All of the noise rushed through the open window, as I willingly wound my way through the Purbecks; from the Cove to Old Harry, a chalky knife on the map. Is this the life?
The dilapidated rust bucket rumbles along as it takes me to the outside; toking to this song, a mind expand A fiery gun hand, my troubles all left behind.
Where there’s all creations, their buds and spawn; here I am! without a care, ensconced within a bed of air, joining in celebrating the wind ruffling my hair.
As a tone deaf chorus leaves my lip, sung from my very own big ship; happiness and joy fills my face with a beaming smile a mile wide, a dirty boy with no bright side, so often lost to his dreaming.
All around the world ships and irons are heard clanging; a banging of our headbones, waiting to go off and things.
On land and in the sea, so far from tidy suburbia; all the poor soldiers know, despite their charms, that’s the way we all go…
Written for the GloPoWriMo Day 18 prompt: Craft your own poem that recounts an experience of driving/riding and singing, incorporating a song lyric.
It surely was a joyous time, somewhere around 1989, I’d guess, driving my old shitty Morris Marina around the Purbeck Hills, checking out Lulworth Cove and Old Harry’s Rocks, smoking a joint and blasting Cardiacs songs with the windows down and me crooning along as best as I could, for no one in particular, perhaps a tern or two.
The bolded words are some of my favourite Cardiacs lyrics taken from the song ‘Big Ship’ – a joyous anthem that I shared often with The Pond during the late 80s shows. There are many other references to Cardiacs’ songs contained within, along with some band folklore. The title is an obvious nod to the master musician Dr Tim Smith, whom I miss dearly (despite never speaking to him), as do so many others who are ‘in it’.
All this ties in nicely to the recent release of Cardiacs’ LSD album, which is currently giving me earworms.
Egged out, we must survive Enthusiastic push to thrive Finally, no one gets out alive That’s the way we all go
Early birds catch the worms The voice inside us turns In turn, the worm learns That that’s the way we all go
One day, in a different way Here tomorrow, gone today Even the early bird will say That’s the way we all go
Paraphrased and plagiarised (in the nicest possible way) from various majestic Cardiacs songs. Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 47
Today I’m feeling:
Good again though that 6 am alarm was tough. It had to be done though. My leg workout was too much, supposed to be 3 x 64 reps of lunges but I could only manage 40 by which time my skinny thigh muscles wanted to explode. But 40 is better than none.
Today I’m grateful for:
Matt, who kindly donated me some magic mushroom capsules as he tried them but didn’t enjoy the experience.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying a whole day out of home even though I could’ve just gone to school, signed in and come home again. I had planned to do this anyway but it was made even more desirable because when I was leaving this morning Auntie Sue told me that the electricity would be off today as they are moving the lines to the new poles. Great – no reason to come home early.
After signing in I spent the morning reading and writing at House whilst enjoying three coffees and even getting another lesson done for the classes on Presentations.
After that, I dropped by Central to buy a gift for Funfai as it is her birthday today and she told me she would be playing tennis at 4 pm. I got her a notebook, pencil case and pen. I also got the same for Anchan.
For the afternoon I went to see Matt as planned and we talked for a couple of hours catching up on each other’s lives. He also showed me his guitar setup and pedals, all of which sound fantastic but not within my price range or even within my time limitations for being feasible.
I left at around 4 pm to head to the tennis courts though I could see in the distance very dark clouds and the wind started picking up dramatically. Baipad messaged me that it was storming in our village as, after cancelling bike riding yesterday due to a storm, we had rearranged for today at 5 pm.
I got to the tennis courts and there weren’t many people around and the wind was already making it difficult for those there. No sign of Funfai so I messaged her and she told me that her lesson had been cancelled. Ah well, no worries. I used the opportunity to go and clock out of school which I haven’t bothered to do so far this week.
As I drove back home it started to rain though nothing storm-like. It had already blown through by the looks of things. I figured Baipad wouldn’t want to ride and a wet road would have made it more difficult for her too, so I thought I’d drop by and see if I could chat with her a little more in-depth.
As I passed by our soi it was still blocked with electricity people running around so I assumed the power was still off at home too. Amy also called and said that she couldn’t get home earlier when she tried as the road was blocked then too.
So I hung out at Baipad’s for an hour and did get her to open up a little more and whilst not confronting any of her issues, started to get her to think about them a bit more.
She feels comfortable to talk with me though she still lacks the maturity to know how to express herself. I can report though that she is not happy with herself and does want to change, she just doesn’t know how and I can feel that her mum doesn’t know how to teach or show her either. Her mum obviously has her own struggles.
Anyway, I’ll try my best to support, motivate and teach her some skills that can bring up her confidence. It’s all valuable reminders for me too.
I came home around 6 pm and it has been raining most of the time since, 3 hours now, with a comfortable temperature again, which I, and most probably everyone, is grateful for.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got my new teaching schedule today. It has changed a little bit from what I was expecting, with me being given 24 hours instead of the 22 that the other teachers get. I’m not going to complain though.
I like being in the classroom, with the kids so another couple of hours is fine and it might also encourage me to stay each day and sign out like they want me to!
After arriving home I found that our internet wasn’t working, probably due to the work going on with the poles in our soi. I hope that our provider knows about this work, but I can also easily imagine that they don’t. At least I can still hotspot and connect with my phone tonight and we’ll be out most of the day tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
Both Jet and Praewa sent me messages today because they got their study schedules and they were upset that I won’t be teaching them this year.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Any of the minor challenges that I’ve mentioned above didn’t feel that difficult at all (except the lunges) and my state of mind was good enough to accept everything as it came.
I took this picture of the Utopia FB post and sent it to Noey. She wanted to know where I was because she hadn’t seen me today. I should be there on Sunday though.
What kind of artist were you when you were young?
When I was about 5 or 6 I always got told off for drawing castles instead of writing. I tried to compromise by writing something that allowed me to also draw a castle!
In my teens, I got deep into punk iconology, cut-up style and sloganeering. I made many posters like this, including a huge one that I submitted for an art assignment. I also painted a picture of a faceless punk in a three-piece suit, crucified on a cross.
My forays into the artistic world ended up more around words but also into producing booklets, fanzines and posters. I don’t have the creative drive anymore to do this, perhaps hampered by a lack of time due to other endeavours such as writing.
Did you paint, colour with crayons, build things with blocks?
Painting and colouring yes but I had an aversion to building things. Other kids had Meccano but I could never figure out what to make with it. Similarly, with Lego, it seemed like too much effort to make a shitty version of a house or something like that. My imagination didn’t run in that direction.
What kind of creative acts did you enjoy?
When the punk ideology hit, the ‘anyone can do it’ attitude, I wanted desperately to be the singer in a band and so set about writing lyrics. This was from about aged 11.
A little later this also turned into writing brief poetic thoughts of which I was constantly churning out.
I always enjoyed doing that though somewhere along the way in my 20s, I stopped writing those until I started again in 2020 when I remembered how much I enjoyed it and got back to doing it again.
When did you write your first poem?
I guess it would have been in 1984 when I was 15 or 16 though I probably had some before that, written for an English class. The earliest things that I held onto were from 1984.
What was it about?
Poems from that time were about petty thoughts and trivialities of a schoolboy’s life. It turned serious though as depression sunk in and the future looked bleak. Back then though I could write about any little thing that sparked my interest. It was fun.
How did you come to poetry?
As described above, through writing lyrics. I still consider what I write mostly as being lyrics rather than poetry.
Better for all the sleep but my body feels a little like a pharmacy sponge – soaked in medicine. I pushed through a little exercise with a six a.m. wake-up and hope to get back to full exercise again tomorrow.
Today I’m grateful for:
The That Record Got Me High podcast for featuring Cardiacs this week. Their music is so familiar to me now but it’s always exciting to hear it again.
The best thing about today was:
All the students being in a good mood after finishing their scout week. The grade 9s in particular were happy because this was the last time they will ever have to do it. Tomorrow morning the kids celebrate Chinese New Year, another morning free of classes.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got to House this morning the shop was shut. I still went in and played with Tokyo and gave her a snack but no one was around. I grabbed a coffee at Hobby Roasters to keep going and when I went back to House later Gui apologised saying that he had slept in after working every night at his restaurant last week. No big deal as there is other coffee around.
Something I learned today?
Israel is bombing Rafah during the Super Bowl when many North Americans may be occupied. But the other 90% plus of the world is not watching football.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 16. Don’t Judge. Just because people make different choices than you, they are not stupid. Also, you don’t know everything about people, so don’t judge them – help them.
I used to judge people who were straight and boring, those who did the expected and followed paths given to them by acceptable standards of modern society. I used to hold animosity towards them. I still do in some way but much more forgiving. So long as no one is pushing their agenda on me then it’s fine.
I no longer try to push an agenda on others. Lots of things that I did that went against the grain have become mainstream now. I was judged harshly at that time. I remember what it was like. My animosity and judgement was a reaction to that. Everyone has a story and sometimes it’s worth listening to.
I took this picture because Amy asked me to. The jacaranda flowers are small and not as plentiful as the species in Australia but it’s nice to have them like this as a reminder.
Am I sitting down yet? Are my feet touching the floor? No recognition of reality Is it worth existing anymore Am I breathing air? Is blood pumping through my veins? No recognition of a life itself No usefulness remains
*inspired by a story from Seneca
You determine the quality of your mind by the nature of your daily thoughts.
Robert Greene, Daily Laws
Today I’m feeling: Happy but a little on edge Today I’m grateful for: Our air fryer which nicely cooked the Hainan ginger fake chicken I ate for dinner with rice and cucumber (to counter the hot chilli sauce dressing). Amy has made me 3 servings to freeze for when she has gone too. I suppose I could learn to use the fryer too but I just don’t bother cooking by myself. The best thing about today was: Undoubtedly, both my classes which I took a very relaxed attitude towards whilst still having the kids semi-engaged with activities. Even the kids that get annoyed with me did some work and seemed to enjoy what we were doing. Some days I love them all. Today was one of those days. Tomorrow should be too. One class making Christmas cards and another two just doing online quizzes and then it’s the weekend again (finally – last night I thought it would be Friday today until I realised it wouldn’t and felt the energy drain out of me!) What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Amy is grumpy today, maybe PMT, so I’m trying to not bite at her and let it pass. I’m not always successful and she got angry when I misheard her about something and reacted badly. I let it blow over and apologised for misunderstanding and just tried to carry on as if nothing happened. I don’t think we’ll have good communication for the rest of the night, so let it lie and wake up tomorrow to a brand new sunny day, or at least we get to start again. Something I learned today? Hayden has Covid again. Hopefully, it’s not as bad as the first time and he recovers soon. I messaged Ellen too, who I haven’t been in contact with for about six months and since China relaxed their lockdown policy a couple of weeks ago, she and many of her clients got Covid too. I think China’s tough covid policy was the best way to deal with it and hopefully, now the virus is weaker there will be fewer deaths from infections. It’s amazing to me that other countries didn’t take it as seriously. What tattoo do you want and where would you put it? The next tattoo I get will be some Cardiacs lyrics on my right calf. I also want to get a Boognish tattoo but not quite sure where yet. Still thinking about the weird Trumans Water Spasm Smash cover too.
I took this picture because there’s spiders living in the trees!
There she is, dressed in black She’s clinging to my arm There’s no way to take her back But there’s no cause for alarm Even though she’s hurting me I know it will be ok And not everyone will see That she is here to stay
Western civilisation is a story of full bellies and starving hearts. Of a feast of information and a famine of truth.
Caitlin Johnstone
Today I’m feeling: Happy and dizzy. Today I’m grateful for: The girls at the tattoo studio again for doing a great job. They don’t mess around and just get on with the work. Again, I was out by midday and on my way home. The best thing about today was: My new tattoo, obviously!
Driving away from this town called ease I was wasting time to do as I please Try to fill my brain with new things to do Remembering that I’m just passing through Clearer heads appear under different skies Walking away from that old disguise From ease to pain will soon turn again The town will remain, just the same
What a boy had set out to seek, a man had found, found by the act of living.
Mervyn Peake, from Titus Alone
Today I’m feeling: Happy and relaxed Today I’m grateful for: The ladies at the tattoo shop who did a great job with my tattoo. They were fast, professional and surprisingly cheap. The best thing about today was: Walking around with a new tattoo. It gives a vague boost of confidence, like, this is me today, it is more than me yesterday. Write a personal mantra or affirmation for next year. Don’t be lazy.
I took this picture because this represents pretty much the only thing I did today different to 99.9% of other days!
Groping in the shadows for understanding Groping in the darkness in search of love We’ll come to terms with our dark side Get away and look down from above
Running away from our primitive nature Rationalising and excusing ways to behave Learning to accept what’s beyond control The weight of knowledge will build to save
In the country of the bland, the one-idea man is king.
? – variation on another popular quote
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: Amy’s mum and dad again for bringing me food. Somehow they seem to always pick the wrong time to bring food. Dad walked in with two serves of pla duk foo just as I pulled out my lunch which was reheating in the microwave. So I ate one for dinner and will have to eat the other tomorrow, even though I have soup prepared already. Their timing is uncanny. The best thing about today was: Getting out and working in a different cafe just to make change. The coffee was adequate and improved by the fact that it was only 35baht which was a nice surprise. I sat on a rooftop, with a big shade cover. Everything was dry despite the morning rain. Many kittens were dashing around and causing us all in view to smile. A soft cool breeze and a sensible temperature made for a fresh-air work environment. I realise I should have appreciated it for longer whilst there but I’ll be happy to appreciate it right now in my memory.
Describe your best concert experience. So many to choose from but let’s consider seeing Cardiacs in London as a six-piece with Miss Swift and the Consultant, champagne, flowers and confetti. Lisa drove us and we were both amped a little on speed. The whole atmosphere was joyous and inclusive, the room filled with love and dry ice. We drove home on a high, watching the rain on the window and following the out-of-focus road leading the way. We couldn’t stop smiling until our cheeks hurt.
I took this picture because today is the first day it’s been cool enough to wear a t-shirt indoors. And when Tigger saw me laying down and finally clothed he started chattering away. I struggled to lift him from the floor and he settled on my chest before rolling into the crook of my arm and swimming away as I rubbed his fatty belly with deep rattling purrs. I don’t know why he only comes when I have a shirt on.
A sword to the spine, straight to the heart Falling down, broken up and busted Youth degeneration from the start In a body that can’t be trusted
The disparity between the glittering world that people watch and the bleak world they inhabit creates a collective schizophrenia.
Chris Hedges
Today I’m grateful for: The sun coming out a little bit so that I could do some washing. It’s been raining or cool and cloudy for the last ten days or so. I’m grateful it was today too as I only have one class in the morning and can come home early. The best thing about today was: Receiving some shirts and shorts from Monotone. So long as I don’t fatten up again and they don’t shrink in the wash then they should be fine. I’ll also buy some more pants next month. Glad that I can find this shop online as I like their style.
I took this picture because I will get this as a tattoo sometime. It is the Cardiacs chimes.
I don’t know how much longer we can keep this up. The ducks and drakes of evil are for a lesser form of people. The razor cuts, one hundred and twelve times, across the throat, the voices of reason.
Highly curated, carefully selected and specifically ordered* for your listening edification by world-renowned DJtenzenmen, who has over 100 years of experience in this business.
This week there’s music from Action Beat, Slapp Happy, Shudder To Think, 7 Seconds, Marnie Stern, Sleaford Mods, Slade, Neutral Milk Hotel, Sun City Girls, Umlaut, The Dickies, Dangerous Girls, Jawbreaker, Jimi Hendrix Experience, The Users, Orthrelm, Massicot and Trumans Water.
Incidentals taken from the Church of the Sub Genius Hour of Slack.
Listen right here or Podbean, Stitcher, Apple, Amazon…..all those cool places I guess.
I am so happy and grateful for a few hours of whisky-inspired singing to old favourite songs in my room last night. I am so happy and grateful for the nice shirts I like to wear. I started wearing them at work just to stand out a little from the boring office shirts people always wore. Now I really enjoy a good-looking shirt.
1994ever 