Tag: birthday

Flaming Sword – 2nd October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

She didn’t ask to join this club
The grief is so big, even shared
Suffering in silence, or out loud
It’s a struggle that no one is spared

And when a life is taken away
Leaving the living seems so unkind
To wonder, in search of meaning
When tragedy is all she can find

How to lay open the world to truth?
Will her fierce soul light the flame?
A sword to strike out resilient
And to change the world yet again

inspired by The Red Hand Files #254
3rd Jul 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. I persevered with morning exercise despite this being a week with no classes and I could easily have decided to have a break. But I pushed through. It was weird to be at school again with no students around. It’s amazing to think that these thousands of kids are all out there somewhere doing things and during the term they all gather together in this one place.

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at MFU hospital today. I had to go and get more medicine and have waited four months beyond my scheduled appointment because the timing has not been good with me having to be at school when the doctor is there.
Somehow I managed to breeze straight in despite a roomful of patients(presumably they were waiting for other doctors). Then I decided I was waiting too long to pick up the medicine so went off to Daytripper to get some lesson planning done and on return to hospital I was able to breeze in again, collect my meds and go. Easy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting into the swing of lesson planning again. I only did one today but can feel more brewing! I just need to focus.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Totally ran out of energy around 7 pm, perhaps enhanced by a drop too much cannabutter. Sleeping early tonight…

Something I learned today?

Matt sent me a cool video of a band called Hariguem Zaboy. The song had some great off-kilter post-punk guitar and a bouncy rhythm that reminded me of some Japanese bands.

What is my favourite thing about this month?

October? The only regular thing about this month is my birthday which doesn’t carry much significance for me anymore.

This is holiday time in Thailand which is nice but last year we had a 4-week break and this time apparently it’s just 5 days (though I’ll be taking longer with my trip to Australia). Planning things here can be difficult and it sort of contributes to the chill chill attitude and just going with the flow. In some ways, it’s a child-like approach to life which can be exciting but I’ve long grown out of it so sometimes it grates.

October is also the end of the rainy season and the cool of winter approaching is a great relief.

A Little Sunshine – 20th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the sweetest words are whispered
With sincerity and connection
Dreams inspire more dreams
To bring light, hope and meaning
A little sunshine that beams on the floor
Not only warms the feet
But comforts the heart with it
To counter my own rainy days

Today I’m feeling:

Very positive and happy. By around midday, I was that kind of happy tired, a little delirious, meditative and relaxed. I am starting to feel the wind-down myself now though I still can’t really fathom that in a couple more weeks I’ll be heading to Australia.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy at the market who sells puff pastries with durian cream. He hadn’t made any when I got there last week and I was hankering for it since then. I also saw the stall selling fish and rice that I wanted to try but had already bought salad for dinner. I have to remember to try it next week.

The best thing about today was:

All the good conversations with students in and out of my classes. One in particular with Jee about how poorly paid Thai government workers are and another with JubJib where she was riffing on this story that she was making up about all her classmates and what their characters would be like in her story. She asked me what her character should be like and I said she should be the opposite of how she is in real life so she should be tough and mean, wear leather jackets and like to fight. I could see her mind whirling with this idea, she seemed to like that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy is getting more concerned about her mum who is shouldering all the responsibilities for all the sick people in the family and has lost five kilos in a week what with running around, stressing and not sleeping and eating properly. Dad goes into hospital for his operation tomorrow and hopefully that all goes smoothly but at the same time Grandmum is not speaking or eating at the moment and may deteriorate quickly. So even if our plans continue with me going to Australia, the feeling may not be of excitement and pleasure. 

Something I learned today?

Today is Hayden’s birthday (27? Is that right!? Crazy!) and he went for Korean BBQ with his mum, friend and girlfriend. She sent me a couple of pictures so today I learned what my son’s girlfriend looks like. He hasn’t told me much about her but I hope she is a positive influence for him.

What went well today?

Despite having frustrating issues trying to get a projector working in my first class and all the students wanting free time (which I refused!) we slowly and deliberately did some listening exercises and even though it took them more than an hour to listen and write two minutes of conversation we did it with little stress and in a relaxed way and Jee, in particular, said she found this work difficult but enjoyed it and wanted to do it more because she knew that there are not many opportunities to practice like this.

I took this picture because yesterday there were posts on the university’s Facebook page from students asking about this friendly dog that turned up outside Lotus’s and the market along with pictures that I easily recognised as Tangmo. The posts were around 2 pm yesterday but I remembered that he came to see me when I got home at 4.30 so he had obviously found his way back home in the meantime.
The biggest worry about it though is that the highway is usually very busy and Tangmo isn’t the smartest and most aware dog in the world but he had somehow managed to navigate his way to the other side and back. I took this picture to send to Amy to show that he was still ok but typically he can’t walk more than a few metres before stopping to scratch or munch on an itchy back as he’s doing here. I’ve also been teaching him to keep a snack on his nose before he’s allowed to eat it. I think he might be able to do it one day.

A Dull Knife – 7th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where did your confidence go?
Now is the time that matters
When the body began to grow
Your self-belief just shatters

Open for manipulations
And unable to see your abuse
Dealing with the situations
When you think that you’re no use

Ahead lies a trail of tears
Never knowing where it’s going
Unless you overcome these fears
That are stopping you from growing

inspired by a struggling student whose name may translate to something like ‘blade’ or ‘propeller’

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and stuffed up. Last night I was getting a sore throat but that seems ok today. Now it seems to have moved into my head. I didn’t sleep well and when my alarm went off I sent a message to my students that I wouldn’t be at school and went back to an extra 3 hours of bad sleep. My body is aching from all the exercising I’ve been doing too, maybe pushing too hard (but the results in the mirror are inspiring). I’m grateful for a day off and time to go and check the dental clinic at the hospital.

Today I’m grateful for:

To meet the little pregnant cat at the shop next door to Utopia that was sitting quietly on the mat and either contemplating life or watching the traffic. It’s about 60% white but then the rest is a complete jumble of every other cat colour you ever saw. A quarter of her head looks like Tigger and elsewhere are small patches of Kim-ginger. What a family tree this kitty must have and due to soon add further to the sad abundance of cats looking for homes.

The best thing about today was:

Doing very little. The chocolate protein milk I drank was nice and, pulling out some weeds, being about as much exercise as I got today, felt satisfying. Nothing over the top as a stand-out highlight and despite being tired, dizzy and lazy, the day was enjoyable enough.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night before going to sleep I told myself that despite having a sore throat and feeling tired I would get up with my alarm and exercise and if I still felt bad I would go back to bed. In the back of my mind I knew that there was little chance of me getting up and doing this and that is indeed what happened.
I don’t yet have the thought control to overcome the easy way out though also feel I should respect what my body is telling me. It is tired for a reason and not just laziness.
Today I have already decided to go to school tomorrow and that means exercise in the morning. As my mind is already anticipating being at school this is more likely to happen.

Something I learned today?

It is Nong Fah’s birthday today. Happy 14th birthday to a smart kid. I only knew from her Facebook post wishing herself a happy birthday. Kids seem to do that a lot. They maybe don’t set their profile up with a birthday or with the correct date but then when it comes around they want people to know and to soak in some best wishes.

What work do I enjoy doing?

At one point or another, I’ve enjoyed all the different types of work I’ve done. The work isn’t usually an issue, it’s the systems, people and chasing of profit that make it difficult, uninspiring and frustrating. 

In some ways, I’m jealous of those who have utilised their creativity to be able to work at things they love and be able to earn enough money (or be satisfied with their struggle) to survive. In other ways, I’ve been happy to keep the money-making separate from the things I love to do.

At this moment in time, there has been some convergence between the two as I’m very satisfied with the work I’m doing (teaching) and getting financially rewarded enough.

Quote: It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. – Henry David Thoreau

I’ve looking at this quote for many days not being sure what to write but Fah’s birthday has provided me with the inspiration. You can see from the picture that she is a pretty girl but she is not a standout amongst the crowds in the school or even in her class. What attracts me to her is her personality, smarts and common sense. It’s not about maturity as such, as she still acts in common with most 13/14-year-olds. To look at her is one thing, what I see is another.

What I see when I look at my wife is our history of 15 years and everything that that means to me. The good times, the tough times, the fun and funny times. Travels, experiences, companionship, love.

When I look at attractive young ladies I’m only looking at a picture, I don’t ‘see’ anything beyond that. When I look at Amy I ‘see’ her completely. On the outside, we are no longer the handsome or beautiful people we met but have travelled together beyond the superficial. Whatever the future holds it won’t be spoiled by anything that could merely be considered a picture.

I took this picture of the birthday girl from one of her online videos. I’ll send it to her again in ten years’ time (if we are still in touch) and we can reminisce about the days we are having now. Students for life.

Run Run – 31st July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Running from myself, running into stories
Running for my life, running past old glories
Rolling like a rebel gathering no moss
Rolling around, pretending to be the boss
Running from stories, running into myself
Running out of ideas, stuck up on the shelf
Running along so fast, ran up to the top
Running into tomorrow and I’ll never ever stop

initiated by writing at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

A little underwhelmed again today. I thought about things I could do with my spare time until Amy decided to fill up the day with various tasks. Maybe it will avoid the inclination to have an afternoon nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding two inexpensive trees to plant that will hopefully end up providing shade for the kitchen. Amy’s mum said that they grow really fast. Tomorrow I will have to dig the holes for them but it shouldn’t need to be too deep.

The best thing about today was:

Eating a typical Aussie-style hipster breakfast of smoked salmon on smashed avocado on toast with fried egg. A bit of a treat as I rarely eat foreign food when Amy is not here.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I can’t quite rise out of this subdued mood. I have no enthusiasm or inspiration. There’s no spark of life in me right now. I just have to keep going knowing that perhaps tomorrow will be a little better.

Amy and I haven’t discussed what happened on Friday night and there still seems to be a little tension in our communications. 

Something I learned today?

Today is Paen’s (Baitoey) birthday. She sent a simple ‘Happy birthday to me’ message before telling me that no one in her family remembered or did anything for her. That is terribly sad, if true. I didn’t dwell on that and instead wished her the best for the future.

I took this picture because I’ve been paying attention to trees and flowers as we went looking for possible trees to put next to our kitchen for some shade in the future. The tree we liked was about 20,000 baht including transportation and placement. Nice but we need to spare money for other things.

Version – 29th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Those things so important matter no more
The once-cool kids are married or dead
A grown-up version becoming a bore
And forgetting all those promises said

Innocence devoured by wolves of the wild
Dared to be taken for a future story told
A reminder of the life of a child
With all the possibilities to take and hold

Now the world is within easy reach
The starry eyes often filled with regret
A brutal truth was bound to teach
Another lesson to never forget

inspired and morphed from text at the Spinning Visions blog
2nd May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Regret

Today I’m feeling:

Because I slept in yesterday I was up late last night and ended up with less than six hours sleep but managed to get up and moving, knowing that today I would probably not have anything to do. I clocked in and went off for coffee and as there were no specific messages to come to school I came home around 11 am to start this extra-long weekend. I’m starting to flag a little now (3 pm) but will try to stay awake and sleep well tonight. Mentally I’m feeling good.
(I went for a nap about ten minutes after writing this!)

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding cheap new work pants outside Big C and the girl letting me go to the centre toilets to try them on. She measured me at 38cm but the 34cm fit fine around the waist. The only downside was that they seem designed for tiny Thai butts. I’ll see how well they perform next week.

The best thing about today was:

Not getting called back to school for any reason. It meant I could spend the day as I liked though right now I feel like I wasted it. I watched some videos and read a little. Oh, I did the vacuuming which was a plus as there was so much cat fur blowing around the floor. That’s a win. My fish seller was at the market today too so I bought that instead of the salad that I went for.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was Amy’s birthday and she had a good time with her workmates and flatmates. I was happy to see her so happy. But it also makes me a little fearful about when she returns in October. Can she settle back here and get something going that keeps her happy?

Something I learned today?

The kids who were arrested after a protest in Bangkok were acquitted today. They were part of a protest that the Thai police had approved and knew about when suddenly and deliberately a royal motorcade was driven through the area. Not even the police managing the protest were aware but when the protesters realised there were important people in these cars they made sure that the people inside knew. I don’t believe there was any threat or violence beyond perhaps some banging on the cars. As the royals are still seen to be above us mere mortals a few kids were arrested.  After two years or more of awaiting their fate which potentially could have seen them imprisoned for up to 15 years, they are free to carry on with their lives. As they should be.

What did I get done this past month?

Essentially, more of the same. I guess I finally got someone to come and investigate my aircon and hopefully, that will be working again before Amy gets back in a couple of weeks. I don’t really have a to-do list these days. I can keep most everything stored in the noggin and things will be done when they’re done.

I took this picture because the garden is turning green again with the few storms we’ve had dropping some good rain.

Trump 5390 – 27th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 22 Comments

I met a salesman from an orange land
Who said “Two fat and chubby legs of stone
Stand on the golf course…In the bunker, on the sand
Buried in broken promises, whose botox smooth
Unwrinkled lip, and sneer of old demand
Tell that it’s maker well understood
Lifeless things will always be lifeless things
This hand mocks him, there is no good
And on the pedestal, these words appear
My name is Trump, you’re fired!
Look at my face, losers, and despair
No trace remains of policies of decay
A colossal trainwreck of heartless hot air
Blows across the bunkers and far away.”

As Shelley imagined Ozymandias over 2000 years ago, I imagine the same about Trump over 2000 years from now.
4th May 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge
4th Nov 2024 – Shared with Living Poetry November Visual Prompt
5th Feb 2025 – Shared with dVerse Reimagining the Familiar

Today I’m feeling:

Happy though still a little dizzy and tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

The charging cable that I always borrow from Kru Mai so I can use the speaker in the classroom. I’m charging now so I can use it for class tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

In my morning class finding 100 baht that someone had dropped but no one claimed. I kept it and waited to see if anyone would come back to claim it though no one did.

In my second class, it was Anchan’s birthday and we sang her happy birthday. Often the kids ask me for money and I’ll give them one baht and tell them to share. Anchan cheekily asked for 100 baht and as I was up for the day I gave her the money I’d found.

Something I learned today?

In 2010 the US Supreme Court made a ruling in Citizens United versus Federal Election Commission that companies are people and money is speech, therefore allowing companies to use money to influence the political process, effectively turning the US into a plutocracy.

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

I think this must be the pictures Aing took of me at the waterfall. The experience itself was fantastic and freezing and then to see myself, a flabby middle-aged man in his underwear dwarfed by the torrents of water falling from the rocks yet laughing with joy, stupid mad joy still motivates me to live my life any way I can and want.

I took this picture because, in the messy garden of House which is full of green everything, this red flower overhanging the path screams ‘take my picture’!

A lazy weekend spent trying to keep my brain in control. It wasn’t too bad but it meant not being in the mood to do anything much.

There’s a bunch of chores I was hoping to complete but ended up doing only the essentials so another huge pile of shirts awaits as well as all Amy’s indoor plants that need some topping up with water.

At the the start of the week I’m somehow filled with energy but by the end I’m knackered. This weekend was a catch-up with myself.

To push myself a little I’ve messaged Bruno to go for a little ride which also forces me to get my bike a quick service and a wash too. By committing to some things I’ll get pushed along.

I did spend the weekend chatting in LINE with some students about their futures and that was a good little exercise in communication, not just for them but for me too.

Back in the classroom, this morning was fun as I’m relaxing into the end of the semester, as the students have been doing for the last six weeks or so already.

Sometimes I question whether pushing the kids harder is the right thing to do. Their lives are so much easier compared to my own experience and what I understand for many other students around the world. In my mind that leads to laziness and lack of innovation or critical thinking.

I look at myself and realise how I, myself, hidden away from people, generally ignorant of the dramas of the world, feel much happier that way. Maybe there’s just no right and wrong, or good or bad way. I can feel that I’ve bonded with this group of M1 (grade 7) students – I guess as we’ve had at-school classes for the whole year instead of the lockdown interruptions of the last two years.

I’ll miss these kids as I won’t teach them so much next year if class arrangements stay the same

Spread The Word – 27th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A rusty soul needs constant scrubbing
Lifting hands up towards the sun
Don’t turn around a-snubbing
For a journey just begun
Spread the word when required
Now’s the time to teach
Everyone needs to be inspired
For the heights to which we reach

We are drowning in information, while starving for wisdom.

E.O. Wilson

Today I’m feeling:
Dizzy and tired. Maybe getting the flu…
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s mum and dad for paying for my birthday lunch today. I was ravenous and enjoyed a bowl of nachos. Simple but effective.
The best thing about today was:
Contacting a local tattoo shop and planning some Cardiacs related tattoos. I’ve seen the work from the studio on Art and Boss at Utopia and it’s pretty good.
If you can pick any job in the world, what would it be?
I’d be interested in almost any job so long as there was no pressure. Imagine any job and being given a six-month training period with no expectations and imagine this was for any job. People could just keep trying what they wanted and be able to find the best thing for them at that time. I’d learn about plants and growing or be some kind of operator at CERN. Maybe a train driver, car dealer or painter. Any job where you can feel respected and worthwhile would be good.

I took this picture because this is the birthday cake Amy got made for me for today! It looks great and dad made a joke about cutting through the neck.

Get The Winch – 28th May 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You used to be an armchair warrior
But now you got so fucking fat
You’ve become a sofa warrior
Unable to wriggle from where you’re sat

14th May 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt

Sometimes I like to read a book that has nothing to do with my life, which often has the effect of making me wish for a different life.

Elisa Gabbert

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the technology we use so that Amy can order and pay for food for our cats to be delivered to me and can see her face on video calls for her mum’s birthday today, even though we are in different hemispheres.

That’s Saying Nothing – 27th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You used a lot of words
To say nothing at all
Asking for some clarity
You raised a higher wall

Fake it until you make it
The megalomaniacal king
The rebels at the ramparts
Protest the hate you bring

The castle you’re living in
Contains a bloodied throne
Surrounded by your leeches
And afraid to be alone

There’s no way to be equal
In the games that you play
If you can’t explain yourself
Then there’s nothing left to say

Most people seek to avoid tedium, pain and any form of adversity. You must choose to move in the opposite direction.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see Amy’s grandmum on her 90th birthday yesterday. She’d going good.

Is life too easy? – 28th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is life too easy? Why is it so difficult to be bored these days? I need to be bored to be inventive – to break the cycle of boredom. Wandering around looking for something to do. Perhaps a return to England would help me to be bored again?

Actually, by rights, I should be bored here. I don’t speak the language well, we live in the middle of nowhere, no music scene as such – why am I not bored? Not in the way I used to be at least.

I was thinking about what it would feel like going to shows again – perhaps I would be bored with that now? Been there – done that! I get my doses of youthful energy through my students these days – though I feel sorry for them, unsure of their futures – maybe just as I was unsure of mine at their age. Some of them have a fire inside and I don’t want to see that extinguished and hope I can be a minor kindling for them. Do I care too much?

Yesterday was a long day at Amy’s parents. I tried to drink bee but my stomach feeling sore and I couldn’t make it through the second bottle. Having not drunk for so long I felt light-headed with the first bottle. Amy’s parents provided great food which lasted through lunch to dinner!

Takky and Amy drank and drank and sang and sang karaoke with Amy’s parents. I felt surprise at Amy’s dad being 74 and still drinking through a couple of bottle of Regency. That’s some stamina.

I amused myself on my phone and a couple of bike trips to buy more alcohol for them, including a nice sun-setting ride along the new river path that we’d watched being built from De Lanna a couple of years ago.

Every time I have a holiday from school, I don’t want to go back but also want that routine of getting up and doing something.

Amy is talking more about going to the UK or Australia for extended periods and potentially I could stop working. I’m thinking I would stay in our cafe/teaching room and the local uni students could come and hang out and practice their English with me, just on a casual basis. It could be nice or I could just end up lazy too, and watch TV and read books alone.

Well, let’s see. Read back on this in the future and see where life took.

16th Jul 2025 – Since this time, I’ve continued to work and enjoy it more and more, so that even now, if I had the possibility to stop working, I don’t think that I would. Amy went to Australia for around 18 months but is back now, a bit more settled but due more to circumstance, with both Cap and her Dad being sick. Otherwise, I think that she would be off again.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s parents for preparing their house and food for my birthday yesterday. Everyone had a good time and it was a good feeling.