“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Inspired by Existential Comics 566 (excerpted)
24th Sep 2025 – Shared with dVerse Poetics Tuesday
Shared with Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt #387 – Unexpected (15 words)
10th Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – unexpected
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again, though a tiny bit more tired than yesterday. I picked up another kicker coffee at Utopia this morning and it has me wound up well.
No classes this morning, so a lot of catching up with students’ videos that they sent to me on Monday. Finally cleared all 100 or so of them!
I did a little bit of reading and writing but not as much as I would like. Things will settle down again soon, though.
Amy messaged me that the fields are being burned already and she is understandably annoyed about it. What can we do, though?
Health:
Physical: 7
Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Baipad bought me a cuddly toy for my birthday, which was very nice of her, as I know that she doesn’t really have any money.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying my new class of grade 10s. I know quite a few of them already and I did my best to try and remember some of the others, which was a tough ask in a room full of 47 students.
They all seemed happy and attentive and enjoyed the class, which wasn’t much more than a grammar quiz on tenses.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Baipad messaged me in the afternoon with the news that her little cat had died due to the car hitting her yesterday. I had kinda assumed that that would be the outcome, as she was tiny.
I saw Baipad a bit later and I think that perhaps she had assumed the same outcome too. She may have been sad but had accepted the situation.
Unfortunately, her mum doesn’t really care about any pets and she can’t really afford to have them either.
I feel a little frustrated for this likeable kid that may just end up facing the same struggles with life as her mum. For whatever reason, her mum isn’t able to encourage her growth and development into a strong, independent adult.
I will do what I can, when I can but I feel it may not be enough.
Something I learned today?
With the new class of grade 10s, I asked them who else teaches them and they told me that George teaches them for eight hours a week. I asked them how it was and what they learned, but they looked a little reluctant to say anything, just saying that he talks with them.
While it felt like they didn’t seem happy with his class, I also wondered how they would answer the same question if asked about my class.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I gave some Oasis posters to Art at Utopia this morning, as he is a big fan.
I’m happy inside my castle, in my head, in my home. I welcome others in, especially in sympathy/empathy, but there will always be a time when I will usher them back out in order to be alone again.
Today I’m feeling:
Great so far. It was good to be back amongst the kids again this morning and especially charged up on a quick takeaway coffee from Utopia.
I talked with Kru Mai about fixing up my schedule and I should at least get my Monday and Friday down to six hours of work.
I met with my grade 12s after their three months of internship and assigned them a task to make a video detailing their experiences while I go to see a new ENT specialist at the hospital.
Health:
Physical: 7
Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
The new ENT specialist I saw today who spoke very good English.
She suggested some different medicine, more for allergies. Probably due to the fact that the problem has been ongoing for about three months now.
The best thing about today was:
A long break between classes, which allowed me to do a bit of catching up with all the work that was submitted to me yesterday.
I still only got about halfway through, though and will have a bit more by tomorrow, as my first class this morning was disrupted as I had to go to the hospital.
I caught up a bit on a backlog of emails, too and hope to have everything back on track by next week. Need to get back into the swing of things with working things out with my new schedule for this semester (when that gets finalised too!)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Baipad just messaged me this evening that her little kitten got hit by a car and a Uni student took her to a vet somewhere.
She’s worried and upset, obviously, but I tried to advise gently that whatever happens next is going to happen, whether we are worried or not.
Her house is right next to the highway and their shop door is often left open during the day. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens a lot.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I gave Mei the earrings I bought in Chiang Mai for her birthday. I can’t be sure if she liked them or not, but she appreciated them anyway.
I tried to help Anchan with some more information about the studio at school but I think she figured out a solution for what she needed anyway.
Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United – scream and Ovi Poetry Challenge 64 – think
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good once I got up and going.
Last night, Cap was in our room when we turned out the light, but when I was almost asleep, he wanted to get out. That was ok, and I was drifting off again after about five minutes.
Then suddenly, the screams and cries of both our cats fighting shocked us both awake, and we ran out to find them with claws in each other and fur everywhere over the floor.
After separating them, we found that Cap was bleeding from his paw and one of his nails was pulled completely out. As we cleaned up his wound, we were both fully awake again.
We put Cap back in our room and kept him in until early morning.
When my alarm went off, I was in the middle of a sex dream based on a true story that Amy had told me last night. I contemplated grabbing an extra few minutes, but pushed myself to get up and was glad that I did.
(Later) It has been grey and raining all day, which has dampened my mood a little and at 5 pm I’m already feeling sleepy.
Health:
Physical: 7
Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
The pharmacy in Central for finally having some Ultracet in stock again.
The best thing about today was:
Coming home after lunch and getting a lot of comic reading in. A suitable dull rainy day for reading.
We also watched Wolverine and Deadpool this evening, and I enjoyed all the comic-book references in it, but the movie itself was pretty average.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The room that I had been borrowing for the grade 10 class was in use today, so amongst the students and me, we had to find another classroom for our lesson. I eventually found one in building five, though the tables and chairs were all stacked away, which made it a bit awkward.
With it being dull and rainy too, the kids weren’t in much of a mood to study either, but we got through.
Something I learned today?
Tangmo came to visit when I got home and I fed him a snack as usual. When I’ve seen him in the last few days, I noticed that he had a little difficulty chewing and swallowing the snacks and today I saw why.
I pulled back his jowls and saw that his top left canine had been pulled out of the gum but there was still gum around the whole tooth, so that it was just hanging off that and flapping around in his mouth. It looked crazy and annoying.
Unsure if the family across the road knew about it, I went over to Auntie’s next door and showed them. They will tell their relatives about it, though I don’t know if they’ll bother to do anything.
Submitted to RDP Friday – fantasise, Reena’s Xploration Challenge #339 – hydra-headed, Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – madness, Sammi Scribbles Weekend Writing Prompt #373 – anarchy, FOWC with Fandango – tombstone, Word of the Day Challenge – wizard, RDP Sunday – hallucination and inspired by the nonsense of US politics.
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy and tired. I set my alarm for 7 am though woke up before that but slept another hour after turning the alarm off.
As I was brushing my teeth, I wondered why I had stayed up past midnight reading last night. My eyes are aching and having trouble focusing.
I have to get myself going and hopefully these two coffees will do the trick.
Today I’m grateful for:
Struggling through today (see below) and forcing myself out on my bike, to ride all the back roads to Makro to get the last two tubs of yoghurt. Sold out in two days! Why don’t they order more?
The best thing about today was:
Getting little bits of everything done. It doesn’t feel like a productive day, not that they all have to be, but there’s nothing that stands out either.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
By the time of visiting the hospital and seeing the doctor (after an hour of waiting) I was starting to feel a little down. With the long wait it meant missing my afternoon class too.
I messaged Kru Tang to see if she could fix how to put leave into the system. She couldn’t help fix it but also said that I should assign work to the students to do in the class time. I argued that if I have to take leave then I’m not going to assign work that I have to follow up on. I might as well be there.
I told her I would ask the class to use the opportunity to catch up on other class work and she seemed ok with that. But still it added to me feeling a bit grumpy and down.
Thankfully, the trip on the motorbike had a positive effect on my mood.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
After getting back from Makro at around 6pm I went over to Baipad’s, taking a syringe and a food stick, to see if she could feed Snow with it. When I got there, though, Baipad looked totally dejected and became teary.
I asked to see Snow and we went upstairs to where she was. She looked back to the state that she was in on Sunday, unfortunately and I didn’t see much hope. Baipad was sobbing by this time.
I hate seeing cats suffer, any animals. I squeezed a little water into her mouth and rubbed her throat. She gave a little squeak of recognition but soon dropped her head back down. I told Baipad to give her a little water every hour or so and give her love and strokes.
Then I came home and fed our two precious boys.
Around 8pm Baipad messaged me that Snow had passed.
Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 57 – Wisdom and What’s Going On – Elegy
23rd Oct 2024 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – pretend
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and sleepy. I must’ve been woken by the gardeners this morning, though I didn’t even realise until I heard shouts of ‘nong Am’ and ‘loong’ outside whilst I was taking a shower. Coffee got me going a bit and I managed to avoid watching TV until lunchtime.
Around that time, though, Baipad messaged saying that her cat had turned up after 4 days and didn’t look good and asked if I would take her to the vet. I had to choose whether to help her or not, knowing that I would have to pay, as her mum refuses to take their pets to the vet (I’m assuming it’s a financial decision on her part). And I’m really short of money right now too.
I cracked when she wrote that ‘otherwise I’ll just have to let her go’. Her cat, Snow, was unable to move and felt very cold. She really looked like she might go at any minute. Baipad was predictably in tears. Anyway, the kids got in the car and we drove down to the vet near the hospital.
They said that she had feline distemper and only a 10% chance. We talked about options, and they said they wanted to put her on saline and give her some medicine and to stay there for a few hours. I agreed and told Baipad that they could figure out what to do after that. I dropped them home after paying a 500 baht deposit and told her to call me to take them back later.
Around 4pm, she messaged me again and said that her mum would go pick up the cat and a little later said that she was home again and was improving with a 50-60% chance of making it.
I was happy to hear that but also found out that her mum had to pay another 800 baht. I told Baipad that she should start thinking of things that she can do to pay her mum back.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vet nearby being open today. As it is a special holiday this weekend, I wasn’t sure that it would be.
The best thing about today was:
I played guitar for a couple of hours and got in touch with Max and Dave about them possibly sending over some tenzenmen stock for distro over there. Hopefully, that will help get some stuff out of my room.
We also had a long, big rain which flooded our lawn for the first time this year.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Due to my lack of money I’m not able to pay the gardener and had to ask Amy to transfer me the money to do it. I’ll have to pay her back next month.
Something I learned today?
I learned about the colonial city of Aden in Yemen and a little about the retreat of the British Empire from there. I’d not heard of it before but searching online it looks like a very interesting place.
Inspired by yet another justified Brian Dunning rant at Skeptoid
17th May 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – Headline
Today I’m feeling:
A bit agitated, deflated and flat today. Also, despite a drop in temperature (though not very significant) my body feels hotter than usual.
I got an hour or so of planning done this morning and perhaps having to do all this preparation is playing on my mind a little too.
I should also mention that last week I started taking a couple of multivitamins, a couple of resveratol and a couple of creatine supplements.
I am still cynical about their effectiveness in general but consider that I may be lacking certain things in my diet as I have been eating less for the last year or two.
So I’m not sure if it is because of the supplements or because it’s holiday time but I do feel like I have more energy and also feel less sleepy and tired. I guess I’ll find out more about their effectiveness when I get back into the swing of school again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The odd job man, recommended by Amy’s friend Hangie, who was as good as his word and came on time, replaced our roof tile (though not sure how securely!) and propped up our fence (which is definitely a temporary thing) at the corner of the garden. He only wanted 100 baht too. We gave him 200.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. My mood and energy picked up a little by the evening but not to the point of any real inspiration.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My mood was weird and unexplainable today. It wasn’t anything out of control just a general lack. Handled by soldiering on through the day.
Something I learned today?
My old student Kamboom will be in M4 (grade 10) next year (already!). She got top grades last year – she’s a good student, for sure. She wants to learn Japanese now.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
A lot of nice chats with a few of my grade 7 students just to check in to see how they are doing.
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Besides our love for each other, which goes beyond our minor niggles with having lived together for 15 years or more, the first thing to mention is the love we have for our cats.
As we commemorate little Kim’s passing one year ago this week, we stress and worry about old man Cappuccino.
All our cats have gone through phases of being healthy and happy with periods of sick and sorry. Tigger seems to be in his healthy phase at the moment and has no complications from having HIV. We know when he doesn’t feel well because he usually never refuses food, fat furry fuck that he is!
For some reason, he has started talking more and become more affectionate recently. Maybe he knows that something is up with Cap and is trying to tell us?
Another thing that we have in common is our understanding of fidelity.
We both know that if we stray then that is the end of ‘us’. That suits us both.
I personally don’t believe in fidelity for everyone, or perhaps even at all. It doesn’t seem quite natural. It is a construct of our society. But it is something that I believe in doing for myself because I grew up in this society.
The third thing that we have in common is our way of thinking. I guess this follows on from the more specific issue of fidelity.
In our relationship, we are completely understanding of each other’s interests and passions and happily let each other indulge in them alone. Where many couples insist on being together all the time, we have never subscribed to putting each other through the tortures of enduring things like my music or her love of dancing to English 90s pop!
Since I’ve stopped drinking so much this has made it a little difficult for us to go together for a night out though I do submit from time to time.
Submitted to dVerse – Buildings
Today I’m feeling:
More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.
I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway. Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.
After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.
Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes. My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!
I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.
And also I want to do some study around active listening. I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say! Of course, I may find out the opposite too.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cowman from a couple of doors down.
This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass. On closer inspection, it was cow shit! When did that get there! We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.
I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate. When I got to the gate it was already shut. I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.
The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!
The best thing about today was:
Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream. What a lucky guy I am. Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?
Something I learned today?
Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands. In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30. That’s strange! It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world. At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.
Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally. It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’ Sigh.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.
Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again. I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer. I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.
Submitted to Monday Poetry Prompt – determine, state, turtle
Today I’m feeling:
A little better. I started to feel almost ok after eating some dinner last night. I wasn’t really hungry but ate anyway and glad that I did. I struggled with sleep again last night but don’t feel too tired yet; I know that I really need to push through today and not take a nap so that I can enjoy a good sleep tonight. Right now – 8 am – I feel like I have the start of a cold or flu again, much like I did last week. So despite feeling better than I did on Saturday, I’m still on the edge.
Today I’m grateful for:
The hospital being close by and able to see Amy for whatever allergy is bothering her skin at 9 pm. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but best for her to get checked as she has had attacks from allergies before.
The best thing about today was:
Playing lots of guitar although much of it was frustrating as I haven’t played much this week and I can notice the struggle I am having to get my coordination working again.
Something I learned today?
I learned what a cherita is in poetry. I will give this a go sometime. I’m currently thinking about a cascading poem using a nomeansno lyric as a starting point.
Cherita (pronounced CHAIR-rita) is a linked poetry form of one-, two- and three-line stanzas.
Cherita is the Malay word for “story” or “tale”.
A cherita consists of a one-line stanza, followed by a two-line stanza, and then finishing with a three-line stanza.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I talked a little bit with my student Earn again and gave her some more encouragement as she figures out who she is and where she is going in her life. As usual, it’s wonderful to watch these kids grow and mature.
How do I practice self-care on a busy day?
My days are mostly made busy by self-care! Over the last few years, I have been bringing self-care to the forefront of my mind and I no longer mean this in a selfish way (as I might have done in the past).
My days are generally not that busy so the remaining time is taken up with self-care in the form of reading, writing, relaxation and thinking. On a busy day, the actions are the same. Each space must be filled with thought that ensures care for one’s self (along with everyone around).
Submitted to dVerse – Slumber
7th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty positive though my shoulder is giving me some gip. Something isn’t right in there and I can’t stretch or roll it out. I’ve done very little arm exercising for the last couple of months and may just try and push through the pain to get back to it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and everything she does to make our house a home. I don’t want to take her for granted.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 10s not turning up for class allowing me time to organise another classes’ worksheets, staple them together and gift them back to the students. I felt good doing that, even if they just throw their work away. At least I made the effort to present their work back to them at the end of the semester.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I lost my cool with Amy when she got overexuberant whilst drunk. She was in a good mood and playful but I was tired and eating and when I didn’t know what she was doing as she tried to put her fingers in my mouth I pushed her arm away. Unfortunately that then set her off and blew up into a fight. Now we are both in a bad mood.
I will try to make her feel better but also just feel like going to bed and sleeping already. I don’t have much patience for drunken antics these days, I’m old and tired when it comes to that. It doesn’t fill me with excitement anymore.
Something I learned today?
2024 marks a special year for cicadas in the USA. It is the first time since 1803 that two specific broods of cicadas (one that emerges every 13 years, and one that emerges every 17) should be emerging together. This co-emergence won’t happen again for another 221 years.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
My vile deed was pushing Amy’s arm away and initiating a tiff. I should have been (even) more patient or be more assertive in a different manner.
I bought some cream chup-a-chups to give to my grade 9 students for their graduation ceremony tomorrow.
1994ever 