“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Inspired by Existential Comics 566 (excerpted)
24th Sep 2025 – Shared with dVerse Poetics Tuesday
Submitted to RDP Friday – fantasise, Reena’s Xploration Challenge #339 – hydra-headed, Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – madness, Sammi Scribbles Weekend Writing Prompt #373 – anarchy, FOWC with Fandango – tombstone, Word of the Day Challenge – wizard, RDP Sunday – hallucination and inspired by the nonsense of US politics.
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy and tired. I set my alarm for 7 am though woke up before that but slept another hour after turning the alarm off.
As I was brushing my teeth, I wondered why I had stayed up past midnight reading last night. My eyes are aching and having trouble focusing.
I have to get myself going and hopefully these two coffees will do the trick.
Today I’m grateful for:
Struggling through today (see below) and forcing myself out on my bike, to ride all the back roads to Makro to get the last two tubs of yoghurt. Sold out in two days! Why don’t they order more?
The best thing about today was:
Getting little bits of everything done. It doesn’t feel like a productive day, not that they all have to be, but there’s nothing that stands out either.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
By the time of visiting the hospital and seeing the doctor (after an hour of waiting) I was starting to feel a little down. With the long wait it meant missing my afternoon class too.
I messaged Kru Tang to see if she could fix how to put leave into the system. She couldn’t help fix it but also said that I should assign work to the students to do in the class time. I argued that if I have to take leave then I’m not going to assign work that I have to follow up on. I might as well be there.
I told her I would ask the class to use the opportunity to catch up on other class work and she seemed ok with that. But still it added to me feeling a bit grumpy and down.
Thankfully, the trip on the motorbike had a positive effect on my mood.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
After getting back from Makro at around 6pm I went over to Baipad’s, taking a syringe and a food stick, to see if she could feed Snow with it. When I got there, though, Baipad looked totally dejected and became teary.
I asked to see Snow and we went upstairs to where she was. She looked back to the state that she was in on Sunday, unfortunately and I didn’t see much hope. Baipad was sobbing by this time.
I hate seeing cats suffer, any animals. I squeezed a little water into her mouth and rubbed her throat. She gave a little squeak of recognition but soon dropped her head back down. I told Baipad to give her a little water every hour or so and give her love and strokes.
Then I came home and fed our two precious boys.
Around 8pm Baipad messaged me that Snow had passed.
Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 57 – Wisdom and What’s Going On – Elegy
23rd Oct 2024 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – pretend
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and sleepy. I must’ve been woken by the gardeners this morning, though I didn’t even realise until I heard shouts of ‘nong Am’ and ‘loong’ outside whilst I was taking a shower. Coffee got me going a bit and I managed to avoid watching TV until lunchtime.
Around that time, though, Baipad messaged saying that her cat had turned up after 4 days and didn’t look good and asked if I would take her to the vet. I had to choose whether to help her or not, knowing that I would have to pay, as her mum refuses to take their pets to the vet (I’m assuming it’s a financial decision on her part). And I’m really short of money right now too.
I cracked when she wrote that ‘otherwise I’ll just have to let her go’. Her cat, Snow, was unable to move and felt very cold. She really looked like she might go at any minute. Baipad was predictably in tears. Anyway, the kids got in the car and we drove down to the vet near the hospital.
They said that she had feline distemper and only a 10% chance. We talked about options, and they said they wanted to put her on saline and give her some medicine and to stay there for a few hours. I agreed and told Baipad that they could figure out what to do after that. I dropped them home after paying a 500 baht deposit and told her to call me to take them back later.
Around 4pm, she messaged me again and said that her mum would go pick up the cat and a little later said that she was home again and was improving with a 50-60% chance of making it.
I was happy to hear that but also found out that her mum had to pay another 800 baht. I told Baipad that she should start thinking of things that she can do to pay her mum back.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vet nearby being open today. As it is a special holiday this weekend, I wasn’t sure that it would be.
The best thing about today was:
I played guitar for a couple of hours and got in touch with Max and Dave about them possibly sending over some tenzenmen stock for distro over there. Hopefully, that will help get some stuff out of my room.
We also had a long, big rain which flooded our lawn for the first time this year.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Due to my lack of money I’m not able to pay the gardener and had to ask Amy to transfer me the money to do it. I’ll have to pay her back next month.
Something I learned today?
I learned about the colonial city of Aden in Yemen and a little about the retreat of the British Empire from there. I’d not heard of it before but searching online it looks like a very interesting place.
Inspired by yet another justified Brian Dunning rant at Skeptoid
17th May 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – Headline
Today I’m feeling:
A bit agitated, deflated and flat today. Also, despite a drop in temperature (though not very significant) my body feels hotter than usual.
I got an hour or so of planning done this morning and perhaps having to do all this preparation is playing on my mind a little too.
I should also mention that last week I started taking a couple of multivitamins, a couple of resveratol and a couple of creatine supplements.
I am still cynical about their effectiveness in general but consider that I may be lacking certain things in my diet as I have been eating less for the last year or two.
So I’m not sure if it is because of the supplements or because it’s holiday time but I do feel like I have more energy and also feel less sleepy and tired. I guess I’ll find out more about their effectiveness when I get back into the swing of school again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The odd job man, recommended by Amy’s friend Hangie, who was as good as his word and came on time, replaced our roof tile (though not sure how securely!) and propped up our fence (which is definitely a temporary thing) at the corner of the garden. He only wanted 100 baht too. We gave him 200.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. My mood and energy picked up a little by the evening but not to the point of any real inspiration.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My mood was weird and unexplainable today. It wasn’t anything out of control just a general lack. Handled by soldiering on through the day.
Something I learned today?
My old student Kamboom will be in M4 (grade 10) next year (already!). She got top grades last year – she’s a good student, for sure. She wants to learn Japanese now.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
A lot of nice chats with a few of my grade 7 students just to check in to see how they are doing.
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Besides our love for each other, which goes beyond our minor niggles with having lived together for 15 years or more, the first thing to mention is the love we have for our cats.
As we commemorate little Kim’s passing one year ago this week, we stress and worry about old man Cappuccino.
All our cats have gone through phases of being healthy and happy with periods of sick and sorry. Tigger seems to be in his healthy phase at the moment and has no complications from having HIV. We know when he doesn’t feel well because he usually never refuses food, fat furry fuck that he is!
For some reason, he has started talking more and become more affectionate recently. Maybe he knows that something is up with Cap and is trying to tell us?
Another thing that we have in common is our understanding of fidelity.
We both know that if we stray then that is the end of ‘us’. That suits us both.
I personally don’t believe in fidelity for everyone, or perhaps even at all. It doesn’t seem quite natural. It is a construct of our society. But it is something that I believe in doing for myself because I grew up in this society.
The third thing that we have in common is our way of thinking. I guess this follows on from the more specific issue of fidelity.
In our relationship, we are completely understanding of each other’s interests and passions and happily let each other indulge in them alone. Where many couples insist on being together all the time, we have never subscribed to putting each other through the tortures of enduring things like my music or her love of dancing to English 90s pop!
Since I’ve stopped drinking so much this has made it a little difficult for us to go together for a night out though I do submit from time to time.
Submitted to dVerse – Buildings
Today I’m feeling:
More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.
I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway. Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.
After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.
Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes. My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!
I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.
And also I want to do some study around active listening. I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say! Of course, I may find out the opposite too.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cowman from a couple of doors down.
This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass. On closer inspection, it was cow shit! When did that get there! We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.
I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate. When I got to the gate it was already shut. I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.
The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!
The best thing about today was:
Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream. What a lucky guy I am. Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?
Something I learned today?
Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands. In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30. That’s strange! It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world. At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.
Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally. It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’ Sigh.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.
Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again. I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer. I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.
Submitted to Monday Poetry Prompt – determine, state, turtle
Today I’m feeling:
A little better. I started to feel almost ok after eating some dinner last night. I wasn’t really hungry but ate anyway and glad that I did. I struggled with sleep again last night but don’t feel too tired yet; I know that I really need to push through today and not take a nap so that I can enjoy a good sleep tonight. Right now – 8 am – I feel like I have the start of a cold or flu again, much like I did last week. So despite feeling better than I did on Saturday, I’m still on the edge.
Today I’m grateful for:
The hospital being close by and able to see Amy for whatever allergy is bothering her skin at 9 pm. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but best for her to get checked as she has had attacks from allergies before.
The best thing about today was:
Playing lots of guitar although much of it was frustrating as I haven’t played much this week and I can notice the struggle I am having to get my coordination working again.
Something I learned today?
I learned what a cherita is in poetry. I will give this a go sometime. I’m currently thinking about a cascading poem using a nomeansno lyric as a starting point.
Cherita (pronounced CHAIR-rita) is a linked poetry form of one-, two- and three-line stanzas.
Cherita is the Malay word for “story” or “tale”.
A cherita consists of a one-line stanza, followed by a two-line stanza, and then finishing with a three-line stanza.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I talked a little bit with my student Earn again and gave her some more encouragement as she figures out who she is and where she is going in her life. As usual, it’s wonderful to watch these kids grow and mature.
How do I practice self-care on a busy day?
My days are mostly made busy by self-care! Over the last few years, I have been bringing self-care to the forefront of my mind and I no longer mean this in a selfish way (as I might have done in the past).
My days are generally not that busy so the remaining time is taken up with self-care in the form of reading, writing, relaxation and thinking. On a busy day, the actions are the same. Each space must be filled with thought that ensures care for one’s self (along with everyone around).
Submitted to dVerse – Slumber
7th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty positive though my shoulder is giving me some gip. Something isn’t right in there and I can’t stretch or roll it out. I’ve done very little arm exercising for the last couple of months and may just try and push through the pain to get back to it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and everything she does to make our house a home. I don’t want to take her for granted.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 10s not turning up for class allowing me time to organise another classes’ worksheets, staple them together and gift them back to the students. I felt good doing that, even if they just throw their work away. At least I made the effort to present their work back to them at the end of the semester.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I lost my cool with Amy when she got overexuberant whilst drunk. She was in a good mood and playful but I was tired and eating and when I didn’t know what she was doing as she tried to put her fingers in my mouth I pushed her arm away. Unfortunately that then set her off and blew up into a fight. Now we are both in a bad mood.
I will try to make her feel better but also just feel like going to bed and sleeping already. I don’t have much patience for drunken antics these days, I’m old and tired when it comes to that. It doesn’t fill me with excitement anymore.
Something I learned today?
2024 marks a special year for cicadas in the USA. It is the first time since 1803 that two specific broods of cicadas (one that emerges every 13 years, and one that emerges every 17) should be emerging together. This co-emergence won’t happen again for another 221 years.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
My vile deed was pushing Amy’s arm away and initiating a tiff. I should have been (even) more patient or be more assertive in a different manner.
I bought some cream chup-a-chups to give to my grade 9 students for their graduation ceremony tomorrow.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. I did some chest and arm exercises this morning, trying to avoid straining my shoulder and also hanging for a minute to stretch myself out. Had my first cold morning shower of the year, which was a bit of a challenge but sure woke me up properly.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Ploy for saying that she wishes I was still her teacher because she enjoys writing in English the most, which is something I like to have the students practice. And then have them read from what they’ve written.
The best thing about today was:
The winding down and relaxing feeling of the end of the semester.
I was trying to put myself in my student’s shoes about how they must feel each day, being amongst their friends at school all day and then going home to their families each evening. They obviously enjoy being at school and being with their friends but suffer the having to study part of that.
I was trying to remember what it was like for me at their age. Usually, I was excited to get out of school because when I got home I was usually out again after eating dinner and having even more fun with my friends.
The situation here feels different both because of the family set-up in many homes and the availability of mobile phones and internet. It makes for an experience that I only understand as an adult, not as a growing child.
Something I learned today?
“OpenAI’s latest model takes text prompts and turns them into ‘complex scenes with multiple characters, specific types of motion,’ and more, the company said.
The text-to-video model allows users to create photorealistic videos up to a minute long – all based on prompts they’ve written.”
As AI improves, and it seems to be doing so quickly, this could go either way. Folks could create and post anything that conforms to their narratives.
For example, the BBC could post footage of concentration camps in Xinjiang, where they keep insisting they exist. People could easily believe it, especially when it is reinforced with pictures and videos.
However, I also want to look on the positive side that due to this new capability journalists will be forced to detail, verify, check and double-check and be held legally accountable for what they publish. It’s optimistic but that is the way it must go.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
At the morning flag ceremony KanomBang was crying heavily as her beloved dog had died. She was inconsolable so I just put my arm around her and gently patted her arm. Other students were still laughing and playing and I’m not sure what they were saying but Nomsen gave her some sympathy and support too. She was ok by the afternoon and showed me a picture of her dog and told me it had been hit by a motorbike which is a common occurrence here unfortunately.
I called and messaged Khaofang as her jumper was in the classroom where she lost it the day before yesterday. When she came to collect it she was very appreciative.
What was peaceful about today?
It’s difficult to find peace when you are surrounded by thousands of students. So perhaps the first hour of the day, having just woken up and quietly brushing my teeth before going to exercise, feeding the cats and then hopping into the shower, all the while the sky slowly lightening into the morning bloom. Then I eat some breakfast whilst reading a little and the sun finally appears over the mountains and it’s time for the peace to end.
At the end of the day, post-shower and into bed. Amy on her side, me on mine and Cap swapping between us, Amy quietly scrolls through Facebook and I read books and comics until we both give in to the joy of sleep.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 18. Give Without Expecting Something in Return. Don’t keep score. You will become a bitter person if you do that. Give solely for the joy of giving. If you get something in return, great, if you don’t, great.
I may not give out too much but I expect and want little from anyone else.
Over the last few years, I have started giving out gifts as random acts of kindness and my only hope would be that the receiver will pass on the kindness to someone else.
Whether they do or not is out of my control.
What was my Ween discovery timeline?
I had read about Ween often in Flipside and was curious when their first album God Ween Satan came out so I picked up a copy. It started off well and punky with You Fucked Up but I was unprepared for everything else that came on the rest of the album. Slowly it worked its wackiness on me and I enjoyed its eclecticism over time.
So when the second LP, The Pod, came out I was looking for more of the same and it didn’t deliver for me. This seemed like weird droning moaning music and so I gave up on them, even selling both discs.
I occasionally heard them on the radio when I was living in Australia with their ‘hit’s Push The Little Daisies and Voodoo Lady but didn’t think on much further about them.
Around 2010 sometime, my friend in Melbourne, James McGauren had met and fallen in love with a Swedish girl and was making the move there and he decided to sell off a big chunk of his music collection. He had all the Ween albums.
Fuck it, I thought, I’ll give these guys a go again and picked up the whole catalogue for cheap. Slowly I worked my way through each album and fell in love with them all. I scoured the internet to find quality live shows and all their demo recordings and ended up with about 50 discs worth of Ween to enjoy.
Listening back to The Pod these days, I can understand why I didn’t enjoy it at the time but now I rate it as a favourite.
I never saw them live but have their live DVD and whilst I appreciate their entertainment abilities I prefer the quirkiness of their records.
Inspired and loosely based on part of this post at Spinning Visions
Today I’m feeling:
I’m feeling weird and fuzzy again. I think maybe I have some Covid variation again. I got up at a reasonable time which was a bit difficult as Amy was still up and singing along to her favourite songs well past 1 am.
At 11 am though I slept again until 3 pm. Now I just feel like I have a stiff neck, blocked nose and little appetite despite knowing I’m hungry. I’m keen for more sleep and not excited about being back at work again tomorrow.
Today I’m grateful for:
Medicine, sleep and Sundays.
The best thing about today was:
Playing a little guitar and looking over old emails for information. I’ve done very little today and my brain is on strike. Despite this I was glad to do these little things.
Something I learned today?
Polluted air is mainly breathed indoors. We spend between 80 and 90 percent of our time indoors. Outdoor air pollutants find their way indoors and become trapped when there is no proper ventilation.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I complimented Noey on her shirt today as it was cute. She asked if I thought that she was cute and I said ‘No, just the shirt.’ She knows she’s cute, so she went off laughing.
Today I’m feeling:
Like I haven’t slept enough. I could easily curl up and snooze for a bit but hopefully, this coffee will kick-start the morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Having things to read while sitting around doing nothing at school this afternoon whilst the Thai teachers were keeping the kids occupied. After an hour and a half though I snuck out and didn’t bother signing out either. Hopefully, that doesn’t come back to bite me but Scout week is one of those frustrating wastes of time for us foreign teachers.
The best thing about today was:
Amy’s dinner of fried rice with fish sausage, crunchy cabbage, carrot and topped off with a perfectly fried egg. Since I started just eating breakfast and skipping lunch I’ve been able to easily adapt to eating rice almost every day at dinner time.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Despite having to show groups of 8-10-year-olds over and over again how to tie knots this morning and itching to get out for more coffee it wasn’t actually too bad. David and I had fun with the kids, some of whom were hilarious.
It was interesting to notice how much better their English is than the kids we actually teach who are up to 5 years older. We finished up at around 11.30 and I was happy to get away by then.
Something I learned today?
From Stephen Fry’s SubStack he talked about how in a group of twenty people, for example, there will be a leader, a clown, a know-it-all, a shy one, a complainer, a rebel etc and then if you take all the leaders and put them into a group, all the rebels into a group and so on, within each group they will soon revert back to having a leader, a clown, a know-it-all etc
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
In the morning I met Waiz’s younger sister who always runs up to me for a fist bump. I had just been given a scout scarf and asked her to ‘do it’ for me because I wasn’t sure how. She then folded it up and put it on me as she had been taught to do. It didn’t look great but I kept wearing it because she had done it for me.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 12. Money Isn’t Important. It really isn’t. But you have to train yourself not to care about money. Don’t become too dependent on the stuff you own; otherwise, the stuff will own you.
Money is important when you want to do things. As I’ve aged I’m starting to want to do less.
As I write that I question myself whether that is true or not. Sure some things have dropped off but I still have stacks of music that I haven’t properly listened to yet. Years and years worth of books and comics that I wish to read.
So perhaps I should say that I refined some of the things that I want to do. I want to read more than travel but hell, I’d still like to travel. I guess I’m taking the easier path more often these days. But I also see doing less as more suitable to my age.
Damn, I’m conflicted with this because I’m always imploring people to do something, to do more! The dichotomy of life in Thailand is rubbing off on me!
1994ever 