Tag: Cap

The Opening Song – 27th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

The song always remains the same
(Here we damn well go again!)
Everything and nothing is gonna change

Too late and too soon to rearrange
Is this even worth the saving?
More or less, we’re all misbehaving
Every order is rapidly falling apart
Started at the end, ended at the start

To the infinite, the future and past
Here stand the fallen, the first came at last
Every explosion will soon shake the walls
Your sons and daughters taking the falls

And we better start off along the creeks
Rowing the boats and plugging the leaks
Eagles turned vultures pointing their beaks

Alarmed at the words the majority speaks

Criticise the critters, blame all the birds
Hold on hope and the rule of thirds
Always enough was found wanting more
Now comes the battle to settle the score
Gone with all reason, gone with the wind
In the storm of the season, everyone sinned
Never again, again and again, explained
Gotta live to see that the times have changed

Submitted to What’s Going On – Changing Times with some words appropriated from, and can possibly be sung to the tune of, Bob Dylan’s ‘The Times They Are A-Changing’. Also to Writer’s Workshop Prompts – alarm.

‘Criticise the Critters’ is from a song by Phantom Tollbooth and ‘Hold on Hope’ is from Guided By Voices. Oh, I suppose I should also say that ‘The Song Remains the Same’ is by Led Zeppelin too.

25th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – leak

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and bleary-eyed again. I intended to sleep long but Cap woke me up crying at the door to be fed at 8.20 and once up I decided to utilise the time and try to get myself going.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having anything in particular to do today except hang out washing and bring it in again!

The best thing about today was:

Getting some reading in, a little writing and good coffee to start the day.  I spent another three hours or so catching up on sleep at around midday.  I’m still looking forward to more sleep tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

During my afternoon sleep, I was having a vivid dream that I was a teenager in bed, in a bedroom that was my own but not a place that I recognised.  I was trying to jerk myself off but constantly conscious that my mum wouldn’t suddenly open the door and catch me and this kept interrupting the thoughts in my imagination that I was trying to get excited about.

It was so vivid that when I briefly came back into consciousness, my imagination was still trying to decide on some kind of sexy scenario and then I started questioning myself, am I actually jerking off whilst dreaming of jerking off?

I fell back into the dream but was unable to continue. Consciousness quickly came again and I turned over in bed wondering if I had been making any noise during all this!

I slept more after this but didn’t return to that dream.

Something I learned today?

I watched a video about an adult gaming company called Nutaku and, through that, learned that about 90% of porn websites (along with Nutaku) are owned by a single company.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I helped Amy a little bit today as she is under the weather with a cold.  I didn’t really interact with many other people today.

I took this picture of Aomsin because she is shy to have her picture taken. She’s an interesting student as she doesn’t usually give much away about her feelings with her facial expressions. It was nice to catch a smile before she hid herself from the camera.

Deeper Reds – 20th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Symbolism in deeper reds
Canvas colour capture spreads
Abstract yet educated
Rhythmic patterns illustrated
Leaving be the ugly things
Elevate what this beauty brings
The fusion of knowledge

Spiritual movement college
Aims towards enlightenment
Grittily honest experiment
Evoking the scarlet sage

Dancing eyes across the page
And so the paintings change view
Now that the painting changed you
Creativity in meditation
Invitation to interpretation
Nearer to the stormy sea
Goes the light blue nursery

Animal instincts of segregation

Wisdom rises beyond illumination
Hanging our pictures on these walls
In the museum, how history falls
Risen to rhyme and rearranged
Look at me now, times have changed
In search of happiness and beauty
No submission to customs of duty
Greedy and grim, not another one

Death and frenzy have all been done
Ever since, and so it will be
Raise the tools to stave off misery
Vanquish fear with canvas maze
Inspired to passion with its praise
Spun out a web of dream delight
Hanging on the deeper reds tonight

Submitted to dVerse and inspired by the attached painting by Alma Thomas and information found about her work.

Today I’m feeling:

My regular weekend tired, though I got up early to drop Amy off at the airport as she heads to Udon Thani via Bangkok to meet Jess.

Then Baipad messaged me that Jan will come and meet her at The Black House this morning and wanted to arrange with me to transport her there. 

No problem, though I’m looking forward to getting home later and playing some guitar, reading, writing and listening to some music.

I’m hungry already, too and it’s not quite registered yet that I have to figure out what I’m going to eat today and the rest of this week, with my regular chef being away!

Today I’m grateful for:

The drink lady at Baan Dam who complimented me on my Thai.  And then Jess also complimented me when I was able to answer her questions, though usually in English.  She was at least impressed that I understood her.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing the look of happiness on Baipad’s face when she saw Jan again.  They haven’t seen each other since March and though they chat a bit online, I could see how happy they were to just be able to gossip with each other about their lives.  One thing I really noticed was that they barely looked at their phones the whole time that they were together.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I was sat comfortably in bed, Cap came to the door asking to be let in, which I did and then Amy video-called and I started talking with her, Jess and Jess’s relatives.  Cap jumped up onto bed and then proceeded to piss all over it.  Motherfucker!

I hung up the call grabbed the sheet off the bed and ran it to the washing machine, coming back with a cut lemon and some paper towels.  After cleaning up as best I could I called Amy back and was feeling a bit annoyed, at one moment feeling relaxed and the next having to deal with this.

Amy was happily drunk and laughed it off but I wasn’t in the mood.  She could feel that and we said good night.  I’ve switched all the bed linen to Amy’s bed and will sleep there tonight.

I’m dog tired, but my adrenaline is up now.  I’ll calm down soon.

Something I learned today?

When I asked one of my grade 12 students what they could do to practice speaking English when there was no one around they said that the practice with ChatGPT.  Not a bad idea.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked a little with Freya today and tried to pep her up as she is understandably still feeling down about what happened yesterday.

I took this picture at Baan Dam because these cute bugs would probably make Amy itch. They were everywhere!

And the light pours out of me – 2nd April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Confusions

This cracked mirror shows
The holes in the heart
Pieces drop to the floor
As the jigsaw falls apart
Put back together again
It’s never quite the same
Like a missing memory
It’s difficult to explain
Reorder, reimagined
Ghosts fill the floors
A handful of smoke
Rushes through closing doors
Voices in the distance
Are illusions of the past
Clear out all the cobwebs
These confusions will not last

Today I’m feeling:

Sad, down, and a little lonely. Our two Aussie cats are lovely but they never come and rub me nose-to-nose or come and settle on my lap. Kim Chi is everywhere in my memory but I want her here in my house. Sigh.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding olive oil in the kitchen so I could roast potatoes, pumpkin and onion for lunch. My first proper meal since Friday. I didn’t see the bottle where I was expecting but later found it on top of a cabinet. It saved me a trip out. I’m not much in the mood for going out though I know I should
.
The best thing about today was:

Despite what I said above about having no mood to go out I can’t stop myself from coffee. At Utopia Boss was hungover so Noey made my coffees and though she’s still practising they tasted fine. I chatted with her for a bit, conscious that I was just distracting my thoughts.

When I got home I called Hayden and asked him just to talk to me to distract me too. He is sounding good and seems to have come around to the offer of taking a permanent part-time position with his work. He’s starting to listen more to the advice Bronwyn and I give him though we know it can take a few days for him to run it through his mind. He asked if I wanted to talk about Kim and I said maybe next time and after hanging up I couldn’t hold back the tears.

As I imagine many people reading this, some will think what is the big deal it’s just a cat, and other cat owners will understand. But I ask myself, why am I so upset? I often consider the fact that we are all going to die and have talked with Amy about being prepared for our cat’s passing. So, something was special about the love I have for Kim Chi. I’ve always rooted for the underdog and when she came into our lives she was very lucky. She could’ve ended up at a temple totally defenceless against other cats and dogs. Instead, she got to spend her short life in relative happiness with us. For some reason, she attached herself more to me than Amy and after Amy went to Australia I guess I was pouring all my love into little Kim.

I cried out for her. Where are you, Kim? I pretended she was in her favourite box in the walk-in and was rubbing her head and tickling her tummy. I opened a gap between my hanging shirts hoping to see her little face once more, looking out sleepily before settling back into a new position. Where are you, Kim?

I know your body is in the ground here. But where are you?

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from my grief, there’s nothing in particular out of my control today. I’m also not really doing anything either.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, Zelensky has said that if Bakhmut falls to Russia then Ukraine will have to sue for peace. This whole war was a waste of time and lives and some people have gotten very rich from it. Humans can be shit.

What is something I love about this season?

In north Thailand, there is nothing much to love about this season. The forecast is for a heatwave for the whole month which likely means no rain to clear the poisonous smoke. I guess there are still good strawberries around but it’s little consolation.

I put this picture here because this is the last picture I took when Kim was alive. One of the spots she loved to sit and annoy Cap from, or to launch herself off around the house on a mad chase.

Teacher’s Lament – 31st January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t be angry with me
I know you don’t see it
But I’m trying to steer you
In the right direction
I know you’re upset
Your fun was curtailed
But I’m trying to guide you
Towards self-correction

You’ll see it one day
Long after I’m gone
It will be you
With wise words to pass on

22nd Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – correct

Today I’m feeling:

A little frustrated at first but ok now. Happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Dr Arnon for giving me medicine and cleaning spray for Tigger’s skin problem without me having to take him in. Putting the spray on today though I can see one of the wounds on his head is big and deep, with the scab coming away. I just hope the antibiotics stop him from getting infected and it can heal quickly, otherwise, it will be another trip back for Tig.

The best thing about today was:

The very cold reception I got from my class of truants from yesterday and then as they slowly understood the work they needed to do and then have to read for me and as they did it, sometimes laughing at their mistakes and finally showing some pride at their ability to do it. They are smart kids just choosing not to be.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning the students were kept late at assembly and straggled into class with many things on their minds except studying. This class (1/6) has broken up into little groups that distract themselves constantly so that today no one was listening. Frustrated, I just let them leave, considering other ways or things I can teach them. Speaking with their head student though she said it’s like that in every other class too. I have a plan for tomorrow but after that… I don’t know. I do hope we get better levels of students next year or I will have to continue dumbing things down even further.

And, on top of that, the reason they were kept late was that they were being told about next week which, I just found out, is scout week! Another whole week of no classes! Any possible momentum to get going after sports week, lost again!

Something I learned today?

Luckily the thing I was trying to remember yesterday was brought back to mind today as it was whilst I was listening to the End On End podcast talking about the Autoclave record and the track Hotspur. One of the hosts mentioned that Hotspur was the name of a character in a Shakespeare play (I forget which) and just word Hotspur reminds me of one of Rik Mayall’s outrageous characters in the Black Adder. I hope to find some books of Shakespeares’ plays with cliff notes to help me understand it all. I have one on the shelf already but it’s not really at the top of the pile yet.

What is something I want to do for myself in the coming year?
Lose fat.

I took this picture because it’s not often that Tigger is close to Cap or Kim.

Inside The Cave – 18th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sitting at a desk struggling with pen
The whispers sadden the heart
Quietly goes the evening time
As walls all around rip apart

No muse did visit this night
And the pen resheathed in place
But sleep offered little respite
Nor the purring kitten’s embrace

All disappear in the morning glow
Both good and bad, hard reset
Return to the stool and empty paper
Where no thoughts have emerged yet

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and needed.

Today I’m grateful for:

Everything! Can I be grateful for everything? New pens, the chemist that sold me medication, the check out lady that helped repack my bag and I joked with her saying thank you for doing it properly cos I’m just a boy, the nemo CDs Yukari sent me and I blasted today, my phone, the camera, each one of my lovely students and each one of the not so lovely students and even the students I don’t know that just randomly talk with me and this and that and everything!

The best thing about today was:

Switching to my teacher’s Facebook account and finding a three-day-old message from Boss saying that he has been feeling down and wants medical help. I urgently messaged him back and thankfully he was ok. I met him at lunch time and we discussed, via lots of Google translate, getting him to the hospital on Friday morning. We talked for about thirty minutes and he was tearing up at the end and as we were about to leave he held out his arms for a hug and I felt sad for him as he obviously doesn’t get any attention or affection from his father and he appreciates the help I’m giving him.

This all came after last night when I had sent a message to Mee asking if she was ok because she had felt sick and feverish in my class. She wrote back saying that she really appreciated my message because no one else had asked her how she was. We then got talking and she mentioned she is taking antidepressants which I found unusual as she’s only 12 or 13.

But that is the age that I started to feel depressed for no good reason and it was another 17 years before I was diagnosed so I think it’s ok that it is recognised earlier now though also cautious that it’s not just a quick fix offered by doctors.

Anyway, when I saw her again today she ran up to me and gave me a hug, along with Yok and Pet. They are not great students but I’m aware they have other, bigger things going on in their lives that have an effect. They are still great kids.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Anything out of my control was handled with calm and a smile. Really there wasn’t anything except the usual issues with slack students. It’s so regular that I don’t get upset about it specifically and handle it by contacting the headteacher who can deal with it as they please.

Something I learned today?

I’ve been checking dates and information on Treworgey Tree Fayre in 1989 and found a short BBC video about English festivals. I don’t remember seeing it before but I must have at the time, the violence meted out by the police (in the Battle of the Beanfield) on the peace convoy in 1985 was vicious and appalling. It made me angry all over again. I guess this was something I relearned today.

Write about your siblings…

Well, this is a simple one. I don’t have any. I can remember when I was in Whitehaven, aged between 4 and 8, I would tell my mum that I wanted a sibling. I knew Mum had a boyfriend and I liked him. It couldn’t be that difficult could it! It wasn’t until years later I found out that he didn’t treat her so well and that is probably one of the reasons we moved away.

I took this picture because I forced myself to go outside and find something to take a picture of. Cap followed me out and so yes, it’s another cat pic but look at him. Still a lovely old man.

Distracted – 10th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Distracted by all the screens
Triggering more dreams
Trying just to do
Distracted again by you

An hour as a minute
There’s no way to spin it
Things ain’t gonna get done
When distracted by more fun

Distracted by dumb emotions
And ridiculous devotions
Chasing the sublime, absurd
Distracted by every word

No doctor claimed ADHD
Because the things distracting me
Are distracting everyone
No one’s getting things done

Now normal is distraction
Five seconds of satisfaction
Distracted to even complete

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed again

Today I’m grateful for:

To the traffic warden waving my offer to pay away as she crossed the road. I think she guessed I wasn’t staying long as I parked across a driveway and a no-parking zone. This is Thailand!

The best thing about today was:

Today has been consistent, maybe average you might say. Nothing stands out yet all the little wins were pushing the way to the positive. I like days like this.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Some students didn’t come to class and I got told that one of them got hit in the eye and probably the others thought they could slouch off and give her comfort. They soon appeared in the playground after class and I contemplated railing on them but decided not to. They got marked absent on the system so I don’t need to care any further. Though I would prefer them to do the right thing, pushing too hard can have a detrimental outcome.

Something I learned today?

I learned about an author I’d not heard of before called Fernando Pessoa and a book he wrote The Book of Disquiet. It sounded very intriguing.

What’s your favourite feature on your smartphone?

I guess the camera as I generally use it more often than other generic smartphone things. I barely use the phone anymore to call people. I suppose FaceTime and iMessage are standard features on this phone and they get used daily to video call and text with Amy.

If it came to apps I would go for Day One journal where I’m writing this and Stitcher for listening to podcasts which I do on my drive each day. LINE is probably my most used app as that is what we use for communications in our classes.

I took this picture because here’s the worst camouflage cat you’ll ever see. I think that’s why he doesn’t go outside much and doesn’t often bring us ‘gifts’

I gotta make plans for the plans I make – 28th September 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Tigger talking – announcing his arrival. Prince Tigger is here, I demand attention.

Light rain. Cap ran out to pee and back again.

Neck sore – stretched and worked. Tigger sprayed in my room – little bastard – why? Shove his nose in it?

Easy week again – all easy. Students present movie reviews. What if they didn’t prepare – of course, they didn’t prepare. They are lazy and unmotivated. How to motivate?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the planning I did earlier in the year so that I don’t have to work so hard on lesson planning now.

We got that attitude! – 30th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for my books and my newfound pleasure in reading.

Everybody now has at least two cars, two television sets and a haunted look in their eyes. In short – we are happy.

Albert Umber

To-do list

  • Finish going through book list ✅
  • Start Logic course
  • Carry on – clear emails, close tabs, sort CDs ½

Thursday now – we took the cats to the vet in the city for vaccines. It was good to be out if only very briefly and directly – no dilly-dally.

There’s talk of having to teach our classes online in the new semester – not sure how well that will work and not sure how enjoyable it might be. A challenge – but is it a challenge I want to take? I suppose I would still like to be doing something – let’s see.

Amy has been even more vocal about not wanting to stay here anymore and I think she will go to Oz as soon as it’s feasible again and we’ll get our heads around moving back there. We can’t really do it until Cap and Tigger have gone though – taking them back isn’t really possible.