“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Inspired by this imagined conversation between Descartes and Hume at Existential Comics
Submitted to AllPoetry.com competition of Walter Mosley’s Easy Rawlins quotes. Quote as prompt (and paraphrased):“Jesus was doing cartwheels across the lawn in the porch light.”
Inspired by this post at htysdaily.com which was inspired by the same prompt that I used here. Also shared to NaPoMo.
Today I’m feeling:
Upbeat, positive and happy but a little tired (I think from blurred vision – or is my blurred vision from being tired?)
Today I’m grateful for:
The local weed shop being open today, splashing water on anyone passing by.
We now have two weed shops in the village!
The best thing about today was:
Dad’s larb pla for lunch, still hot from the pan and creating a perfect sweat for this heat.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was actually looking forward to going to SanKong for an hour or so, knowing it would be a joyous occasion, everyone having fun in a communal free-for-all.
After lunch, I went and sat in the aircon as Amy, family and friends were making desserts. She said it would take a couple of hours and that was perfect. Once they’re done we can drive to SanKong, I can hang out for a bit before going home, leaving Amy to keep drinking with her friends.
I soon dozed off and not woken up again until 4.30 pm, a couple of hours later than expected. Amy was already into her wine and understood when I said I’d just go home directly as it was late afternoon now.
Something I learned today?
Yesterday there was a knife attack in Bondi Junction Westfield and five people were killed. It’s an odd feeling for something like this to happen in a place that I’m familiar with.
Racing to the rooftops
Why is it colder closer to the sun?
All around there’s silence
As if this day had never begun
Shattered constructions bleached
Ghosts tread lightly long forgotten
Every wheel that’s turned
Cycles from beautiful to rotten
All the dragons sleeping
And here the lady forever lies
Buried high on the earth
Reaching toward the skies
That something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for today’s hangover. Reminding me not to waste any more time with alcohol. I didn’t drink a lot and it just put me to sleep and not a good sleep either.
Woke up this morning feeling pretty damn good. Perhaps due to the bowl of veggies and potatoes I ate for lunch yesterday? I should be trying to fill up on veggies whenever I can. A lot of food shops here skimp on them.
Hayden woke me this morning to wish me a happy birthday and he seems in a pretty good state of mind too. There’s hope for the Hemsleys yet!
For lunch, we’ll go to Amy’s parents and I may even indulge in a little alcohol and be prepared to write off tomorrow and maybe even Friday too! I still don’t have the taste for it, though a whiskey for these cooler nights might be OK.
We all have to start somewhere. I was always interested in art at school because it appealed to the part of my brain that could utilise imagination rather than drier subjects that required adherence to some sort of order. Weirdly I did well enough in those subjects though. Anyway, art just felt like the easy pass.
Of course, painting wine bottles and flowers didn’t really appeal and I wasn’t mature enough or my imagination broad enough to conjure anything worthwhile. I think I actually ended up doing more artistic things at home more than in class. Two pieces particularly stick in my mind and I don’t recall doing either at school. My most prominent memory of my three years of art class was finishing off a bottle of vodka and leaving the bottle in the classroom for other people to draw in the future. That was first year of high school – we were 13 years old. 1980 or 1981.
Like the other times I’ve had to draw on my education, such as Maths and English tests when applying to University, I’ve been able to dig deep into my memory and apply myself somehow. So, now I’m sketching when I have the chance and I’m digging into those art lessons I honestly don’t remember anything. What I learned about perspective I got when studying photography back about 12 years ago and watching YouTube videos about pavement artists and force perspectives.
Now, what I really learned, and learned from punk rock and my mother, is about just doing it. Getting on and doing it. When I look at these sketches again I can see the imperfections, the incorrect spacing etc. But when I look with kindness I think, wow, that’s pretty good (for me!).
Rather than set my expectation too high and demand perfection or failure, I choose the middle ground. Do it, finish, move on.
These sketches are from my morning coffee spot, House. My enjoyment with these was due to the very strong perspective of all the straight lines in the room.
After making each drawing I gave them to Guey, the owner, and, if working from a photo I took, deleted the photo so all I end up with is a digital file of my sketch. I will do the sketch within 30 minutes, not as a rule but more that I have found the feel and if I went any further I would be getting down into detail that would take it beyond a sketch. Through these 3 sketches (over 3 or 4 days) I could feel improvement each time and they made me really happy and gave me a small sense of achievement.
When I find some more free time and inspiration I will do more but I think I’m done with House now, though they have a cute dog and a challenging garden that would be fun to draw. Hmm….ok – tomorrow!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I have been able to continue this gratitude journal app every day for more than a year now. I will switch to writing in a diary from now.
I am so happy and grateful for the unusual big rain today and the fact that our roof holes that I plugged have held up fairly well – just a few leaks. Our plants will be happy for some water.
The best thing that happened today was being able to read whilst eating my lunch. I was late to eat so there was no one else around.
Other little nice things included many students being smiley and happy with me and trying to communicate as much as they could.
There’s a big storm hanging around today and there’s been a lot of rain. It’s funny – the dull drabness of the sky reminds me of England. Here it is a nice interlude to sunny warm days. In England, it would feel much more oppressive as those days would last for weeks on end.
I am so happy and grateful to be able to recall many things from my past despite my efforts to block them out over the years with alcohol.
I am so happy and grateful to remember a time before the internet. It makes me understand the true benefits of this communication.
I am so happy and grateful for having a couple of good friends I can hang out with in Chiang Rai. I didn’t enjoy today because I drank too much yesterday so I’m also very grateful for my recent run of not drinking. I much prefer days of being sober over a few hours of drunken enjoyment.
Wake a little early again but enjoyed snoozing. Seven-minute classic exercise coming up – not looking forward to doing but looking forward to the feeling afterwards. First, a good stretch.
Scribble dribble – what’s in my head. Students, class, study, water, cats, coffee – damn, coffee I can taste it already – preparing my taste buds for that first hit. Am I addicted? No coffee after midday today, okay?
Cracking bones in my body – is it too late to repair my body? Let’s see, let’s try. Smelled alcohol last night and made me nauseous – weird to have such a reaction. Haven’t drunk for about a month, I think.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to take a photo by the river with our barista this morning. Manow is very poor at English but somehow we can communicate our needs.
1st Nov 2022 – I saw this picture recently but can’t find it now. Maybe got deleted whilst trying to figure out how the hell iCloud works across multiple devices and then deleting things off my phone. If you are reading this in 100 years I hope you laugh at how old and dumb this technology was.
To-do list
As I was sat drinking coffee this morning, sat next to the river, nice temperature, I tried to put myself into a savouring state but somehow I just couldn’t manage it. I think it was because I was thinking too much about what to do with my class when I got back. I even checked my heartrate which was unusually high for me and the fitness app told me that I was stressed! I didn’t really feel stressed – just had that class on my mind.
I tried not to drink coffee after midday but broke down at 1.30 and caved in! It’s ok. I’ll try again tomorrow. Maybe get three coffees in before midday – that worked yesterday.
In general, I enjoyed school today and I’m still really happy. I do think about complimenting people but except for people’s appearance, I’m finding it a little difficult to find some things to compliment on. I do compliment the students a lot though. I don’t really count that though as that feels to me like it’s just a part of the job.
I did spend an hour or so talking with George about Lebanon and religion. I enjoyed that and thinking back to it now, there were moments when I was savouring that conversation.
I still need to practice more listening than speaking and also pushing the conversations to new and interesting places. I don’t really need to share my opinion – is it really important that other people know what I think? It’s still possible to drive a deep and meaningful conversation without committing to absolute belief.
Hayden in hospital – far away can’t see. Drama in his life. Girls – damn, was that always my problem too? Glad I found a couple of good ones in my time. What to do – what to say? Talk to him later I guess.
Head not too clear – last night say goodbye to Nu as he heads home. Couple of beers – no drunk feeling but slight blurry feeling this morning. Head with thoughts but not clear.
Cracking creaking neck. Stretch it better. Bleugh, alcohol. Fat belly breathing up and down. Try to clear.
Teach tonight. Talk more. Am I good at talking– good at listening?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that my son was smart enough to seek help when he really needed it. I hope he can work through his problems and lead a happy life.
To-do list
As Hayden had had his phone taken off him it was hard to talk with him today but he called me at lunchtime and he sounded much better today. He thinks he’ll be there for a few more days and I hope they can get him on the right path. I think he knows about this but is finding it difficult to get away from what he is familiar with. He has also struggled with the idea of change but could give himself more credit for how well he has actually dealt with it in the past.
I was a little quiet today but actually quite happy, just wanted to listen more than speaking today.
I tried to do the mini-zine in the morning and I put all the ideas together but the execution was awful. I’ll work on a proper version and send it to him. It was fun to put together though and I’d like to do it for more people.
1994ever 