Tag: beliefs

No More Shiny Things – 25th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What is left to be pursued?
The bigger, brighter things have faded
Realising that there’s nothing new
Has made us all become jaded

No longer entranced by shiny things
It’s all been seen and done before
A mind that’s closing sooner brings
Death knocking at your door

5th Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – pursuant

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and good! I slept early last night and ended up waking a little earlier but as it was still dark I tried to get back to sleep and when I finally got real deep into it again the alarm went off.

I pushed and struggled through exercises telling myself how much better I will feel afterwards. My arms and legs ache at the joints from all the extra work they’ve been doing but ultimately my body feels more together and capable. I can only imagine how I might feel if I had treated myself better in my teens, twenties and thirties.

In my early thirties, I started going to the gym after work and then straight to the beach to bodyboard. I always felt great after that but rewarded myself by drinking. One step forward, one step back.

Today I’m grateful for:

The nice taxi driver that took drunk Amy home from the city this evening. It reminds me that most people are ok.

The best thing about today was:

Messaging with Nong Mee and getting an update on how she is doing as I rarely see her these days. She is the girl who swallowed a bunch of pills last semester. She said she is doing better and that even when she feels down she knows both myself and some of her friends are there to support her. I was heartened to read that and happy for her too.

Something I learned today?

I read in Derek Sivers’s book Hell Yeah Or No that our beliefs and understanding of the world are based on our location. 

Obvious, true, but the point was that when you go to foreign places, the people there grow up with their own set of beliefs and understanding. Rather than take the approach that our way is best we need to unlearn our own beliefs and accept different ones. 

Even knowing your way is better it’s not appropriate to try and change something blatantly. Gradually, exposure on both sides will find some kind of agreement.

I know I struggled with this when I started teaching in Thailand. Of course, I want to improve things for the lives of those I’m teaching. I no longer think I can do that with words but rather through actions and just being.

Quote: Day by day, what you do is who you become. – Heraclitus

I guess it’s obvious. But when you are in the middle of being you, and always believing you are right, the obvious becomes obscured. 

Since my late teens, I became less confident in the things that I knew. Doubt crept into everything. 

For a long time, I considered myself a fence sitter, often admiring those who held strong beliefs. Now I have come around to the fact that the fence is often the best place to be. The wind can blow in different directions. Whilst there may be universal truths everything else is always up for debate.

How did I practice stillness?

I’m going to say that I practice this when I’m reading. I know my brain is still active but I am usually focused within the story, almost out of body.

Even when I do meditation my brain struggles to calm though I do generally feel less stressed after. I know it’s a matter of practice. I don’t think I’m in a state of stress that requires me to counter it with converted efforts towards stillness really.

I took this picture because after I finished my class around 4 pm I ended up playing volleyball with Nicha and one of the boys and got soaked with sweat as there is no cover in the playground at the moment. The sun kept appearing through the broken clouds along with the already high humidity. Nicha joked about how cold she was when I tried to block the sun with my hand. I didn’t even really cool down in the aircon of the car on the drive home and the house was already stinking inside so I tried to cool down with a shower but even that was a struggle. Then, seemingly suddenly, it got dark and proceeded to rain heavily non-stop for about thirty minutes resulting in all this water sitting on top of the soil under the trees, the ground already too waterlogged to soak up more. The rain has calmed down a little now but is still coming down with no sign of it stopping just yet.

Kick The Can – 9th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Kick the can down the road
It’s a problem for someone else
Put the cap back on the bottle
Leave it to settle on the shelf
Sweep the dirt under the carpet
Until there’s someone else to blame
Well-versed in this deliberate tactic
To put one’s enemies to shame
If it ever comes back to bite
Just retire and get out of the way
Admit that mistakes were made
And it’s someone else’s turn to pay

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but a little better than yesterday. It took me a couple of hours to get going though due to lack of sleep. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The wind that came today and helped to clear some of the smoke. No doubt it will be replaced by new smoke by the morning. Everyone is hoping and waiting for rain. It’s forecast every day but never eventuates.

The best thing about today was:

I enjoyed watching the football today despite the Swans losing. It was a good game. My mood is slightly improved today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Being unable to get to sleep was difficult and that made it hard to get up when morning came. When I did get up to feed the cats I wanted to sleep more but found I couldn’t properly and just tossed and turned and lucid dreamed for an hour or so. When I did get up I felt exhausted but awake, not sleepy again. I’m getting sleepy now in the evening and hope I can get a good night’s rest tonight. I want to go to the city tomorrow to renew my licences, do a little work at House and maybe do a little bit of shopping.

Something I learned today?

I feel like perhaps I didn’t learn anything that I didn’t already know. Some days that’s ok but I prefer to feel like I’ve learned something new even if it’s fairly inconsequential. I shouldn’t trap myself into a cycle of just seeing, reading and hearing things that just reinforce my beliefs despite how comforting that can feel these days.

What problem do I need to solve this week?

I need to get beyond this grief and sorrow. I know it’s coming slowly and things I have read have been helping. For example:

When you see anyone weeping for grief, either that his son has gone abroad, or that he has suffered in his affairs, take care not to be overcome by the apparent evil; but discriminate, and be ready to say, “What hurts this man is not this occurrence itself,- for another man might not be hurt by it, – but the view he chooses to take of it.” As far as conversation goes, however, do not disdain to accommodate yourself to him, and if need be, to groan with him. Take heed, however, not to groan inwardly too.

Epictetus, Handbook 16

I am the one weeping for grief and I must accommodate myself. Another is not hurt by the events in my life, and neither should I be. It is the view that I am taking. It feels harsh but true.

I am kicking myself too. I know that everything alive will die, why do I fight against this knowledge? In some ways, grief feels selfish.

I couldn’t get to sleep last night feeling hot when it was cold and cold when it was hot. My eyes stung from the pollution and my mind recalled recent events. I consoled myself by looking at photos of Kim, hearing her little purrs and feeling our nose rubs and smelling her head. I was teary but felt better but still not sleepy so I read more Khalil Gibran and was inspired by his quotes, many touching the raw nerve of what it is to be human.

“When either your joy or your sorrow becomes great the world becomes small.”

“The bitterest thing in our today’s sorrow is the memory of our yesterday’s joy.”

These were comforting for me and finally, I got to sleep though not long enough.


I took this picture because it’s unusual to find these two sitting together, both at the door looking out. I didn’t even notice them until I opened the door coming back from coffee.

Squash – 18th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some days feel so full of lack
And nothing goes right at all
Remember that you’ll be bouncing back
Just like a small black rubber ball

It is only when you meet someone of a different culture from yourself that you begin to realise what your own beliefs really are.

George Orwell, The Road To Wigan Pier

Today I’m feeling:
Good but a little frustrated.
Today I’m grateful for:
The couple of orders I received for tenzenmen products after a quick promo post a couple of days ago. I don’t sell much these days but I appreciate everyone who shows interest.
The best thing about today was:
Playing with Tangmo with the rope as I went off to the post office and market and him proudly running off and presenting the rope to the aunties back home. When I came back I rode up and collected it from auntie Sue and we both chuckled. Tangmo had gone off in search of other adventures by that time.
Daily thought
How are you going to remember to keep fighting when the storm is around you? Running away is the easy option and sometimes serves a purpose but how are you to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment and carry on?
What is your “grit” word?
A ‘grit’ word? Is this a thing now? A word to remind yourself to keep going? I could have done with that today. After leaving my class early because I was annoyed by the attitude of some students, I talked with Saipan later (she is one of the smarter, motivated ones) and told her I wasn’t happy with the classes behaviour today and she just looked at me and said ‘keep fighting ‘ like she was a wise old auntie. Keep fighting or ‘su-su’ in Thai is what everyone says to a complaint and in my mind, there’s an underlying implication of ‘shut up and get on with it.’ Maybe this is my grit word.

Someone took this picture because they need a friendly foreign face for the school promotional material and it was my turn. I seem to be looking off to the side but at least my eyes are open! The girl is JubJib, a smart one in my class who I can’t really teach as her skills far surpass many of the other students whose level I have to teach to.