Unable to touch, seems so far away The lighthouse smashed relentless The turmoil of storms on display This fiery cloud is scentless Securely wrapped in a blanket Resisting the push and pull With enlightenment to thank it Let no self-deception rule
inspired by a Robert Greene piece
Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance.
Neil Postman
Today I’m feeling: Settled and satisfied. Today I’m grateful for: Bruno suggesting we ride to Doi Mae Kham which is a place I’d been thinking to go to since 2 years ago. On the map it’s easy to see that is on a piece of land that sticks out into Burma so kinda encourages investigation. In the end though it wasn’t spectacular but a pleasant enough long ride to fill the day. The best thing about today was: Finding Kim and Cap hiding next to each in boxes in the walk in. There haven’t been too many fireworks tonight but I think they’ll be hiding in there a lot this coming week. How do you feel about cold weather? Cold or hot weather, so long as I can get out of it it’s great. Cold weather in Thailand is relative and it feels great.
I took this picture because the neighbours had a burn off at dusk. It was pretty spectacular. Thankfully the wind was blowing the smoke away from the house.
Struggling flowers reaching up high Searching for light in the grey sky Meekly accepting and no question why Quiet as a mouse skittering away Always saying something yet nothing to say Hard to get and refusing to play A uniform mask and a poker face Friendless in this friendly place Self-excluded from any competitive race One day to shine, to rise up high Their blinding light will pierce the sky Leaving everyone else to wonder why
A tragedy, when a mature mind and a romantic heart are in the same body.
Nizar Qabbani
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the little plants Bruno gave me to see if I can use them to grow a border along our path.
Always thinking about the next life As if that will be the roses you expect Forget the work, turn down the effort It’s an internal rejection that you accept
There are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, or dragging out some false, shallow degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.
Oscar Wilde
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have a nice early dinner of special food at Amy’s parents, joined by Takky, Nut and Bruno. It was a pleasant evening with lots of chat.
It’s difficult to care about the west Always declaring itself as best Fighting its war against the beast Maintaining control across the east Patience one day will gain reward No longer counting whose goals were scored A better way will come to be A time that most of us wish to see
Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.
from Welcome to Night Vale
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to get some gardening advice for Bruno when he came to visit today.
I’ve got the curtains closed Attended all the black masses Found myself an evil woman Been to the midnight classes So happy my heart is dark So happy to feel so sad A life I love to hate A good life lived so bad Angels run toward the light Crucifixes made of wood A silver bullet for my girl I couldn’t love her, even if I could
There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke.
Herman Melville
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that Bruno was too hungover to come by this morning as it was already too hot by 7 a.m. to walk. The low temperature at the moment is 24 degrees. Hooray for electricity and aircon.
These people left holes all over the world Because they didn’t follow their heart Saw a life far beyond their reach So they never even bothered to start
…mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Nut and Brunotoday, for supplying me with more bagels and a small tree for the garden plus some ideas for other plants too.
We know it’s fire before walking into it But we walk into it anyway That sweet-talking tongue with those devil words Are the mark of Satan at play
Whilst thinking we’re ready to join the game We’re not ready, yesterday or today Tomorrow is set aside for self-reflection Then to get the hell out of the way
I am so happy and grateful for another relaxing massage yesterday followed by a delicious lunch by a lake with Nut and Bruno
A weekend disappeared (even though it is only Sunday afternoon at this moment). Friday night, I stayed up reading articles and drank one of the bottles of homemade Baileys that Dylan made, which made me feel good without being drunk.
Despite getting home tired, I was just happily keeping myself occupied, my brain engaged and didn’t get into bed until after midnight, yet managed to read a comic or two and then by this time I was both tired and awake. Pretty sure it was around 2 am when I got to sleep and then surprisingly woke up with my alarm at 7.15 and despite trying to snooze on, got out of bed soon after, ready to take on the day!
Amy and I had booked another two-hour massage for 10 am – her taking advantage of it only costing 10 dollars an hour this month, whereas when she will be in Australia next month, it will be at least six times that price. My massage this time was not as painful as last week and I couldn’t tell if it was just that the lady was taking it easy on me or if I just had less tension.
I was also distracted with a thought about giving each of my students a written report for their parents. I’d like to do this but a little paranoid that some parents may take useful information in the wrong way. I’m very conscious of wanting to do everything I can to help the students but becoming more aware that many parents don’t care that much, or, at the opposite end, overreact. I would put everything in a positive light. I don’t need to do this and it would take a fair bit of time but I’m a little concerned that I may not get my contract renewed next semester and want to show the kids and their parents how much I’m trying. A bit of a selfish motivation, mixed with the best of intentions.
So, my massage sped by much quicker this week and then we were off to meet Bruno, Nut and To at a northern cuisine restaurant by a lake. Bruno was in fine form and it’s interesting to me to see him interact with Nut. They have a funny, rib-poking relationship and Nut has quite a reasonable head on her shoulders. Bruno smokes a fair amount of weed and it has the opposite effect on him than it does me, in some ways. I think we got get lost inside our heads but he is also buzzing and talking quickly, perhaps saying everything that comes into his head, whereas I might be just thinking it. Even though their joshing and joking is light-hearted, I do wonder if Nut does take some of these things seriously. I guess I don’t really know them well enough to make a judgment, just to know that I don’t think I talk to Amy in quite such a brisk way.
Anyway, the food was great and conversation flowed until it was time to go off to other things and Amy wanted to do some shopping at Central, which she did whilst I stayed in the car and read a book. The skies had darkened and even though it wasn’t yet five, it felt like nighttime closing in already. So, by the time we were home, I jumped in the shower and got into bed as it looked like nighttime already outside. I wasn’t tired but the feeling was one to snuggle up in.
So I read a ton of comics and it was awesome. I live reading comics. A good comic just takes you away from everything and in such a short time. I think I eventually went to sleep 5 hours later. And, in the night, the rain came. Hard and heavy, quite a surprise for this time of year. Good for the parched ground and the weeds. I had hoped to cut the grass this weekend but will have to delay.
I had to go to school for teachers’ day, which just means sitting around, reading on my phone whilst monks chant and people announce things in Thai. I would guess 90% of the Thais there were just looking at their phones and then taking pictures in places set up to take good pictures in. If there was anything of substance in this event, it escaped me and most everyone else, I’m sure.
The rain had stopped but the sun stayed elusive and I had planned to go dick about in my room but ended up snuggled here in front of the e TV and writing this.
The steeples point to heaven Yet my feet are here on earth The cities yield to the dirt Whilst the woods exercise their mirth
Solace amongst the battlements Whilst treading familiar paths Breath deep the cool pine air The sun sets upon our gentle hearts
United in our spiritual mores This ghostly presence felt Brings gladness to my heart For these present tidings dealt
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Bruno to be able to help me plant a tree from a branch we pulled off from the side of the road. It’s only the size of a flower at the moment but I will plant it one day and watch it grow.
Be thankful for life’s difficulties. Grateful for those who show you disrespect. Thanks to those who judge and criticise without knowing more.
Thank you, Champ. I’m grateful that you let me rant at you and you showed some understanding. I calmed down later and I realised that that is because of you.
Thanks, George, for being consistently rude to me despite my being polite to you. Your behaviour feels like a challenge I can rise above and I’m sure you have your own motives and difficulties to deal with that I don’t understand. I can’t control the way you act so it won’t make me angry. I can control the way I act and respond – that is the test for me. So, thanks!
Thanks to the parents who complain about me as a teacher. I cannot control their actions and they have judged me on the words of their children without any interaction with me, so who am I to assume to know what they are complaining about?
Thanks to this virus that has challenged me to come up with new ways and means to teach and to spend my days.
Thanks to my aching back and sore butt from sitting on wooden chairs all day. Reminds me to move.
Thanks to the difficult students, the lazy ones, the pretenders, they are a constant challenge for me to improve myself.
Yesterday, when I went back to the teacher’s room, I had a long talk with Kru Karn and she couldn’t stop talking! Her English pronunciation is very Thai and she has a limited vocabulary but we had a good chat about all sorts of things and I enjoyed it very much.
I’ll try to have more connective conversations with some of the other teachers too. It’s often difficult to do when there are many teachers in the room but if I can find them alone, I will try. I’m not interested in becoming friends with any of them. In fact, what I think is that I just want to improve their English abilities! My students have better English than some of them!
I’m sitting in Game’s new cafe that just opened today. Another place for good coffee in Chiang Rai. I’m pretty spoiled for choice here.
Weirdly, this has made me think that I want to get another tattoo. I have some ideas for tattoos but haven’t gotten around to following up on them. No hurry, I suppose. We’ve got forever.
I’m doing a free online course about Coleridge that is influencing my writing a little. I don’t like to read poetry much but I do like it when it is explained. Much like the couple of Shakespeare books I picked up. I’m curious about language and its use. Maybe if I study enough I’ll be able to enjoy it without explanation.
Or I can keep on listening to music and enjoy screaming along to the words. I’ve printed out some lyrics that I want to analyse and keep thinking of more, and I also have this stupid plan to review all my CDs, one by one, which will actually force me to listen to them. I estimate that doing one a day may still take me 4 or 5 years to complete. Never mind all the digital music I have!
I still haven’t sat down to listen to the Leopold CD again. Oh well – I have forever, right?
1994ever 