Tag: Anchan

A Mad Man Made Man – 2nd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

A
made man
comes apart,
seams unravelling
Bolts become unscrewed;
Filled full of dust and dirt
Electrical kickstarter
Blood pumped in from poison vials,
Eyes barely open to see machines
Clinging to this life for a madman’s dreams

Confusion reigns in this laboratory
there seems to be something in the air;
A sadness amongst the madness
Who is the real madman here?
A sigh, a final breath;
Living forever
is a fool’s game
Give it up
This dream?
Dead

Shared with No Theme Thursday and the attached picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go this morning but my mind is clearing a little after two coffees.

Trying to catch up on reading poetry and it is a bit of a blur to try and comment after reading so much at one time. I can usually tell within a few lines if the rest is worth reading, though.

I plan to read more comics and books this afternoon, perhaps a little guitar action. Must try to avoid napping!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Spending three hours at Utopia catching up on reading and doing a tiny bit of writing.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more of Bob Mortimer’s biography. I’m about halfway through now and enjoying the Englishness of his writing and humour.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I did succumb to lying down in the afternoon but stuck on some crazy music to listen to and that kept me from falling into too deep a sleep. I went to my room to play guitar after that and discovered that my fingers weren’t working properly, butchering songs that I usually enjoy playing. I need to practice more.

Something I learned today?

The word pogonip is a meteorological term used to describe an uncommon occurrence: frozen fog.

The word was coined by Native Americans to describe the frozen fogs of fine ice needles that occur in the mountain valleys of the western United States in December.

According to their tradition, breathing the fog is injurious to the lungs.

Anchan sent me this picture. Yesterday I talked to Jee about Anchan and she knew a little of her story too. So last night, after getting paid, I sent Anchan some money as a gift. She sent me this picture of her smiling, a picture for her application to the HAP program next year, if she can’t get to her favoured school in Chiang Mai.

Castle Contrarian – 29th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Run away from the zeitgeist
I don’t know what’s going on
And again once it’s caught up
It’s a lifetime on the run

Hiding under self-made shelter
Cocooned in homegrown truth
It’s no conspiracy theory
Or trappings of religious youth

Bored by irrelevant gossip
A talk show in every pub
The drawbridge to my castle
Bars entry into my club

Still sympathetic to the circles
Of a society I’m sat outside
Deliberately contrarian
But sharing my space to hide

Full of personal contradictions
To care and not to care
I don’t know what I’m doing here
Or what you’re doing there

I’m happy inside my castle, in my head, in my home. I welcome others in, especially in sympathy/empathy, but there will always be a time when I will usher them back out in order to be alone again.

Today I’m feeling:

Great so far. It was good to be back amongst the kids again this morning and especially charged up on a quick takeaway coffee from Utopia.

I talked with Kru Mai about fixing up my schedule and I should at least get my Monday and Friday down to six hours of work.

I met with my grade 12s after their three months of internship and assigned them a task to make a video detailing their experiences while I go to see a new ENT specialist at the hospital.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The new ENT specialist I saw today who spoke very good English.

She suggested some different medicine, more for allergies. Probably due to the fact that the problem has been ongoing for about three months now.

The best thing about today was:

A long break between classes, which allowed me to do a bit of catching up with all the work that was submitted to me yesterday.

I still only got about halfway through, though and will have a bit more by tomorrow, as my first class this morning was disrupted as I had to go to the hospital.

I caught up a bit on a backlog of emails, too and hope to have everything back on track by next week. Need to get back into the swing of things with working things out with my new schedule for this semester (when that gets finalised too!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad just messaged me this evening that her little kitten got hit by a car and a Uni student took her to a vet somewhere.

She’s worried and upset, obviously, but I tried to advise gently that whatever happens next is going to happen, whether we are worried or not.

Her house is right next to the highway and their shop door is often left open during the day. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens a lot.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I gave Mei the earrings I bought in Chiang Mai for her birthday. I can’t be sure if she liked them or not, but she appreciated them anyway.

I tried to help Anchan with some more information about the studio at school but I think she figured out a solution for what she needed anyway.

I took this picture because Nicha and Earn were busy making TikTok videos instead of studying.

The Chase – 22nd October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Seduction – theatre in real life
The meeting of illusion and reality
Lost in a hall of mirrors
Reflections prove difficult to see

Kept busy with ritual
The chase, chocolate and flowers
The world is just a stage
Filled with clockwork amateurs

A geometric jerky quickstep
A dance without a guarantee
All those things worried about
And that never came to be

The first two lines are paraphrased from Robert Greene.

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but a bit tired as I woke up well before dawn and my brain’s jukebox got active as I started thinking about school.

We’ve had trouble with starting the car recently and it took me a while to get it going this morning, so I decided to drive to Nissan before school, but they don’t open until 8. I thought that I could go to school and clock in and then come back, but unfortunately, I couldn’t start the car at all, so I waited until they opened. Hopefully its just the electronic key that is the problem.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at Nissan who helped me this morning. Despite our communication difficulties (even with Google translating), everything was sorted, with me 400 baht worse off and only 30 minutes late for work, where it seemed many other teachers were arriving late too.

The best thing about today was:

Getting stuck into a lesson plan about pyramid schemes. It was fun to figure out a way to approach that hopefully engages the students and tests all their skills. I think I can use it for at least two lessons, maybe even three if I choose to go a little more slowly with it.

Something I learned today?

My testing testy student Kwang will move schools this semester.

It’s a shame. She’s smart but has something holding her back, distracting her.

I forget her story now but I think her dad left or passed away and her mum is working in Pattaya, which may or may not involve the bar scene, but either way, it means Kwang is left here with her grandmother or some other relative and is probably losing out on a good emotional familial connection.

In the eighteen months I’ve known her, I’ve made her laugh and made her cry. I’ve helped her, argued and fought with her. I like her a lot, like all my difficult kids and I’ll miss her being around despite how much of a pain in my ass she could be.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

A couple of days ago, I prompted Anchan to post an update on social media so that her friends could see that she is still around. She said that she didn’t have any photos and didn’t feel like posting, which I totally understood.

This morning, I was pleased to see that she had posted on Instagram, eating at a cafe somewhere in Chiang Mai. Lots of her friends commented and I hope that it makes her feel good.

I took this picture because, as often happens, suddenly there is a new plant flowering in our garden that we were unaware of. I do remember seeing something growing here earlier this year but pretty sure it was only one stem and only knee height. After the rainy season, here comes the surprise.

You Are The Key – 17th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Cultivate your garden
On the revelations of loss
A flower to push on through
The weeds you’ll come across

Are you terrified of the rain
Or love rolling around in mud?
Either way, stand up again
To see roses made from blood

There always was a before
And there will be an after
For every tear spilt
Endless hours of laughter

You can hold onto your pain
Keep it safely in a box
Remind yourself now and again
Of this healthy paradox

Inspired and paraphrased from this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little blurry in the head, though fairly happy too. Waiting for the coffee to kick in!

Trying to write a poem and started off with two killer lines and then coming up blank on anything else! Trying to think but I’m lost in the fog at the moment!

Finally, the coffee started working and I went for a third cup and I should be able to fight off the urge to nap this afternoon!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Not napping! I was tempted but forced myself out to my room to get up to my usual bullshit there. Listen to music, download comics, add blog entries and play guitar.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar along to Archers of Loaf, the Wipers and SquirrelBait, whilst a little under the influence of a weed brownie, had me now imagining that I was actually quite good on guitar. I’m not but it sounded good at that moment!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I braved the rain on the motorbike this morning to go to Utopia, as Amy didn’t want me to use the car yet. Thankfully, it was the end of the storm and just a little drizzle and by the time I came back again, the sun was out.

I also stopped and chatted with Aum Aim while she was working at her mum’s stall. She proudly told me her grade when I asked her – 3.85.

I’ve been thinking about my grading a lot this week, since fielding questions from students last weekend. I think I will be less serious about grading for the high school kids from this semester. The grades they get can seriously affect their options when it comes to university choice in the future.

It seems a bit petty to give an average grade to an average student who isn’t in the English program and whom I only see once a week. If they show willingness, I just give them a good grade, regardless of their skill level.

Am I submitting to the foibles of the Thai system?

Something I learned today?

Anchan told me that despite her being sick, she was in Burma to visit her mum in prison, perhaps the only chance she will get. She said it was dirty and crowded there.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan also told me that she can get back to Chiang Mai from Burma and she will be a little better looked after, food-wise, until she has to come back to school next week. She asked me for money again but I had to deny her this time. I’m happy to help her a little bit but I don’t want her to think that I’m just an ATM.

I took this picture because I received the Minnesota Pocket Circuit CDs from Team today.

Rebel Rock – 12th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

There was a time when London called
The papers and hoi polloi appalled
Frustration and anger overspilled
The youth of the day proudly thrilled

Smash the guitar or smash the state
Yet the changes promised had to wait
Revolution rock was just a lame duck
But at least the music didn’t suck

Shared with dVerse Poetics: album cover art

Today I’m feeling:

Well slept and despite turning on my alarm I got up before it would’ve gone off anyway!

Today is the first day of my holiday proper. I say that as I still feel as if I’m on holiday most of the time anyway, even when I’m working. However, today I meet Porpieng, Momo and Baitong for lunch at Central, go for a psych appointment on Monday and back to the ENT on Tuesday. Too busy for my liking!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Baitong buying me Dairy Queen ice cream today after we finished our pizza.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting the kids (the smart ones) for pizza again and watching them change and grow every six months (though I see Momo more often at school).

As Popo and Baitong have had experience at my school and now a new school I asked them which they thought was best and the both said the new school was better for their education even though it was more stressful in some ways.

I think they can realise the benefits of not having access to their phones during the day allowing them to focus more on their classes.

Baitong still cracks me up. She’s smart and has a quick wit and loves to make fun of everything.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The baby cow is on our garden again. Amy thought it best to close the gate to keep him here as if he’s left outside he could walk off anywhere.

His mum is calling him from the other side of the fence but he doesn’t seem to care as he munches on our grass.

Mum is tied down but the baby, whilst having a rope that can be tied up is left to roam. I think the cow man can guess where to look if he can’t find the baby. He’s used to it by now.

Something I learned today?

Baitong told me that she can’t ride a bike or drive a car but that she can drive a tractor!

She said her mum is a housewife and she didn’t quite know what her dad does but that he works hard. I asked if she would prefer to be like her mum or dad when she finishes school and university and she said ‘like her dad’.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought Momo, Baitong and Porpieng lunch today and as Baitong shares my birthday I bought her the materials to do the painting of our cats that she promised me last time we met.

I messaged Anchan and she told me that she still has a fever (39.2).

Momo messaged me in the evening saying that some of her class were wondering about the grades I gave them. Most of her class did well enough but their question of understanding my criteria is a fair point.

Basically I want them talking and communicating more in class. I asked her to pass the message on and that her classmates should contact me directly to show me their initiative. Let’s see!

I took this picture because who is the real boss here?

My Compass – 11th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 24 Comments

Uncertainty filled
Troublesome future begins
The big questions unanswered

Yet you bring to me
A much-needed light to shine
My compass, my map and guide

Shared with Tanka Tuesday (life change) and Moonwashed Weekly Prompt (where I’ve taken Eugi’s words and added to them).

Mondo poems are often very brief collaborative affairs (usually written by two poets) that present a question. (The question needs to be open-ended and poignant and should be a test of the answerer’s wit). The answer is written in the style of trying to glean meaning from nature. My poem doesn’t quite fit this requirement but let’s use our imagination.

Mondos can be as short as a one-liner or as long as two 5-7-7 syllable stanzas.

The first stanza presents the question; the second stanza gives the answer. We usually write this form in the spirit of Zen, responsive through meditation and observation of natural surroundings.

Today I’m feeling:

Reasonably ok, though I woke up early again and struggled to get more good sleep before my alarm went off.

The morning passed quickly with more reading and writing and, shock horror, even some lesson planning – though it was more thinking and organising than writing any new lessons.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The ladies in the financial office who helped me to provide them with the documents that they had requested. Through broken English, broken Thai, phone translation and gesture, we managed to get everything sorted.

The best thing about today was:

Making it out into my room but not long enough to play guitar, which was my initial intention for going there! I ended up sorting out the Hellboy comics reading order in my files, which took a fair amount of work and it was dark by the time I finished and time to eat.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got a message last night from Anchan saying that she checked into the hospital again last night, as she has a fever and was worried that she would go into shock. I offered to bring her food or whatever she wanted but she said that she wasn’t allowed visitors.

Something I learned today?

The Internet Archive is currently the target of hackers and it would be a travesty if the data held there were lost. Some people have compared it with the Library of Alexandria.

I took this picture because Garfield was in the in-tray when I went to visit the financial department. Earlier I had seen him sitting comfortably on a ledge with a one-storey drop on the other side!

The Big One – 10th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

After one too many casting couch sessions
Marilyn turned in her grave to send these lessons
Let fire, thunder and earthquake run free
And watch Hollywood sink into the sea

Shared with Kevin’s No Theme Thursday and this picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Good, this morning, waking up before my alarm again for some reason. I heard some heavy rain and thunder briefly in the early hours and the air was clean, fresh and cool when I went to do some exercise and stretching.

After clocking in, I went straight to the cafe (Couple Cups) to write and maybe do some lesson planning. I have been thinking about it at least!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

This neck massager that I received from Temu in China today. It’s not that great but it was also cheap, so I didn’t have high expectations.

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s quick dinner with fake pork belly. Delicious. I don’t usually want to put food-related things as the best thing of the day but today hasn’t been filled with too much of anything besides coffee, reading and writing, sleeping and eating!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The after-effects from last night’s gummy hit me once I got home around lunch time and I ended up sleeping for a couple of hours and even now feel as if I could go straight back to sleep again and it’s only 7.30.

I really don’t like wasting my time sleeping! But I do enjoy sleeping.

I also spilt coffee on my brand new white shirt whilst I was at the cafe. I soaked it as soon as I got home and hope that it doesn’t stain.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan is stuck again and feeling down. I’m trying to perk her up but her situation is fairly desperate. She has been in the hospital again because of low immunity, probably from not eating enough. I’m going to try and take some food to her tomorrow.

I took this picture because Garfield has been hanging around at the office most mornings.

What Wisdom – 29th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Nothing now will change the mind
Of what’s decided by mankind
For all the proofs and arguments made
The highest price is always paid

A spear for heads, a sword for hearts
In search of union, the pulled-aparts
Secrets buried for manipulation
Histories bound for exploitation

The past once written on papyrus page
Wisdom to be lent to a future age
New evidence brings into dispute
The wisest moral substitute

And one true path could be agreed
By humanity unburdened, freed
Yet as decided by mankind
Nothing now will change their mind

Submitted to No Theme Thursday (picture prompt) and Poets and Storytellers United – substitution – a meditation on the stupidity of mankind when presented with the tools for wisdom and peace.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again with a little clarity. I think that is coming from the skipping of Tramadol but the other effect of that is feeling less inspired and ponderous.

So after cleaning the entertainment area and stretching out my back this morning, I took one and will see how I feel later today.

This morning feels like a winter morning with nice, clean and clear cool air and it reminds me to look forward to this time of year and think about doing some bike rides again, which I haven’t been on since last winter.

I’m surprised my body isn’t more stiff this morning, as I spent about 17 hours in bed yesterday, either sleeping or reading. I read a great Paul Jenkins story called Revelations and, despite being tired, read the whole six issues. A great Vatican murder conspiracy with awesome artwork.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Chatting with Matt a little yesterday about maybe jamming some music together soon. To be honest, I’m a little scared as I really am hopeless at playing guitar and haven’t been excited enough to practice much recently.

I do also recognise, though, that doing something creative would give me more reason to practice and improve myself. I’m talking myself into doing it.

The best thing about today was:

Organising more things on my computer, in my room and on my blog. My old MacBook has finally given up, so I’m trying to get my music altogether on my old iMac, which is still going pretty well these days.

I was glad to spend a fair few hours in there today instead of succumbing to any afternoon snoozing.

Jet took this picture because she was messing around with my phone. One of my favourite students, Fah, and that’s Anchan working in the background.

Legend Tree – 16th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Is it safe to sit on old memories?
The musty heat binds spells
The hint of all possibilities
Returned to through dusted smells

The tales all began right here
The crossroads of the village meeting
Cherished moments soon disappear
Disruptions thankfully fleeting

Why did these histories not repeat?
They were where legends made
One or two remain on this street
But nothing else has stayed

Who now will push the swing,
Laugh at the falling from the tree?
To sit in the light the moon will bring
And who will remember me?

Submitted to the above picture at this week’s No Theme Thursday which brought to mind Polvo’s Light of the Moon (hence the penultimate line). The picture makes me nostalgic for my childhood village life, where legends were absolutely made, yet not repeated by the following generations.

Today I’m feeling:

OK, though a little on edge. I guess I feel a little bad for not going to school. I don’t know why but I don’t feel like helping with cleaning up there like others are doing.

Having said that, though, I will go tomorrow and see what there is that I can help with that hopefully doesn’t involve getting dirty and I’ll go work somewhere if I can. I need to find a new quiet place to work for a while, somewhere that still has a decent coffee, though!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

There being no real damage to Amy’s ribs, which are still hurting after she slipped while cleaning last week.

Hospital gave her the all clear and some medicine, though advised that this kind of injury, bruised ribs, can take a long time to heal

The best thing about today was:

Reading a few more chapters of Childhood’s End. Awesome thought-provoking stuff and in some ways makes me think of the possible peace China is promoting around the world, at least in comparison with the West.

Could humans pick themselves up and find a Utopian ideal by themselves? Could we submit to a power that provides for all? Could we accept internal Overlords without the necessity of an external alien threat?

In my mind, this must be possible. Though not in my lifetime. What about in yours, when you are reading this?

Something I learned today?

Anchan didn’t make it in time to apply for the exam for the school she wanted, but I think it’s because she knows that she would likely fail.

I’m still willing to help if I can, but not sure how much effort she is prepared to put in. I also don’t know what else is in her mind and what she has to deal with, with her grandmother.

Fatman report

A Suitcase Of Memories – 13th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 14 Comments

Now my head is empty
Were the memories even mine?
I want to go back…
The comfort ahead is too appealing

I want to go back
I desperately want another go
Damn this one-way track
Damn the compelling glow

The first time I heard the seagull’s sigh…

Submitted to No Theme Thursday (and the attached picture)

Speech Odd:

Vocal : Hiranya Pavanram
Guitar : Watcharapong Rassame
Bass : Pongsakorn Srimuang
Drum : Wiriyapong Seele

Recording Studio : Sixthirty Recording
Mix and master : NP. Nampan
Illustration Artwork :Hiranya Pavanram

High Voltage:

Recording at : Extra.X3
Mixed&Master : Amontep

Vinyl via tenzenmen (Thailand) and ShitResist (Singapore)
Cassettes available here: speechodd.bandcamp.com/album/speech-odd-split-w-highxvoltage

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired as I definitely didn’t catch up on any missed sleep from Sunday night.  Never mind. I’ll have to try tonight.

I was looking forward to sitting down with some coffee and free time when my grade 9 students called me and asked to move their class from the afternoon to this morning again.

As this kinda suits me too, leaving the afternoon free, I rushed back and we went in search of a free room, ending up in the library.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Kratae for helping out Anchan as much as she can. It may not be much and it may not be enough for Anchan but Kratae is offering some hope at least. I will have to think of something that I can do for her as thanks one day. And I will ask Anchan for suggestions and if she can contribute in some way too.

The best thing about today was:

I felt my health improve a little over the day, especially mentally. Somehow, being at school is picking me up mentally, whilst seemingly running me down physically.

I was particularly energised after my grade 8 class finished at 12.30 but I didn’t leave school for another 45 minutes as various groups of students came to distract me, wanting to chat.

Something I learned today?

After much hassling from my students, I installed Instagram and TikTok and have been trying to work out how they work and if they are even remotely useful for me. 

I still don’t quite get them or how they work. At the end of the day, I just want to use this software to stay in contact with my students in the future.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

As I was contemplating being able to finish early and go home, Anchan messaged me asking to go with her to Nong Kratae’s for the first time today this afternoon.

I guess as I wasn’t due to finish until 4.30 pm anyway, then it’s not a big deal and I’m hanging around at House catching up on reading and writing.  Trying to get my brain back into poem-writing mode after a few days away from writing.

Tonkhaw took this picture because….he was happy to see his teacher hard at work, perhaps?