I wrote some fun and funny haikus about some of the teachers. I’m trying to do one for each. It’s a fun challenge and I’m enjoying the brevity of this poetry.

The best thing which happened today was talking with some of the students in my M1/10 (grade 7) class. I didn’t bother with a structured lesson and just sat round the table with a few students at a time and was able to have a few discussions with them – even finding out they could sing some songs in English, even if they didn’t really understand the words. Everyone was happy.

We got that attitude! – 9th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful for my room where I can go in the morning and enjoy a little exercise. As I left in the morning I said to myself ‘Goodbye room – I look forward to seeing you tonight!’ It’s a reminder of days just hanging out by myself in my bedroom. I am still 15 inside.


The best thing that happened today was to quickly write haikus for First and JJ – now I want to do them for other people. It’s difficult but fun.

Then it’s not if I win but how I play that matters, right? – 8th February 2021

We all have to start somewhere. I was always interested in art at school because it appealed to the part of my brain that could utilise imagination rather than drier subjects that required adherence to some sort of order. Weirdly I did well enough in those subjects though. Anyway, art just felt like the easy pass.

Of course, painting wine bottles and flowers didn’t really appeal and I wasn’t mature enough or my imagination broad enough to conjure anything worthwhile. I think I actually ended up doing more artistic things at home more than in class. Two pieces particularly stick in my mind and I don’t recall doing either at school. My most prominent memory of my three years of art class was finishing off a bottle of vodka and leaving the bottle in the classroom for other people to draw in the future. That was first year of high school – we were 13 years old. 1980 or 1981.

Like the other times I’ve had to draw on my education, such as Maths and English tests when applying to University, I’ve been able to dig deep into my memory and apply myself somehow. So, now I’m sketching when I have the chance and I’m digging into those art lessons I honestly don’t remember anything. What I learned about perspective I got when studying photography back about 12 years ago and watching YouTube videos about pavement artists and force perspectives.

Now, what I really learned, and learned from punk rock and my mother, is about just doing it. Getting on and doing it. When I look at these sketches again I can see the imperfections, the incorrect spacing etc. But when I look with kindness I think, wow, that’s pretty good (for me!).

Rather than set my expectation too high and demand perfection or failure, I choose the middle ground. Do it, finish, move on.

These sketches are from my morning coffee spot, House. My enjoyment with these was due to the very strong perspective of all the straight lines in the room.

First sketch

After making each drawing I gave them to Guey, the owner, and, if working from a photo I took, deleted the photo so all I end up with is a digital file of my sketch. I will do the sketch within 30 minutes, not as a rule but more that I have found the feel and if I went any further I would be getting down into detail that would take it beyond a sketch. Through these 3 sketches (over 3 or 4 days) I could feel improvement each time and they made me really happy and gave me a small sense of achievement.

Second sketch

When I find some more free time and inspiration I will do more but I think I’m done with House now, though they have a cute dog and a challenging garden that would be fun to draw. Hmm….ok – tomorrow!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have been able to continue this gratitude journal app every day for more than a year now. I will switch to writing in a diary from now.
I am so happy and grateful for the unusual big rain today and the fact that our roof holes that I plugged have held up fairly well – just a few leaks. Our plants will be happy for some water.


The best thing that happened today was being able to read whilst eating my lunch. I was late to eat so there was no one else around.

Other little nice things included many students being smiley and happy with me and trying to communicate as much as they could.

There’s a big storm hanging around today and there’s been a lot of rain. It’s funny – the dull drabness of the sky reminds me of England. Here it is a nice interlude to sunny warm days. In England, it would feel much more oppressive as those days would last for weeks on end.

We got that attitude! – 7th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful that I have the chance to be who I am. I can learn and understand things from other people but I will always be myself.
I am so happy and grateful that we have the tools we have to help us keep our garden clean and tidy and then when we are too lazy I am grateful that we can afford to pay other people to come and work for us.

To-do list

  • Follow up with Benjii ½
  • Next step of gratitude letters ½
  • Start to cut down on coffee expenses ½
  • Continue photo organisation ½

Dream your dreams, you’ll wanna take them back – 6th February 2021

January disappeared. Little sweaty from workout – thighs hurt – let’s stretch. Shower and coffee as reward. This is the first time I’ve actually managed to motivate myself on the weekend – proud of myself.
Dinner tonight with George, Dylan and B – Indian. Heavy food, will have late lunch.
Thinking about today but trying to empty my mind. My mind is always busy.
Locals gab outside, audible as the village is so quiet.
Nice temperature at 7 am. Want to listen to music, read books, dream dreams.
Slept so well last night don’t recall any dreams.
Are we really going to buy a leaf blower – it looks like it, leaves are crazy everywhere at the moment.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my hamstrings. I am working them out so much and they ache continuously but it’s a good pain – a pain of growing. The pain in my neck I’m not so sure but I hope I can work that out too. Thank you body for holding together so far.
I am so happy and grateful for my work as a teacher. I don’t consider it a job because it is so fulfilling. I love the kids.

We got that attitude! – 5th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful for the eggs and toast Amy made for breakfast this morning. All the work of the farmers to raise their chickens, grow their crops and the bakers, the shopkeepers, delivery drivers. So many people involved just to bring me a small amount of food to give me energy through the day.
I am so happy and grateful for yoga. I always feel good after doing it. Even though my body is not yet flexible I hope over time that it will become more stretchy. Like everything – little by little, bit by bit.


Today I sent a message out to my classes saying Happy Friday. Some of the kids in 1/11, who always look like they really don’t enjoy my class, sent me messages back saying they miss me (they’ve been doing Scouts all week instead of regular lessons). I was surprised and asked them if they preferred studying with me and they said yes! That made me feel pretty good.

I realise I’ve nearly finished reading Notes From Underground – that’s twice in about three weeks I’ve read it. The Underground Man hits very close to home! But it helps me understand that it is ok to be the way I am – even if my world doesn’t always look so good. I’m here in my own mousehole – thinking, breathing, living. It’s ok.

We got that attitude! – 4th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful that our car started this morning because Amy said she had a problem with it last night. It’s great to have a reliable car.
I am so happy and grateful for Miche to be Amy’s friend and for her and Amy to go out last night and have some fun. Amy has been enjoying the garden but it’s good for her to get out otherwise she is stuck here all the time. So I’m thankful Miche is her friend.


The best thing about today was talking with Dylan about music. He asked me about the feeling when Kurt Cobain died and I asked him how old he was – but he hadn’t even been born. We talked about the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Gorillaz etc