We got that attitude! – 24th January 2021

January 24, 2021December 24, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the game The Crew. I don’t play games often and this game is just right for me, maybe boring for others but just enough fun for me without being frustrating.

To-do list

More remixing ✅
Prepare IELTS course on Monday ✅
Sketch something at work ✅
Prepare gratitude letters ½
Work out a time to go to Hacienda
More books, less phone ✅

It’s been an odd week – I was sick with a cold on the weekend and either slept or watched/listened to YouTube videos – which was quite enjoyable despite my subdued mood. I tried to go to work on Monday but opted not to in the end and slept more, finally feeling…not better, but happier.

On Tuesday I came home early and read more of the Paulo Coehlo book, Eleven Minutes, that Bruno lent me. I think it was part of that story that influenced my thoughts as I fell asleep that night and I had a moment of clarity and suddenly understood exactly who I was, what I am and what I am for. It was very profound and enlightening though it happened as I was on my way to sleep, and many other thoughts also passed through my mind before I slept.

When I awoke I recalled my epiphany but could no longer remember the details. Who am I!? I’m not sure it was inspired by passages in that book so I will go back and read it again. Actually, I’m just happy that somewhere in my consciousness I have this information, so my thinking ming shouldn’t need to worry about this anymore.

The rest of the week went well and I had a somewhat superior feeling that I don’t care what anyone thinks of me or the way I do things. Not to say that I deliberately go out of my way to annoy or upset anyone but I do usually apply the rule of honesty when it comes to discussion and I will give my honest opinion in many situations, hopefully when I feel it would not be detrimental. Not everyone will understand me, not everyone will like me. But I am valid. I do my best to be nice to people but I can’t help the fact that I am bored by most people and have to push myself hard to dive deeper into their world.

Yesterday I felt tired enough for an afternoon nap but thought I’d listen to some music at the same time. It was a fabulous feeling as I drifted in and out of light sleep, inspired by the sounds. I came to thinking about my old teenage bedroom, my first girlfriend, and the layout of the room, which I would change every few months depending on my mood.

As I held this thought closely, my heart jumped as my imagination brought the whole thing right into the here and now. I toyed with my thoughts and could recall moments that stimulated my emotions and realised I had it within me to summon these feelings, with practice, at will.

Looking through photos of the recent past has inspired a certain nostalgia that I haven’t investigated much before, as I never liked to indulge in it, always moving forward instead. If it can stir up my memory then I will attempt this more.

A nice thing happened yesterday as I was watering the garden in the morning. The neighbour’s twin cats came to sniff around and followed me and the hose for a while. I cuddled and stroked them and got back to watering and still they followed, curious about the water, until one got a little too close and decided that water is evil. They both quickly understood and ran off as fast as they could back home.

I am trying to simplify my life somewhat. Keep up some good habits but not stress too much about anything.

Feeling good last week, I decided I would help Ellen with some more online teaching. I’m kicking myself a little bit now as I have been enjoying all the free time I have had recently, generally since stopping recording the podcast. Sometimes, giving up things, even those you enjoy, is good. Make more room for other things.

I’ve even been listening to full CDs again today – to recall the feeling of a consistent 45-60 minutes rather than skit-skatting all about the place. And hence, the longer length of this entry.

We got that attitude! – 27th September 2020

September 27, 2020December 12, 2022 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be woken up by our cats this morning. What a nice way to wake up, surrounded by all three on or near my bed.

Brain dump (by mouth) – 13th September 2020

September 13, 2020November 28, 2022 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Cappuccino walking slowly something wrong – But he can’t explain why – just a funny cry
Why cats can’t speak our language – Why we can’t speak theirs – Old man – Looks old acts old – His hair still beautiful Looks Still beautiful – Must prepare for the inevitable – We love him very much
Neck cranky – Slept okay – Stretch And yawn
Temporary crown keeps falling out when eating – Annoying but funny
Speaking still weird I think I’ll go back to writing

And so ends the attempt to dictate morning pages

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my shirts and shorts. I’m thinking about all the t-shirts I have owned over time and what they meant to me.

Brain dump (by mouth) – 11th September 2020

September 11, 2020November 28, 2022 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Attempting morning pages exercise using dictation with phone (Samsung)

The first time using computer for morning pages
911 – In my head Chile 1973 – 911 has more than one meaning
Tired not sleeping – Intervention – Can’t remember my dreams
Three cats in the kitchen – Tigger crying
Kimchi with energy
Looking forward to classes today
Difficult to think and speak sometimes easier to write
This is first time so let’s try
Cool morning
Stretch body and brain
Snail on verandah

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a busy Friday. I like this feeling as it motivates me.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #43 – 20th June 2020

June 20, 2020October 29, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This week there’s music from Outside In, Deerhoof, PFM, The Small Faces, This Heat, Debile Menthol, Quizz Kidz, Magma, MC5, Lightning Bolt, The Vibrators, Unsane and The Shades.

Brain Dump

Fed cats but forgot to check KimChi didn’t eat Cap’s food. Cap’s so lovely – follows Amy everywhere. So fluffy and gentle. Kim teases him all the time and Tigger seems to hate him! Which cat am I? Tigger the hater – Kim the teaser – Cap the gentle. Which do I want to be. Of course. Be like Cap.

Half Man Half Biscuit on mental jukebox. On the ‘roids. Five-minute workout. Feels good but not yet inspiring enough to do a 10 or 20-minute workout. Don’t need to push it anyway.

I read – can I act on it? Practical things yes, but mental things? The result of performing practical things will bring me towards the mental things. I will spend my whole life doing this.

Ache in shoulder. Cateran. *

Time to watch a movie today? So many great movies. Sometimes feel like I don’t have time or concentration to watch movies anymore but that’s not really true. Painkillers or not today? Aching eye – tired from screens probably. Do eye exercises?

*reference to The Cateran song Ache from the album of the same name. I believe the line sung is ‘ache in clover’.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for getting out of bed with my alarm this morning and doing my morning routine when I could have ignored it completely. I feel good for it.

To-do list

Get up and do your routine – no excuse ✅
Drill and put up pictures ✅
Sort out visa in the afternoon
Find yoga video and Jordan Yeoh (?) video
More blog posts ✅

Easy day but went too fast. I pushed myself to wake up and get up this morning and did about 90% of my usual routine.

Went for coffee, watched the Swans game, went to Big C for lunch and shopping. Feel pretty good today.

Reading some old diary entries from 1994 seems to show me that I understood many of the things I’m going through now back then. Feels like even after all that time I still didn’t learn from it. I’m not beating myself up over it – just noticing. I need to stop thinking and reading and start doing.

Why don’t you do something, at least get out of our way – 6th June 2020

June 6, 2020October 7, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Tiananmen – America burns – irony, oh the ironing – where did that phrase come from?

Core is useless – short plank – five reverse situps and 16 bike, at least I know it’s something I can improve.

Smoky air today despite lots of rain, coughing phlegm – neck sore from sleep – would like my neck to be free from pain – been a problem for so many years now. Look up neck exercises.

Still Heavy Vegetable* on the iMind player. Foot massage yesterday, good but ineffective – need every day! I can’t breathe anymore – I can’t see through these lenses.*

Fat Tigger purring in my arms – still eager to get down. No lap cats in my life. Maya and Inca.

Little garden changes – making a home.

Okay – some weights. Slowly, slowly changing body.

*was actually Thingy’s Ketchup Sandwich

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to discover so many things that I enjoy. They keep my brain satisfied.

To-do list

Read more – finish book this weekend ✅
Record another TCRAH if you feel it
Listen to Rudimentary Peni ✅
Practice mini zine making
Scan some photos

Weird day. Felt very good throughout but very unfocused – I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do but ended up finishing a book which was a good result.

Amy got annoyingly drunk by the early evening – but not annoying so much because she was drunk but I got quickly annoyed with her – I think because I couldn’t focus and wanted to – then when she came and distracted me more – I got unreasonably annoyed. I ended up doing more jigsaw which at least maintained my focus.

Then, around 7.30 pm there was a short in our electricity in the house that we couldn’t fix – which sobered Amy up quickly! We couldn’t get anyone to come and look so had to sleep in my room which still had power.

Slept ok but woke up with a cranky back – probably from lifting blocks in the morning and then hunched over the jigsaw for a couple of hours.

Oh no, it’s starting again and time will bend – 28th May 2020

May 28, 2020September 25, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

image: making videos for students working from home

Sat at my desk in amongst the clutter to make it easier on my back and wrists. Reminds me of an old online friend who had a blog called ‘atmydesk’ – I think her name was Sara – some connection with Nomeansno – was thinking about my tattoo this morning for some reason or was it a dream “of a 6-foot woman”– listening to Heavy Vegetable and things on the weekend but now I wake up with the songs in my head. I’m bad at writing quickly these days and arm is sore from pen holding. Sweating on the clutter just a fan today no Aircon temp is perfect just sweat when moving. Neck is creaking after the very short workout – just warmup really but got my body out of slumber neck is really bad these days “6-foot woman” is stuck now. Amy rearranged plants around the house Tigger rolling around in the grass last night – all the cats seem really chilled these days – makes me so happy. Is my mind already empty? Just replaced with Rob Crow’s music. Don’t remember any dream – slept well – want to sleep more but energised now after warmup workout – don’t push it doesn’t matter – don’t stress about George telling you the best way to do something – it’s just his advice on his experience – it’s not a judgement on you and you can do it the way that you want. Going to offer more help to teachers today. Do they like me? Are they scared of me? Am I not approachable? If I’m thinking about it then – even if I am not these things I can still do something to be more those things right? Put thinking cap on today for video. Gonna be another good day today – just you see.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the cooler weather this morning. I felt more relaxed and happy.

To-do list

Try to join in more with the other teachers ½
In your mind – give positive vibes to everyone ½
Ask more questions for understanding
Breathing exercise for concentration ½
Random act of kindness

Today seemed to fly past – I managed to get my morning routine fully sorted and will try it again from tomorrow.

There were times today when I felt George was a little overbearing – this is about the way he talks sometimes as if what he says is always right. I think it’s just a mannerism and not necessarily the way he thinks. It was just particularly prominent today. I do envy his capacity to just stay happy all the time.

I’m stuck wondering if I should just be quiet and listen more or say what I really believe. This is questioning me to define what it is I actually believe – that’s a challenge.

I shouldn’t compare myself to him because his confidence and personality aren’t a gauge against my own. I shouldn’t feel down or upset because I’m not up to the same standard in comparison. This is a trait I need to remove. I need to remind myself about what I am good at. Why do I feel that I am not good at anything right now? Ugh.

What’s that quote about worrying too much about what other people think – they’re not thinking anything about you at all. So, I’m the only thing getting in the way of my own contentment. Tomorrow I want to reflect on that more.

Take a swipe at it with a single feather – 2nd April 2020

April 2, 2020July 2, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we will go out today to take our cats to the vet.

Krishna descends to this planet every 8.6 billion years and this purpose is stated in Bhagarad-gita and we have to accept it as is; otherwise there is no point in trying to understand it!
Swami

To-do list

Finish one more lesson
Start that course – now is a good opportunity ½

I taught Bruce today though actually, I didn’t really teach him anything. We ended up talking about Chinese history and how things repeat themselves. I should try and talk to more people – though I don’t really need a high quota to be happy, I have to be aware that I don’t cut everyone off.

I talked with Hayden for a little while today too. He seems to be doing okay under the conditions of the lockdown in Australia.

I watched some of Joe Rogan’s interview with Andrew Yang about Universal Basic Income and I’m starting to consider Hayden’s attitude to work may serve him well in the future, maybe at least not wasting his time and energy on a career that leads nowhere or is made redundant by technology and automation. He still needs to master himself in self-motivation and hard work for himself though.

I’m still confused about my own direction in continuing teaching at the moment. If we move to online teaching it will remove one of the things that I enjoy about teaching and that is the connection I have with the students.

And why waste time working hard when this virus could just stop me dead at any time? If we have only a year left, do I want to spend it in the frustrations of this teaching system? But I guess I shouldn’t be thinking like that (and I am still, very slowly, preparing lessons).

We got that attitude! – 8th March 2020

March 8, 2020June 11, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have so many options available to keep me entertained.

What we believe means nothing. How we act is what it’s all about.
Eckhart Tolle

To-do list

Just Dance in the morning ✅
More CD sorting
Record another TCRAH ✅
Meditate ✅
Think before writing and speaking ✅

Well, doing Just Dance in the morning definitely had a positive effect, made Amy laugh and gave us some exercise. It was a good start to the day. We’ll do it again tomorrow.

I spent most of the day in my room whilst Amy was happily drinking inside – she got the dancing mood later in the evening but then got a little teary as she was thinking about our cats, 2 of whom are approaching the end of their lives. We really love them and it will be sad when they go. But we can go at any time.

I’m feeling more in control of my emotions currently, perhaps because I’m not surrounded by the gossip and chatter at school. It’s very tempting just to quit doing it but I feel I should just keep pushing myself and improve myself. I can’t keep making the same mistakes and expect things to change.